Meredith sat down on the wooden bench and shut her eyes. She sighed deeply and slouched into a world of peaceful thoughts.

Wonderful.

Peaceful.

Thoughts.

That is, until the shrills of children laughing in the distance brought her back into reality. The reality, in which she had to look after, had to be responsible for, four small, very impatient, very terse children.

"Um. Wait--wait. I, ah. I feel like I need to make rules. Or something," she had said to Beth and the twins when they had first arrived at the park.

It had taken them thirty minutes to walk the short two blocks to the park. Beth kept getting sidetracked, talking about everything and anything she saw on the street, and Leah, who didn't want to be in the stroller, kept squirming about trying to break free. And as if that weren't enough to keep Meredith occupied, the boys kept running ahead and hiding behind shrubbery in the neighbor's yards. When Meredith would finally catch up to them, her mind was too distracted by the girls that she would practically leap from her skin when then jumped out in front her.

After attempting to keep tabs on them all, and actually get them there in one piece, Meredith became very aware of the fact that she would have to step up to the plate on this one. They were rambunctious, excited children who have been cooped up the past few days. They needed to blow off some energy, some steam, but she needed them to remain alive in the process. She would have to become the authority figure they would most definitely listen to. She had to set boundaries, it was the only thing she knew.

They had stared back at her, no expression in sight.

She nodded. "Yeah. Okay, rules. Rules are good." The problem was, however, she hadn't actually thought of any.

They had been ready to make a mad dash away and onto the jungle gym equipment, and the swings, and the monkey bars as soon as the park came into view. But Meredith had stopped them. They needed rules.

"Okay. Number one, no, ah, hitting. Or kicking. Each other or, well, anyone for that matter." She knew that the kicking thing had already been a problem this morning. If she could help it, she would try to avoid anything along those lines again. Anything… "Or biting. No biting either," she added as an afterthought. She never wanted to go down that path…

The boys took a step back, ready to run, but Meredith caught their actions from the corner of her eye and whipped her head towards them.

They froze.

The funny thing was, she was probably more scared then they were.

She didn't do the kid thing. How was she supposed to do the "kids need rules" thing? She had to give it a shot, though. She was already halfway there…

She took a deep breath.

Focus… Rules… Okay, rules.

"Second: no running away from me. Or hiding. I need to see you guys at all times. So. Don't run off, and stay in sight…" She decided not to add that Derek would kill her if something were to happen to any of them. And if the boys were to have this knowledge, they would probably do something on purpose, just to freak her out.

Meredith looked one-by-one at each child. Their expressions remained blank and their eyes were glazed over from boredom. But she knew they heard her.

"Can we go now?" asked one of the twins.

They were getting antsy, and annoyed, and frankly… Meredith was too.

She waved her hands at them. "Yeah, go."

The kids took off running before she had even released the last syllable. She didn't care, though.

No. She didn't care… Because that bench felt like heaven on earth.

Meredith sat, unmoving, trying to ignore the noise in the distance and enjoy any peaceful wonderful thoughts that might come to mind.

The cheery laughter interrupted again and Meredith squished her eyes shut as tight as they would allow, willing her happy thoughts to emerge.

She shifted on the bench and let out a deep breath, but nothing seemed to help. She felt so overwhelmed by everything that her happy place appeared to be nonexistent. Her only thoughts were that of the children in her care.

Meredith peeked open her left eye, only a slit, to subtly glace at the playground. When she couldn't see all three of them, her eyelids snapped open in alarm and an ample amount of fear she hadn't expected struck her.

"Oh crap," she muttered to herself as she frantically peered straight ahead seeing only Beth in her eyeline, playing with other children on the jungle gym.

Within the moments it took to freak out, however, she hadn't thought to turn her head and look in another direction.

When her thought process finally kicked in, Meredith looked towards the swings, then found herself turning in the opposite direction to the sound of happy laughter. In the open field, the noise surfaced from children gathered together playing a game of soccer… or kickball… or something along those lines. And sure enough, there were the twins. Running, smiling, jumping up and down… doing the kid thing. And following Meredith's rules.

Even though the irking laughter interrupted her thoughts, she couldn't even be mad at them. They were in her sight; she just hadn't thought to look in that section of her sight. But they were kicking! A ball… actually, to other kids… not… at them.

Meredith sighed in relief. They were good kids; trusting kids. Granted, she wasn't about to get up and leave them to fend for themselves, but it was nice to know she didn't have to glue her eyelids open and watch their every move.

Leah, on the other hand, was a different story.

Meredith shifted her eyes to the empty stroller next to her. "Leah?" she called out, surprised at the child's absence. She looked towards the ground at her feet: nothing. "Leah, come on!" she called out again as she felt her blood pressure rise. Meredith pressed a hand to her forehead and ran it through her hair as she stood and moved the stroller back, expecting her to be under it… or behind it… or…?

Meredith left the stroller be and looked to either side of the bench before climbing to her knees and looking behind it.

"Oh," she exhaled, "thank God." Meredith climbed over the back of the bench, not bothering to even go around it, and took the baby in her arms. "How the hell did you get out of the stroller?" She questioned the infant, knowing all she would get was a giggle intertwined with a smile as an answer.

Sure, she was scared for the safety of the baby, but she was also terrified on what Derek or Kathy might say on the matter.

"Let's just keep this one between us, okay?" she softly asked Leah who responded by dropping the handful of grass she had clenched in her hands onto Meredith's chest. "Okay," Meredith nodded, taking that as a yes.

Leah pushed the shredded grass around with her index finger before looking up into Meredith's eyes.

What am I supposed to do with you? Meredith thought.

She glanced around the park. Beth laughed as she ran around the jungle gym and Meredith fixed her eyes on her dark ringlets bouncing in the distance. She turned her direction back to Leah. "Come on."

Beth, who had just climbed up a latter, stood inside the jungle gym next to little girl with blond hair. They were visible to Meredith through the wooden slats and absent roof.

"Beth?" Meredith asked as she approached.

"This is my new friend, Kayla," Beth happily replied, sticking her head over the top of the slats and looking down towards Meredith.

Meredith gave a tight smile and nodded to the child in recognition. "Hi, Kayla." She shifted Leah to her opposite arm. "Beth, when your mom takes you to the park, what does she usually do with Leah?"

"Daddy takes us to the park," Beth retorted as she climbed to a higher platform on the jungle gym. "Mommy is always working. She only took us four times."

"Oh… well…" Meredith stated, trying to ignore the fact that the child knew exactly how many times her mother had taken her to the park. It hit too close to home.

Up until the time Meredith was five years old, the only times she had been to the park were the times she had been taken by her father. She loved going to the park, and she loved spending time with her dad.

Her mother was always too busy to bother taking Meredith. And like Beth, she could also count the number of times her mother had taken her to the park: one.

It wasn't even technically a full trip to the park, either.

On the day Ellis had said she would take little four-year-old Meredith to the park, she was instead glued behind her desk in the den. Meredith would prod into her mother's work, every so often, reminding her of the trip she had agreed to.

By the time the third hour of Meredith's reminders came and went, reluctantly she gave up hope. As she made her way up the staircase to her bedroom, her mother emerged from the den and jeered at Meredith for not being ready to go.

They had made it half a block before the annoying droning sound of a pager going off caused Ellis's grasp on Meredith's shoulder to tighten; little Meredith stopping in her tracks, dashing any hope she had left of her mother taking her to the park.

The following year, Meredith's trips to the park became less and less. The day before Meredith was to move to Boston, with her mother, was the last time she had gone.

She hadn't seen her father in what felt like weeks and he had promised to be there, to take her to the park. Hours passed; she waited. Her mother roamed the house, medical journals in hand, telling young Meredith over her shoulder to grow up, get over it, he father wasn't coming.

Unable to believe what her mother had said, Meredith adventured alone to the park, thinking he was waiting for her there... maybe...

He could be...

"Mommy said she was gonna take us again. Soon." Beth's voice called out as she perched herself at the top of the slide. "I like when Daddy takes us, though. He always gets us icecream after and we have a secret where we don't tell mommy." In one brisk swoop, Beth pushed off, landing safely at the bottom. "Can we?"

Meredith stared at the girl and shook her head. "Can we what?"

"Get icecream."

"I like vanilla. With the rainbow sprinkles," Kayla announced as she landed behind Beth.

"Me too!" Beth said as she ran towards the ladder once more to climb up again.

Meredith watched as Beth and Kayla both climbed to the top and waited behind other children to go down the slide.

"Um... Ah, I think it's still a little too cold for icecream," Meredith told the child, praying a fit was not going to follow. "Next time… maybe…" she added just in case.

Beth peaked over the slates again. "Okay." She moved in line and sat down at the top of the slide. "Sandbox," she said as she pushed off.

Meredith blinked. "What?"

"For Leah." Beth moved next to Meredith and looked up. "But only sometimes. She likes the swings, too."

Kayla ran behind Meredith and tapped Beth on the back. "Tag! You're it!" she yelled as she ran off the opposite way.

Laughing, Beth followed behind her leaving Meredith standing in place, Leah squirming in her arms.

"And there should be some toys in her bag!" Beth shouted over her shoulder as she tried to tag Kayla.

Meredith nodded and spoke softly to herself, "Swings. Sandbox. Toys." She made the mental notes needed and slowly moved away from the safety zone of that which is Big Sister and on to her new location: the swings... or the sandbox.

It took a few moments to locate there whereabouts, but when she had both in sight, she decided on the sandbox, seeing of how it was closer.

Meredith placed Leah into the box of sand, empty of children, and sat down tailor style on the dry grass beside it.

Leah turned her head to Meredith, in pure, utter confusion of the substance of which she was placed in.

"Well, go on," Meredith indicated Leah towards the sand, "Play."

Leah looked down at the loose grains submerging her tiny legs and stuck one hand into it. Just as Meredith thought the child had actually decided to give it a try, her other hand smashed into the yellowish brown material and she pulled herself onto her knees and began to crawl towards Meredith. She tugged on the wooden edge of the box and climbed out.

In reflex, Meredith scooped up the infant and returned her to the sandbox.

Leah looked down towards the sand, then back at Meredith with her nose scrunched up and a look of disgust plastered across her face.

Meredith shrugged to the kid, "I thought you liked the sandbox!"

In an instant, Leah's face softened. Her mouth gaped slightly open as he eyes glossed over. She sucked in a breath.

"Oh no," Meredith said in absolute terror. "No, don't cry."

Leah sucked in another breath; tears on the edge.

"Please don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The words all melded together as Meredith hurriedly grabbed Leah and removed her from the evil sandbox.

Leah gave out an elated giggle and cupped her hands in a victory clap.

"You really don't like the sandbox, do you?" Meredith mumbled absentmindedly as she got to her feet. She looked down at Leah standing in front of her. "So," Meredith continued, "on to the swings?"

Before the words even fully escaped Meredith's mouth, Leah took off running. In short, wobbly, little baby steps, Leah ran not towards the swings, but instead in the direction of the bench they were previously sitting on.

"Okay, not to the swings," Meredith retorted to herself as she took off, trying to catch up to Leah.

As Meredith approached the bench, however, Leah was already in the midst of trying to climb the stroller in an attempt to get the diaper bag containing her toys.

She obliged to Leah's request and placed the bag on the ground, unzipped, giving Leah full-on access to anything inside.

After careful inspection of its contents, Leah settled on a small red ball and a stuffed pig from one of those children's movies Meredith didn't know the title of.

Leah placed her toys on the ground and went back for more, essentially turning the bag over and dumping everything inside onto the grass. She booted the bag to the side and flopped over on her stomach to play.

Leah was happy, content, and completely amusing herself.

Meredith breathed in a sigh of relief and settled back down on her bench in heaven. Relaxing into a new state of mind, Meredith watched Leah as she made little sound effects while playing make-believe with her toys.

"This isn't so bad," Meredith said to herself as she lolled further down the bench.

The kids were all having a great time. The bright smiles of the twins could be seen from across the field and Beth's happy laughter filled the air as she ran around with her friend. Everything just reinsured Meredith thoughts further.

Fully aware of Leah's presence as well, Meredith let her eyes close and her mind drift.

Maybe Derek was right. Not about everything, obviously, but he did put the idea of going to the park into the kids heads. And with the exception of Leah's sandbox nightmare, everything seemed to be going well. The kids were making friends, and having fun. Meredith even had time to relax without feeling awkward surrounding them in her own house. She was use to having adults around who acted like children, but she never had actualchildren around. That definitely took some getting use to… then it took even more getting use to.

The process was stilling going, really.

But for the moment, it didn't matter. It didn't matter because, even though her wonderful peaceful thoughts were at a minimum, the laughter she heard arise from the children didn't make her groan in frustration. Anything was better then hiding on the stairs, away from the kids. Right…?

"Meredith."

Meredith felt herself being pulled deeper and deeper into her thoughts, letting the outside world shrink away.

"Meredith?"

Everything stopped. On the second time she thought she heard her name, Meredith opened her eyes and she was plunged back into reality.

When nobody appeared to be in view, Meredith thought for a moment that maybe she was hearing things. Then, from the corner of her eye she saw the blur of a figure. Meredith turned to her right and stared into the face of the last person should would have ever expected.

"Molly," she choked out.

"Hello, Meredith."

I am SO sorry for the lack of updates. The last few weeks, with school and then the holidays, have just been… well… never mind, it's over... done with… moving on! But I'm back, and so are the chapters. I'll have the next one written and posted as soon as I can. Thanks again to everyone who is still out there reading it. And, thanks for all the previous reviews. I reread them when I get stuck while writing a chapter and they help. Again, sorry for the huge gap in updates. I'll try harder. Promise :)