"The morning that I was born again,
I was made into a beast.
Am I free now, am I at peace?
Is that the ground below me, or your feet?"

The Beast, Austra

Harleen woke up the next morning feeling like herself again. She was surprised to find herself saddened by this. When she was 'different', as she was beginning to think of these moments, everything seemed so funny and so much more intense. Except pain she realized looking down at her bruised and bloody palms, pain seemed less intense and more pleasurable to her other self. It didn't seem fair to Harleen that she was left to deal with the clean-up and suffering after the feeling of differentness passed. Speaking of cleaning up she realized she was still laying naked and swaddled in Mr. J's wool overcoat. She took the coat off and folded it up with the rest of his things that she kept all together on a chair in her room. Not a shrine, a chair. Next she went into her bathroom to brush her teeth and look over how the bruises on her neck were doing. Yesterday it was a ring of blue and purple, today it was shades of purple and black, with that heart still visible in the middle. It looked like the perfect BDSM fantasy necklace. Another day in turtle necks then.

She took a long hot shower and found that by the time she was done her hands were cleaned up nicely though still bruised. Unsurprisingly asphalt was not a great surface to do gymnastics on. She dressed and then found herself with nothing to do. She could call up Pete; that would probably make his day, hearing from her again so soon. She wished she could make herself care about Pete. He was exactly the kind of guy Harleen should like but she felt a wave of nausea at the thought of kissing him again. She could be brave and start dealing with why she felt that nausea. It was because he wasn't the one she wanted to be kissing. She allowed her mind to have a moment of freedom to think about what she really wanted to do. She had wished last night she was kissing the Joker. It was wrong, crazy even but if she was honest the idea thrilled her. Thinking about what it would be like to feel his lips on hers and his skin under her hands, she had a moment of vertigo, like she was falling even though she was sitting perfectly still. Shaking her head quickly she wondered at what had just happened. Did just thinking about giving into her desire for the Joker cause her to slip into that state of differentness she'd been feeling?

She had two more days until she would see him next and a great deal of thinking to do. Did she want to keep being Harleen the psychologist who obeyed the law and did normal things such as date normal guys like Pete? If so then the best thing she could do would be to quit working with the Joker and find another job. And probably start seeing a therapist herself. Her other choice seemed to be that she could become this other person Mr. J claimed he could see in her. All she really knew about this other person is that she liked hurting people and she really really liked the Joker. Not exactly personal characteristics Harleen aspired to but this other person felt things so intensely. It was like experiencing a lifetime of sensations and feelings every time this other personality took her over. She needed to make a choice and she had to make it soon because she didn't know how many more times she could be in the same room with the Joker without trying to see if he had any romantic interest in her.

That's how she spent her weekend, thinking over her choices while going about her daily life of chores and errands. Harleen scrubbed the bath tub out as though she were scrubbing the guilt off her conscious. Her different self continued to walk late at night hoping another asshole would come along looking for trouble. No one did, to her disappointment. Harleen made a pros and cons list and her other self set it on fire. Back and forth, to and fro. The only things they could agree on was that ice cream solves all your problems and that sleeping in Mr. J's clothing was a good and comforting thing to do.

Finally Monday came and Harleen prepared to see him again. She still hadn't decided what to do. She was hoping that she'd go into today's session and Mr. J would have decided for her. Maybe today they would just talk about his issues like normal people, no teasing or touching. Or maybe today he would help this other self come out for good. She didn't know which she'd prefer but she knew she'd be happy to let someone else decide. Her bruises were now beginning to fade into various shades of purple and green, his colors. Maybe she should take that as a sign? She had run through her supply of turtle necks so today she wore a scarf to cover her neck. That was the only reason she switched to a scarf, it wasn't because she thought he'd want a peek at his handiwork.

When they brought the Joker in he was already laughing wildly. He kept at it while the guards removed his restraints and left the room. She just watched him. Finally he sobered and looked at her.

"Nice scarf, Doc. I can't wait to see what's under it." He gave her a knowing smile.

"Thank you, Mr. J. How were things here over the weekend? Anything I should know about?" So much for no teasing from him.

"Ah, Doc, you know things don't really vary much from day to day here. The real question is how was your weekend? How was your date?" He accented the last t so that it was almost its own word.

"I really don't think that would be appropriate for us to discuss. I notice from the staff reports that you've been more cooperative and less violent with them. That's very good. Have you thought of any appropriate changes you'd like to earn with your good behavior?" Harleen asked in a professional voice.

"I'm not trying to earn treats, Doc. I have my own reasons for the things I do. If you are giving out rewards then I want you to tell me about your date. C'mon, Doc, surely it's worth spilling about it to keep some poor guard from, uh, getting his nose broken?" Alright, she thought, if he wants to play it like that.

"My date went very well, thank you. He showed me around the city a bit and then we had a delicious dinner at a very nice restaurant. Satisfied?" She knew he wouldn't be. His accurate ability to read people was not an exaggeration.

"And then what happened? You're leaving something out, I can tell."

"Anything else that happened was none of your business and please don't start threatening the staff here every time I don't answer your personal questions." She picked up her pen and flipped open her notepad to begin their actual session.

"Now that's not nice, Harlequin. How am I supposed to trust you enough to share my, uh, deepest darkest feelings with you when you hide things from me?" He knew waving the idea of his feelings in front of her was like holding a steak in front of a hungry dog. She flushed deeply at the idea of telling him yet another tale of her assaulting a stranger, especially here in the formal setting of his therapy session.

"Oh, I see, you're a little shy about telling it out loud?" He patted the tops of his legs and said, "Why don't you come sit on Daddy's lap and you can whisper it in my ear?" a wolfish grin split his face while he stared at her waiting to see how she'd respond.

Harleen was barely in control of herself as she stood up and started to walk over to where he sat. Her otherness kept trying to push its way forward and take over. The Joker's face showed a hint of surprise when he saw that she was actually going to take him up on his offer but he spread his arms open as a welcoming gesture anyway. She settled herself across his lap with her hands primly folded in her own. She stared down at her hands rather than look him in the face until he wrapped one arm around her waist and used his other hand to take her chin and tilt her face towards him. He looked into her eyes for a moment.

"Are you two cohabiting today? Or fighting for control?" He seemed amused. She chose to ignore his question, she wasn't sure what the answer was anyway.

"Never mind, tell me what happened. You didn't beat the shit out of that poor police officer did you?" He giggled.

"No, the date went just like I told you but after… I just needed to get out and breathe so I started walking but I guess it was pretty late by then and I wasn't really paying too much attention to where I was going. A man started following me. I tried to get away but he cornered me in an alley." She paused to collect her thoughts. The Joker moved his hand from her chin and stroked her cheek gently.

"Did the bad man hurt my little Harlequin?" He made some sort of tsking sound and shook his head slightly.

"No, I'm fine. I hurt him though. I had to or he was going to rape me." She saw approval in his face. She knew he wanted more details though he didn't say anything.

"I didn't know what to do at first so I kicked him hard right between the legs."

"Ah, I'll bet that barely slowed him down." The Joker had moved his hand down to the scarf around her neck now. He was toying with the ends of it but her flesh was still overly sensitive and she gasped a little. He grinned at her and kept doing it. She looked away in embarrassment and decided go on with her story.

"Yeah, he told me he liked it. But while he was off guard I did a front handspring and pushed him down to the ground."

"And then you ran away as fast as you could like a good little girl?" Without her realizing it he had undone the loose knot of her scarf and was gently sliding it off of her neck.

"No, I mean I was going to but then I saw a two by four just sitting there. So I picked it up and hit him over the head with it."

When the Joker didn't make any comment she looked into his face. His eyes were transfixed by the purple and green marks all over her throat. He ran his fingers gently over the bruises on either side and then pressed firmly into the mark in the center of her throat. An erotic ache shot through her core. Harleen lost whatever control she had and her other self took over completely. He looked into her eyes and chuckled.

"Hello again. I don't suppose you could tell me your name this time?" He asked her other self.

She shook her head no. His hand was still on her throat and it was driving her wild. She giggled a little and then put her hands on either side of his face and started kissing him before he could react to her movements. At first he wasn't kissing her back though he wasn't shoving her away so she took that as a good sign and kept kissing him. After a few seconds he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her closer to him and started returning her kiss passionately. She felt like he was going to devour her. His fingers were bruising her upper arms. When she opened her mouth to him his tongue plunged in and dominated her own. His kiss was so aggressive that she had to relax her mouth and just submit to whatever he did. Unlike Pete his breath was not fresh and minty, his kiss was not "good". He was dirty and overwhelming and she was on fire for him. She slid her hand around to the nape of his neck and his limp tangled curls were there just as she'd been expecting the other night with Pete. She sighed into his mouth and buried both hands in his hair. Then just as suddenly as she had begun the kiss he ended it. He pushed her away from his face and then pulled her hands out of his hair. He looked at her confused face and laughed.

"Sorry about that, but this isn't, uh, working for me." She shifted around a bit on his lap, she could feel his arousal; this was definitely working for him.

"That's not it, Doc. Sure you're beautiful and you're soft and curvy in all the right places but I've always been a one woman kind of guy and let's face it, you're not just one woman right now. You decide who you're going to be, Doc and we'll see where things go from there." She gave him a pleading look and he laughed at her again.

"Is this your version of bargaining, Doc? I choose who you are for you and you'll be a good little girl who wiggles around on Daddy's lap while whispering all her naughty little deeds in his ear?" He grabbed her face with one hand and looked her straight in the eyes and smacked his lips. "Figure it out your-self. You've certainly had enough time." He pushed her face away.

"Enough time? It's been a week! One insane week where I don't know who I am half the time and I do things I don't understand!" Harleen was back and she was getting a little hysterical.

"A week? Ha ha, ho ho, hee hee! You've had seven years. Every butterfly has to leave their cocoon sometime, Harlequin." Her eyes and mouth were all open in wide circles of surprise. She jumped up off his lap and hurried over to the other side of the table. Her face was red, embarrassed from his rejection.

"I'm not feeling well Mr. J. I'm sure you'll understand if I end our session early today. The guards will be in to get you in a moment." She picked up her things and stared at the wall behind him while she talked to him. She was too angry and embarrassed to look him in the eyes. Harleen rushed past him eager to get away but he reached out and grabbed her by the wrist gently. She swallowed her wounded pride and looked down at him.

"One last thing, Harlequin." He paused and licked his lips. "The right girl for me? She's going to live like I do, with no rules. She's not just going to tag along to, uh, beat the hell out of would be rapists. She's going be there for blowing up hospitals full of "innocent" people too. And she's going to like it. Don't bother me with this again unless you're sure that's who you are." It was a warning or a promise depending on which of her personas he was talking to. Tears welled up in her eyes and she hurried out the door.