She stares at her grown daughter, in disbelief. She wonders, if maybe, she has misheard her. She swallows hard. A lump forms in her throat. Before she can respond she flashes back.
August 31st, 1990
It's late, and she can't sleep. She pushes off her heavy, thick covers. She slides out of her bed, onto the floor. She wonders out of her bedroom, into the hallway. She tiptoes down the hall. She stops, when she reaches a room, on the other end. She turns the knob, and pushes the door open. She heads to the corner of the room, and flips the lamp on.
She stares into the crib, at the sleeping baby girl. She listens for a moment, as she breathes in, and out, in her sleep. Maura reaches in, and scoops her up. The baby doesn't make a sound, as Maura carries her to the chair, in the corner of the room. She takes a seat. She holds the sleeping baby. She stares at the infant's angelic face, as she rocks her.
She kisses her forehead. As she rocks her baby daughter, she wonders how her own mother could have made the choice to give her away. She had never really understood. And now, she understood even less. There was no way she could give this child, her child away. She loves her, too much.
She clears her throat, and looks at the adult, before her. She furrows her brow.
"I think I misheard you," Maura hopes.
"You didn't," Allison admits.
"But..."
"I need a bone marrow transplant," Allison repeats.
"Why?"
"Because I have ALL."
"You are..." Maura trails off, the thought too much to bear.
"I am too young to die, or too old to have ALL?"
"Both, neither. How long have you known?"
"A while."
"Why are you just now telling me?"
"Because you are too busy with your life, to care about mine. You always have been," Allison jabs.
"I am not the only adult in this relationship, anymore."
"No, but you're the only mother," Allison points out.
"Allie, you should have told me."
"When?"
"Anytime."
"What did you want me to do? Call you up, in the middle of the night, out of the blue, with me a crying mess, on the other end, and tell you? What would have happened? It's not as if me needing you would..."
Maura cuts her off, "I don't care where you are in the world, or what you need from me. If you need me, all it takes is one phone call. I will come. Day or night."
"I don't believe you."
"When was the last time that I didn't come, when you called, and said that you needed me?"
"I..." Allison struggles to remember a time.
"When you were eight, and you got stung by a jellyfish when you were at the beach, with your best friend? You called me, and I drove ten hours so that I could be there for you."
"And you left the next afternoon. Being a parent is not a part time job. You're either all in, or you need to step away. You have never been all in."
"I am all in, now."
"I may be an adult, but I still need you."
"I am here for you, whatever you need."
"I need you to find my father."
"I wouldn't know where to start, but I know how to use resources."
"Resources, what resources, Sherlock?"
"Jane. If Jane can't find him, no one can."
"I'm sorry to do this to you."
"Do what to me?" Maura raises an eyebrow.
"Put you through all of this."
"Allison, you blame yourself for things that are not your fault. The bad things that have happened in my life are not my fault."
"Really? Having me didn't change anything?"
"Having you changed everything."
"You didn't get to go to prom, because of me."
"That's ok."
"No, it's not."
"Allison, I have done a lot of things in my life, that I regret, but you are not, nor have you ever been one of them."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes."
"I..." Allison trails off. She breaks eye contact.
"You what?"
"Nothing," Allison shakes her head.
Maura stands up.
"Are you going somewhere?" Allison wonders.
"No, my leg is just falling asleep."
"Oh," Allison sighs.
"Come on," Maura motions.
Allison stands up. She stops and, looks at Maura, for a minute. She turns, to leave the closet. Maura grabs her arm, gently.
"Come here," Maura insists.
"What?" Allison turns around, and avoids eye contact, in an attempt to hide her tears.
"Come here," Maura reaches for her.
Allison steps closer. Maura hugs her close to her body. Allison buries her head in Maura's shoulder. Maura pushes Allison's hair out of her face, and tucks it behind her ear.
"I'm scared," Allison admits.
"I know," Maura whispers softly, "and that's ok. I'm right here."
"What if we can't find him?"
"We will," Maura promises.
"But..."
Maura let's go. She stares at Allison's tear stained face. She wipes the tears away. She heads for the doorway.
"Come on. Let's get some sleep."
"I don't know if I can."
"Would it help if I let you sleep with me?"
"I am too old to sleep with my..."
"To sleep in bed, with your mom?"
"Yeah."
"It's your birthday, and you're never too old to need me."
Maura turns off the light in the closet. She makes a beeline for her bed. Allison climbs into bed on the other side. Maura lies with her back facing the door, on the far side of the bed. Allison lies on the other side, facing the door. She situates herself under the covers, and places her bare feet against the back of Maura's legs.