I managed to find the contact details of BB, Jez and Danny and Lauren in the Yellow Pages, which was now green. I chickened out of four more embarrassing phone incidents like the one with Lola, and instead sent letters to each of their addresses, trying to ignore the fact that Danny and Lauren now shared an address.
I didn't tell Lewis that I was arranging this. Maybe it was because I wasn't exactly sure if they were all speaking to me, or maybe it was because it just felt so strange to mix my old life with my new, alien one.
Except the weird thing was, thinking back, it was my old life that seemed strange now.
No. It didn't seem strange. It just seemed far away.
The next two days were painful. I knew the letters probably hadn't arrived yet, and I was being paranoid, but I sat with the door in view and I waited. I'd promised Lola that as soon as the others had been in touch that I'd call her to set a date.
To set a date for our reunion.
I needed this, not just for my sanity.
While I waited, I searched my apartment. I'd been spending a lot of time doing this recently, it wasn't just to help myself anymore; it was almost recreational. I must have spent hours listening to my albums, or watching DVDs of my tour, trying on my hundreds of clothes, Googling myself and browsing through pages of fan sites.
It was the worst time for Lewis to go away.
He'd only gone for a weekend, to shoot an episode of a TV show he was guest starring in. I told him I didn't mind, after all, I didn't that much neither did I want to make a big deal about it. The only problem was the timing.
I'd sort of been taking for granted how much I needed Lewis. He'd spent so much time over here since my accident that it had sort of become annoying. I wanted to explore my apartment, explore my life, and there were parts of it I'd rather do alone.
But I did need Lewis. He'd been so helpful; I couldn't believe how he put up with it. He'd even made a booklet of my life over the last two years, full of pictures and dates and little pieces of writing that although I didn't remember, sort of made me smile uncontrollably somehow.
We were planning to go out sometime soon. I'd barely left the apartment since the accident, twice Lewis took me for lunch at a Chinese restaurant up the next street. But this time he was going to invite some of our newer friends, people we'd worked with and knew well.
Maybe it would trigger my memory.
I knew faces and some names from Lewis' book. I read it every night for at least an hour before I went to bed until it was implanted in my mind. The pages felt comfortable under my hands. I loved the familiarity of that book, loved the fact that I had found at least some familiarity.
The intercom system buzzed. I laid the book down on the sofa, a little confused. My cleaner came at eight o clock in the morning, and Lewis wasn't due back until tomorrow evening.
Unless…
I picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Claudine?"
Jez's voice was so perfectly the same, I almost screamed.
I didn't bother about the whole confusing buzzing in thing. I didn't bother about the elevator, or the fact that I was wearing pyjamas.
I ran down the stairs as fast as my legs would carry me, missing one or two steps at a time.
The only thing that mattered was that there was something reliably real downstairs.