The Outskirts of What's Impossible

from Maura Stanton's Happiness

Now you must bravely turn your back forever
On the outskirts of what's impossible...
For if you start to climb that perilous trail
As I see you doing now, your smile gone,
Your heart pounding as you brace your shoulders,
Determined to find a way up through the mist,
Who will follow you, who will lead you back?

"You're a sight for sore eyes, Shepard." Anderson looked her over. "It's good to see you."

Shepard leaned against the wall. "So are you, Anderson. How are things on Earth? How are you doing?"

"I should be asking you that," he replied. "I'm sorry to rush your recovery."

"It was time," Shepard answered. "Tell me what's going on."

"I won't lie to you. It's getting grim here." He frowned. "The Reapers have been making a push, and they're focusing on London. We don't know why, but it looks like they have something big planned, and soon. We need you to help us find out what. We may even need you to bring the fleet without the Crucible. Otherwise, there may be no one left here to save."

"That bad?" Shepard as she walked to the console and leaned forward, propping herself against it with her hands.

"Yes," Anderson looked weary and sad as he continued to scrutinize her. "Are you up for this?"

"We have a lead on the Catalyst. It's a long shot, but it seems Cerberus has some connection with Sanctuary. We tracked Kai Leng to that location." She frowned up at him. "I have to be. I won't let you down, Anderson."

"I trust your judgment, Shepard," he paused, "just take care of yourself out there. We need you to lead the fleets. You're all that's keeping them together. You're all that's keeping the resistance together."

"I doubt that, Anderson. I'm sure you're doing that on your own, but … understood. Stay safe, sir." And he was gone. Shepard slumped at the console. She would need more energy than she had, but she was just going to have to find a way. "Joker, set a course for Horizon."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

Shepard stood there a moment longer, unaware that she was being observed. She was going to lie down in her room before the mission, she decided. But first, she was going to tour the ship and check in with the crew. It would do her good to see them, and it would do them good too. And, she thought wryly, she needed the exercise.

Liara was waiting outside the comm. room.

"I'm glad you're here." Shepard said quickly. Gathering her energy, she strode through the war room, Liara close behind. "EDI, please gather with Javik, James, Garrus, Tali, Kaidan, Traynor, and Doctor Chakwas in the conference room for a mission prep debrief in 30." As the war room door closed behind them, she turned to face the asari. "Liara, I want you there too."

"Shepard, you can't seriously…," Liara began, then seeing Shepard's expression, briefly closed her eyes and changed her approach. "It's too soon. You can barely walk normally for more than 20 minutes."

"Don't you think I know that?" Shepard hissed. "Trust me. There is. No. More. Time. Otherwise Anderson's not going to make it, Earth is not going to make it." She leaned toward Liara. "Don't you get it? Anderson, Earth! That is not an option!"

"So send Garrus, me, whoever else," Liara replied. "Trust us to search Sanctuary. It might be a dead end. You don't have to be there. Trust me. Trust your team."

Shepard turned and paced into the glass-enclosed conference space. Looking out the window, she tried to calm herself by taking deep breaths. "And what if Kai Leng is there?" she asked softly. Turning, she placed her hands on the table, leaning forward on her fingers. "I do trust you and the team. You are all fantastic warriors, but none of you can take Kai Leng down. Last time we met, I couldn't even take him down because of his damn gunship. And if he's there…. I won't send you, any of you, to face him, while I sit safely on this ship. I won't send others to fix my mistake!" She pushed off of her fingertips and leaned back, arms crossed.

"You ….," Liara's jaw snapped shut. From the other side of the table, she radiated frustration. "Kaidan is a Spectre too. And he's never even tried himself against Kai Leng. If you couldn't take him when you were fully functional, how are you supposed to now?" She stabbed a finger in Shepard's direction. It was her turn to hiss. "A phantom took you down! Now you want to go up against many of them and Kai Leng?!" Her voice rose. "I won't let you do it!" She banged her fist against the table, radiating biotics, her head thrust forward. Noticing Shepard's scowl, Liara breathed deeply several times, and said more softly, "Rest, rest to be ready for the bigger battles ahead."

"It's not that simple. You know that. What will it say to the fleet, to the crew if I sit this one out?—that I can't protect them? That I'm too weak? Anderson says the resistance is barely holding together as it is," responded Shepard. "Dammit Liara, you know I have to do this. And I'll succeed because I have to, there's no other option."

Dark energy wisping off her, Liara strode around the table, grabbed Shepard by the shoulders and pushed her roughly against the wall. "It will say you know when to fight and when to gather your strength." she yelled. "It will say you know how to take care of yourself and the people under your command! You may not like it, the crew may not like it, the fleet may not like it, but you are too weak right now!" When Shepard avoided her eyes, Liara ducked down and glared up at her. "Don't you get it? Thessia fell." She practically spit the words. "Palaven fell. Earth may fall, but without you, the war is lost!" With that, she released Shepard and turned away, with an effort managing to get her biotics under control. "If we lose you, if I lose you…." she whispered, covering her eyes. "Don't make today the only rest of your life I get to share with you!"

Shepard struggled to her feet. She knew Liara was right, but so was she. She swayed, consternation crossing her face. "So you decided to take me out of the action yourself?" she asked, reaching for Liara's shoulder. "Becoming the Broker really has changed you," she joked weakly. Liara shook off her hand. "Liara," she whispered as a million tiny stars exploded in front of her eyes.

Liara turned around just in time to catch Shepard as she fell. "Shepard!" Oh Goddess, what have I done? she thought as she struggled to hold Shepard up. "EDI, get Doctor Chakwas to the conference room right away."

"She is on her way."

Cupping the back of Shepard's head, Liara half-leaned, half-dropped her against the wall to control her slide to the floor.

The door opened. "Liara? Shepard?" Karin called, seeing neither of them.

"We're back here." Liara's voice came from the left where Karin spotted her raised hand.

"Really, Liara, there is a time and place for everything ... ," Karin started. She stopped when she saw Liara's eyes swimming with tears. "There now, none of that," she finished briskly, kneeling down to scan the Commander. "Hmm, she's in shock. That's strange. She's bleeding, but whether from a wound reopening or a lesion tearing I can't tell without the medbay equipment." She looked at Liara. "I'm fairly sure that if I ask James to carry her there, Shepard will have my head when she wakes up." Liara, face squinched with concern, nodded in agreement. "So let's see if we can get her on her feet again the old-fashioned way, shall we?" Pulling out some smelling salts, she waved them under Shepard's nose.

Shepard stirred and moaned, waking up felt like being pulled sinus first through a small, gray sieve. "…Wha … happened?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing, Shepard. It seems you and Liara have an affinity for floors."

"We were having a disagreement," Liara murmured.

"Is that what you young people call it nowadays?" Karin chuckled. "You're going to have a hard time living this one down, Commander. At least tell me she used her biotics."

"I think I fainted," Shepard said, still very pale.

"Swooned, really, by the look of it," Karin responded. "And that's even better. You know the drill, Commander, arm around my shoulder and up we go."

When Shepard's knees buckled, Liara took one arm and Karin the other and they walked her out of the glass enclosure. They stood, waiting for her to steady.

"Now, can you manage to walk through the scanner and to the elevator by yourself?" Karin asked.

"Yes, thank you, just give me a minute."

"I'll give you something better." Karin handed her a small vial of purple liquid. "Bottoms up—oh and before there is any confusion, I mean the vial, not you."

Shepard drank it, coughed, and made a face. "What was that?"

"Some things I found lying around the medbay." She took the empty vial from Shepard and tucked it away in her pocket. Liara eyed her suspiciously. "I'm not completely unprepared, Commander. I have met you. Overdoing it would be your middle name if it wasn't too long to fit on your birth certificate. And you seem to have developed the bad habit of swooning every time you go into shock. Now how's that?" she clapped Shepard hard on the back. "Ready?"

Straightening her back and steeling herself, Shepard stood for a moment on her own, then hit the door panel and moved into the scanner room. Karin and Liara followed in turn. Exiting, Shepard walked swiftly to the elevator. As she neared her station in the CIC, Samantha turned toward her, "Commander, it's good to see you…," she blushed beet red and stumbled, "up. I've…."

"Hold that thought, Traynor," Shepard interjected, with a scowl, cutting her off right before Liara could. Liara bit her tongue. Karin raised an eyebrow and glanced with amusement between the two.

As if I had a choice, Traynor thought, turning back to her work.

As the elevator doors closed on the three of them, Karin admitted, "I always wondered when it was going to catch up with you. You've managed your relationship extremely well through extraordinary circumstances, but this was bound to come to a head at some point."

"You sound almost … pleased," Liara responded, looking puzzled.

"Just … not surprised. I'm actually attempting to reassure you. I am not pleased for any pain it causes either of you, certainly, but this moment presents an opportunity." Karin continued calmly. "If nothing else, it signals that you consider yourselves equals, which is a very healthy thing, and that you are like any other less famous or fabulously stressed couple that has had to negotiate and renegotiate the balance of power in their relationship during difficult times. That's kind of reassuring for the rest of us mere mortals." She chuckled. "And it puts me in a betting mood."

Shepard and Liara stared at her in amazement. The elevator door whooshed open and Chakwas strode around the corner out of sight toward the medbay. They followed, ignoring the curiosity of the crew in the mess. Chakwas turned the windows opaque when they entered. She summoned Shepard to one of the beds and helped her lie back before scanning her with its equipment, amused by Shepard's and Liara's stunned docility. A rare opportunity indeed. "Ah, that is better than I feared. It looks like a major lesion finally tore, causing bleeding in your abdomen and possibly damaging some of my excellent handiwork. I'm going to monitor your blood flow for a few minutes to see if you need surgery. It usually takes significant blood loss to trigger shock."

"Did I…?" Liara asked quietly, her voice dripping with guilt, her expression one of chagrin.

"I doubt it. It's more likely the result of breathing well and walking quickly, or maybe from some other vigorous activity. And anyway, if Shepard can't take a small push, she really shouldn't be going on any away missions, should she?"

Both of them stared at her again. She waited. Shepard finally broke the silence. "EDI told you that?"

"She hardly had to. This storm has been brewing for awhile," Karin answered briskly.

Liara looked at the floor. She was never going to understand humans, but this one, it seemed, was going to understand her. She felt the doctor's eyes on her.

Shepard stared at Chakwas a few more minutes before clearing her throat and asking, "How many more lesions do I have?"

"That was the last big one. I'm glad it tore here; it's safer that way. I see a couple of little ones left, three maybe, but as soon as you're back in action those will clear up. You may feel a pop when one tears, a little pain, then much relief, I imagine."

Just out of curiosity…," Shepard started, narrowing her eyes.

"Liara, Shepard," Karin responded. "Definitely Liara."