Stalag 13 Gazette
Vol. 1, No. 10
October 27, 1943
Editor: Corporal Rubinstein, Barracks 12
We apologize for the gap in publication. Too many guards and prisoners were neglecting their duties, so Kommandant Klink confiscated our press for several weeks. Then, Colonel Hogan struck a bargain and agreed to cease publication for a few more weeks instead of having Corporal LeBeau, Corporal Newkirk and Sergeant Carter spend 30 days in the cooler for a foolish escape attempt.
Notices:
Lots of thanks going around in this issue: How touching!!!
Colonel Hogan has promised Colonel Klink that his men will not finish painting his office until he honors the bill he presented the Kommandant for the job they did on the Luftwaffe headquarters. –ch
Kommandant Klink wishes to thank Colonel Hogan for his assistance in getting rid of Sergeant Franks.—ch
Colonel Hogan would like to thank Sgt. Schultz for arranging his dates with the lovely and entertaining Baroness.--s
Kommandant Klink would like to warn Sgt. Schultz, that any other such indiscretions would be immediately and severely punished with a trip to the Eastern Front.--s
Sgt. Schultz would like to say that he was just following orders.--s
Kommandant Klink would like to say: "Mmmph!!!!"—s
A belated thanks from Colonel Hogan to General Biedenbender for wishing him happy birthday. Thought it was very nice of him despite not giving him a present.—ch
Note from editor: There is a dispute on how old Colonel Hogan actually is. He won't reveal his age, and Hilda, who has access to the prisoner records won't reveal it, either.
And while we are on the subject of belated thank you's…. Colonel Hogan wishes to thank Sergeant Schultz for letting him and his men to build a snowman the way they do in Bullfrog, North Dakota--ch.
Colonel Hogan thanks Sergeant Wilson for the lollipop for showing up for his physical, although next time he would prefer a different flavor. (Green is not my color, he says).—ch/s
Sgt. Wilson would like to say to Colonel Hogan. "Don't push it! Sir."—s
General Stauffen wishes to thank Colonel Hogan for saving his life when he was visiting.--ch
Rumors that an SS division was recently decimated during war games due to faulty fake ammunition are unfounded, according to the SS. Anyone spreading such lies will be shot. However, this reporter has discovered that a few witnesses are brave enough to come forward. One such witness reports pleas for blood donations and an emergency call-up for all medical personnel in Hammelburg. Another says: "If this had happened in America, someone would have had their pants sued off of them".--s
YOU KNOW THE DRILL: BURN AFTER READING!!!!!
Rumor control: Colonel Hogan got plastered the other night at one of Klink's soirees and passed out on the Kommandant's bed. NOT TRUE: Colonel Hogan only pretended to get drunk and pass out on the bed. Our outside man, Sgt. Olsen, who was inside at the time, took Colonel Hogan's place inside so the Colonel could go outside. Got that? Mission successful!--s
Regarding the Baroness: Colonel Hogan knew immediately it was a trap, and took advantage of Major Hochstetter's eavesdropping plan by using the Baroness to help pass fake invasion plans to the Germans. The Commando, whose name will remain secret, but who bears an uncanny resemblance to my cousin John, the anesthesiologist, made it home safely.--s
Update on Nimrod pool: Guess the identity!!! For some reason we have a newcomer this week. It seems that our beloved inept officer, Colonel Crittendon, has overtaken the lead. Who would have thought???--s
More Thank you notes!!
Colonel Hogan wishes to thank Malcolm Flood for not jeopardizing Colonel Klink's 'no escape' record by returning to camp.—ch
.
Sergeant Schultz thanks Colonel Hogan for his good advice regarding women when he had a date with a female Gestapo agent.—ch
Colonel Hogan and Sergeant Kinchloe wish to thank Colonel Klink for letting them secretly travel to Paris when he went there on a recent trip--ch
HaHaHa. Thought you all would get a laugh out of that one. If the Kommandant only knew. By the way, men, this was a very dangerous assignment and the Colonel and Kinch were almost recognized. Plus, The Colonel was forced to be quiet for an extended period of time. No easy task.--ch
Colonel Hogan requests that no more Russian pilots be brought to camp. They never seem to follow his orders. In the future, send them directly to the sub.—ch
Private Lizzi, please report to editor for correspondence instructions. Set up a profile, so I can contact you!!!
WAR NEWS!!!! FROM ITALY!!! WAR NEWS!!!! FROM ITALY!!!
This information and the dates have been verified!
September 8: Word came that Italy has surrendered!
September 11: The Germans occupied Rome and the next day, they apparently rescued Mussolini, who on September 23rd re-established his Fascist government.
October 1st. We have word that Allies have entered Naples! Confirmed separately by Major Bonacelli.
October 13. It now appears that Italy has declared war on Germany! It appears we have a new partner in our fight against Fascism.
Oct 13, 1943 - Italy declares war on Germany
Contributors for this issue: ColHogan, Snooky