Four beers and two shots later I was feeling like my old self again. Angela had a big fight with Ben because she caught him kissing some slut. So she was in revenge mode as she gazed over the party looking for the right guy to get back at him with. I was doing some gazing of my own. It'd been awhile and I was ready to get back in the game. I didn't have to look for long, I spotted him standing alone by the bar. Sammy Lorenzo was one of us but he was a loner. He didn't hang out with anyone in particular but he was friendly with everyone. He was somewhat of a celebrity with the girls. Most of them had already been with him and had nothing but good things to say. He was supposedly a god in bed. I smiled shyly and slightly bit my bottom lip as I approached him. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a sexy smile when he saw me heading his way.
"How ya doin Sammy?" I said sweetly as I leaned on the bar.
"Good now that you're here." He said leaning towards me. I smiled and bit back a laugh. "You wanna drink?" He asked getting another one for himself.
"Na I'm good." I said draining my beer.
"Wanna get outta here?" He said draining his beer as well.
"Yeah." I said following him out and winking at Angela as I passed her.
"I'm too drunk to drive you home." Sammy said after we finished fucking our brains out.
"I wasn't gonna ask you to." I said giving him a smirk as I got dressed. I lit a smoke as soon as I got outside. 'What an asshole' I thought to myself as I walked towards the sidewalk. He was sober enough to drive me here. He really knows how to make a girl feel like a slut. I crossed my arms as the cool night breeze picked up. I couldn't blame him for thinking that. It was my actions that brought him to that conclusion. I didn't really know him, only in passing. Then out of the blue I have sex with him. What would any guy think? He could have at least been concerned for my safety, making me walk home at 2 in the morning. It's not like I live across the fucking street. I took a right onto Wingfoot Trail and headed back to Bucks. It was a lot closer than my place and I knew the party would still be in full swing. It would be better crashing there than getting mugged on the way to my house. It seemed like it took forever to walk back to Bucks when it was only a five minute drive to Sammy's place. I let out a sigh of relief when I turned to walk up his driveway. I hadn't realized how scared I was until that moment when the relief washed over me. I could still hear the music going and peoples loud voices. I smiled at the thought of another shot and a beer. I had gotten pretty sober during my walk back. I entered the house and came face to face with Angela.
"Damn, I didn't think I'd be seeing you anymore tonight. I already told Tim you hooked up with a guy. So you wouldn't be needing a ride home." She said swaying a bit to the left.
"I did but it wasn't an all night thing ya know." I said heading towards the bar. She followed.
"Soooo, how was it?" She asked. I laughed before taking my shot.
"Please, I don't know where all those rumors came from but his dick isn't as big as my…."
"Didn't have much luck with ol' Sammy huh?" Tim butted in reaching for a beer.
"Na, I had luck alright, just not good luck." I said taking a drink.
"Well I don't know about you girls, and I really don't care. But I'm ready to call it a night. This parties dying out fast." He said looking around. I shrugged and drained my beer before grabbing another one for the road.
"I guess I'm ready to go." Angela said grabbing a beer as well. I threw back another shot before following them out the door.
"Oh shit." Ang said as we started down the stairs.
"Forget something?" I called to her as she walked back inside.
"Yeah, Ben." she yelled over her shoulder. Tim and I both laughed because we had completely forgotten about giving him a ride home. Tim lit a smoke as we waited for Angela to find Ben.
"So, have a good time tonight?" He asked, giving me a look that made me feel ten times more like a slut than Sammy's comment had.
"Yea I guess." I said with a shrug. There was a strained silence for awhile and I opened my beer and drained it. I can't really describe what I saw when I looked back up into his eyes. It wasn't condemnation or disappointment, it wasn't worry or anxiety. Whatever it was it made me feel like a piece of shit.
"What?" I said out of anger. "Oh you and Dally can fuck anyone that crosses your paths but if I do it I'm a whore right? If I do it I get judged. If I do it I get 'oh you're so much better than that Ava, or 'you shouldn't let a guy treat you like that Ava'. All of ya'll can just kiss my ass." I said before walking back inside to get another beer for the road since I already drank my other one. I threw back another shot before heading back outside. Angela and Ben had made it back and had obviously made up from their fight earlier. I rolled my eyes as I slid into the passenger's seat.
"Why'd you storm off like that?" Tim said keeping his eyes glued to the road.
"I was going to get this." I said raising my beer and giving it a little shake for emphasis.
"So that's the only reason? Your little explosion didn't have anything to do with it?" He still hadn't taken his eyes off the road.
"I don't like people judging me." I said staring out the window.
"I don't judge people." There was a hint of laughter in his voice.
"Well your eyes said something different." I opened my beer and took a long drink.
"What makes you think you know me that well?" He said the laughter gone from his voice.
"You were so close to my brother how can I not know you? Maybe not personally, but I know your mannerisms." I stated before draining my beer and tossing the empty bottle out the window.
"Obviously not as well as you think you do because I wasn't judging you." He said taking his eyes off the road and looking towards me. I turned to meet his gaze and
knew that he wasn't lying.
"Alright, maybe you weren't. Maybe I was too busy judging myself to realize that." I said with a shrug of my shoulders. He glanced at me and started to speak.
"What are ya'll yapping about?" Angela said as her and Ben came up for some air.
"Nothing." I said lighting up a smoke.
"Drop me and Ben off at his place, I'll be home later." Angela said as she took a cigarette from my pack.
"Later as in tomorrow afternoon." Tim said with a strained smile.
"Sure thing big brother." She said patting him on the back as she hopped out of the car.
"See ya later Ava, you're welcome to sleep in my bed tonight if you don't wanna go home." She yelled over her shoulder as she walked away from the car. Tim took off down the street and the car was filled with total silence. It was a weird feeling being alone with Tim in his car. Dally or Angela had always been with us before. It was never just me and him. I glanced over at him, he was as cool as a cucumber. So I tried my best to act just like he was, but I couldn't stop fidgeting. Then out of nowhere Tim burst out laughing. It was so sudden that I almost jumped out of my skin.
"What's so funny?" I asked him, a little angry at myself for being scared by his laugh.
"You can't honestly tell me that you're scared of me" He said, still laughing.
"Why the hell would I be scared of you?" I said with anger.
"I have no idea, but I thought I was gonna have to put a straight jacket on you to keep you still." He laughed again. I just smirked.
"You're the one that said I don't know you as well as I think I do." I turned to look out the window contemplating weather or not I should just go back to my house and deal with my drunk mother coming in at god knows what time in the morning with god knows who.
"Don't ever be scared of anybody and if you are, never let them know." he said getting serious again. "If I wanted to I could easily take advantage of you because of that comment."
He reminded me so much of Dally when he said that. I felt my chest tighten and my throat get raw. I sat silently until we pulled up to his house. He opened the door and started to walk in but I plopped down on the steps outside. The noise coming from the living room told me that Curly and his friends were still partying it up. I wasn't in the mood for it at the moment.
Pulling my legs up to my chest I rested my head on my knees. I played the events of the day over and over again in my mind. It seemed like years had gone by since Pony told me the truth of my brothers death. In reality it was only a few hours ago. I couldn't stop the flow of tears that escaped and truth be told I didn't want to. I wanted to cry until I died, until it didn't hurt anymore. I wanted to cry until I saw my brothers face again and heard his voice. But that was impossible so I cried even more. I didn't hear the front door open a few moments later. I didn't even realize someone was sitting beside me. Then all of a sudden there were arms around me. Strong arms that pulled me into a hard but comforting chest. In the midst of all my emotion I let myself believe that it was Dally holding me and stroking my back like he used to when I let my mother's behavior affect me, or when I missed New York in the early years. I just let it all
go. Then finally, as suddenly as the tears came they were gone and I was gasping for breath. I pulled back and wiped my eyes. Staring at the steps beneath my feet until my breathing became regular once again. I looked over to see Tim wiping his eyes just as I had. It dawned on me then that I wasn't the only person missing Dally. There were others that cared about him. There were others that felt his lose, maybe not as strongly as I did, but they felt it just the same. Suddenly I didn't feel so alone anymore.
"Want a smoke?" Tim asked in a husky voice that told me just how hard he had cried.
"Sure" I said hearing the same strained sound in my own voice. We sat there in silence for a few seconds. "Sorry about being so moody earlier." I said.
"It's understandable." He said looking up at the sky.
"What time is it?" I asked rubbing my eyes.
"Time to go to damn bed." He said standing up and proceeding to kick everyone out of the house. I stood in the corner of the porch watching the stream of kids walk out to pursue other exciting events. When the house was finally empty I walked in and sat on the couch. Tim was nowhere in sight so I made myself comfortable and turned on the TV.
"I'm sure Ang wouldn't mind you putting on some of her more comfortable
clothes." He said as he walked into the room. I looked up and felt the color rise in my cheeks. He was naked from the waist up with nothing but a pair of shorts on.
"I haven't decided weather or not I was gonna stay here tonight." I said looking back at the TV.
"Well I'm to tired and I'm about to be to drunk to drive you home, and you sure as hell ain't gonna walk." He said stepping in front of the television so I couldn't avoid him.
"Alright, fine." I said getting up and walking up the stairs to Angela's room to change. When I walked back down stairs Tim was out cold on the couch. I smiled and draped a blanket over him before heading back up to Ang's room and passing out myself