Chapter 9: From alien parasites to people sitting in trees

Hey guys! I'm back! I hope I'll be able to upload frequently now, but writing always takes so much time, so please be patient. Also, this chapter has a lot of typical Japanese stuff in it. It's too much to put it into annotations, so please just look them up yourselves! Thanks!

Enjoy the chapter!

It was odd. Just plain odd.

A man with olive brown hair and steel blue eyes sat on their couch, at their coffee table and sipped a cup of tea. In front of him stood three bowls of rice and various small plates with food. There was smoked salmon, raw egg, nattō, tofu, some sukonbu and three types of beans. A rather fancy breakfast and nothing he would expect to find at the Yorozuya's household.

Speaking of which, this was by far the oddest thing. He, Hijikata Toushirou, sitting on their breakfast table after he had spent the night.

He couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with that. It was the first time, too and he was a bit nervous. It was a new level of how real their relationship was now. Having breakfast together… that was definitely a thing that only people in serious relationships were doing. He felt happy about that, he wanted to be serious with him after all. But still, it was a rather unfamiliar situation and he did not know how to deal with that.

Gintoki had kicked Kagura out of bed some time ago. They were waiting for her now while she was brushing her teeth. The TV was on in the mean time and Gin was following the weather, or rather the weather lady. Hijikata could just frown at his obsession with this woman. Sometimes he wondered if she was a real threat to their relationship, but that somehow seemed ridiculous. He didn't comment on that, he would leave him his fantasies.

Then, all of the sudden, a sharp shriek made both men shudder. But it was Hijikata who turned around to face the corridor while Gintoki seemed unfazed.

"What was that?" he ushered suspiciously.

"Nah, it's probably nothing." Gin replied while picking his nose. "She probably just slipped and fell."

"And that's nothing?" his eyes gleamed reproachfully. "What if she's hurt?"

"Don't worry." The silver head was completely unimpressed and continued to stare into the old television. "She's a Yato. She won't die from something like this."

"Still…" The cop turned around again and listened for anything else.

The next second, another high-pitched cry sounded, longer this time. And it got louder, too. Footsteps mixed in and they heard her running into the living room. Next thing they knew, a little girl in her pajamas with sand in her eyes and messy hair stood at the table and looked at them. Tears were filling her eyes.

"Gin-chaaaaaaan!"

"Huh? What's up?" He didn't pay her any attention, just continued to watch the news. "If you're going on about wanting me to buy you beauty products, you can forget it! We don't have money for that. And real women don't need that crap. Their faces resemble their inner beauty. Only rotten women need make-up."

Sometimes, he forgot how much of an ass this man could be. Still, Hijikata was in no position to comfort this girl in any way, so he just eyed her with a bothered expression plastered on his face. Kagura didn't stop crying and was shaking her head. "No! That's not it! I… I...!" She used her arm to brush away the tears and sniffled. "…I went to the toilet and… and… everything was full of blood!"

And like that, both men froze into blocks of ice.

Moving like broken, unoiled machines, they looked at each other, internally screaming for help.

In the mean time, the crocodile tears running down her face created a pool in front of her feet. "…am I… am I gonna die now?"

In pure horror, both men stared at her with their jaws dropped. They were definitely not ready for that. Panicky, Gin glared at Hijikata and begged him via telepathy to say something. But the cop just grinded his teeth and told him to fix his own mess, telepathically as well of course. For a short moment, the two samurai insulted each other and traded glares like bullets. It got them nowhere. Because when Kagura started sobbing loudly again, they knew they had to act.

"…Gin-chan…"

Finally, Gintoki sighed and scratched his head, patting on the couch with the other hand, indicating her to sit down.

"Ugh, come here."

Frightened, she slumped down next to him and stared at him with big, blue eyes.

"It's like this…" The silver head cleared his throat and made a wide gesture. "Well… just imagine it like there is an alien parasite inside your stomach eating its way through your intestines. What comes out is blood. It's as simple as that."

When her eyes widened in shock, Hijikata placed his fist in Gintoki's face, rocket punching him over the couch. "Don't teach her such nonsense!"

Holding his nose, Gin was glaring at him from the floor. "Grrr! Bastard! Then you tell her if you're such an expert in that field!"

Instantly, the policeman blushed, stuttered. "Well, that's… um…"

"Toshiiii…" Kagura stared at him now, her eyes watery. "What's happening to me?"

"…That's…" His voice was just a whisper now. "…women's domain."

And now it was Gin's turn to hit him. "Wow! You're a real hero!"

"Shut up! How am I supposed to explain that? I'm not a woman!"

"You sure? Because sometimes you sure act like one!"

"What did you just say? If anyone's acting like a woman, it's you! Gulping down sweets, fangirling, dressing up like one!"

"That's manly, too!"

"No, it's not, bastard! She's your adopted daughter! Why are you always dragging me into your mess?!"

"Don't go quitting on me now! You're the straight man here! It's your job to educate her! You're a cop, aren't you! Surely that's somewhere in your jurisdiction!"

"You're the worst father I have ever seen!"

"Gin-chan…" Kagura was sobbing still, holding her face to hide the tears. "…am I… gonna change now?"

Both men were ripping at each other's yukatas, but when they looked at her, they knew they were being stupid. Gin scratched his neck and closed his eyes, sighing. "Well, you know what? …I don't think neither of us can explain that very well. Let's go to the Shimura's place. I'm sure Otae can help you more than we could."

Crying, she nodded and Hijikata felt so out of place. But at least that was a good idea.

He hadn't expected that he was supposed to tag along, though.

Hijikata was sitting on the seat cushion by the low table in the Shimura's living room. On the other side, a slightly uptight boy with glasses crouched, his back straight and his posture unmoving like he was a statue. His cold, lifeless glance was aimed at the table and a dark aura was omitting from his body. Next to him, a man in a white yukata paced up and down the room, holding his chin while doing so. The air in the room was thick and unpleasant. It reminded him of one of these doctors' series where the family had to stay in the waiting area while one of their loved ones was in the operating room, struggling to stay alive.

It was ridiculous.

The cop was messaging the root of his nose and tried ignoring Gintoki's annoying running around. They were waiting for the two girls to come back. Otae seemed happy to take care of her and explain everything to her, so they had been in the bathroom for quite some time now. Shinpachi was especially horrified by the news and froze into a block of ice at some point, apparently. They hadn't exchanged a single word since they had been ushered to wait here. It really felt as if Kagura was on the brink of death. Ridiculous. Just ridiculous. So why did he have to be here as well? Darn it.

As he couldn't bear the silver head's nervous pacing around any longer, Hijikata crossed his arms and hissed at him, quietly. "Will you sit down already?"

A horrified glare was thrown into his direction, his voice toppling over. "Don't order me around, assface!"

Just a rolling of his eyes. "For God's sake… why're you two acting like this is the end of the world? She just got her period. That's completely normal. No reason to freak out, really."

A loud shushing and the Yorozuya came face to face with him, hissing. "Don't-ever-say-that!"

He was annoyed for real now. "What? What's wrong with you guys? You should've known it would come to this sooner or later, right? Why are you acting like it's a big deal?"

"Why you ask?" Gintoki's eyeballs were literally squeezing out of their sockets and were laced with blood red veins. His fingertip was piercing inside his chest. "Don't act so high and mighty! You don't live with her in one apartment! She's not your daughter! How would you know how a father would feel, huh?!"

"She's not your daughter either, you know?" Grunting, he shoved him away. "What's the big deal, huh?"

"The deal is that… that…" He froze and gulped loudly, terrified now. The next second he broke down at the table, crushed his head on it and buried it with his arms and hands, sobbing. "…that I'M gonna have to buy her all these things now! Do you have any idea how expensive these things are? We never needed a trash bin inside the bathroom until now! But now? You know how expensive trashcans are? Do you? Do you?"

"Is money all you ever think about, you scumbag?!" Hijikata was giving him a clout, pissed off. "My god, she's bleeding and in pain and that's all YOU think about?"

"She's a… she's a real woman now, isn't she…" A gloomy voice suddenly sounded from the other side of the table. Shinpachi's face was distorted and the dark aura was running rampant around him like the tentacles of an octopus. "…Little Kagura-chan… I thought we could stay the way we were forever… but… I guess all children need to grow up." A sniff and the tears came. "…I mean… just yesterday she was… so naïve and childish and now… she's… she's…" That was the point where his head hit the table, too and the waterworks got out of control. "…she's getting more character development than me! That's so unfair!"

"THAT'S what you care about?"

"We're scraping by as it is, why does this have to happen now?!" Gin was hitting the table with his fist. "Do I have to pay sick leave now? Do I have to pay her doctor's fees? Do I need to educate her about birds and bees now? Damn it, why does this have to happen today?! They're getting new Pachinko machines next week!"

"…Do I have to treat her differently now?" Shinpachi's eyes were blank and empty. "Like… does that mean she's an adult now? How can she be an adult when I'm still a virgin? Is she gonna get a boyfriend next? Marry someone? Have kids? What about me? I'm gonna die alone. I'll never be an adult… I don't even have a special attack yet. When will be my turn to get a mayor character development? …I'm not prepared for this… I'm not prepared for this… I'm not…"

"Oh dear…" Hijikata messaged his forhead and didn't know what to say anymore. These two guys were hopeless, just hopelessly stupid. What a monkey business! He couldn't deal with this much bullshit. Annoyed but still relatively calm, he waved it off. "Will you two calm down? Nothing's gonna change. If anything, you two should be proud of her, shouldn't you? She needs your support now, not you drowning in self-pity. So stop crying and be happy for her. You're her family, aren't you? So congratulate her and throw her a party instead."

"A party does sound nice." A coy laughter slipping out behind a hand sounded into the room as Otae closed the fusuma behind her and tilted her head with a smile.

"Damn straight!" Kagura stood next to her and was shaking her fists at them. "I'm a woman now, so you three losers have to do what I say now, ya hear me?!"

Perplexed and with his jaw dropped, Hijikata stared at her while Shinpachi and Gin were still crying.

The redheaded girl didn't even let them start and stomped her foot on the table. "Listen up, noobs! While I'm on my period, you'll do whatever I want, ya hear me?! You need to take care of me because once a month I'm gonna lose A LOT of blood. Gin-chan!" His head tilted to the side so he could glance at her from between his arms. Kagura's eyes were fiery. "YOU'RE gonna go shopping with me tomorrow! No discussion there! And you, Shinpachi!" The boy stared at her with vacant eyes. "You're gonna be the nicest guy ever! If I say, I'm gonna need ice cream to stop the pain, you bring me ice cream!"

There was only time for a low rumble of sighs and Otae's giggle before Kagura set her sights on Hijikata. "And you, Mayora! You promised me to take me out to Korean BBQ a while back and today's the day! I need all the comfort food I can get to deal with all the blood loss! So are you gonna pay for it or not?!"

As everyone was staring at him expectantly and Gin had the nerve to have a smug grin on his face, the officer didn't know what to do or how the hell he got into this kind of situation. Kagura's eyes were flaring up, dancing flames that didn't allow any talking back. So Hijikata bent his back, buried his head between his shoulders and stared at the table, obsequiously. "…Y-Yes Ma'am."

How could he possibly say no to her in that kind of situation?

So they ended up in a Koran BBQ restaurant, all five of them. On the one side, Kagura and Gintoki sat and were fighting about what to order while on the other side, Otae, Shinpachi and Hijikata squeezed together on the narrow bench. The restaurant was quite crowded and there was a delicious smell in the air that easily got their mouths watering already. A waitress stood next to them and tried to take their orders, which was kind of difficult because Gin and Kagura switched them all the time to get an even better and fancier one than the other. At some point, Shinpachi started screeching at them, but only when Otae put on her evil threatening smile, they finally gave up and placed their orders. Hijikata didn't even say anything anymore, he was just messaging his forehead and internally crying over all the money this would cost.

But, it wasn't that he minded too much. Kagura seemed fine again and he could spend some time with Gintoki. He wouldn't admit it, but he kind of liked being together with all the Yorozuya. It was a nice piece of change. For once, no one was naked, trying to kill him or talking about anpan. So he didn't complain and eyed the others instead. He didn't need to take part in the conversations and fights. It was nice just watching them. The cop couldn't refrain from a tiny smile when the alien girl started stretching out Gin's face and he thrust his fingers into her nose.

"Thanks for inviting us, Hijikata-san."

He was a bit startled by the soft voice next to him and when he looked at him, he could see the teenage boy with the glasses smile. Clearing his throat for a second, he nodded and looked back into his brown eyes. "Um… no problem."

His smile was relieved and full of joy as he glimpsed over to the redhead. "I guess… you were right. Nothing really changed, after all. She's still our little Kagura-chan."

"Hm." Was the only, approving answer as he followed his glance to look at her.

For a second, silence stood between them and Hijikata realized they hadn't really talked one on one before. Not after they had come out, at least. It was strange because he didn't really know how to talk to him or if he got used to them… being together yet. He liked the boy, had always liked him. The only sane guy in the Yorozuya, after all. Both of them were straight characters and had to endure the shit of their friends. That created some kind of unspoken connection, some kind of feeling of comradery. Of course, none of those two would talk so openly about that. They still had a distanced relationship to each other. They weren't exactly close.

But still, Hijikata had a lot of respect for the little glasses boy. He couldn't help but feel responsible for him, like he was his protégé. Shinpachi also had a lot of potential in his eyes. Too bad he probably didn't want to join the Shinsengumi. He would have a steep career there. Yet, Hijikata knew that this was where the boy belonged. He had his dōjo and the Yorozuya. Besides, Gin would probably feel lonely if he wouldn't be around anymore. He meant a lot to the silver head.

All the more did Hijikata want to get along with him. But that was easier in his head than in reality. He didn't know the first thing about talking with a teenage boy. What should he talk about? He didn't want to be too casual, yet, he couldn't start a deep, meaningful conversation either. In fact, he didn't know much about the boy and even though that hadn't held him off until now, he felt like he should somehow act differently around him. Ah man, this was difficult…

"Well, you know…" Shinpachi suddenly said and started scratching his head. "…now that I think about it, Kagura probably doesn't feel much pain. Being a Yato and all. So I guess that may explain why she isn't really different from before."

"Oh um… yeah, that makes sense…"

A genuine smile appeared on Shinpachi's face and he glanced at him. "So, Hijikata-san. How's it going at work? Any luck with the drug cases?"

"Um…" It was easy to tell he felt uncomfortable with this, but he tried anyway. "Yeah, everything's fine. We're making small progress. …How do you know about the drug cases?"

"Oh, haha sorry. It was on TV and I figured it would possibly fall under your jurisdiction, wouldn't it? Being terrorist-related?"

"Ah yes, yes." Hijikata tried to regain his posture but looked a bit stiff. "We're on it, so no need to worry. …How's life at your place?"

"Good, good." Shinpachi nodded and smiled at him. "We're finally getting a few more students at the dōjo and some of them are really talented. Also, we got a new job next week."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah." More scratching and a genuine smile. "A young man came to our place a few days before and asked us if we could perform at a wedding. Seems like the artists they hired cancelled."

"A wedding?" The policeman was a little taken aback. "What are you supposed to do there?"

"Oh you know… we'll figure something out. They just want a little bit of diversion at the reception. The pay is really good, too."

"I see… well then, congratulations."

"Thanks, I think, we'll-"

"WOAH! LOOK AT ALL THE MEAT!"

When the waitress bought the big grill with all the different kind of cups and bowls with meat and vegetables and shrimp and dips, Kagura jumped out of her seat and started drooling. The lady had just placed everything on the table when the girl started filling the hot plate with half of the meat. Of course, Gintoki was all over her ass, shoving her away and screaming at her. The table began to jerk and the glasses to shake dangerously. The whole restaurant was turning towards them, staring at the troublemakers. But, as per usual, neither of them cared.

"Don't hog all the meat, you greedy pig! Leave something for the others too!"

"Shut it, geezer! I'm loosing a lot of blood! I need all the protein and iron I can get! This is my party or did you forget?"

"You're party, my ass! My boy toy's paying for everything! And you're still growing! Try eating some vegetables!"

A throbbing vain spurted on Hijikata's forehead and he glared at his boy toy.

"Nun-uh! You eat the vegetables! You're a child trapped inside a man's body after all!"

"So what? I'm still taller than you. I don't need any vegetables! Men need to eat meat or else they can't function!"

"Oh yeah? How come then you eat so much meat and still can't be considered a functioning member of society?"

"Excuse me? If I'm a failure what are you?"

"I'm…" the little girl combed through her hair with her fingers and closed her eyes dramatically. "…a woman now."

"Yeah, right! And I'm Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke!"

„Hah, as if! You're never gonna have an iron town full of girls fangirling over your strength! You can't even get one girl to kiss you!"

„Woah, who says I can't? There's a bunch of chicks only waiting for me to kiss them!"

„In your dreams, samurai poop!"

While Hijikata was trying to keep his cool, but failed miserably and omitted a dark aura, Shinpachi next to him waved his hands in a calming gesture. „Well, well. That isn't the place to fight about something like this, is it? There's no need for Gin-san to kiss any girl, right? Because well..."

He nodded a bit into Hijikata's direction, though neither father nor daughter seemed to get the hint. Instead, they started ganging up on him, their faces vicious.

„Ohhh, look who's talking!" Gin grumbled. „So you also think I'm not a chick magnet? Well, that's rich coming from a virgin like you!"

„Yeah!" Kagura chuckled darkly. „The only girl you ever kissed was your sweet Otsu-chan's poster, aint that right?"

And as sure as the sun goes down every night, Shinpachi's head turned purple and he started screaming at them. „Shut up you two! That's not true!"

„Ohh!" Gintoki had one of his most sadistic faces ever and his voice cracked. „You mean like you're not a virgin? No way! Did you rub your filthy microphone all over Otsu's poster? Oh my!"

„Shin-chan, is that true?" A horrified expression plastered his sister's face.

„I DID NOTHING LIKE THAT!"

"Ohhh, look how flustered he gets." Kagura held her hand in front of her mouth and giggled. "So it must be true, then."

„Haha, Patsu-san, I was wrong about you. You're a real man now. Congrats!"

Now it was Shinpachi's turn to jump up and hit them. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you both!"

Hijikata just sighed and held his head. "Oh dear…"

"See? Even my boyfriend agrees you still have to be a virgin!"

"I do- what?!"

"Oh come one, Hijikata-kun!" Gintoki glared at him with a blank expression. "You were a virgin not so long ago. You know how it is! Back me up here!"

As Otae and Kagura started chuckling, the cop's face turned burning red and he began to tremble. "I… I wasn't… a…"

"Sure you were!" Gin's grin turned nasty now. "I mean… until I was done with you, you were one at least. Kukukuku~"

And that was about the time, the officer drew his sword and caused a high-pitched scream echoing through the restaurant.

He really didn't remember how everything had tied together after this. But for some reason, the fights had ended some time after that. Maybe it had been Hijikata-san beating up Gin in front of everyone, maybe it had been Otae switching to demon mode to silence them all or maybe it had been the restaurant manager giving them a last warning before he would kick them out. In any case, they were eating in silence now, paralyzed by the threatening glares of his sister going around periodically.

Kagura didn't really mind, she just seemed happy and was gleefully shoving meat and vegetables into her mouth – after Otae had convinced her eating vegetables would do her good in her current condition. Next to her, a beaten up Gin sat, grumpy and sulking. He nipped on his beer from time to time and tried chewing the meat which was quite a challenge considering his swollen lip. In front of him, Hijikata-san sat and didn't open his eyes anymore. He was still being pissed at him - that was hard to overlook. Shinpachi on the contrary was trying his best to figure out a new topic. So far? No luck. Maybe it was best just to leave them alone before he would start another war.

Still, he couldn't help but glimpse at the man next to him from time to time. The tall man with the olive brown hair was angry, but he couldn't sense any aversion coming towards him. He could relate to him, in some sense. Well, apart from the whole being Gin-san's boyfriend, of course. Still, he knew how frustrating it could get dealing with these two maniacs. And he realized Hijikata gave his best to make it work. Somehow, Shinpachi was really glad about that. He even felt flattered about the Shinsengumi officer's attempt to spend some time with them. It wasn't that he had to really. Hijikata didn't need to prove anything. Shinpachi had already accepted him a long time ago.

In fact, the boy with the glasses couldn't help but admire the policeman. He had the utmost respect for him and for some reason Hijikata-san was more of a big brother than Gin was. Or at least a more responsible and depended one. In that sense, Hijikata had a lot of qualities the silver head lacked. He was more serious, more of a mentor and more of a role model, really. Shinpachi felt that he could relate to the Shinsengumi officer much more than he could to the crazy guy bringing a wooden sword everywhere he went. That didn't mean he preferred him over Gin-san. But in fact, they just really complemented each other.

A flicker of a smile brushed over his lips and he closed his eyes for a second before he eyed the two men again. Where Hijikata scored with being a responsible adult, Gin won with being the funnier person. He was just batshit crazy and that allowed them to come out of their shell as well. There was just something charismatic about his free-minded spirit, his stupid jokes and twisted logic, something that drew them to his side. The man next to him didn't seem to be any exception from that. In fact, the two of them were a great team when played together. Together they made the perfect big brother.

Shinpachi couldn't hide how proud he was to have Hijikata at his side now. And he knew it was good for his mentor, too. He saw how they glanced at each other from time to time and honestly, he found that quite sweet. He was happy for them and it didn't even matter anymore that they were both men. In any case, Hijikata was the thing that had been missing. He made Gin happy. And Shinpachi couldn't suppress a smile at that.

"Oh hey, how about we play a game?"

A low, unimpressed rumble came from the other side. Otae was the only one clapping her hands gleefully. "That's a great idea!"

"….yeeeeah…" Kagura and Gin grunted in unison.

"Oh come on, that's fun!" The glasses boy wanted to lighten the mood a bit. "How about word chain? Someone says a word and then the next person has to form a new word with the last syllable. However, the word cannot end with an n or else you're out."

"Do we really have to play such a children's game?" The silver head complained and added in a mumble. "No wonder you're still a virgin."

Generously though not without a throbbing vain, Shinpachi ignored that and continued. "Okay! Let's do a category. How about things we like?"

"I'd like you to shut up." Kagura answered lackadaisical and got an approving grin from her foster dad.

Another throbbing vain, but he just smiled and kept on. "Alright, I'll start then. Um… ah I got one! Korean food!"

He stared at Hijikata, who seemed a bit out of it, but quickly realized he was supposed to play. "Um… D? …Doughnuts… I guess?"

"Great! Now you, Gin-san!"

"Strippers." He replied unfazed and chewed on his meat.

"Sukonbu!" Kagura quickly replied before Shinpachi could even bitch about it.

"Bu hmm…" Otae tilted her head. "Oh! Buyō!"

A quick sigh and he gave up. At least they played. "…O… Okonomiyaki!"

Hijikata didn't seem too much into the game, but he tried his best to participate. "Ki… Kimchi?"

"Woah, I didn't think you liked Kimchi." Gin teased, but Hijikata just told him to play the game, so he did. "Fine then… Chicken fried raisu!"

"Sumo!"

"Mononoke Hime."

"Me… Melon soda!"

"…Da… daikon- no!"

"Hahaha!" Kagura laughed at him. " You ended a word with n! Too bad, Toshi! Oi, Gin-chan you're next! New word!"

"Woah, this is a pain in the ass." The silver head wasn't really involved in the game, after all. "Can't we just talk normally? Do we have to play these virgin games?"

Both Hijikata and Shinpachi grinded their teeth at that, but Kagura just stared at him, shaking her fist. "New word! Now!"

"Ugh alright… Strawberry Milk."

"Kung-fu!"

"Full Metal Alchemist!"

"Really? You like full metal alchemist? Woahh!" Suddenly Kagura almost jumped out of her chair and her eyes sparkled as she eyed Otae.

The brunette just chuckled and nodded. "Of course. You, too?"

"Woahh! Of course! Who's your favourite character?"

"Oh, Edward of course. Isn't he just too cute?"

"Yeah he's alright. But what do you think about Alex Armstrong? He's badass, isn't he?"

"Hahaha, somehow I knew you would like him. But you know, Winry and Riza are also pretty badass, don't you think?"

"Do I think? They are the most badass women I have ever seen!"

Shinpachi sighed, which earned him a grin from his mentor. "Give it up already, Patsu-san. Your games are boring."

"Sorry for wanting to have a good time!" he muttered.

"Gin-chan! Who's your favourite character?"

"You have to ask? Of course it's Lust. She's the hottest babe in any anime ever."

"As if you ever had a shot with her!" Kagura rolled her eyes.

"Shut it! I might have! You never know!"

They started arguing again and Otae leaned over the table to look at the policeman. "What about you, Hijikata-san? Who's your favourite character from the show?"

"Um…" He sighed and scratched his head. "…Roy Mustang maybe?"

Which got her chuckling. "I see… very fitting."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, yeah." She seemed in an awfully good mood. Only then he realized the sake bottle next to her. "Well, you're both dutiful men, officers, he's mostly a straight character and oh!" A slight drunken chuckle again. "You're both heart-throbs."

"Oh… I see…" he answered, a bit taken aback.

"Sis, are you drunk?"

"No way!" Laughing, she gave him a little clout and accidentally buried Shinpachi's head on the table in doing so. "I'm just so happy we're having a party!"

Terrified, Hijikata stared at her and at the same time, trying to make as less eye contact as possible. She then pulled her little brother up again and was patting his back.

"Let's play some more! More things we like! Come on! I'll take a new word! I know! Shō! You know? The instrument?"

"Um… sis…" Shinpachi held his painfully hurting nose and glanced at her, shyly. "You actually can't… have a word with only one syllable."

"'Course I can! Now, go! Make a word with sho!"

"Alright, alright!" He ducked his head and began to stutter. "Sho… sho… sho… shogun… no… ah! Shōgi!"

"Hijikata-kun! Your turn!" Otae giggled and swung the sake bottle around. "Come on! Faster!"

A little panicky and admittedly frightened by this woman, he started guessing. "Oh um… Shōgi… um Gi… gi… gin… Gin…"

Suddenly, all eyes were pinned on him and for a second he didn't realize why. Then, Otae and Kagura began to giggle and his boyfriend flashed his dirtiest grin. "Gin…?"

"Gi-gi-gi-GINGER!" he blurted out and could feel his cheeks reddening.

But it was too late. Gintoki was already chuckling lowly and staring at him with a smug grin. "So… talking about things you like, huh?"

"I… I said ginger!" Hijikata insisted and hissed at him, head full red.

"Keheheh~. Gin-chan and Toshii sitting in a tree~!" Kagura began to tease. "K-i-s-s-i-n-g!"

Otae began laughing manically at that and Gin reached out to touch his hand as if he wanted to comfort him. But his diabolical smile betrayed him. "Don't worry, sweet pea. Of course you wanted to say ginger. We all know that!"

God, he just wanted to crawl in a hole and die there! Hijikata buried his face in his hand and grunted.

"Oi, Toshi!" Suddenly, a very low, familiar manly voice startled him and the next second, he could see the face of his commander poking out from under the table, staring at him. "You sure you wanted to say ginger? Sure you weren't about to say the name of your boyfriend? Ne? Ne?"

Oh dear lord. Not Kondou-san, too!

"You guys are so sweet!" He chirped and then crawled out under the table to jump at his beloved Otae. "Oh, Otae-san! My favourite character from FMA is Edward, too! We have so much in common! Please marry me alrea-"

And with an ear-battering noise, she kicked him into the gut and threw him all to the other end of the restaurant, wrecking everything in its place. "WHO THE FUCK INVITED YOU CREEP?!"

Bonus:

"I'm truly sorry. Really." Hijikata bowed for the millionth time in front of the shop owner. Shinpachi was right next to him, doing the same. The rest of the gang was already kicked outside and they could hear them arguing. Both men were visibly embarrassed and one might suspect they were used to that already. Turned out they were not, not quite. Sometimes it was hard to believe how much shit they had to endure with these maniacs.

"Please take this as a small reimbursement." The cop opened his wallet and handed the manager a small check. From this angle, Shinpachi could see a small photo tucked into the backside of his wallet. He could see Hijikata with Gin on the photo and they appeared to be cuddling. Silently smiling at than, Shinpachi bowed again and chose not to mention it.

When they turned around and took their leave, Hijikata let out a heavy sigh.

"Rough bunch, huh?" The teenager smirked.

"Yeah… tell me about it…"

"But you know…" Not being able to suppress a coy laughter, he looked onwards. "I'm glad you're here. Feels good to know I'm not the only one sighing."

As he felt Hijikata looking at him, he returned the glance and smiled. The policeman let out a small grunt and fumbled for something the next second. Before they could get to the door, he halted the teenager and gave him a small folded piece of paper.

"Listen, kid…" his face was serious, but Shinpachi could feel the warmth in his voice. "…here's my phone number. If you ever get in trouble or need help… just call me."

Perplexed at first, but proud the next second, the glasses boy nodded and gave him his brightest smile. "Sure, I will. Thanks Hijikata-san."

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! :)

Next chapter will be online on Monday, so watch out!