AN: I hope you enjoy. At the end there is some Russian but I put the translations in as well.
Chapter 10 – Missing Her
Kuon sighed as he made himself a cup of coffee.
How could he manage to hide his emotions from himself and yet Kyoko, when she was the regular Kyoko, would know how he was feeling before he did. Sometimes she would even ask him what was wrong before he knew there was something wrong. That's just how in synch they were…or used to be at least.
The previous night had been particularly hard and despite how much he loved his arms around Kyoko with her feeling protected by him, he missed his wife. It was so selfish of him. His wife was right there and she was trying her hardest to face the memories that were coming back to her. He should feel lucky that she even existed in his life.
He still couldn't shake the selfish loneliness that came from her not being there with him in mind as well as in body.
He was such a jerk.
As he heard Aurora crying, Kuon was brought back to reality and he went to see his little girl. Maybe Kyoko didn't remember her daughter but her daughter remembered her. Aurora remembered the close cuddles that they had as a family. She could remember Kyoko's smile as they all ate breakfast together. She could remember the love and safety she had felt. Some of that was missing and Kuon knew he had to bear more of the weight and responsibility of taking care of her.
As he got to the room, he picked his daughter up and held her close, kissing the top of her head. "Hi there," he said as he went to sit down with her, "Daddy's got you. What is it? What's wrong?" he asked as he tried to soothe the baby. He held her lovingly as he smiled upon her and kissed the top of her head. "Did you have a scary dream? Daddy has those too," he said as he saw Aurora grab onto his hand.
"Dada" she said as Kuon nodded.
Kuon reached down beside him and pulled up a little bird toy that Aurora had. He held the plush toy in his hand remembering how Kyoko had excitedly held it and told him that they needed it for her toy collection. To Kuon it looked more like a sparrow than a wren, but Kyoko had seemed so happy to have a bird with his stage name that he hadn't argued with her.
Aurora cuddled the bird tightly as Kuon smiled and let his fingers go through her hair. "You hold Mr. Wren, okay, and Daddy will read you a story," he said as he randomly pulled out a book and blinked as he read the title, 'Are You My Mommy?'. Maybe this was ironic, he wasn't entirely sure.
"Are you ready?" he asked as Aurora looked up at him with her gorgeous green eyes as Kuon was reminded how much the blonde-haired baby's face looked like her mother's. Kuon started reading the book and smiled as Aurora tried to hold onto the next page. "You know, one day we'll get to read the book together. I can't wait to hear you speak more, I'm sure your voice will be as beautiful as your mother's."
"I'd like it to be as beautiful as her father's," Kyoko said as she stood there looking at the two of them. She saw Aurora reach out for her and stepped forward, "May I?" she asked and Kuon nodded. He was caught by that comment and he kept watching his wife.
"Of course," Kuon said as he stood and gently passed Aurora to Kyoko. "She's been a little fussy this morning but I think that she's settled down a little bit. She usually does if one of us reads to her. I think she likes looking at all the pictures."
"Do babies do that?" Kyoko asked as she nervously held Aurora who kept moving around. "Maybe you should take her back…I'm scared of dropping her."
Kuon sighed and then stood beside Kyoko, "Here," he told her as he let his arms slip around her waist so that he could help her position their daughter in her arms. Once Kyoko had it, he stepped away. "Sometimes I like to sit down with her, especially if I'm nervous about dropping her," he told her and Kyoko looked at him. She took a seat silently and looked at the baby.
"It's scary how I don't remember her," Kyoko said as Kuon leaned against the wall.
"I'm sure that things will come back in time," he tried to convince himself more than her. "We are lucky with Aurora. She might get in a mood sometimes, but she's a very healthy child and we've never had any problems outside of the typical crying. I'm sure that after a while you'll remember how much you've always loved her."
Kyoko nodded before she looked up at the blond actor. "How come you look so different to Ren Tsuruga?" she asked him which caught Kuon off guard. Kyoko always said how she could see both of them when she looked at him. Why was she changing this?
"Do I?" he asked confused, "Well, first of all, I'm older than I was when I was acting as Ren and then I didn't want to go with my natural hair and eye color during that time. I've heard that going blond makes me look a little different, besides there was a different style I was using."
"It must have been hard not to use your natural features," Kyoko commented and Kuon paled.
"Actually, it was easier. I was only able to get roles in this country with my natural look after I had established myself as Ren Tsuruga. I think with the majority of Japanese movies and dramas, the more Japanese look worked for them. I'm glad that I didn't choose to look like a Russian," he joked and Kyoko looked at him confused. "I'm a quarter Japanese and a quarter Russian, even balance" he tried to tell her.
"You're half American, right?" she asked him and Kuon nodded. "I don't see you as Russian."
"A lot of people do tend to forget that part of my heritage," Kuon told her, "but when you see my mother it's easier to make the connection. I think if you asked the majority of Japanese people, they'd say I was quarter Japanese and three-quarters American."
"When I learned that, was I surprised?" Kyoko asked as she looked at him.
"Well, when you knew that I was actually Kuon Hizuri and not Ren Tsuruga, you mainly considered me an American. I didn't really correct you at first because I did grow up in America and I was born there, I had American citizenship. When you met my mother for the first time, that's when you found out and especially when we started talking in the language. It was as if I'd revealed that I was wearing a mask to disguise alien features," Kuon tried to explain as he saw Aurora starting to fall asleep.
"So that makes Aurora?" Kyoko asked trying to figure it out.
"Aurora is five-eighths Japanese, one-quarter American, and then one eighth Russian," Kuon told her, "though we typically say she's Japanese with a little bit of American and Russian in her blood."
Kyoko looked down with a small laugh and Kuon tilted his head to the side, his expression turning into one of confusion. "It's funny. I never ever pictured myself with a foreigner," she said as Kuon looked up.
"Well, you did fall for me when you thought I was Japanese," he grinned. He watched her as he took in how beautiful she was. "When it comes to love, things like nationality don't really matter. You can't choose who you fall in love with, I've learned that myself. You only have to let go and let it take you where it feels you need to be."
Kyoko nodded as she took his words in again. "Has it ever caused a problem for us?" she asked and Kuon looked down.
"For the most part, no," he told her with a sigh. He didn't know whether to tell her the truth about something so inconsequential. He didn't want to bring up those memories of those reporters who disliked him and called him a mutt who was taking away jobs from good Japanese actors. The people who said that he had tainted blood and shouldn't be at the top of polling data since he only had less than half Japanese blood. He didn't want to talk about how random people had told him that he needed to go back to his home country.
What he definitely didn't want to talk about was how easily he had shrugged these people off in public only for Kyoko to see how it affected him when he thought about his past. He didn't want to tell her how she had stood up for him and how disgusted those comments made her feel. This wasn't about him and how in the past he had struggled to find an identity. "No," he corrected himself as Kyoko studied him. "No. Not at all."
Kyoko nodded before standing up and handing him back Aurora. "Is it alright if I make us something to eat?" she asked him.
"Are you sure? You're definitely the stronger cook out of the two of us, but I don't mind taking care of -" Kuon tried to argue but Kyoko gave him a look that Kuon read a little bit of love into. Maybe he was imagining things because of just how lonely he was?
"You look exhausted, please let me do something for you," Kyoko told him as Kuon set Aurora down again. Kuon sighed and closed his eyes, maybe it was a good idea to invite his mother over so that Kyoko could have another warm presence around her. Since the abduction had been by men, he wanted to start with his mother. He knew that his father would never ever hurt her. His father was sweet and kind and he loved both of them, but this seemed more of a job for his mom.
He stepped downstairs and saw Kyoko digging around planning what to cook. "I'm going to make a quick phone call," he told her. "It won't be too long. Please call me if you need me. The person I'm going to be talking to will definitely understand," he tried to tell his wife as his body nervously shifted.
He walked into another room and picked up the phone. Maybe it was too late to call her. He sighed and grabbed his cellphone, he knew his mother shut off this one, the one not for emergencies, when she went to bed so it wouldn't wake her.
[Mom. Sorry to bother you, are you awake?]
He waited for a little bit before seeing the screen of his phone light up with an English message to match his own.
[Kuon? Yes. I just finished a show a few hours ago. A lot of sharp metal. Is anything wrong, honey? It's not common for you to contact us at this time.]
[Shows still go on this late? Are you sure that it's alright to talk.]
[Of course, darling. This show had an afterparty and it's always okay for you to call me.]
Kuon took a deep breath in before looking at the other phone and picked it up. He closed his eyes and somehow he didn't want Kyoko to hear the words he was about to say. He didn't want to hurt her anymore. The phone was picked up immediately.
"Мама, мне нужно поговорить с тобой о Кёко." (Mom, I need to talk to you about Kyoko.)
Kuon heard a pause at the other end of the line and listened to his mother reply back.
"Продолжать. так как вы не говорите по-английски или по-японски, я думаю, что это плохо." (Continue, since you do not speak English or Japanese, I think it's bad.) Julie told him and Kuon felt a little guilty that the only time he spoke Russian was to avoid the general public when he was in disguise or when talking in private to his mother.
"Это определенно не хорошо." (This is definitely not good). Kuon told her before taking a nervous breath in.
End of Chapter 10
Thank you for Reading
Thank you Reviewers of Chapter 9
Ashenvale, brennakai, Kris, PaulaGaTo