Angel Killer

10. hey there little girl. come inside, don't be afraid

When Dean woke up the next day to chaos, it was the good-sounding chaos. Happy voices and exclamations filled the halls outside his room and he could smell a big breakfast being made. He stretched his arms above his head and froze when he heard a voice.

"Good morning, Dean."

Oh right.

He rolled over on his side and saw Castiel sitting in the chair by his desk. Cas was giving him a warm smile and Dean remembered their conversation last night. He also remembered when he thought Cas was going to kiss him, and he was going to let him.

What did that mean?

"Morning," Dean said, sitting up. "What's going on out there?"

"Today is the day of Jessica Moore's bonding ritual," Cas replied as Dean walked over to his dresser. "The hunters are celebrating. Many angels are arriving for the ceremony."

"Fun," Dean said. "Let's go."

Dean wasn't sure what exactly he and Cas were at this point. Were they friends? Were they more? Were they just acquaintances forced together and dealing with it the best they could? He had no idea. And it was stressing him out a little, especially since he'd spent his entire life hating angels.

But aside from his worries, being around Cas was easy, comfortable. Cas walked so close to him now that sometimes the backs of their hands brushed together and it filled Dean with a strange warmth, and sometimes Cas would look over and they'd smile at each other and Cas' eyes would brighten. It was nice. It was better than nice.

Every hunter in the bunker was in the library when they walked in. There weren't enough chairs for everyone, so they stood about in groups. There were a lot of angels around, too, but most of them he didn't recognize. He noticed a lot of them grabbing each other's upper left arms in that weird angel greeting.

He looked around and saw Sophia and Ezekiel chatting over in one corner. Krissy, Josephine, and Hael looked like they were gossiping. Samandiriel was standing awkwardly by himself in the middle of the room. Dean spotted Sam standing by Jess, who - from what he could tell - was being congratulated and wished luck a lot. He didn't see his mom anywhere.

"Dara," Cas whispered, breath washing over Dean's ear and making him shiver.

Dean turned to him, hoping he wasn't blushing. "What?"

Cas nodded to a young girl wearing a Hello Kitty shirt. "Dara."

"Angel of Rain," Dean replied in an undertone.

Cas smiled and then nodded at scruffy guy in a suit. "Zikiel."

"Angel of Comets."

"Elimiel," Cas said.

Dean looked at the pretty Indian woman. "Angel of the Moon."

It became a game of sorts. Cas would tell him the names of angels and Dean would reply with their title. A little while after Cas started adding his own comments on. When Dean said Mihr was the Angel of Friendship Cas had replied with, "Angel of always showing up late." Cahor, Angel of Deception, was also apparently the angel of grumpy scowls. Eirnilus was the Angel of Fruit and smelling strangely like fish.

"Barakiel."

"Angel of February."

"Angel of bad ties."

They sniggered together, earning a grumpy scowl from Cahor, who looked out of place as he stood to the side with a plate of pancakes.

"Who's that?" Dean asked, subtly pointing at a 70-something year old woman.

Cas smirked. "Flaef."

"Angel of Human Sexuality?!" Dean hissed, staring in disgust at the angel who looked like she could be his grandmother.

"Angel of hording paperclips."

Dean snorted.

"And what am I?"

They turned to see Anna, who'd come up behind them without them noticing.

"Angel of rudely sneaking up on people, right Cas?" Dean said with a wink as she and Cas gripped each other's upper left arms and then hugged.

"Indeed," Cas replied.

Anna laughed. "Then you must be the angel of forgetting that angels have really good hearing."

Cas blushed and Dean just kept laughing.

"Have we pissed everyone off?" Dean asked.

"Just about," Anna replied, then winked. "They're just annoyed. Us angels have pretty big egos."

Dean smiled at Cas. "I know."

Cas glared lightly at him. Dean bumped him with his shoulder and smiled. Anna raised her eyebrows at them.

"How is your mission going?" Cas asked Anna.

Her brown eyes darkened for a moment but she smiled. "Oh, you know. It's going."

Cas frowned. "Anna - "

"Hi, sorry, have you guys seen Balthazar anywhere?"

They turned to see that Jo had approached them. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, and there were dried tear tracks on her cheeks.

Anna put a hand on her arm and squeezed it comfortingly. "No, I haven't. I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be here, though."

"I know, that's why - " Jo started in distress, but her eyes started to water again and she blinked them quickly. "I'll just...I'm sorry, I'm just gonna go."

Jo walked away, shoulders hunched, and they watched her go with sad expressions.

"Speaking of, have you seen Lisa?" Dean asked.

Anna smiled. "Yeah, I have. She's busy trying to keep Ben away from the cake right now."

"Cake?" Dean wrinkled his nose. "What, no pie?"

Anna laughed. "Jess requested cake, so that's what she's gonna get. If you decide to split your soul in half and give it to Michael, then you'll get a pie."

"I'll do a lot of things for pie, but that's not one of them," Dean replied with a light tone, but his expression said otherwise.

Castiel and Anna's faces both turned conflicted. Anna opened her mouth to say something, but just smiled and waved as she moved on to mingle with other angels and hunters. Dean shifted on his feet, feeling trapped and agitated. That stupid fucking Michael plan. It was the whole reason he was here in the first place, the reason Cas was assigned to watch over him until he agreed to it.

He walked angrily over to the punch bowl and accidentally bumped into an angel. The angel reeled back and glared at him.

"Angel Killer," she hissed, then stalked away.

Dean felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. That was right. He was the Angel Killer. He didn't befriend angels and make fun of them, and he certainly didn't want to kiss them. He'd murdered close to a hundred angels. Everyone here probably hated him, knew who he was and secretly plotted his demise. What about Michael? Michael had to know who he was. What if they bonded and killed Lucifer, would Michael kill him right after? As revenge for all those that Dean had killed?

"Rahmiel," Cas said suddenly. Dean had almost forgotten he was there.

"Angel of Mercy," Dean replied automatically.

Cas smiled. "Angel of holding grudges over petty misunderstandings."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

Cas nodded and Dean cracked up into laughter. After he calmed down, he realized he felt better. He smiled at Cas and decided that one good thing has come out of this.

But he wondered if Cas resented him too.

SPNSPNSPN

Jess' bonding ritual finally took place later that afternoon and Dean discovered what the actual dining room was used for. All the angels except Castiel filed slowly into the dining room and Jess had to hang back in another room while Rachel arrived and went inside since they weren't allowed to meet until the ritual started. All the hunters were there, too, including Mary.

There was a sound of wings and suddenly there was a middle-aged blonde guy standing in the hall.

"Bal!" Jo exclaimed, running forward.

The angel opened his arms and she jumped into them. He lifted her up and they spun around a bit. Dean looked over at Ellen and caught her mixed expression of sympathy and disapproval. Balthazar set Jo down and kissed her forehead then wiped her tears.

"Sorry, love, I got a little held up," he said softly, hands cupping her cheeks.

"I thought - I was scared - I didn't - " she babbled, curling her hands around his wrists.

Balthazar nodded, and Dean thought he saw a tear roll down the angel's cheek. Balthazar kissed Jo's forehead again and then stepped away from her.

"I'm sorry, I have to - "

"I know. Will - "

"I'll try, it's - "

"Yeah. I - "

"I know."

They smiled painfully at each other and Balthazar squeezed her hand once before entering the dining room. Or was it the bonding room now? Dean didn't care. Jo watched Balthazar go and didn't look away until the door closed. She took a shuddering breath and then straightened her posture, raising her chin up and casting a steely gaze around at all of them, as if daring them to judge her. Then she walked over and stood next to her mother.

The door opened again and Naomi stepped out. "It's time," she said.

Sam went into the other room and fetched Jess, and Dean noticed with pride that his little brother had his arm around the girl's shoulders as they walked out. They hugged quickly and then Jess made her way to Naomi.

"Are you ready?" Naomi asked.

Jess smiled. "Yes."

Naomi stepped aside and Jess stepped into the room and Naomi closed the door behind her.

"Naomi," Cas whispered in Dean's ear.

"Angel of pantsuits," Dean whispered back.

Cas had to restrain his laughter.

Some wave of power pulsed ran through them, and then there was a strange humming. A bright light started shining through the cracks around the door. Then the screaming started.

"Jess!" Sam exclaimed, running forward, but Mary pulled him back.

"It's part of the process," she said. "You can't interfere."

Sam's eyes were wild with fear. "But Mom - "

"It's okay," she said.

Sam didn't say anything else, just turned back to face the door, but his jaw was clenched and his fists were balled up. Dean knew what he was thinking: how could this be okay?

The light got brighter and the screaming just increased. She sounded like she was being tortured, like she was going to die. It made Dean's stomach turn. This was what the angels wanted him to go through? This was what they made teenagers go through? His mom? Jo? The screaming got so intense it sounded like her vocal cords were going to snap at any second.

Dean turned and shoved his way through the group. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't listen to it. He didn't turn to see if Cas was following, he knew the angel would, so he went straight to his room and threw himself down on the bed. Cas closed the door, and Jess' screaming was faint now.

"Is it always like that?" Dean asked after a moment, his voice muffled.

"As far as I know."

He felt Cas settle on the edge of the bed so he rolled over onto his back, reached forward to grab hold of Cas' coat, and then pulled him back so the angel was laying beside him on the bed.

"Gotta say, that significantly lowered any chance of me saying yes to the Michael plan," Dean replied.

"I understand."

Dean huffed with frustration and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I just...I feel like something like a bond shouldn't hurt, you know? Like it shouldn't be one person giving and the other taking. That's not a bond, that's, like...enslavement or something."

"I agree."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Cas shifted beside him. "Yes. The bonding process has never appealed to me for that reason. Owning half of someone's soul..." Cas shook his head. "That's too great a burden."

"So you never want to be bonded?" Dean asked, remembering how earlier Cas had said that if it was his duty he would.

There was a pause and the only sound in the room was Dean's breathing.

"I've never had a desire to be," Cas said evenly. "But perhaps if I was matched with a compatible hunter, the experience wouldn't be awful."

Dean swallowed and tried not to imagine himself as the hunter that Cas would be compatible with.

He failed.

"Cas, do you know what people call me?" Dean asked suddenly to get his mind off of bonding.

"They call you the Angel Killer," Cas replied, his tone carefully even.

"One of the angels here today called me that," Dean said quietly. "I'd almost forgotten about it." He sighed. "I've slaughtered your brothers and sisters."

"No you haven't."

Dean gave a humorless laugh. "Pretty sure I have, Cas. There's no way I could've imagined all that."

"I mean, you are not the Angel Killer," Cas replied. "That was the old you. You and he are not the same person. You have not killed my brothers and sisters, he did."

Tears rose in Dean's eyes and he closed them to prevent them from spilling but failed. He swallowed heavily.

"Why don't you hate me, Cas?" he whispered.

Cas reached down and took his hand, interlacing their fingers, and Dean felt a couple tiny sparks light along their palms like before.

"I don't hate you, Dean," Cas said. "Far from it."

SPNSPNSPN

The screaming died down after a few minutes, but Sam didn't relax. He'd been tempted to leave with Dean, but he wanted to be here for Jess when she came out. It was silent for what felt like forever but was actually probably no more than a couple minutes. Sam suddenly remembered that sometimes, despite compatibility tests, the hunter can still die from the process. His throat went dry and his body went cold with anxiety. He was barely aware of his mother rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him.

The door opened then and Sam's heart leapt.

Jess and Rachel - a pretty blonde angel with a wide mouth - stepped through the door. The hunters erupted in applause and Jess rushed forward to hug Sam, to his pleasant surprise.

The angels filed out of the dining room and followed the hunters as they made their way to the library to help themselves to an early dinner. Jo ran into Balthazar's arms again and Sam didn't miss the nasty look Uriel was giving them. He had noticed that angels and their hunters didn't spend much time together.

"So?" Sam asked Jess. "What's it like?"

She looked tiredly up at him and smiled. "It feels amazing."

"Really?"

She nodded eagerly. "Really. It's like she and I are one. She's really nice, Sam. I can feel her emotions and I can tell when she's near. And I feel stronger, better. It's like nothing I've ever imagined."

Sam smiled and gave her a side hug. "I'm so happy for you."

"You know, if you're serious about being bonded, you should tell Zachariah soon," she said. "They can start searching for a match."

"Yeah," Sam said, distractedly thinking about Ruby's offer. "Yeah, I'll do that."

Dara, Zikiel, Elimiel, Mihr, Cahor, Eirnilus, Barakiel, Flaef, Rahmiel: All according to the angel website; none of these angels have been mentioned in canon