I stare at my reflection in the mirror: "Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error, I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are!
Who you are, who you are, who you are, who you are, who you are, who you are, who are you, who are you, who are you, who are you, who are!
*RECAP*
Claire silences them all by screaming, "NO! I NEVER DID IT!"
Everyone pauses for a good two minutes.
Allison breaks it by shaking her head, "I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac, I'm a compulsive liar."
Claire now has tears dancing along the brim of her eyes as she yells at Allison, "You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose just to fuck me over!"
Allison whispers back, "I would do it though...if you love someone it's okay..."
Milan blinks, the darkness she once felt for four years or maybe most of her life was her playground. She changed herself in a year, that's all it took but you can't change yourself completely because there's always a part of you that you just can't fix. You can try and that's all that matters. She looked at every single teen, saving Brian for last and did it over once again. They were all troubled and held something that made them all the same, they were human and she knew that three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Milan Crespo was the moon and the truth fell through her as she let her past roll of her tongues and she was hoping that the rest of the teens would all do the same...
Fury was written all over Claire Standish's peach color skin, she looked Allison right in the eye before screaming, "I can't believe you, you're so weird! You don't say anything all day and then when you open your mouth...you unload all these tremendous lies all over me!"
Andrew speaks up for Allison, "You're just pissed off because she got you to admit something you didn't want to admit to."
Claire agrees, "Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it any less bizarre."
"What's bizarre? I mean we're all pretty bizarre! Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all."
Milan held a small smile on her face and nodded loving that Andrew was taking up for Allison. Allison needed someone on her side, Milan was on her team and would love to be friends with Allison if she would let her. She knew that something was sparking between Andrew and Allison; She couldn't wait to see them together.
Disagreeing with Andrew Claire frowns, "How are you bizarre?"
Allison decides to field that question.
"He can't think for himself."
With wide eyes Andrew breaks his gaze from Allison to look down at his limp hands that are resting against his thighs, "She's right...do you guys know what uh, what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester's buns together."
Claire laughs.
Brian looks at Andrew shocked, "That was you?"
Andrew looks over at Brian, "Yeah, you know him?"
Milan eyes the two, just by the shocked expression on Brian's face she knew that Larry was probably a friend and that made her heart sore.
"Yeah...I know him." Brian replies looking down.
"Well then you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too..."
Milan looks at Andrew with a deep frown before looking away.
"Oh my god..." Claire says from her spot, Milan wonders if she truly meant that just by the tone of her voice.
"And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man...I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...so, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple of lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda...he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...and my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. And Larry havin' to go home and...and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation...fucking humiliation he mustuv' felt. It mustuv' been unreal...I mean..."
Andrew was now crying, Milan stopped the frown that was on her face. She understood. She understood Andrew's meaning behind everything. He was never the one to really start trouble, he just acting along with his friends mostly doing the disrespectful things. Now that she thinks about it, when she had a seizure and she fell backwards maybe Andrew was shocked that this was happening. As her body jerked around in the lunch line and the lunch ladies tried to help her, he just kept stepping back behind his friends who laughed and recorded her. Whenever his friends picked on people in the hallways or all over the school, he was just there...he never really reacted. If he did, his laughs were fake. Andrew Clark wasn't as bad as you may think, none of the teens were. They all had a purpose.
Tears dripped down his face as Andrew explained, "I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man. Oh god, I fucking hate him! He's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore..."Andrew, you gotta be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity if for shit! Win. Win! WIN!" You son of a bitch! You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me..."
Bender breaks through the silence, "I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling."
Andrew laughs at that briefly.
"It's like me, you know, with my grades...like, when I, when I step outside myself kinda, and when I, when I look in at myself you know? And I see me and I don't like what I see, I really don't." Brian speaks up in his low lisp tone.
Milan snaps her attention to her blossom. Her blossom, Brian Johnson has low self esteem and that just broke her in half.
"What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?" Claire asks.
To Milan is sounds as if she's just being curious, if so then it was better than judging.
" 'Cause I'm stupid...'Cause I'm failing shop. See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um...and we had eight weeks to do it and we're s'posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s'posed to go on, I got a F on it. Never got a F in my life...when I signed up, you know for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. 'Cause I thought, I'll take shop, it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average."
Bender took a shop class too but it was wood shop, "Why'd you think it would be easy?"
"Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?" Brian asks.
Offended Bender yells, "I take shop...you must be a fuckin' idiot!"
Milan glares at Bender and mouths, 'Stop' to him as she walks her fingertips against the carpet towards Brian's hand.
"I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't make a lamp?" Brian asks pointing to his chest.
Milan grabs a hold of his hand and starts playing with his fingertips, Brian eyes her for a minute before looking back at Bender.
Bender shakes his head, "No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp."
"What do you know about Trigonometry?" Brian asks.
Bender replies back in a sassy tone, "I could care less about Trigonometry."
"Bender, did you know without Trigonometry there'd be no engineering?"
"Without lamps, there'd be no lights!"
"Okay so neither one of you is any better than the other one," Claire clarifies Milan nods at her liking the new direction Claire was going.
Allison feels left out.
"I can write with my toes! I can also eat, brush my teeth..."
"With your feet?" Claire questions.
"...Play heart & soul on the piano."
"I can make spaghetti!" Brian speaks up.
Milan grins at his cuteness, "Make me vegetable spaghetti one day?"
Brian blushes, "Ah...yeah, sure! What can you do?"
Milan taps her chin, "I can play the banjo, walk on my toes and put my legs behind my head, and put my tongue in my nose."
Claire smiles and looks at Andrew, "What can you do?"
Andrew searches his mind for answers, "I can...uh...tape all your buns together..."
"I wanna see what Claire can do!" Bender says in his sarcastic tone.
"I can't do anything..."
As Bender and Claire go back in forth Milan grows tired of it. She turns her attention to her Blossom still playing his fingers, she looks him right in his eyes that she now adores, she whispers to him, "I like what I see and you should learn to do the same. All of you have to do is look in the mirror, point out all the flaws you dislike even the inside and find a reason to love them. You have to love yourself in order for people to love you in return Brian Johnson. In order to be happy give yourself permission to try, and try again."
Brian is now staring at her with some much intensity that it makes Milan's heart pound. He says nothing for a second just looking at her, he really looks at her and lets out a breath, "Where have you been all my life, like seriously?"
Milan laughs and throws her arms around his shoulders, he rests his chin on her shoulder blade closing his eyes trying to trap this feeling. He loves the way she feels against him, and not just because her breasts are pressed tightly against his...but he feels hole when she's around. She's only been around for half of the day and Brian already feels like he can do anything.
"I've been around...I guess nature didn't want us to cross paths yet. I'm thankful that she did."Milan whispers hugging Brian tighter.
"You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to god you wouldn't laugh!" Allison yells.
Milan sighs breaking away from Brian to look at the situation. Claire looks upset with her now pink lipstick on her lips.
"Am I laughing?" Bender asks emotionless.
"You fucking prick!" Andrew yells.
Bender turns to Andrew. As he speaks, we cans see his words hitting home.
"What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make a difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember?"
Milan wants to sit next to Bender but decides not to knowing that he would only shove her away. So for now she just bites her lip and looks down. She knew those words cut Bender deep when Andrew said them, it doesn't have to be physical to know that shit hurts...words can hurt just as bad.
"And you...don't like me anyway!" Bender continues yelling at Claire.
"You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody stepsall over them!" Claire yells at Bender.
Furious, Bender replies back, "Don't you ever...ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fucking shut down if you didn't show up! "Queenie isn't here!" I like those earrings Claire."
Milan blocks them out by closing her eyes and rubbing her fingertips against her temples, she can't handle this back and forth between everyone. Milan could practically hear Claire crying with her eyes closed, why do people have to be so hurtful to each other? Why don't they understand that you can't live a positive life, the life they all think they're living with such a negative mind?
Bender just keeps on going, "I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey! Smoke up Johnny!"Okay, so go home'n cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?"
Silence passes through everyone until Andrew speaks up, "My God, are we gonna be like our parents?"
Milan feels the tears burning behind her closed eyelids, she never wants to be like her parents. Even though she still loves them she wouldn't want to be like them, she wants to be her own person. Her mom was a woman who was a fool, she was blinded by lies making her gullible and she was now a gold digger. She even lied to Milan about her own father contacting her over the years. Her mother was nothing but a old drunk since Greg stepped in, nothing was the same...she missed her mother dearly. As for her father...he was all the worse things you could imagine but most importantly he was psycho.
"Not me...ever..." Claire says with tears in her throat.
Allison shrugs, "It's unavoidable, it just happens."
Claire rests her head back against the wall and looks at Allison, "What happens?"
In a soft whisper Allison says, "When you grow up, your heart dies."
Milan couldn't agree with her more.
Bender mumbles, "Who cares?"
Allison is on the verge of tears herself.
Allison whispers again, "I care..."
Milan feels a tear drift down her cheeks feeling her heart squeeze, she cared too.
Brian notices that Milan is crying too and fights the urge to touch her, a question is still swimming around in his mind as he decides to ask the group:
"Um, I was just thinking, I mean. I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on Monday? When we're all together again? I mean I consider you guys my friends, I'm not wrong, am I?"
Andrew shakes his head, "No."
"So, so on Monday...what happens?"
Claire speaks up, "Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?"
Brian nods, "Yeah..."
"Do you want the truth?" Claire asks.
Brian replies with a determined look on his face, "Yeah, I want the truth..."
Claire whispers with tears still swimming in her eyes, "I don't think so..."
Allison wonders, "Well, do you mean all of us or just John?"
Claire answers, "With all of you..."
Andrew says to Claire sarcastically, "That's a real nice attitude, Claire!"
Claire frowns, "Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian cam walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with the sports. I know exactly what you'd do, you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him!"
Andrews shakes his head, "No way!"
Allison looks at Claire, "'Kay, what if I came up to you?"
Claireshrugs, "Same exact thing!"
"You are a bitch!" Bender screams at Claire furiously.
Claire glares at Bender, "Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?"
With anger Bender shakes his head getting ready to put Claire in her place, "No! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell 'em that you're gonna like who you wanna like!"
Claire bites back, "Okay, what about you, you hypocrite! Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? Or skip school with Milan and go down to the lake for the rest of the school day? What about Andy for that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall 'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me."
Bender still had anger in his voice as he yells at Claire, "Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, you don't look at any of my friends and you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends so you just stick to the things you know, shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW and your poor-rich-drunk mother in the Caribbean!"
They got back and forth as usual until Claire kicks Bender's leg yelling, "I hate you!"
Bender looks her right in the face, "Yeah? Good!"
Brian mumbles, "Then I assume Allison, Milan, and I are better people than you guys, huh? Us weirdos...Do you, would you do that to me?" Brian asks both of the girls.
Milan cups Brian's cheek in her hand and looks at him seriously, "Of course not. My friends and I are very accepting."
"I don't have any friends..." Allison states breaking the intimate moment between the two.
Milan crawls over to Allison and pulls her into a tight embrace, Allison with wide eyes hesitates but slowly pats Milan's back.
"Well if you did?" Brian asks moving his gaze from Milan to Allison.
Milan pulls back as Allison says, "No...I don't think the kind of friends I'd have would mind..."
She gives her a soft smile which Allison gives her signature smirk back in return, that just confirms that they could possibly be friends. Milan moves back over to Brian as he makes a small speech, "I just wanna tell, each of you, that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not! 'Cause I think that'sreal shitty..."
Claire speaks before she thinks, "Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us..."
Some much for taking a new direction.
Brian laughs at her.
"You're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself, why are you like that?" He asks rubbing some tears away.
Claire starts to cry again, "I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!"
"Well then why do you do it?"
"Freedom allows the body to travel where the mind wanders." Milan says softly.
Claire tries to blink her tears away, "I don't know, I don't...you don't understand..you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with!You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you!"
Brian is shocked and so is Milan.
Everyone is dealing with pressure, every teen deals with pressure every single day No, Claire Standish you don't understand.
Brian holds his hand to his chest as he glances at her, "I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire? Well fuck you! Fuck you!"
Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying. With wide eyes Milan moves over to Brian to rest her cheek against his shoulder whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He pulls away sniffing, "Know why I'm here today? Do you? I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a gun in the locker..."
Milan tenses, Brian puts his head down in shame.
Andrew asks with wide eyes, "Why'd you have a gun in your locker?"
Brian mumbles, "I tried. You pull the fuckin' trunk on it and the light's s'posed to go on...and it didn't go on, I mean, I..."
Andrew, "What's the gun for Brian?"
Brian shakes his head, "Just forget it..."
Andrew yells, "You brought it up, man!"
Brian takes a breath before saying, "I can't have an F, I can't have it and I know my parents can't have it! Even if I aced the rest of the semester, I'm still only a B. And everything's ruined for me!"
Milan holds back her sobs.
With pity Claire sits up, "Oh, Brian..."
Milan glares at Claire over her shoulder before grabbing both of Brian's cheeks in her hands making him look at her, "Stop picking apart your flaws because I see them as roses. You were given this life to simply live it, because you're strong enough to make it. It takes a thousand battles to sit in a castle, I'm not going to say it gets better because some people end up hiding it better. But I will tell you this, your existence gives me hope. You have the power to say this is not how my story will end, Brian Johnson. Do you hear me, so don't you ever ever do that again."
Brian's eyes are filled with tears, his hands were shaking as they rested on Milan's warm hands. He takes them off from the place on top of Milan's and shoves a chair over making Milan flinch, but she doesn't remove her hands from his face.
"Well, I didn't do it, did I? No, I don't think so!"
Milan doesn't even flinch at the aggression in his voice either, she simply places a longing kiss on his forehead before pulling his head into her chest.
"It was a hand gun?" Allison asks quietly.
Brian grips onto the top of Milan's skirt, "No, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker."
Milan stops running her fingers through Brian's hair.
Andrew starts to laugh asking, "Really?"
"It's not funny..." Brian mumbles sitting up straight and wiping his tears.
They all soon start to laugh, including Brian.
Brian finally agrees with everyone, "Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was destroyed!"
Milan rubs the dried up tears from her tan cheeks before looking at everyone, "I was caught on the roof because I was tripping from the acid. Ms. Jillan found me singing 'Saving All My Love' By Whitney Houston...naked..."
That sent everyone laughing once again.
Allison decides to share why she was here also, "You wanna know what I did to get inhere? Nothing...I didn't have anything better to do."
Everyone laughs.
Allison snickers, "You're laughing at me..."
Andrew shakes his head with a grin still on his face, "No!"
Allison starts to laugh too, "Yeah you are!"
As the day was coming to an end it seemed as if the teens knew who they were.
A/N: This is LONG overdue, sorry about that yada yada! Made up for it with the long chapter, hope you saw more interaction between Brian and Milan if not I'll try harder in the last chapter. That's right there's still ONE more chapter left since I didn't feel like squeezing the last few scenes in here. Hope you enjoyed it! See ya hopefully soon!
-ALovelyEccentricSoul xxx
I still can't believe that Paul Walker is gone...that really hurt. Should I do a takers fanfic or a fast and furious fanfic...if you were a fan let me know!