Chapter 10:

Rachel got back to her Dad's and grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack.

"They didn't win?" Leroy put his arm around her shoulders and she found herself falling against his chest, Tears streaming from her eyes. "Rach, baby, it's just a competition," he tried to calm her, but it was a good five minutes before she could stop.

"It's Quinn."

"What has she done now?" Hiram's voice rang in from the kitchen. "What is it with that girl?" he walked in to see Rachel broken and Leroy shaking his head at him, warning him to stop.

"I kissed her. She kissed me."

"And that's a bad thing?" Leroy pressed.

"No, it was good, really amaz…but then Greg. She left with him."

"Oh," Leroy sighed.

"Hmm," Hiram grumbled. "She's playing games. Best you walk away now."

"Dad!" Rachel protested feebly, but she knew he was right.

"She'll only break your heart. It looks like she's already had a good try at it."

"She likes her." Leroy cut in. "Quinn is just confused. In time she'll work it out, I'm sure baby." He squeezed Rachel a little tighter. "She wouldn't have kissed you otherwise and she wouldn't have hung out with us ever. She likes you. I know she does." He winked and Rachel felt a glimmer of hope return to her heart.

"Rachel doesn't need this in her life right now, she has other things, she has a real shot at being a Broadway legend. We all know it and yet she's spending her time flying in and out of Lima at a moments notice for Quinn Fabray." Hiram wasn't quite as understanding as his husband, he never had been. He saw things as they were and he didn't like his daughter being hurt.

"I've been back once in the last month." Rachel protested.

"Still, we all know it's true." Hiram added.

"Fine. She wants me to go, you want me to go. I'm gone." Rachel stomped her foot dramatically, but remained in Leroy's warm grip.

"I don't want you to go." Hiram softened. "But I don't want you to wait around for Quinn either. She wants you? Well, she'll come find you."

"I kinda agree." Leroy squeezed Rachel a little tighter and Rachel nodded. She couldn't hang around waiting for Quinn to figure out who she was. Taking the wine with her, she escaped to her room and wrote a letter before packing her bags. She left the next morning on the first flight to New York.

xoxo

Quinn didn't sleep that night. Greg had been a whirlwind of excitement as they left Nationals. The idea of standing up in front of a group of people and letting them know how much he loved Quinn was all he wanted. As he made calls and arrangements, she tried to reconcile what she was doing.

She hadn't realised how much she would hurt Rachel, she didn't realise how much she could hurt herself.

She hadn't thought of herself as being gay, not once and now she had to figure out if she was or not. She was attracted to Rachel, she couldn't deny it, but for the first time in her life she had to deal with what that meant.

She'd had plenty of failed relationships, plenty of disasters until she met Greg. Quinn was broken then and he'd wrapped her up and fixed her. She'd always love him for that, but she'd known for some time that she wasn't in love with him. The cracks were there before Rachel came back into her world and took her breath away.

Since High school Rachel had had a power over Quinn. Her thoughts about Rachel had tormented her back then and she turned that torment against Rachel. She was mean and cruel and called her names and attacked her whenever she felt weak. Quinn could still remember the double blow she felt when Rachel took Finn from her. She pushed her feelings away and followed a life that she had been raised to see as normal and then, when she felt the happiest she'd done in years, she pushed Rachel away.

As she lay awake, she knew she'd made a huge mistake in walking out of that room today, but now she didn't know how to undo it or if she ever could. Whenever she closed her eyes she could see Rachel, taste her kiss, remember the feel of her skin so soft, so close and then gone.

xoxo

Greg placed a coffee in front of her the next morning and she prayed it would help her get through the day. She planned to go and see Rachel after school and try to explain that she needed time to figure out what she was feeling. All she could do was hope that Rachel would understand and that she didn't hate her for running out on her yesterday.

Quinn got to her classroom and put her purse in the drawer before writing a quick note on the board behind her. Her class filed in and she set them a passage to run through. Sitting back at her desk she saw a letter with her name on it waiting for her.

She read it three times before she could take it in.

"Mrs Andrews?" One of her students was speaking to her. She looked up from the note. "Are you okay?"

"No," Quinn folded the note and put it back in the envelope. There was nothing she could do though, Rachel had left. She couldn't race after her and stop her at the airport it was already too late. She had classes to teach and students that relied on her and that wasn't what Rachel wanted anyway. The letter was clear on that much. Rachel knew what she wanted, it was simple to her. She wanted Quinn and that admission made Quinn tremble.

She didn't want to hurt Greg and she couldn't run after Rachel, she had commitments and she had students and she had a lot of excuses.

Rachel was gone. She sat at her desk the remainder of the class with that same thought rolling around her mind. Rachel had left and Quinn had to be here.

She pulled herself together and looked around at her students. "We've got weeks until finals now and you're the best students I've had the pleasure to teach, so I'm expecting big things." She didn't know if they listened to her, she hoped they'd all try though and they were all she could focus on right now. She didn't call Rachel. Rachel didn't call her. Every day that passed, she felt a little colder inside.

xoxo

The day before the ceremony Quinn cracked, she'd had a tough day at work and she couldn't face another night of Greg talking about plans for the future. She knew she couldn't lie to herself or him a minute longer.

"I can't pretend anymore," she said again, her voice shaky as she sat him down at the kitchen table. "I wanted to make you happy, but I can't."

"Don't be silly Q, you make me the happiest man alive." He meant it and she knew it, but then he looked at her and saw how broken she was.

"I'm not happy. I've not been for a long time, not since Rachel left."

"You miss having a friend about, but you'll meet some great gals. I think we should join the country club, Judy says we'd be happier if we broadened our circle of friends. What you think Q?"

She looked at him with sympathy, he was trying. He was holding onto her, but she could see that even he knew it was too late now. She had to let him go.

"I don't want that." She shook her head sadly. "I don't want to hurt you, but…"

"Its over?" he looked at her incredulously. "If I leave now Quinn, well that's it. I can't keep letting you break my heart."

"I can't do that to you. Greg I'm so sorry. I just…"

"It was never just a crush was it?" He shook his head as he searched Quinn's face for answers. "You still love her? All this time and it's still her?" his voice was shaky as he stood up, his legs not holding him up, so he sat back down quickly.

"Yes," Quinn nodded, tears falling down her face as she saw what she'd done to him. She'd been living in a world of denial for so long. It had ruined him and wrecked her, but she had admitted how she felt and it felt liberating.

Before they'd married Quinn had told Greg all about Rachel, he asked if she'd had a crush on her and she'd nodded, but quickly dismissed it as one of those High School things. She'd tried to be honest because she had a lot of baggage. Beth was important to her and she wanted him to understand what happened and the choices she'd made back then.

When Rachel came back to Lima she knew it was more than a crush but she fought that feeling. When Greg saw them together, the night that she almost let Rachel kiss her, he'd confronted her. Her head was a mess and she quickly denied any feelings to him and herself. Reassuring him that she wanted to stay married and work things out. It was enough for him and he was full of talk about renewing vows and having a fresh start. Her guilt got the better of her and she'd agreed a little too eagerly. Now she hated what she'd done. A lie was spun and it had hurt too many people.

Quinn moved towards him and tried to hold him, he let her for a moment, but then stood up. His pride hurt, but he couldn't do anything. She sat at the table and listened as he packed a bag. He didn't say goodbye, just walked out the house. She later saw his door key was left on the side table. It was over.

Quinn wanted to get on the next flight to New York, but she didn't. She was too scared she'd missed her chance with Rachel, that she'd left it too late.

Rachel had opened up to her and given her the chance to be brave, but Quinn hadn't taken it. Instead she'd hurt Rachel and she didn't know if that could ever be undone. She had to work out how to make it right, she had to find a way, she just needed the right opportunity.

xoxo

A week before Rachel's opening night and Kurt had flown in to see her. She was a wreck of nerves, but she'd spent the last month immersed in work. No one knew about Quinn, so no one asked. Now her best friend was sitting opposite her with a shocked expression on his face and she wished she didn't have to tell him anything either.

"You just left?" he shook his head in disbelief.

"She's staying with him. What else could I do. I wrote her a letter and told her how I felt, what I wanted. That I thought she was making a mistake staying with Greg. I've not heard from her since."

"You kissed her and she kissed you back and you left." Kurt wasn't listening to Rachel, he was still in shock.

"Kurt, it's not that simple. It's Quinn. It's complicated. She's the one that told me to go."

"You needed to talk to her," he sighed. "You still do."

"I can't. I shouldn't have kissed her. She's not called me either. It wouldn't work."

"You don't even want to try," he pressed. "You're scared?"

"Of my sexuality? No, you know that's not a problem," Rachel shook her head, she was happy with who she was.

"Of hers?"

Rachel shrugged, it was an issue. "She's straight."

"If you ask me she's been repressed for decades. Quinn was madly in love with you at high school and hid it by tormenting you. She's just one of the late bloomers, a bit like you!" Kurt's eyes sparkled as he told his story and Rachel almost believed it for a moment. "and she must like you, she kissed you back!"

"I really like her. I liked her too much," Rachel stood up and poured another cup of coffee, Kurt put his hand over his cup. He could never handle the same amount of caffeine as Rachel craved.

"And you tried to stay friends but where did that get you?"

"I want…I would…we can't be friends." Rachel shook her head. "We tried and I end up feeling like this. I want her. I want her to want me. Maybe she does, but she's with Greg. She pushes me away at every opportunity, but then she kissed me. She did. I can't forget that kiss." Rachel sighed, she didn't think she'd ever get over Quinn Fabray.

"Because it meant something!" kurt pulled the cup from Rachel. "Stop pretending it didn't. Call her, invite her here. It's been a month, she's probably figured herself out by now." Although he did wonder, Quinn was probably capable of hiding in the closet until she was 72.

"I doubt it, she'd have been in touch and anyway I'm busy."

"You're deflecting."

"I've got a week until first night. I don't need the distraction."

"Oh you really do," he muttered under his breath. He had a meeting to go to and hated that he couldn't fix Rachel over her coffee break. This would take some work and he knew he'd have to do most of his fixing behind his friends back.

He got hold of an opening night ticket the next day. No one asked questions, he was Rachel's best friend and wanted to surprise her by getting an old friend into the front row, Clem was only too happy to secure it for him and thankfully she didn't ask who it was for because he knew she'd never keep that information from Rachel.

He grinned as he passed it on to his assistant to mail, he knew things were never as complicated as Rachel liked to think and he guessed Quinn just needed a little bit of a push. Either way they needed to be in the same room in order to talk it out and this was the best way he could think of to make that happen.

xoxo