Chapter 10: Does He Know How You Feel

-Kurt's POV-

For the tenth time that day I cringed inwardly. I'd made a complete fool of myself last night. I practically threw myself at Blaine like a desperate and pathetic idiot wanting to be loved. I was kidding myself, Blaine may have admitted he thought I was attractive, a good kisser and in different circumstances may have even asked me out, but the fact was he didn't want me.

I was stupid to even contemplate the idea. As if he'd want to date a twenty four year old as screwed up as me? Someone who used be his client for goodness sake? Someone who has sat in his office and cried like a baby?

The cab ride home from The Loop had been torture. We sat in silence and I was using every ounce of self-control to stop myself from breaking down. I mumbled a goodbye when getting out, Blaine had started to say something but I didn't hang around to listen, the tears in full flow before I even put my house keys in the front door.

So after spending most of the day hiding under my duvet I went into the kitchen and sat down at the table to work through my lesson plans for the following week. I hadn't even pulled the cap off my pen yet when I received a text.

Hi Kurt, I've tried calling but you're not picking up. Is everything ok? Call me when you get a minute we need to talk :) Blaine.

Blaine had called three times already today, but I'd ignored him. I really didn't want to have the 'I'm flattered Kurt, but I'm not interested,' conversation with him. With a heavy heart I proceeded to delete every text message ever sent between us. Then I deleted my call history, and finally Blaine's number from my contacts.

I needed to move on and forget about him.

It was evening time and I was sat on the sofa in the living room. Dad and Carole were sat on the other sofa. They were watching a wildlife documentary on the tv and I was reading a magazine.

I'd noticed during dinner the atmosphere seemed a little tense, like there was an elephant in the room somewhere, but I hadn't pushed it. Maybe they'd had a row or something and it wasn't really any of my business anyway.

'Who'd like some apple crumble?' Carole suddenly asked. 'It should be ready to come out of the oven now.'

'Yeah thanks love,' Dad said to her.

'Kurt, would you like some?'

'No thanks Carole,' I replied, looking up from my magazine. She exchanged a look with my Dad and I felt my stomach drop. Uh-oh, the tension had been about me. Fuck, what had I done?

'Er, Kurt is everything ok?' Dad asked me.

'Yeah fine, I'm just full from dinner that's all.'

'I don't mean about the crumble.'

'Sorry?'

'It's just we've noticed you've been a bit quiet lately, and at first we put it down to your new job but you've been there four weeks now.'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' I shrugged, looking away from both their gazes.

'Kurt, don't lie to me,' Dad said quietly but deadly. I looked him in the eyes. There was worry and concern in them. I've been causing him stress again. Great, well done Kurt.

'I'll leave you boys to it,' Carole said as Dad and I continued to look at each other. She stood up and then patted me on the shoulder before leaving the room. I dropped my magazine to the floor and waited for my Dad to speak again.

'Kurt, no more secrets remember? I want you to be straight with me, and if you can't, at least talk to someone... Carole, Rachel, whoever.'

'Dad there's really nothing to talk about.'

'Then why do we hear you crying at night?' he asked me and my eyes widened. Shit. 'What's going on with you?'

'Um...'

'You were doing so well Kurt, what's happened to make you so-'

'Dad, stop,' I shouted. 'I'm fine, really. Physically, psychologically... I've never been better...'

'I'm struggling here Kurt,' Dad admitted, shaking his head.

'I guess you could say that... emotionally, I'm not fine.'

'How do you mean?'

'Ok... I...' God, I can't believe I was about to confess all to my Dad. This was going to be so embarrassing. 'I'm... I'm kind of in love with someone... and h-he... he doesn't feel the same. It's just taking some time getting over him, that's all.'

'Oh, I see, it's... about a guy,' Dad said, sounding quite relieved that it wasn't something more serious.

'Yes.'

'Is it Sam? I thought you turned him down?'

'No it's not Sam,' I said quietly and then I said the word that was going to cause the explosion. But he did say no more secrets. 'It's... Blaine.'

'Blaine? Who's Bla- Wait, Dr Blaine Anderson? Your therapist?'

'Ex therapist,' I corrected childishly.

'I don't understand, so you... you developed a crush on him during your treatment and several weeks later you're crying yourself to sleep over it? That doesn't make any sense.'

'No,' I rolled my eyes. 'I'm not a kid Dad; this isn't about a silly crush.'

Dad immediately looked guilty. 'I'm sorry; I didn't mean it to sound like that.'

'It's ok.'

'So did anything happen? Oh God, did he take advantage of you Kurt? Jesus if he laid even one finger on you I'll-'

'Please don't start jumping to conclusions,' I sighed. 'This all happened way after my sessions.'

'What all happened?' Dad asked sceptically.

'I guess you could say we... sort of became friends. I bumped into him at The Loop one night. We got stuck in the elevator together and got talking. I found out he was also in a glee club at his high school so I ended up inviting him to the reunion.'

'Right, so... let me get my head around this, you invited your therapist to a party?'

'Well when you put it like that it sounds a bit weird, but that's not how it was. Anyway does it really matter?'

'And now you're in love with the guy? How... did something actually happen between you or...?'

'Well we... we kissed... at the reunion.'

Great, I was blushing bright red now and Dad's eyes had widened in surprise. Could this conversation get anymore awkward? I should have just said yes to that stupid apple crumble, but my appetite has been missing of late. Dad leaned forwards and I could almost see the cogs working inside his head whilst he figured out what to say next.

'Did he lead you on? Has he tried to-'

'He's been a perfect gentleman with me, don't even go there.'

'Does he know how you feel?' Dad asked quietly.

'Sort of,' I shrugged. 'I think.'

'You think?'

'Well I called him that night we went out to celebrate my job. I made a complete fool of myself, telling him I liked him.'

'What did Blaine say?'

'That I needed to go home because I was drunk, and that we'd discuss it another time.'

'That makes sense. So did you talk?'

'No, I've been ignoring his calls ever since.'

'Why?'

'Because I've humiliated myself enough, I don't need him to tell me that he doesn't want me, I know he doesn't.'

'But you can't get over him?'

'No. I can't stop thinking about him.'

-Blaine's POV-

Tomorrow night I was meeting up with Wes and David to discuss the final touches of our Warblers reunion. I was ridiculously excited about it and we'd even managed to get one of the Dalton common rooms for the evening as well. It was going to be amazing. I had invited Cooper, but he was gutted as he couldn't get the day off from his play to come and visit.

It was lunchtime and I was just about to tuck into my salad when the internal phone on my desk started ringing. 'Yep?' I answered.

'Sorry Blaine, I know it's your lunch but I've got someone in reception who wants to see you. He says it's urgent.'

'Oh right, who is it?' I asked, not actually intending to disrupt my lunchtime. People could be so inconsiderate.

'Burt Hummel.'

Ok, so that got my full attention. Kurt's Dad was here? Shit, was Kurt ok? Had something happened to him? Was there a serious reason as to why Kurt hadn't been returning my calls and texts? I was panicking so much in my mind I'd forgotten to speak.

'Blaine?'

'Right, um that's fine, send him up,' I said and then I hung up.

I put my salad in my desk drawer and checked my phone to see if I'd missed any calls or texts from Kurt, but nothing. As I stood up there was a knock on my door and I felt sick with worry. I attempted to compose myself with a deep breath but it didn't really help. I opened the door and Kurt's Dad was stood there.

'Can I come in?' he asked stiffly.

'Of course,' I replied, the pitch of my voice going a little high with nervous energy. I stepped backwards to let him in and shut the door. 'Mr Hummel, how can I hel-'

'This isn't a social call Dr Anderson,' he interrupted me and sat down in one of the chairs with a heavy sigh. I sat down too, my heart beating furiously.

'Is Kurt ok?' I asked carefully.

'Not really, no.'

'What's wrong?' I asked, a chill going through me.

'He told me.'

'Told you?'

'About the two of you.'

'Right, um...

'He said you've seen each other a few times, outside of his sessions. He also told me that you er... kissed at that reunion thing a few weeks ago.'

'Oh,' I whispered, swallowing nervously as I felt heat rushing to my cheeks. Jesus, I was feeling like a naughty twelve year old being told off for chewing gum or something. For fucks sake Blaine, grow a pair.

'Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you,' Burt smiled, and to be honest the idea had crossed my mind.

'Thanks,' I laughed nervously.

'Kurt told me you've been a complete gentleman about the whole thing.'

'I could have handled things a lot better,' I admitted, scratching the back of my neck.

'Yeah you could have.'

'Do you mind me asking why you've come to see me? Is it to tell me to keep away from Kurt?'

'Yes and no. I just want what's best for my son, I don't want him being hurt and all his progress these past few months to come unravelling.'

'I want that too.'

'The thing is, Kurt's finding it difficult getting over you.'

Getting over me? What did that mean? I know he was trying to tell me he liked me that night I went to meet him at The Loop. Hang on, I guess he did imply that I was the one he'd already found but he was drunk, rambling and feeling lonely. I didn't really think anything of it. Oh fuck, why hadn't I realised it before? Kurt had fallen in love with me. I was a total idiot.

'I see,' I said quietly.

'I take it you weren't fully aware of Kurt's feelings for you?'

'Not exactly,' I said, trying to sound together and in control. 'I'm not really sure what more I can do though, I've been trying to contact him so we can talk.'

'Do you like my son?'

'Sorry?'

'It's a simple question.'

'I don't think this is conversation I wish to have with you, I'm sorry.'

Burt looked as though he'd quite like to go back on the promise of not killing me. But I did have some dignity. 'Look, you've... well you've kissed him... so you must like him a bit surely?'

'Well of course I like him, it's just... Mr Hummel, it's not as simple as-'

'Oh, so he's not good enough for you?' Burt raised his voice in defence of his son. 'How the hell do you expect him to move on with his life when you of all people who should understand his past think he's too damaged and-'

'I'm not saying that at all. Sir, I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to get hurt either. Kurt's never had a serious relationship and... and it's not wise for him to jump head first into one.'

'Are you saying you're not interested then?'

'I'm saying... I need to speak to Kurt.'

'Well whatever happens between you two... if you put even one foot out of line, you'll wish you'd never been born. Understood?'

'Understood,' I repeated.

-Kurt's POV-

The bell went and there was a sudden rush of noisy children and the scraping of chairs. 'Ok, bye guys, see you all tomorrow,' I called out as they started running out of the classroom.

I remembered when I was their age, the sheer joy that home time had arrived and your Mom or Dad were waiting for you outside. I started tidying up my desk and my phone began to ring. It was on silent, but the screen lighting up alerted me to it. I recognised the number as Blaine's even though I'd deleted him from my contacts.

It's been over three weeks since I saw him. I'd made a promise to myself to completely ignore any attempts of contact but I couldn't help reading the texts he'd sent and listening to the voicemails he left. But I'd always delete them straight away.

Sure enough my phone displayed a new voicemail received. With a sigh I put the phone to my ear and listened. But it wasn't like the other messages just asking if I was ok. My stomach dropped and anger boiled up inside of me as Blaine talked.

'Hi Kurt, it's Blaine. I don't know if you're aware but your father came to see me today. I'm... I'm so sorry you've been having a tough time. I really believe sitting down, talking things through and being honest with each other will be a big help, for both of us. Please call or text me. Ok, take care, bye.'

Oh my god, how could my Dad do that to me? There was no way I could ever see Blaine again after this, I felt utterly humiliated. Fuck, had my Dad told him I was in love with him? I gave up the tidying, grabbed my bag from under my desk and rushed out, desperate to find a bar to drink myself stupid.

-Blaine's POV-

'So first of all, all those in favour of vetoing all Katy Perry songs?' David said, narrowing his eyes at me from across the table where he was sitting next to Wes. We were having dinner in Breadstix and going over the final Warbler reunion plans.

'Hey what's wrong with Katy Perry?' I argued. 'I loved her songs when I was at high school.'

'No Blaine,' Wes shook his head. 'No. I still have nightmares about her songs. Actual proper nightmares.'

'Not even Firework?'

'No,' they said in unison.

'Whatever,' I mumbled, taking a sip of my coke as David laughed and high fived Wes. 'I hate you guys.'

'And we hate your taste in music,' David smirked.

'Blaine have you decided on a solo song to do?' Wes asked.

'No I haven't. Actually, guys, um...'

'What?' David asked. 'Before you even ask, no Pink songs either.'

'No not that,' I laughed. 'I was just wondering, well... I know we're supposed to be talking about the Warblers reunion, but can I ask you guys for some advice on something else before we start?'

'Are you taking drugs?' Wes gasped, eyes wide. 'Do we need to lock you in a cupboard whilst you go cold turkey?'

'No of course not.'

'Oh... well have you developed a crush on a girl?'

'Blaine have you turned straight?' David shouted in disgust.

'No... look can I actually speak before you two go off on one?'

'Of course,' Wes said. 'The floor is yours Anderson; we won't say another word, promise.'

'Right, thank you... well there's this guy and... it's complicated but-'

'Do you like him?' David interrupted, breaking their promise in less than five seconds. Really, why did I even bother?

'Well yeah, of course I like him. The thing is-'

'Is he gay?'

'Yeah.'

'Does he like you?'

'Yeah but here's the-'

'Is he single?'

'Yeah.'

'The right side of eighteen?'

'Yeah.'

David shared a look with Wes, who rolled his eyes and shrugged. 'David man, this is Blainey Boy, a complete no hoper when it comes to affairs of the heart.'

'True Wesley, true. Remember the time that pizza delivery guy asked Blaine out for coffee and Blaine replied that the kitchen was down the hall if he was thirsty?'

Wes and David fell about laughing. Was I the only one that grew up after high school? Or maybe I had turned into a bit of a bore. 'Guys, I am here you know.'

'Sorry,' David apologised. 'I don't get it... you like a guy and he likes you... what's so complicated about it?'

'Hey, is this about Kirk?' Wes smirked, face lighting up.

'Who's Kirk?' David frowned.

'A guy Blaine had a one nighter with and now he's obsessed with him. Jeff and I met him at the McKinley reunion. Two words David. Eye. Fucking.'

'Don't believe a word he says,' I said to David, whilst shaking my head.

'Dude, stalking someone is seriously not cool.'

'Jesus, do you two ever listen to anything I say?'

'Not really,' Wes replied for them both. 'Look, take your doctor hat off for a minute and listen to your heart. It's pretty simple dude, do you love him?'

'I... yes,' I smiled, feeling myself becoming emotional. It was the first time I'd admitted it out loud. Wes and David both said 'Aww,' causing me to blush and hide my face in my hands. But in all seriousness, would pursuing a relationship with Kurt be the best thing to do, or a complete and utter disaster, not to mention morally stupid?

Kurt still wasn't responding to me. It was becoming really frustrating, but what else could I do? I didn't want to put all my thoughts and feelings into a text or an e-mail; it would never come across accurately, not to mention I'd get repetitive strain injury from all the rambling typing. So I decided to call Cooper, at the very least he'd make me feel better even if he was no help.

'Hey.'

'Hi Coop.'

'So?'

Had Cooper forgotten how to speak in sentences? 'Um, so what Coop?'

'What else, Kurt you idiot. I need news and details.'

'Oh right. Well there's nothing to tell.'

'Nothing?'

'No, he's still ignoring me.'

'So not even a text to tell you to fuck off?'

'Not even one of those. I'd quite welcome an abusive text right now.'

'Aww are you pining for him?'

'Shut up,' I mumbled, blushing even though I was on my own.

'You are trying aren't you?

I couldn't help but smile. To have my big brother care so much about my love life really meant something. When I came out I was more scared of telling Cooper than my parents, desperate for his approval and support. He may annoy the hell out of me most of the time but when it counted, he was great.

'Of course I'm trying, I just don't know what else I can do.'

'So you've been calling and texting to get him to meet you?'

'Yeah.'

'Well it seems like it's time to press on with plan b.'

I laughed. 'I wasn't aware there was a plan a.'

'Ye of little faith little bro. Basically we've tried it your way... now we try it my way.'

'And what's that?' I asked sceptically.

'You don't give him a choice.'

-Kurt's POV-

Kurt it's been 2 days since I left you that voicemail. If you don't contact me by tomorrow morning I'll have to come to your house. We need to talk. Blaine.

Fuck.

I collapsed back against my pillows with a deep sigh and put a hand to my head. It was Saturday afternoon and I'd just woken up. I had a banging headache and felt incredibly sick. Stupid hangover. Now this was all I needed, Blaine on my case again.

Both Thursday and Friday nights I'd gone out and got ridiculously drunk, attempting to forget everything that was going on. It kind of worked, until I woke up the following day and reality hit me like a sledgehammer. I had a massive argument with my Dad before work on Friday morning about his impromptu visit to Blaine's office which meant we weren't talking and there was a lot of tension in the house

I read the text again and then threw my phone away from me. Why couldn't Blaine just stop thinking about everything with his stupid psychologist brain and leave me alone? It wouldn't be beneficial for me to be formally rejected by him in person, why didn't he get that? Surely he can't be that idiotic? Sometimes the best course of action is just to leave things well alone.

After a much needed shower, a couple of headache tablets and a strong cup of coffee to wake myself up a bit, I sat down on the edge of my bed and reluctantly typed out a text to Blaine, seeing as he'd left me little choice.

There's nothing to talk about, which is why I haven't been in contact. I'm sure my Dad summed things up perfectly anyway.

So you have been getting my texts/calls? :) I have to disagree though; I think we have a lot to talk about. Blaine.

We'll just have to agree to disagree then because I see no point in meeting up.

Oh no, there's every point in meeting up. Blaine.

Well my answer is no.

Then I'll still see you tomorrow regardless. Blaine.

Are you for real? BTW I apologise about my Dad, he had no right to show up at your work place.

There's no need to apologise, he's just worried about you Kurt. Whether you agree or disagree to see me we need to resolve this so yes I am for real about tomorrow. Blaine.

Resolve what exactly? I've developed feelings for you, that's my problem. I'd rather not embarrass myself over an awkward coffee meeting disecting every detail.

Kurt please meet with me, I'd rather it were a voluntary thing than having to turn up at your house. Blaine.

Haven't you been reading my texts?

Yes I have. Blaine.

Then why can't you get the message and just leave me be?

We need to talk and as I've said, no is not an option. I just can't do this through texting or via the phone. Blaine.

You're not listening are you?

Right here's the plan; I'll be at Breadstix tomorrow at 5pm. If you don't show by half past I'll be coming to your house. Either way I'll see you tomorrow Kurt. Take care. Blaine.

I groaned and wished the ground would just swallow me up so I didn't have to deal with all this. If it wasn't for work on Monday morning I'd jump in my car and leave the state for a few days, or a few weeks. Nerves and anxiety had already started to set in, like it or not I had to face Blaine tomorrow. Like it or not I was going to get my heart broken all over again.

Maybe I was being immature by not facing my issues head on, but surely it was my prerogative? I left my room and went downstairs. As I was putting my coat on by the front door, Dad appeared in the hallway, looking sheepish.

'Er Kurt, can we-'

'Leave it Dad; I'm really not in the mood right now,' I snapped.

'How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?' Dad pleaded.

'You can say it until you're blue in the face; it doesn't change the fact that what you did was completely out of order.'

'But-'

'You can't just barge into someone's work place like that.'

'I know, but I was just trying to help,' Dad shrugged.

'I'm twenty four, not eight. I don't need you fighting my battles for me.'

'But you're still my son, whether you're a day old or fifty.'

'Well you didn't help, you made things ten times worse.'

'I just don't like seeing you so down. You'd been doing so well and-'

'I'm not interested in your excuses, and thanks to you he's threatening to turn up here tomorrow.'

'Blaine is?'

'Who else?' I rolled my eyes.

'Well that's a good thing right?'

'What's good about that?'

'You two need to talk,' Dad replied and I groaned loudly.

'Not you as well.'

'Kurt you can't bury your head in the sand all the time.'

'Yes I can,' I retorted before opening the front door and slamming it behind me. Right, time to get drunk again.