There was an awkward pause as they materialised in the transporter room.

Finally, McCoy coughed and made his excuses, not wanting to be caught in the middle of another loaded gaze as long as he lived.

"So, uh-" Jim began. "We should- talk."

"It appears so."

"My quarters?"

They walked in silence, Jim's head whirling.

The door shut behind them, loud in the silence, and Jim turned to face Spock. "So-"

"Captain, I believe I have treated you badly."

"No, no Spock- fuck- I've been a shit to you- I'm a-"

"Captain, I have given you the impression that I do not enjoy your company-"

"Shut up Spock- I'm a complete idiot. I was- fuck. I was scared that you would reject me if you knew what a complete fuck up I am and how everything I touch turns to dust and that my own mother travelled to other planets to avoid me and how I disappoint everyone and-"

"Captain, please remember to breathe."

"-And that I can't even talk about my goddamn feelings with the one person I actually do fucking want to, because every time I tried before it all went to hell-"

"Please calm down-"

"Let me finish! And that what I wanted to tell you was yes- yes I did want to be with you, and commit to you but fucking hell Spock you could do so much better and seriously, you don't need my issues-"

"Jim."

Kirk stopped mid breath, trembling. Spock looked focused, his eyes dark and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. That voice…it was an echo of his older self, the emotional weight behind it driving the air from his chest in a rush. He didn't deserve to be spoken to like that- like he mattered, like he wasn't a shitty reflection of his father's legacy.

"Jim. You are irrational, illogical, and nonsensical."

"Thanks."

"Let me finish. You are also brave, and loyal. You are intelligent in ways I cannot always comprehend. You are like the stars- burning, brilliant, and constant. You matter. You have never disappointed me, only amazed me and exceeded all expectations."

"But-"

Spock was suddenly in his personal space, his arms wrapped tightly around Jim as though he was scared that the human would disappear. "Do not leave me, Jim."

"I won't. Never again."

Jim lifted his arms, winding them around Spock's neck and leaning in. He felt the hummingbird thrum of Spock's pulse in his throat, could smell the comforting, warm scent of him.

It felt more like home than any place, any person ever had. He threaded his fingers into Spock's hair, needing to touch as much of him as possible now before he woke up from this amazing dream, and pulled his head back just far enough to kiss the Vulcan.

They had never kissed in any way that wasn't hard, or possessive, or domineering; every kiss before this had felt like a fight. Kirk didn't even really know how to begin, the kiss chaste and hesitant at first, as if asking for permission. Spock pulled him closer, his fingers splayed across Jim's back as the kiss became deeper; possessive in a languid, slow way, revelling in the taste and the feel of each other as though it was the first time. Spock kissed like he did everything; thoroughly and effectively, and Jim found himself breathless and hard within minutes, pressing himself against Spock's body. It was ridiculous- he had never kissed as though it was more than foreplay at best and an apology at worst- and here he was grinding up against Spock like a schoolboy after two minutes.

Finally he pulled back for breath, staring at Spock with wide eyes. You're fucking amazing-Spock, please-

-Jim, exercise patience, for once. We have time.

Spock leaned back in, trailing kisses up Kirk's throat, sucking gently at the bruises Jim still had from their last sexual encounter as though apologising. Jim leaned his head back, his groan low like a purr.

I know, but I want you-

And I you, but this will not be like the last time.

Spock's hands roamed his body, tugging relentlessly at his clothes until he stepped back enough to let the Vulcan remove them, the space between them almost physically painful. Kirk kicked off his boots and stepped out of his trousers before pulling Spock back towards him, grabbing impatiently at the layers still between them. Help me-

You are impatient. Very well. Spock helped him remove his clothes, throwing them behind him before pressing himself up against Jim again. Kirk almost sighed with relief at the renewed contact, his body humming with contentment. He wound his hands around Spock's back, needing him even closer, the skin-to-skin contact not nearly enough. Every nerve ending sang and sparked at the Vulcan's touch, at the clever, slender fingers tracing maddening patterns and curves across Jim's body.

Please-

To the bed, Jim.

Yes-

Kirk stepped back blindly, moving until the back of his knees hit the edge of his bed and he stumbled, sprawling onto it and dragging Spock along with him in a breathless tangle of limbs. He could feel Spock's erection pressed almost painfully into his hip, his own cock trapped against the Vulcan's stomach. Whining, he pushed his hips up, needing more- more touch, more friction, more everything, now. He cupped his hand around the back of Spock's neck, pulling him into another kiss, and Spock's mind hummed with Jim's arousal and want and love and it was so powerful that Spock's breath hitched in his throat as he realised that Jim did love him after all- really loved him, like he was drowning in it- and it was beautiful and intoxicating beyond anything he could comprehend.

Spock deepened the kiss, clutching at Jim's face as he desperately transferred his own thoughts-

Thought you couldn't love me-not like this—Jim, my ashayam, my k'hat'n'dlawa- always—you will not leave me again-not where I cannot follow-

Spock! It's okay, it's okay, I'm right here-

Yes, always mine, only mine-

I promise-

Spock shifted his weight, pushing Jim's legs apart and sliding between his thighs without breaking the kiss or his thoughts. Jim arched into him, dragging his hands up Spock's back with a needy, keening whine in the back of his throat that made the Vulcan shudder. Their cocks slid against each other, trapped between their bodies; the friction maddening and wonderful all at once.

"Fuck, please," Jim gasped out between kisses, leaning his head back so Spock could attack his neck with teeth and tongue. "Need you."

Spock twined one hand through Jim's hair, keeping his neck back and throat exposed as he kissed his way across the vulnerable pulse point, feeling the heart beat underneath his skin- so slow compared to his, even at this accelerated pace. He took his time, wanting to be able to finally explore every inch of Jim's heated skin, to taste the salty, clean tang of his sweat in the hollow of his collarbone, to hear the human gasp and moan his name like a prayer. These were all things he had been denied when their relationship was just sex- and he was going to take them now, despite Jim's protests. He spent many minutes kissing, licking and biting his way across every inch of skin he could reach, Jim becoming more frustrated underneath him, his nails digging into Spock's back as he desperately attempted to gain friction.

Finally, Spock relented, leaning over Kirk to pick up a bottle of scented oil and pouring some onto his palms. He moved up onto his knees to spread the golden oil onto his cock, his eyes dark and narrowed as he looked down at Jim.

Fuck you look so hot-

Spock often found that he enjoyed being able to pick up thoughts from Jim through physical contact- touch telepathy was a useful gift, sometimes. Right now especially, he was revelling in the outpouring of lust and need from the human beneath him. He pushed at Jim's leg with one slick hand, moving it out of the way so he could slide one finger, then two, inside him. Kirk hissed between his teeth, forcing himself to still so that he could relax past the burning pain.

Spock moved slowly, waiting until Jim's gritted teeth relaxed, until his breathing began again with a soft, satisfied sigh and his eyes half closed, his thoughts slowing and twining through his mind like smoke –fuck, that's good-more- before adding a third, Jim groaning low in his throat.

When Kirk was writhing beneath him, his thoughts a blur of needyouwantyouinmenowloveyouplease, Spock removed his fingers, agonisingly slowly so that Jim whined and thrust his hips up in a silent plea for more. With an almost-smile that only Jim would even have noticed, Spock lifted Kirk's legs and pushed inside him leisurely, his fingertips caressing Jim's thighs delicately. He stopped when he was fully sheathed in the human, allowing Jim a long, delicious second to adjust before beginning to thrust; long, deep strokes that Jim arched back into, the pleasure so intense he could barely see clearly. Kirk reached up, leaning on his elbows to kiss Spock desperately, his breath hitching and his heart pounding in his temples as he looked up at Spock's face- his eyes dark, feral, but still his Spock and it was beautiful, the look on his face so open and unguarded for once that it made Jim want to have him like this always just to see it. You're beautiful, he thought, and Spock faltered in his thrusts for a moment, his eyes questioning.

You believe so?

Kirk nodded, gasping as the Vulcan pushed deep into him again. "Fuck- yeah, I believe so alright-fuck, harder."

Spock shifted his weight, bracing himself on one arm so that he could thread one hand through Jim's hair, kissing him again and shuddering as the human groaned into it. He could barely believe it; this kind of emotion was only found in human fairy tales, was not expected to be real or so completely overwhelming. Spock barely knew how to deal with the rush of feeling from Jim or even from his own body, only knowing that he had to touch his human, had to have him like this always, with his eyes so blue and full of awe, his lips – those beautiful lips- slightly open, his breath ragged and every muscle in his body shivering with pleasure. It was too much to bear for long, Spock already feeling the familiar heat pooling in his stomach as he neared his climax. He could feel Jim was close, too, his thoughts becoming more erratic.

Spock, I need-

I know. He tugged gently at Jim's hair before letting go, trailing his hand down the human's body in a rough caress before wrapping it around Kirk's cock, rubbing his thumb gently across the head just to make Jim whimper, his eyes wide and pleading. Spock began to thrust harder, pulling all the way out before driving back into the human, his hand moving on Jim's cock in time to his thrusts. Kirk grabbed at Spock's back, digging blunt nails into him and hanging on tightly as he came hard enough to stop his breath for a long, almost painful moment, his mind screaming Spock's name even though his throat couldn't.

Fuck- Spock- fuck I love you- was all Spock got before he was following Kirk, his own orgasm even more intense because of the mental link with Jim, their pleasure shared, echoed and intensified between them like a constant loop.

I love you too, Spock sent a few seconds later, already collapsed onto Kirk's chest.