A/n I am so sorry for taking so long. I keep saying that I will update faster but I never do. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And I also said that I was going to check all the other chapters and fix the mistakes. I will, I have just figured out how to edit them so yeah me(: I looked at the other chapters and almost ran screaming and sobbing into a corner to hide. There are to many embarrassing mistakes. I'm ashamed of myself.

And thanks to all of you reviewers, I love you all, I really don't say that enough.

Anyway, please read and review. Tell me if you like it or not…..(:

Chapter 9

EPOV

I left her house and started running in the direction of mine. Renee had come over so I guessed she'd need some time alone with her.

I was so worried. She was so small and thin, she wasn't eating and it was all because of me. Because I left. I thought she'd get over it, be able to have a normal life. No matter how much pain it caused me to be apart from her. Obviously not.

But I'm back now, things will get better. They have to.

A few minutes later I arrived at my house, my family were all sitting in the living room, so that's were I went.

I stood in the middle of the room, all their eyes were on me. " What's going on?" I asked confused as to why all there thoughts were random, and one of them was repeating the word cheese in their head.

None of them answered me. Whatever it was it was bad.

" What is it? Tell me" I demanded a little louder this time.

They all looked away.

" Seriously tell-"

I was getting angry, but Alice cut me off.

" Just watch" She said and began replaying a vision in her mind.

It was Bella. She ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She searched the bathroom for something. Whatever it was she couldn't find it, so she ran into her bedroom and searched through the drawers in there.. Suddenly she stopped and pulled out a razor.

A razor? What the….

She pulled up both her sleeves, and pressed the blades against her wrist, slicing open the vein…

"When did this-"

" You still have time, hurry" She said but I was already gone.

I ran faster than I ever had before. How could she? Why? This was all my fault. But she would never…she couldn't.

I reached her house in time to see her mother leaving. She looked….disgusted?

…….oh my god. It was true.

I jumped up, opened her bedroom window and ran to the drawer I knew the razor was in. I picked it up, crushed it, and not knowing what to do with it, I threw it out the window.

She burst through the door, not even noticing me an ran to close the window.

" Bella…"

She turned around and looked at me, I was right behind her staring into her eyes.

" You came back" She whispered.

Of course I did. I loved her, I am never going to leave her again Did she really think that I wasn't going to come back?

She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me as tightly as she could. One of my arms found it way around her waist, the other started gently stroking her hair. I let my head rest on top of hers, trying to figure out how I was going to do this. After all, it was my fault.

It was my fault that she starved herself, and it was my fault that she started hurting herself. I caused her pain, and that fact was killing me. I didn't mean or want to hurt her. I thought I was doing the right thing. I loved her, and she didn't deserve to be constantly getting hurt because of it. I wanted her to be happy living the normal life she should have had. But I guess that it wasn't possible.

"Bella…" I said again. I was in to much pain to complete a sentence.

The love of my life was hurting herself because of me, what was I supposed to say? I didn't even know where to begin. I loved her, and I would never leave her again. I was going to help her through this.

She tried to lift her head to look at me, but I tightened my grip on her, as if I could hide her from the pain, and I kissed the top of her head.

" I never should have left. This shouldn't have happened, its all my fault" I muttered, I needed her to know how I felt about this.

She pulled away from me, this time I let her go. I had to tell her, she knew something was wrong, I could see the panic and fear in her eyes. She didn't want me to know and I know that she would probably want to ignore the problem. If she even saw it as a problem. And she definitely wont want to talk about it, especially with me. But I will not accept that. I loved her to much. I wanted her to be able to tell me anything.

" What's wrong?" She asked me

It cant be true. She wouldn't.

" It cant be true….you would never…over me…God tell me its not true."

I couldn't believe this was happening. I stared at her, I was probably freaking her out. She didn't want this to happen and neither did I. I wished we could go back to the way we were before I ruined it all.

" Edward" She said in a small voice.

" Why?" I asked. I know things have been bad but she was strong, she shouldn't have turned to this.

"Why what" she asked innocently.

" You know what I'm talking about Bella" I whispered in a soft voice

I needed to know if this was true. I needed to see. I reached my hand down and grabbed her small hand in mine, pulling her closer. I kissed her forehead. This was it. I had to see. I lifted her hand up to my mouth and kissed it as well. I reached my other hand up and touched her beautiful face.

She froze, she was terrified. That was the last thing I wanted. I took her small hand in both of mine in both of mine this time, and looked at her, telling her that I needed to see her arm. She shook her head, tears in her eyes as she tried to pull her arm away. I gave her hand a small squeeze, silently telling her that it will be okay.

" I have to know" I knew that she would hate me for this.

I grabbed her sleeve and pulled it up her arm slowly, revealing all the damage she had done to herself. I pulled up her other sleeve, inwardly hoping that it couldn't get any worse. But there was even more cuts.

I traced over all of them with my fingers I couldn't believe this, but they were real, she had done this to herself.

I felt more guilt and pain wash over me. I had done this. And I would fix it. I would make it all better again. I will get my Bella back.

I pulled her to me and sat down with her on my lap, and just started to rock her. I didn't know what else to do. " I'm so sorry. I love you, its going to be okay. " I promised.

But she stood up out of my arms. "Don't say that! Don't tell me your sorry, none of this was your fault! This is my fault, all of it, I'm the one causing all the problems! You should have never come back, you should leave me, save yourself, I'm only going to ruin your life again!!!!" she screamed at me.

I heard her breathing pick up, and her heart beat faster. I stood up and tried to pull her into my arms again. "Ssssshhhh calm down"

" You shouldn't love me, you can't! How could you! Nobody does. I'm pathetic. I don't deserve you, any of you. I don't deserve anything!" Now I was scared. Didn't she know that I loved her? She deserved so much better than me. And she was not pathetic.

" I don't deserve to be alive. I'm disgusting. I cause everyone pain. I just ruin peoples lives. I'm a disease, I killed Charlie, its all my fault!" I had never been so scared in my life. I never expected her to say that she didn't deserve to be alive. How could she think that? She thought she was a disease that ruined peoples lives. didn't she know that she was my life? Id be dead without her.

I stood and listened to her screaming at me, to shocked and concerned to actually move. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor, curled up in a ball.

" I'm disgusting, please just kill me, kill me please, please let me die, please I want to die, I cant live like this, please I want to die." She begged me.

She wanted to die? My heart broke, the guilt came back again but 10 times worse, and I was in an unimaginable amount of pain, so much it felt physical. I was furious at myself for leaving and letting this happen to her. My Bella.

I kneeled down in front of her small sobbing form. And leaned against the wall next to her. I slowly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and carefully pulled her closer to me an onto my lap again, her head tucked under my chin.

I didn't know what I could possibly say at the moment that she would listen to and make her feel better, so I didn't say anything. I closed my eyes and started rocking her again, this time humming her lullaby. What was I going to do? I had broken her. But I was going to fix her.

So there you go. Kind of a filler, but I seriously am going to write the next one right now. Please review. I know I don't update often enough but reviews will help. Promise.

Quick Question: If you had a friend, who wasn't themselves for a few weeks, they didn't speak to anyone, and hardly ever said anything to you in person but on the internet were kinda mean but kept apologizing for it, what would you do?

Please review, love you all.