Author's Note: Hello anyone who is still reading!
This will be my first chapter posted in the wake of deathly hallows. A couple of things in it are now shown to be incorrect- eg Tonks is actually a Hufflepuff. I think for the purposes of this story however she will have to remain in this fic a Gryffindor- just makes more sense. I've been asked if this is going to include deathly hallows, and the answer is probably not. But I'm considering an epilogue which will take what happens in that year into account.
Chapter 10: Frustration
Breen Dragon Reserve, January 3rd, 1996,
Dear Tonks,
I would wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year but I know that the holiday season hasn't exactly been either happy or merry. Still at least Dad's going to be ok. I thought my heart was going to stop when I got Mum's letter telling me what had happened. I could barely think for the next few days. Still when I got a letter telling me he'd been experimenting with dangerous Muggle remedies I knew he was on the mend! I wish I could have been there though. . It's still a miracle that he is alright, the thought of what might have happened if he hadn't been found in time makes me feel almost physically ill. I still don't quite understand how he was found so quickly, I asked mum, but she was very vague about it in her letter. I suppose I should just be grateful for miracles really.
One good thing came out of this whole horrible mess though; Lucy and I are back on speaking terms again. She found me just after I'd got mum's letter. I was a proper wreck so she asked what had happened, and when I told her what had happened she broke down completely. I think it brought it home to her that I've been telling the truth the whole time. She told me she'd been an idiot, and that she believed You-Know-Who was back and that she was sorry for everything she'd said. I said I was sorry too, and so now we're friends again. I don't know about anything more than that yet. It will take time, but this is so much better than how it was. I didn't realise until we started talking again how much I'd missed just having her around. She's been great about Dad being in St Mungo's, she kept reassuring me that he was going to be alright, and she kept me calm. I'm not sure where we go from here. I can't just forget everything that happened.
Aside from that things are pretty much as usual here, I got myself a pretty nasty burn the other day when I got distracted trying to subdue a Hungarian Horntail- Never take your eyes off a Hungarian Horntail Tonks, still it healed pretty instantly when our medi-wizards got to it. It's freezing here as per usual, but January is pretty miserable over there too, so I can't feel too jealous.
I'm still trying to do everything I can on the recruitment for the Order front; with a little gentle persuasion I'll probably be able to get Lucy in on that too. It would be good to have support. My biggest problem is that there just aren't that many people around here to spread the word to!
How's everything with you? Did you spend Christmas with your parents? I hope everything is alright with them. How are things going with Remus? I'm so glad you two finally got together. One of us should be in a happy relationship at least! When do I get to meet him by the way?
Miss you lots
Best Wishes, Charlie xxxxx
888
Breen Dragon Reserve, January 12th, 1996
Dear Tonks,
I've been meaning to write to you for ages, but it's taken me quite a while to get up the courage to do it because, because well, I owe you an apology. I'm sure Charlie told you about all the dreadful things I said, and how you got mixed up in them. I wanted to tell you I'm really sorry in person, I know I've been a complete idiot. It's not an excuse to say I was scared, it's just what happened. I was never like a Gryffindor that way.
It's awful because the person I hurt most is the one who's most important to me. I love Charlie; I really do, even if I haven't been exactly supportive. I'm miserable right now because I think I've damaged things permanently. I can't believe it took such a horrible thing happening to his family to bring me to my senses.
Well, you don't want to hear me complain about things that are my own fault do you? What I wanted to say was, I'm sorry, and I really really hope you can forgive me
Lucy
888
London, February 26th, 1996
Dear Charlie,
How are you? It must have been awful for you hearing about your Dad like that while you were away and not able to do anything. I'd have gone mad if it was one of my parents. I guess we should be thankful that he's completely recovered now though, there's no point dwelling on dreadful things that might have happened. It will just make you crazy.
On the subject of how your Dad was found, I can tell you a bit more, though none of us really understand exactly what happened. It's all to with Harry Potter (it always seems to involve him somehow doesn't it). Apparently he saw the attack on your father in a dream, woke up yelling, insisting what he'd seen was real, and alerted Dumbledore and all your family at Hogwarts. Now the real mystery is how exactly Harry saw what he did. Mad Eye is being paranoid as per usual, he's convinced Harry's being possessed by Voldemort. Personally I don't believe that, if Harry was possessed wouldn't he be acting more, well, evil? It's very strange though, I did wonder if he might be some sort of seer, but he's not looking into the future. It's been very useful though, however he's doing it.
I'm really glad that you and Lucy are talking again; I know you've been really lonely there without having her to talk to. I know she said some really awful things, but it wasn't only her fault what happened was it? Maybe you should trust her a bit more instead of rambling to me. It was making me miserable thinking this wretched war had wrecked your relationship, I hope you two can start again. She wrote to me you know, to say sorry, she sounded really unhappy. She cares about you a lot you know, even if she has made mistakes. I think she was really cut up about what happened to your Dad.
Have you seen this week's edition of the Quibbler? It's brilliant! Harry has given a full interview about what happened the night Voldemort came back last June. If this doesn't open people's eyes to the truth nothing will, he's actually given a full list of the names of every Death Eater he saw there. You have to say it for him, he's got guts. The world really does seem to have been tipped upside down though; I mean the Quibbler is talking sense for the first time in its history, while the Daily Prophet is full of lies.
Anyway, I did spend Christmas day with Mum and Dad, I'm worried about Mum she seems thinner and more tired than usual. I asked Dad what was up and he said that she's just worried because of this hideous war. She's terrified something will happen to me. I wanted to tell her that I can look after myself, but the truth is I can't promise her that any more, can I. This is a war, and people are going to get hurt. It's really depressing to say that. I couldn't not get involved though. How could I call myself an Auror if when the most powerful dark Wizard for fifty years returned I sat there and did nothing? We tried to keep Christmas as normal as possible. Mum got really obsessive over the decorations being perfect, but it wasn't exactly cheerful.
Thank you for asking about me and Remus. Well, So far, so good. When it's just us it's really nice, easy, but in front of anyone else he clams up and gets very self conscious. We spent Valentines Day together at his place. It was really nice; we were just curled up on the sofa with a box of chocolates. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable. Can you believe it; I actually enjoyed Valentines Day for once. I guess it's not actually so bad when you spend it with someone you love.
Work is mad at the moment, still at least now we're working towards something real. Dumbledore was really worried by the break out from Azkaban last month; he thinks it means the Dementors are now out of Ministry control. I have to say I can't think if anyway ten of the highest security prisoners could escape all at once. Did you know my dear Aunt Bellatrix is among the escapees? How I want to be the one to bring her back in! Our big theory there is that she'll try to contact her sister, my lovely aunt Narcissa. We've got the Malfoys under close surveillance
I went to see little Felix Lewes-Edwards yesterday, he is adorable at the moment, and he's just started to crawl. Mattie is such a doting mother; it's really sweet to see.
I miss you a lot right now.
Hugs, Tonks xxxxx
888
Breen Dragon Reserve, March 12th, 1996
Dear Tonks,
Lucy wrote to you? She never told me that. Wow, that's really really sweet actually. Things are really weird with me and her at the moment. We're being faultlessly polite to each other, but it's like we're dancing round something unacknowledged. Well I suppose things are always a bit awkward around an ex, I've never really had an ex before, not one I was ever serious with anyway.
Things here are much the same as usual. Lucy has started a campaign to increase the Reserve's security. She says tells the others it's just about basic security and Muggle protection, but I know she's really terrified about what You-Know-Who and the Death Eaters could do with Dragons. We've been strengthening and adding to all the protective spells, it's a pretty big job, considering how huge this place is, and the Dragons are extra vicious at the moment because they're nesting, we've had a few very near misses and some nasty burns. I've seen Lucy practicing defensive spell as well. I think she's frightened, especially since the Azkaban mass break out, and she wants to be prepared. I don't know quite what to tell her, I can't say she'll be safe, because I don't know that, but I don't want to panic her either. Her Reducto charms are pretty powerful, but her shield charm needs a bit of work, I've been trying to help her work on it, mine could use some improvement too.
Mum has started writing much more often than she used to. Nothing important, all by owl post, but she writes about once every few days. I think she's reassuring herself I'm alright, and partly I think she just needs someone to talk to. She's paranoid about all of us because of this war of course. She did give me interesting news about Hogwarts though, it sounds like Umbridge is as bad as your Remus said. Apparently she's sacked Professor Trelawney, I know you always said she was complete Fraud, but Umbridge has no right to kick her off the staff. The students are all close to outright rebellion from what Mum was hinting in her letters. You can imagine what she feels about that! I can't say I blame any of them for rebelling. I know we certainly got up to enough mischief, and we weren't dealing with Umbridge.
Wow! You actually enjoyed Valentine's Day for once, that's amazing. I guess the right company makes all the difference. I don't think you need to be too worried about the whole public vs. private issue with Remus; I expect it's a werewolf thing. Maybe he feels like he doesn't deserve to have someone in his life, and so feels guilty about it. Anyway, I'm no good with this stuff.
How's work? You must be snowed under what with the break out. Any good leads on the escapees yet? Your Idea about Bellatrix Lestrange heading for the Malfoys' sounds sensible- if she hasn't already joined You-Know-Who that is. I can't believe I just wrote that, it's a very very scary thought. Bellatrix Lestrange back at You-Know-Who's side. Hang on, Lucy wants to say something,
Hi Tonks, I just wanted to say, find them, all of them, and quickly. Please.
She's not wrong.
Write back soon and let me know how you're doing
Best Wishes, Charlie xxxxx
888
London, April 14th, 1996
Dear Charlie,
Thanks for your last letter; I'm sorry I haven't written back sooner, but things are still kind of mad here. We're still having no luck on the Death Eater front, no signs of anything illegal at Malfoy Manor which is really frustrating.
Everything with the Order is in a bit of chaos too at the moment since Dumbledore had to leave Hogwarts. It makes me get into a rage whenever I think about it! The arrogance! Thinking they can push him out of his own school! Officially now of course Dumbledore is as much a target as any of the Death Eaters, which is so ridiculous I'd laugh except that it's far too horrible. Well, if Fudge thinks it's going to stop Dumbledore fighting Voldemort he's even more stupid than I thought. I've got myself assigned to the team looking for the Lestranges, so I'm not compromised thank goodness. Still, it makes me want to jump onto one of the tables in the canteen in the middle of lunch and yell to the idea Ministry about all the injustice they're allowing to happen
I swear Scrimgeour knows I'm not exactly an ardent Fudge supporter; he's been giving me dirty looks a lot lately. I'm lucky I've got Mad-Eye looking out for me at the moment- Scrimgeour may think he's a bit cracked, but he's still scared enough of him to leave me alone for now.
Grimmauld Place is not the happiest spot to hang in right now. Sirius is going crazy from having been cooped up for so long, and we're all frustrated because we just don't seem to be getting anywhere real. We think Voldemort is going to plan something at the department of mysteries but we have no way of knowing what.
Anyway, rant over! About what you said in your letter on the subject of me and Remus. I'm not worried, I know that he cares about me and that is the only thing that really matters. It's going to take time to convince him I'm not going to run at the first sign of trouble, but (believe it or not) I can be patient. I love him. I didn't think feeling like this actually existed outside of cheesy novels, but it turns out it does! When I'm with him no one else exists, it's that simple. God why did I have to fall for someone so inconvenient at such an inconvenient time!
I think Lucy is right to be concerned about the security at Breen. The Death Eaters will use anything to gain more power, and Dragons could be very useful in the wreaking havoc and causing terror stakes. Whatever you can do to help her become better at defending herself you should, and what about the rest of the staff at Breen? How many of them know or believe that Voldemort is back? They need to be prepared; they need to be able to defend themselves if they need to. Can you help do that without causing panic?
I'm sorry about things being odd with you and Lucy, I think that's normal after a break up, but it's sad. You two used to be so close! I hope you can overcome the awkward stage and get to just trust each other again.
Wish you were here, love to Lucy
Hugs, Tonks xxxxx
888
Breen Dragon Reserve, May 17th, 1996
Dear Tonks,
How are you? You sounded angry and frustrated in your last letter, and I don't blame you. It's a mess, all of it; You-Know-Who, the Ministry, what's happening at Hogwarts. At least my brothers have been doing something about that. You must have heard what Fred and George did when they left school. Mum wrote to me about it. She was furious of course, but it's the first time I've really laughed for weeks. I always knew Fred and George would be good for something one day- that was truly inspired! Have they turned up at Headquarters? Mum didn't say in her letter, but I'd like to see her try and stop them doing everything they can to help the Order.
About your advice on spreading the word, I've been doing all I can to raise awareness here, but I'm trying to keep it quite low key. There's a group of us here now though, me and Lucy and a few others who know what's really going on and are doing our best to get prepared in case of an attack. I know it's not much. There's not much I can do here, out of England. Recently I've been thinking seriously for the first time of coming home. Lucy say's I'm mad, that it would just raise suspicions with the ministry if I left my job for no apparent reason. What she says makes sense, but still I wish I could be doing something to help, really help. All this shadow work is frustrating. I want to fight, more than ever now they've driven Dumbledore out of Hogwarts- not that that will last of course. Lucy says that what I'm doing here is important too, and I know she's right. I just wish I could see it making a difference.
How is the Lestrange case coming along? Any more leads? It must be difficult when the ministry is refusing to acknowledge the likeliest place to find them- right by You-Know-Who's side. He's eluded capture for over two decades, I expect the Lestranges are no easier to find.
I'm really glad about you and Remus. There ought to be something good happening in the middle of all of this. I'm sure you can make it work if you feel that strongly about each other.
Do you know what I miss? I miss just being able to chat you know. About Quidditch, or about what Eddy Lynch was up to with Claudia Entwhistle. We seem to have got very serious lately don't we? Maybe it's the war, maybe we're just growing up a bit. I don't know.
Hi Tonks, Lucy here. I just want to say, please persuade Charlie to stay here. I need him. He can do just as much from where he is!
Lucy…
Should I stay? I really want to know what you think. I can't stay just for Lucy much as I actually think I might want to.
Anyway, write back soon. I rely on you for news you know
Best Wishes, Charlie xxxx
888
Unsent Letter discovered among the Possessions of Nymphadora Tonks
London, June 25th, 1996,
Dear Charlie,
You need to stay where you are. Lucy is right; you have to a job to do there. Dumbledore wouldn't have given it to you if it wasn't important. We do need as many foreign contacts as we can get. What you are doing is helping, really it is. It matters a lot. Hang on, I'm being yelled at from the kitchen.
Charlie- got to go; Harry needs us, more later.
888
Breen Dragon reserve, June 28th, 1996
Tonks,
I heard what happened at the ministry, they're saying someone was killed. Tell me you're alright, tell me it wasn't you. Fast.
Charlie