After Tom left, my evening practices were with Dimitri again. I can't say that it bothered me. Now, that all the tension was gone, and that the truth was finally out, we really just enjoyed each other's company. What happened with Tom, and more to the point - my reaction to it, bothered him, but he had the decency not to ask me about it. I told him I talked to Lissa, and that was enough for him. I was thankful for that, because I really wasn't in the mood to talk about Tom. Just thinking about him made me sad. To be honest, everything that happened to me that wasn't pure good seemed to make me much more upset than I should be.
On my way to class that day I passed two girls who were the perfect picture of mean teenagers, basing their self esteem on destruction of others. They looked at me, making sure I knew they were gossiping about me, then laughed and turned away. I was used to it, and I could ignore it easily. But lately, I had a hard time controlling myself around that kind of behavior. I pinned one of them to the wall, and looked at her with so much rage that she turned even whiter than usual. A side glance told me that a teacher was coming so I let her go. That bothered me long after it happened. Why was I so hot headed? My gut feeling said it was spirit, which was the most frustrating answer to that question. Spirit meant there was nothing I could do about it. In a desperate attempt to lessen its affects, I decided to take a nap between my last class and my practice with Dimitri. We had thirty minutes, and I intended to spend all of them in a deep sleep. Even if it didn't help, sleep in and of itself seemed like a blessing. Having dark thoughts and agitated behavior was exhausting. I entered my room and went straight to my bed. I didn't even take my shoes off.
I could've sworn I'd been asleep for only one minute before I woke up to the sound of my door slamming shut. I realized I'd forgotten to lock it. You'd expect me to remember it by then, considering. But I didn't. Well, no harm done. It was probably Lissa or..
I got up and found myself looking into Raymond's cold, dead eyes. I immediately shook away my sleepy state and was ready for action. Just as Tom did, he locked the door behind him. I knew exactly why he was here, and knew that this time I had to react. I couldn't freeze. And I didn't. I didn't freeze, I didn't panic, and I didn't lose control. I was vigilant, and aware of everything around me. A scan of my surrounding wasn't necessary - I knew my room like the palm of my hand. I knew that the smartest choice would be to jump out the window. We were on the first floor, the fall would hardly have any impact, and I could run and get help. But something took over me. Something dark. While I was aware of its presence, there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wasn't going to run. I was going to kill him. Our fight was going to end, one way or another. And I wouldn't let anyone else do it. It had to be me, and only me. I took my battle stance, ready to counter his attack. Only he didn't attack. He just looked at me.
"You're different than last time," He said, that hidden appreciation that I knew so well reflected in his tone. "You're not scared anymore."
"No, I'm not," I confirmed, not knowing why I played along with this small talk instead of just finishing him off. "And I won't be such an easy prey this time. Let's see how strong you are when I'm not tied to a chair." I didn't sound like myself at all. I ignored all logic and did what satisfied my need for revenge. I needed to prove to him, and everyone else, even myself, that I was stronger than him, and no longer afraid.
"I'm almost sorry to be doing this," he said. The craziness in his eyes left no room for doubt. He was insane. He wouldn't listen to logic, and was willing to do anything for his revenge. Much like me, I realized. Only, I wasn't preying on innocents. Besides, Lissa or Dimitri would help me out of this state when this is over. No one could save him. He didn't deserve to be saved.
Then, without further conversation, he attacked. His goal was not to kill me, but to subdue me, which was a great advantage, because I was definitely going for his heart. We both used stakes - I stole a silver one from Dimitri a few days ago. I dodged to the side, and he regained his stance. We circled each other, both focused on the goal - each other - and nothing else. He was bigger and stronger than me, but I knew our surroundings a thousand times better. Fighting in small quarters diminished my advantage of speed and maneuvering. At least, I thought that was my strong suit. And he wasn't too slow himself. He also had a few more years of experience. With all of those specific conditions taken into consideration, under the circumstances, he was a perfect match for me.
Time passed by as I attacked and he blocked, He attacked and I dodged, and our fight went on and on. It felt like hours had passed, when in reality Dimitri would've come to look for me. So even in the most extreme case, in which I truly slept for only a minute, that still gave us a little over thirty minutes, tops. However, we both looked like we'd been fighting for days. Sweat was dripping from both our faces, and we were both bleeding in random, non-lethal places. Arms, legs, faces. We both got in a few good kicks and punches, but not enough to get what we wanted. We were both panting as if we just ran a marathon. We both realized we needed new tactics, but we've already used them all. I had to improvise.
"Let's call it a tie," I said, lifting both of my hands, stake in one of them, in the air. He looked at me, surveying me carefully. If he attacked, I wouldn't be defenseless, but he'd have a major advantage. But he didn't. He waited for a few seconds, then gave me his hand in a gesture of peace, I reached with mine and shook his hand firmly. He pulled me towards him, as I knew he would. He turned me around, about to push me to the floor, as I knew he would. That gave me an opening to his heart, as I knew it would. I turned back to him and plunged in the stake. his eyes were filled with shock as the life drained out of them. I left the stake in its place, and let his dead body drop to the floor. I had barely enough strength to walk over to my bed and collapse.
I wasn't asleep, exactly, but I had very little awareness of my surroundings. I lay on the bed, eyes closed, catching my breath. I didn't feel any pain, the adrenaline probably hadn't dissolved yet, and the state I was in was hard to describe. If I had to pick a word, I'd say euphoric. I had beaten my enemy. I proved to myself and everyone else that I am not defenseless, and I overcame the biggest obstacle I had to face so far. The same feeling I got when I defeated all six dhampirs in the first attack had filled my heart. From the corner of my eye I saw Raymond's body, motionless. That settled the small, irrational fear of mine that he might somehow be alive, and attack again. But he didn't.
And I didn't freeze. I allowed myself to focus on that for a few moments. That proved I've gone a long way since I was kidnapped. Part of it was training with Dimitri, and part of it was probably just having gone through everything. Either way, I got to a result I was satisfied with. As long as I could react I knew I could defend myself to some extent. I could also run, or yell for help. If I let fear control me, I'd lose every fight, no matter how strong my opponent would be. So this was a big step for me, and I was proud of myself like I hadn't been in a long time. "Invincible" Isn't exactly the word I would use, but I was pretty damn hard to defeat. I knew some of that was my euphoric state, and that once I went back to reality I'd regain my ability to recognize that I still had a lot to learn. But for now, that was enough.
A knock on the door drew me back to my room and out of my own head, but nothing in the world could've gotten me to leave my bed. Or talk, for that matter. So I just waited for whoever it was to leave. They knocked again, and then pushed the door handle. When they saw the door was locked, they kicked it open, and Dimitri stood in the doorway. I had to laugh at the fact that he just kicked down my door, but considering the last time he had to, that was understandable. I still laughed. He saw Raymond's body on the floor, and me laughing on the bed. I wonder what went through his head in that moment. I was in no state to start reading the signs on his face. He walked around Raymond's body to the side of my bed, and started laughing awkwardly. Yep, that made sense. I held out my hand and he wrapped his fingers around mine. I looked at him with a big grin on my face.
"I won," I said, and there was no need to elaborate. He knew exactly how I felt. He understood. He always does. His hand gently touched my cheek, and pain shot through me. That suddenly made me feel every scratch and bruise on my body, and boy, did that hurt. My expression must've given my pain away because he withdrew his hand quickly. All the commotion must've drawn attention because I saw people standing outside my room, staring. There goes our privacy. Lissa came in and immediately sent her hand towards the big slash on my cheek. I caught her hand just in time, and with my other hand took the small mirror that was on my nightstand. I observed my reflection in the mirror, and made a decision.
"Don't heal me," I said. Before she could argue, I continued. "I want this to heal naturally. I want this scar." That brought to mind Tasha, Christian's aunt who had a similar scar on her face. I always thought that scar didn't diminish her beauty and that it was a show of character. But that wasn't the reason I wanted that scar. In an answer to her puzzled look, I added: "It's a reminder. That I won. That I'm strong enough. That I didn't freeze." She nodded and withdrew her hand. There was one question that needed to be answered.
"Why did you kill veronica?" I asked, and caught both of them by surprise. The moment I heard the answer, I felt stupid for not coming up with it myself. It was so obvious.
"She was turned to a strigoi," he said. "Raymond was her guardian." That explained everything. She was innocent, she never chose to become strigoi, but Dimitri had to kill her, for her own sake and everyone else's. Raymond must've felt so guilty that he had to blame someone else. He went crazy with grief. I should've known better than to doubt Dimitri. He never would've killed anyone without a good reason. I looked at both of them, as they looked at me with both empathy and pride. I was so glad to have them in my life. The rage from my fight with Raymond was gone, and with it all the dark thoughts I had. I felt better than I had in a while. I felt like I was finally back to normal.
If only I knew better.