AN: I know it's been a while since my last update, and I thank all of you for being so patient. I tried to get this written as fast as I can, and I really hope you all enjoy it.

Warning: This chapter includes one of the two reasons this fic is rated M. I think it's pretty clear that later on, I will include some sex scenes important to Edward and Bella's relationship. I'm definitely not one to shy away from smut, though this story isn't going to turn into a sex-capade fic. Sadly, no smut in this chapter but this chapter includes the second reason. The flashback at the end includes some violence, gore, and sexual abuse. I tried steering away from graphic imagery concerning the sexual abuse and went more with the suggestive, but the events are pretty clear. So if any of that offends you, this chapter might not be for you.

I really hope, again, that you all enjoy this fic. Please let me know what you think!

- Chapter 9 –

Edward and I lounged underneath the stars, no desire to return to the others. The conversation switched to the nonverbal, communicating messages through trailing fingers across our luminescent skin. Vampire skin did not feel much different than human skin, at least under my touch (I couldn't vouch for a human's perception of it). The only difference was, unlike most things we come in contact with, our own bodies feel sturdy and tough in comparison. I experimented with the new closeness, squeezing his palm and fingers. Edward didn't question my exploration; instead, he quietly observed my actions, allowing me to do as I pleased.

When we returned to the beach, the others had already left, leaving Rosalie's car behind for us to use. My nerves started to get the best of me as we drove up to the house. I had now known them long enough to expect that our reception would not be subtle. Edward must have sensed my hesitation. He was opening my door merely milliseconds from pulling into the driveway, offering a hand for me to hold onto. He interlaced his fingers through mine leading the way as we walked up the steps of the porch, crossing the threshold as … well, whatever you call girl and boy vampires that just admitted their feelings for one another.

Emmett was the first to greet us, standing in the corridor with his arms crossed against his chest, his teeth a blinding white as he grinned at us.

A feral growl rumbled in Edward's chest, sending chills down to my toes. "Don't say it," he ordered through his teeth, murder written all over his features as we pushed past his massive brother.

Emmett snorted, turning on his heels to follow, "I wasn't going to say anything."

"Well don't even think it when you're around me if you want to keep your throat."

Emmett guffawed as we ascended the stairs, leaving him with his own private amusement. Edward's grip squeezed my hand tighter during the altercation, confirming for me that his anger had to do with something Emmett was thinking about us. My body shivered from the aftershocks of the possessive display, and I realized that I liked when Edward got mad, especially when it was in my honor.

We entered his room with no further interruptions. As he shut the door behind us, I scanned my eyes over the interior again, seeing that everything was exactly as I had remembered with the exception of what I thought was a closet door which was now opened to reveal a bathroom. I turned the corner to look inside, finding a single shower with a clear door. My mind projected a montage of wet, naked Edwards, courtesy of tonight's exploits allowing my imagination to take a breath and not overwork itself.

"You can take a shower," his voice broke through my fantasy. "If you want."

I turned my head to find at him standing awkwardly by the door as if he wasn't sure what to do with himself or this new situation. His damp hair curled around his temples, hanging in his eyes as he held his head low. I felt empowered now realizing just how I affected him, and I wanted nothing more than to ask him to join me, though I knew it was too soon for things like that.

"I think I might," I answered back, touching the ends of my own hair, soaked with dirty lake water. I stepped inside the bathroom, closing the door over but making sure it didn't click shut … you know… just in case he might want to be a little bolder. At least he'll know I wouldn't mind.

The warm water felt good against my skin. Being a vampire had its perks when it came to showering. I didn't have to battle with barely turning the cold water faucet to find just that right temperature between warm and hot. Toweling off afterwards was also no longer a race to keep warm since my lowered body temperature seemed to manage dealing with the evaporation much easier. While I shampooed my hair and washed my skin, I spent most of my time thinking about me and Edward's new relationship and the concept of an "us". I guess technically he would be my boyfriend, but the word just didn't encompass our dynamic. Everything felt more intense. Boyfriends were human boys who drove their human girls crazy as they waited for their call, and in my mother's case, came and went out of fashion faster than she switched around her many new hobbies. Edward was a turn-of-the-century gentleman who lived through decades of societal change with the advantage of seeing the world without everyone's blinders hiding who they really are. In many ways, I was an infant in comparison, not only by my short blimp of human existence in comparison to his own long life, but my adolescent development as a newborn still in full swing. Nevertheless, Edward said he loved me before we even got to first base, and I could already feel my whole perspective shifting into focus on him and our bond. I wasn't sure if this was the typical beginnings of any relationship, human or vampire, or if this strong pull linked somewhere deeper than that.

I timidly stepped back into Edward's room, wearing only a towel to find he wasn't there. A stack of my clothes were folded neatly on his bedspread, and a soft melody from the piano echoed through the hallways below, indicating to me that he wasn't far away. I began to put the clothes on and realized Edward must have gone into my room to choose them rather than Alice since they were more on the comfortable than fashionable side. I felt like if I could, I would blush when I noticed he even picked out my underwear, choosing a simple white bra and matching panties. I wondered if this indicated Edward was more into innocent than sexy, or he just didn't want me thinking otherwise. The thought of stiff, proper Edward searching through my underwear drawer dumbfound and embarrassed made me giggle quietly to myself.

It was comforting to see that some things were still the same between us. Edward left a space on the piano bench for me, just like every night. As I snuggled against his side, I noticed a faint soap smell on his skin, and I figured he must have taken a shower in another bathroom at the same time as me.

"How did you manage to shower so fast?" I asked, breathing in his scent.

"You were in yours for a long time," Edward answered, the song he played dropping in tempo.

"I must have gotten distracted," I closed my eyes, letting my mind go blank as I absorbed the notes into my body. "Thanks, by the way, for getting me my clothes."

Edward nodded his head sheepishly, quickly changing the subject. "What were you distracted by?"

"I was just thinking," I shrugged my shoulders and rested my head against his upper arm.

"About…" He drew his voice out teasingly.

I tried to collect my thoughts, piecing together the best way to go about this. Maybe it was best not to put a label on things, and just let everything develop naturally.

"About us."

I watched as a small smile played across Edward's lips at my admission, "And what did you conclude about 'us'?"

"Well…" I began, tip toeing around the real question. "I guess there are some things I'm still confused about."

Edward didn't seem to like this answer as much. The cute furrow between his eyebrows I was becoming all too familiar with appeared.

"Like what?"

"Like…" I quickly tried to think of something else to say, when I suddenly remembered something I legitimately did wonder about. "Like why you hated me the first time we met."

He shook his head, the furrow disappearing as he relaxed. "I definitely did not hate you."

"Well, you certainly didn't like me," I smiled at him playfully, reassuring him I wasn't asking these questions in a confrontational way.

"I was uncomfortable," he clarified. I waited for him to continue his explanation. He noticed my patient silence and sighed as he realized he was in a bind. "It unnerved me that I couldn't read your mind. I always wished that I didn't have this ability, thinking it would relieve me of a great annoyance, but when I came face to face with the absence of it, I had no idea what to do with myself."

"So that's why you avoided me?" I asked, reliving the memoires, trying to adjust with my new perspective.

"I hope I didn't upset you," Edward's face turned solemn as a frown pulled down the corners of his mouth. "Once I got over my own ego, I really was completely taken by you."

"Because you can't read my mind," I quibbled back, thinking back to our conversation about Tanya during the hunting trip.

"Because you're amazing," he corrected and began dabbling with higher notes in the song on the piano, playing a romantic undertone to his words. "I've never met a soul as pure and good-intentioned as yours, and I've realized that that is what makes you so unpredictable to me. I would give anything to be able to hear your beautiful thoughts, but the fact that I can't only makes you my superior. You're much more to me now than just that."

I felt as if a bright light was radiating from my cheeks as I beamed up at him, falling over myself with his words. Dumbstruck, I tried to think of something as elegant and heartfelt to say back, but words were never my strong suit.

"Your equal," I finally said. Edward quirked an eyebrow down at me.

"Not your superior. Always your equal."

I relaxed against his shoulder, the tension erasing away from my conscience by the lovely song and his words I kept repeating in my head. I felt content now with the conversation, the answer to my question about our label exposing itself to me through my own revelation. I slowly lost myself in Edward's song, my whole being rocked and swayed by the notes of what sounded like a lullaby.

As promised, when the sun rose Edward took me to his second favorite place in the area. I was more than happy because once Edward stopped playing the piano, the others felt it was okay to crawl out of their own hiding places and fuss over us. Esme looked teary eyed when she walked in on us sitting together on the couch, softly talking to each other about random things that interested us. She quickly apologized and dashed from the room as if she walked in on something too intimate for her eyes. Alice must have took this interruption as her own personal cue, and she strolled downstairs, planting herself right next to us with a smug, self-congratulatory expression. Jasper trailed behind her, looking much more relaxed than I had seen him in the past few days, smiling in relief at the sight of us. Edward took it upon himself then to suggest we go off on our own, which I more than happily accepted.

We hiked through the woods, choosing not to run as we normally would in order to take our time. The sun bled through the canopy of the tree tops, and Edward's skin sparkled like thousands of tiny diamonds embedded on the surface. I always tried to find a shadow to hide in when my own skin would reflect the sun back at me, disgusted by the alien effect. But on Edward, it just looked stunning. I would even go as far as to call it dazzling because of the enchantment it always seemed to trap me in.

As we began to approach the mountain range, Edward steered us into the direction of a path, leading around the corner of a mountain bend. Behind the bend, we came upon a beautiful valley, lush with soft, green grass. Beautiful wildflowers bloomed in random patches across the plain, making the entire scenery pop with lively colors.

"It's completely covered in snow in all of the other seasons," Edward began to explain as he led me to sit with him in the middle of the meadow. "But every summer it comes back, more alive than ever."

I noticed a sad, longing tone to his voice, recognizing the hidden meaning in his words. We were once as fragile and inspired by growth, but now we were as stationary and forever as the mountains towards the north. I reached out to grab his hand, hoping he could feel that I understood. His gentle, amber eyes warmed in response, and we extended on our backs, reclining next to each other hand in hand.

"There is an even better one back in Forks I wish I could show you," he continued. "When we go back in a few decades, hopefully it's still there for you to see."

A human memory floated to the surface of my conscious of a time just before my change.

"I actually was going to tell my mother I wanted to move to Forks to live with my dad," I began as the recollection became clearer. "Her husband was a minor league baseball player and traveled a lot, and I could tell she missed him."

I rolled over on my stomach to get a better view of his face as a thought occurred to me, "If I wasn't changed, we probably would have still met."

Edward stared at me for a few moments, considering my words. He then turned his face up to the sky, his eyes focusing on a faraway place.

"I guess we would have," his voice sounded on edge, revealing his inner conflict with the scenario.

"Do you think it would have still been this way?" I ventured to ask, wondering where his mind was going.

Edward exhaled heavily, his eye lashes dancing against the dark circles beneath his eyes, "No, it would have been impossible."

I tried to put myself back into the girl I had been as a human and thought of meeting Edward with a beating heart and blood running through my veins. Edward had had many years of control and abstinence from human blood. It had to be more bearable for them if they willing chose to go to school around humans. I then tried to think of my own reaction to Edward, both his beauty and his secret, and I couldn't imagine any kind of reality where I wouldn't be completely in love with him. Romantic love never existed for me before him, and I knew it would never exist without.

"I think we could make it work," I finally said. "In our own way."

Edward still seemed lost, and I could only imagine the self-depreciative place I pushed him into.

"It must have been fate all along," I announced. "Every future leads to us."

Edward loosened up and his face broke out into a smile. He turned over on his side, propping his head on his elbow to become eye-level with me. My body surged in response to the closeness, wanting nothing more than to lean in a few more inches and kiss him, forgetting about the 'what ifs'. Edward had another plan, however.

"Bella," he ran his tongue against his bottom lip, visibly nervous about what he wanted to say. "Why were you changed?"

I tensed up, a cold chill running through my body. This was it. The end of a beautiful beginning.

"I don't know," my defense reaction kicked into gear. "I just was."

Edward slowly shook his head, carefully collecting his words. "Vampires just don't change humans. It's much too hard for there not to be a reason."

I pushed back the memories all bobbing up, breaking through the tight enclosure where I kept them hidden deep inside. All my thoughts turned black and I felt myself being pulled back into that time again.

"It's okay to tell me," he reached out, running his hand down my back, saving me from the descent. I thought back to all the wonderful things he said about me just a few hours before. The way he spoke about me, it was like he thought of me as some kind of saint. How wrong he was.

"I'm afraid," I finally manage to stutter out, hiding my face beneath my hair. Edward's stroking hand twisted a few hanging strands behind my ear, trying to read my expression. "I don't want you to think less of me."

"Isabella," my full name rolled off of his tongue in a soft caress. "There is nothing you could tell me that would ever do that."

Crowded and exposed, I finally lost myself in the dark terrain of my psyche, returning to the place only nightmares existed.

- Flashback –

I fingered the pages of the book, the smooth, crisp edges feathering across the tips. The store was closing soon, and a grumpy clerk had walked by eyeing me three times already. He wanted me to either make a purchase or leave. I had made my decision to tell my mother I was moving to Forks a few hours before, but I still didn't have the courage to leave my space in the book store.

I picked up my messenger bag and walked up to the cash register to pay for the book. The balding clerk looked at me over his glasses before ringing the novel up. I handed him a twenty and zipped up my hoodie as he gathered my change.

With my book wrapped in a thin plastic bag, I walked out of the bookstore onto the dark sidewalk. The mini –shopping mall was only a few blocks from my house, but I already knew my mom was probably freaking out about me being out so late. I thought of her already alone and depressed in her room from Phil leaving for his game tour just a week before. I wasn't helping the present situation at all, but I will soon give her exactly what she needs.

I didn't feel his hands on my body as I turned the corner into the residential area. I didn't see his face or have time to think to run for my life. The only thing I sensed were the hairs sticking up on my neck, and then everything went dark.


I woke up to burning. He was on top of me, feeling like a boulder crushing my chest. A fire singed my neck, and I tried to struggle against him but his crushing weight kept me right where I was. The pain pinched my eyes shut as I cried and gasped for air. The burning spread down my chest and through my arms, keeping me pinned to ground. I couldn't feel his weight anymore but his presence was all around me, hovering over my skin and crawling through my veins.

A Salem witch on her pyre, I lie burning on the hardwood floor for an eternity, straddling the line of death and life. I begged for death because life meant pain, and death became the road of the merciful release. My body boiled and throbbed, Hell encasing me in a glass casket I'd never escape.

When my heart beat stopped like an airplane propeller that spun its last flight, the burning left with it. Positive I had finally got my wish, I relaxed my tensed muscles, finally at peace with my suffering. The taste of fungal perfume and dust against my tongue brought me back to the reality at hand, and I popped my undead eyes open to a dark room with no windows. I sprung to my feet, crouching over on my extended hands as I faced a man standing in the middle of the room. He appeared smug as his red eyes gleamed down at me, and an instinctual growl erupted from my chest. His eyes widened, the red-blood sadism shifting to confused fear as he took a step back. Frightened myself, I growled again, wishing this demon would leave and never show me his scarred face again.

He scrambled away, leaving me in the dark room. I curled my body in the closest corner, hugging my knees to my chest as I tried to figure out what had happened to me and where I was. That's when the burning returned, climbing up the column of my throat with sharp flames. I gasped for air and clutched my hands around my neck. The soft caress of warm, thick liquid running down my throat invaded my head, forcing me to accept this excruciating pain as the worst thirst I had ever experienced.

I rocked back and forth from my place on the floor, a pendulum keeping the time as I sat there trying to find a way to ignore the pain. Tactile distractions seemed to help the best, and I felt my way around the room, trying to find some way out. I felt every hardened paint drip, every trapped piece of saw dust, but no way out other than the strange creature's exit. I imagined him standing just behind the piece of wood, waiting patiently for me to make my escape.

I scrambled back to the corner of the room, curling into my protective ball.


It's hard to count the days when you can't see the sun and have no urge to sleep. I waited for my body to sag against the wall with eyes fluttering back into my head, but the exhaustion never came. Instead I lied there awake, listening to the harsh cries and guttural growls coming from the room below me. It sounded like a wild animal ripping a woman apart over, and over, and over….

My throat continued to ache, but the throbbing turned into a dull pain, blinking into my consciousness wherever it found an entry point. Most of my attention remained fixed on the dust particles floating through the air. A dim light from somewhere past the door had been turned on, and mischievous traveling photons found their way into the space. In my mind, the red eyed monster now sat outside the door, entertaining himself with a book to read as he waited to tear me to pieces.

A break in the rotating wait punched through my throat with roaring clarity. My muscles clenched in a grand mahl spasm as the most intoxicating smell filled the air, turning the heat on my burning throat to broil. It smelled of relief. Suddenly animated, my legs stepped into action, carrying me in the direction of the elixir. I was no longer scared, lonely Bella. I had become a starved-crazed torture victim, ready to submit to the pain or die trying. I swung the door open only to find an empty stairwell, paving the way to my prized destination. My mouth salivated, a thick film coating my teeth as a new, sweet secretion pooled beneath my tongue.

I descended the staircase, a dim light casting shadows across the ripped, dark wallpaper. A desperate slurping came from the room just beyond the bottom stair, and I turned the corner hesitantly, crouching down on my knees. The delicious aroma had me spellbound, driven to push forward, but a small voice inside my head reminded me that an alien danger lurked all around. I poked my head into the room, the slurping amplifying in my ears. I came upon a strange sight, three bobbing heads attached to barely clothed women crouching over another woman, their mouths latched onto different points on her body as if she had misplaced nipples supplying them with drug-laced nutrients.

My stomach twisted as time around me shifted into slow-mo. I now could see that this is where the heavenly potion lie, and I'd have to suck my pain away. The fire raging in my throat, begging me to give in only disgusted me more. A loud crack split through the room as one of the sucking females pulled the glassy-eyed woman's thigh from her pelvis, stringy tendons stretching out of the cavity. I averted my eyes, no longer able to stand the sight, only to find my patient red-eyed demon sitting in the corner of the room, observing me pensively. He flashed a sinister smile as I caught his eye, clearly pleased by his satanic feast.

I ran up the stairs with more speed than I believed I possessed, leaving the bobbing heads and grinning eyes behind.


"You'll be with me soon." He whispered through the door, an unfamiliar, rough French accent billowing from his lips. "They all come around. . . in their own ways."

He visited me every few hours, pressing his face against the door, reciting sadistic love poems about how he would possess me soon. The screams of pain from the sucking-women that followed revealed to me exactly what that possession entailed. Their torture was set on auto-play, hourly reclaimings repeating from sunrise to sunset. I came to realize the hollow vocalization of their suffering was only an act for his pleasure only, their bodies and minds brutalized beyond the point of sentience anymore.

I couldn't fathom why he hadn't just attack me already. Surely he could overpower a 17 year old girl. As much as I feared becoming like them, the helpless wait with a front-row seat to my near-distant future felt almost as unbearable. The shrill cries still couldn't compare to the burning in my throat. My body now knew exactly what it craved, and it screamed for it louder than ever before. I lie wasted away in the fetal position across the floor, my ear pressed firmly to the wood feeling the shakes and rumbles of his assault creaking through the walls.

It was high noon when my body and mind had enough. I knew because when I descended the stairs again, the windows glowed bright yellow through the curtains, not even the sun's beams daring to pass through the threshold. I entered the feeding room one last time, liquid pooling in my mouth remembering the previous encounter. He was on top of one of them, her pale face pressed into the floor with her black, lifeless eyes focusing on a far away place. A turmoil churning inside my chest exploded and I leaped for him.

I wasn't Bella. I wasn't even human. I was a ripping, biting machine, sinking my fingers into connective tissue and pulling with all my strength. Crazed in this perpetual sleepless hell, I spit and clawed my way through him, feeling his body tear beneath my wild hands. The frenzy commenced, driving me to the kill point as I wrenched his head completely off.

I stopped then, staring down to survey the scene. Thousands of bloodless pieces of what once was my red-eyed capturer lay strewn across the floor. Stunned by my horrible capabilities, I moved backwards, the ends of my heels running into the one he was using, stilling lying on the floor.

"You're free!" I said to her, the first time words had escaped my mouth since my fiery death. My voice sounded foreign and too feminine for this powerful, murderess body. "He's gone! You're free now!"

It was as if my words didn't even register with her. She continued to stare off into space, her chest slowly rising and falling.

I scrambled from the room, finding the other two in the next room, lying on the hardwood floors in the same manner.

"He's dead!" I screamed, but their bodies remained frozen. "I killed him! He's dead!"

My cries were only answered by the echoes bouncing off the empty walls.

I ran from them. I ran away from their empty expressions and red stained mouths. I ran away from those bloodless pieces, reminiscent of his mark he left on me.

AN2: Next time: Edward's reaction and the conversation to follow. I'm on break right now, so the wait for the update will definitely not be anywhere near as long. Please review!