Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or any of its characters.

Chapter 10

It's been getting better. She's been trying. It's hard not to when you have the eyes of Alli and Prim on you expecting you to hurt the boy so they can kick your ass.

So she's tried. But a boy liking you can really mess up with your head. Because now every day she finds herself in front of the mirror wondering if she looks good and taking more time picking the clothing she's going to wear the next day. She never did that before and she hates it. She hates that she's doing it because that's not like her and even if she knows she likes him she's been fighting it so she doesn't get what's making her do it.

They are better now. They talk more but there's always something that keeps the situation tense. This is going to blow up. She knows it…it's like when you see that something may happen if you don't do something but you can't stop it anyway so you just prepare for the blow.

She's expecting the blow.

XOXO

So things have been better between them. He knows she's trying and somehow they are kind of like before…like when they first started being friends but she's still keeping her distance. They are friends again but he knows that she knows and somehow that changes everything.

Knowing that the girl you have liked your whole life knows about it and keeps acting this way kind of hurts. It means she doesn't want anything to do with him…not that he blames her but still is hard on the ego. More so on his super fragile ego.

"So how are you today?"

"Fine"

"You don't look fine…how's everything with Katniss?"

"Better"

"You are not lying to me so I won't kick her ass…are you?"

"Of course not! Things have been better…she's…we are speaking again and having lunch together everything's fine…" he leaves out the part of her keeping her distance. He doesn't want to force her or anything.

"Okay… so what's with all the black on this painting? It looks like a funeral…" she says sitting next to him. Since Katniss started keeping distance first he started going to the art room and nosey Alli started following him so now they spend lunch time together in the art room. Most of the times that is…Katniss shows up occasionally so he waits for her and when she doesn't show up he goes with Alli. She is teasing him constantly and complaining too about being his second choice. He laughs it off. As a friend she is always going to be his first. He knows she knows but keeps silent.

"Maybe it is" he says as he adds some white.

"Whose funeral is that?" she asks.

"Mine…well the old me's funeral if that makes sense to you"

"It does…I must be worse than I thought then…" she says with a smile on her voice and he smiles too.

XOXO

It happens while they are standing on his locker. Cato passes by and knocks him down. While he's standing up his ears are all red from Cato and his group laughing. She's furious. She is helping him up when Cato laughs even harder.

"Not even pity could get you the girl huh Mellark?" he says as his group laughs along with him.

"Shut up Cato!" Alli yells she's now next to them shooting daggers at him.

"Why? Not even beat up Alli took pity to like you Mellark? A girl with a brain wouldn't like someone like you…a cripple!"

"He's not a cripple! He doesn't need pity or any other thing to get a girl to like him…even less if it's to prove you wrong…everyone knows you are stupid enough to be wrong all the time" yells Alli and Katniss smiles. That was a comeback.

"Yeah right! You are saying that just so I will shut up…but it won't work!"

"Oh! Shut up Cato!" Alli yells again "Bugger off, you ass!"

Cato opens his mouth once then closes it. He starts laughing and walks away with all his minions.

"Peeta are you okay?" he just nods but he looks pale. "Ummm I have class so…" Katniss nods and Alli takes this as a cue to leave.

"Are you okay?" she asks and again he nods. They walk to class and he's silent all the time. She can see that he hates himself right now. What Cato said certainly hit a nerve. When the class finishes she doesn't leave because he doesn't even move from his seat.

"Do you…do you think that what he said is true?" he asks…his voice is nothing more than a whisper. She knew that that was what was bothering him.

"No" she answers simply because she knows it's the truth. Peeta can't see it because well…he's blind but he's good looking and there are always girls around him. She can remember how she used to get mad when Alli got too close…or how the girls at the center gravitate around him. "Any girl…with a brain or without it would like you" she states simply. And she knows…it's the truth.

"Yeah…okay" he answers simply. She knows he doesn't believe a word she says. But it is because he can't see how he affects others…she sighs. Sometimes she wishes Peeta would be able to see himself like other people does. Because he is not his blindness he is so much more than that.

"It's the truth Peeta…I…d…!" she starts saying and immediately she covers her mouth with her hands. She can't believe she almost said that. Peeta just sighs and shrugging his shoulders starts to walk out of the class. But she can't help to notice that he knows what she almost said. He's got a small smile on his face.

XOXO

Katniss Everdeen is bipolar. That's all she can think about. When Peeta gets to the center and tells her that after the incident with Cato she said that she likes him…she actually didn't finish the sentence but she's pretty sure that I d… means I do. Okay…so that qualifies her as bipolar because just a week ago she was keeping herself away from him because she heard he liked her and now she says this.

She is worried because it sure means a big step for Peeta but she's not sure why Katniss said it. Peeta is beaming she thinks Katniss said it because she thought so but it doesn't mean anything else just that she likes him too. Peeta's love for that girl blinds him. He's blind but she means that he obviously does not see her for real…he sees her as he wants to so he translates what he wants from what she says. She worries way too much.

XOXO

There are events that trigger somehow another series of events that lead you to a moment that you will always remember or you will always want to forget.

She thinks the trigger was her almost telling him that she likes him. She practically said it.

She goes to the center under Prim's petition. Today they are practicing recognition. Whatever that means she's supposed to go there and help Peeta. Today he's on the farthest corner almost concealed behind big piles of books. When she spots him he's with Alli there and she's leaning on his shoulder with her eyes closed. She's got a bruise on her eye today. She winces because it looks painful. When she approaches she notices that they are sharing earphones and she doesn't want to interrupt. Alli opens her eyes and waves and whispers something on his ear and he smiles too.

"Hey!" they greet her in unison and start laughing.

"Hey" she answers with a small smile. She points Alli her eye and she shrugs.

"You know" she says and shrugs.

"Prim came with you?" he asks and she says yes "She should take a look at your eye Alli…" he says and she says she will ask her.

"We are practicing recognizing faces with the hands" Alli explains. "His hands are clean I made sure of it" she winks and Peeta groans. "He's got to place his hands on your face and try to create an image of it on his mind out of it" she states simply. "If you guys need help just let me know okay?" she says and leaves.

"You were listening music?" she asks and Peeta smiles.

"Yeah! Do you want to hear music? We can do that instead of practice" he says and she smiles. He knows her so well that he knows when she doesn't want to do something.

They spend the next hour listening to music. They are talking like before and somehow without realizing about it she ended up leaning on him like Alli with her head on his shoulder while they listen to the music. She likes this it's comfortable…it's them. This is not blurring lines… Alli was doing it…it's okay. She tries to convince herself.

She hears a snap and opens her eyes and there's Alli with her cell phone out and smiling. She mouths sorry and leaves them alone. Katniss sighs…she gets tired most of the time of Alli's knowing smile but she's learned to deal with it. She closes her eyes again…this is just perfect.

"You should be practicing!" says Prim with her arms crossed over her chest. She opens her eyes reluctantly. Prim is frowning.

"Yes master!" Peeta says and they both start laughing as Prim walks away.

"We should start before she comes back and kicks our asses" Katniss says smiling. They agree that they will keep listening to the music while they practice. Peeta insists that music helps him concentrate.

Katniss takes his hands and places them on both sides of her face. His hands are trembling slightly and she smiles. She doesn't know if it's just luck or what but just as he places his hands on her face the familiar beat of Wonderwall starts and they both relax visibly. That song makes her shiver a little…her wonderwall. She closes her eyes.

His hands are really big because they cover the whole contour of her face by just being placed there. She can feel the way his thumbs and fingers are over her face feeling every single thing of her face. His hands smell like cinnamon and sugar and she wonders if he always smells that way. She bets he does and a sigh escapes her lips. She can feel his hands all over his face, she feels his fingers over her eyebrows, her nose, her cheek bones, her cheeks…he is everywhere and she likes this feeling. It is strange and relaxing all at the same time and suddenly she can feel his thumbs grazing the corners of her lips but she can't will herself to open her eyes. She just can't because here right now is where she feels she belongs. There are no blurring lines…it doesn't matter that she likes him…that he likes her…that he said he loves her…that she can't love him. right here…right now…nothing matters just them.

She hears the familiar lyrics and all she can think about is Peeta. His eyes, his lashes, his lips…his smile…

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

'Cuz maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

She sings in her head and in right about that moment she feels the light peck on her lips. Peeta's got his lips over hers and it's so brief and so small and so sweet that she wonders if she just imagined it or if it was real. She doesn't dare open her eyes, she can't move, she thinks she's not breathing and he does it again. She knows now that it was real and not a figment of her imagination. They stay silent for a while. She opens her eyes. He opens his and uncertainty crosses his face.

"Katniss? I…I'm…" he says and he takes his hands away from her face. She looks him directly into his eyes and that's when the panic finally settles in.

"I need to go" she stammers standing up. She pulls the earphones and the Ipod falls from his lap where it was. She picks it up and tightening her grip on it she just takes a few steps back. She stumbles with a chair and the next thing she knows is that she's outside the center. She probably ran out. She doesn't know, she doesn't remember all she knows is that she is panicking and she wants to get away from there. She was not ready…she is not ready…she never will be…she can't lose him…she can't become a shell. She can't love him.

XOXO

The first thing he thinks about is…I kissed Katniss Everdeen.

The second thing he thinks about is… she took my I pod.

The third thing he thinks about is…. I screwed it up.

If she freaked out before and kept her distance, he knows she won't talk to him at all now. He is sure.

Alli sits with him for a while after she sees Katniss leaving the center. It's not like she didn't see what happened he thinks.

"So much for waiting when she's ready…"

"She already knows…there was no point was it?"

"I know…She heard us the other day Peeta…I am so sorry I didn't want to tell you so you wouldn't freak out and do something harsh like…I don't know!" she says nervously.

"Like what I just did?"

"No…what you just did had nothing to do with doing something harsh…that was entirely something…you are not a rational person…you let your feelings guide you…that's what you did…the moment…the music…everything…"

"I am an idiot…she was freaking out before…keeping her distance…she's going to avoid me like the plague now…" he says sighing.

"Yeah…she's going to. I'm sorry I didn't tell you…" she says forlornly.

"It's okay…I get why you did it…I would have freaked out…and maybe would have done something harsh and stupid"

"I guess…Listen…the giving her time shit is still on Peeta…It's not like she pulled away immediately…I saw you kissed her like twice…she's freaking out over something different…not entirely you…just hold on! Let her solve her own troubled feelings!"

"I…"

"Please…"

"It's not like I can do anything else is there?" he says and they both sigh. Yeah…he screwed up…

XOXO

She couldn't run fast enough. By the time she reaches the park she can barely breathe.

What had she done? What had he done? She touches her lips with a trembling hand. She can still feel his warmth there…she can still feel his lips and the sweet taste that is Peeta.

She is scared. She is terrified. She doesn't know what to do.

She sits on the swings and starts pushing herself while thinking. Her hands are trembling while holding on to the swings chains.

She liked it. There was no doubt about it…it had been amazing. The feelings…the moment…everything. That's why she can't quite understand why she is freaking out the way she is doing it. Her mom's sad face flashes in that moment.

If she has learned something is that mommy and daddy issues are present in everyone's lives. Your parents mark you forever whether you are aware of it or not. At the moment when she'd been growing up and she'd seen the adoration with which his father looked at her mother and her mother at her father she had wished to find that kind of love. A love that fills you to the core and that it doesn't matter how hard things get it is enough to help you through them. But when her dad died and she saw how her mother had become a shell of her former self…she realized that a love like that one could easily kill you. From that moment on every time she thought of love she would think of weakness.

Katniss Everdeen is not a weak person so love can't be in her vocabulary. It can't exist. She can't allow herself to feel it because…well…it freaks her out. The only love she allows is that for her friends and of course Prim.

Peeta scares her. She likes him. there's no doubt about it…she likes to spend time with him, she likes talking to him, she likes…well…it would be easier to list the things she doesn't like about him. But…he scares her because as much as she's willed herself to block any feeling close to liking him…she's failed miserably. If she tries not to love him…she probably will fail too. She can't allow it. She won't.

This kiss meant nothing…it was nothing. He doesn't exist anymore. If he's not there…she can't feel something more for him…if he's not there she can live they way she's always done it and she won't have to love him just to lose him later. Everyone leaves in the end. She won't be left.

XOXO

When he said she was going to act like if he had the plague…he wasn't mistaken. It hurts. That's all he can think about.

She's there…she's always there but she's always pretending he doesn't exist. If his blindness has a positive side it is for her because as he can't see her it's easier to avoid him. It's not like she hasn't been successfully avoiding him in other places like psych…and the center. When things got better a couple of weeks ago she would occasionally show up at the class to have lunch with him. She never comes now. His lunch is spent with Alli in the art room. Lately is the only place where he feels okay…Alli is always with him. At least he is not all alone…it doesn't make him feel that better anyway. When it comes to the center she just does not show up anymore. Prim assures him that she's busy but even the little girl told him to be patient. He can recall that conversation easily…it's what's given him some sort of hope these days.

"I'm sorry…she didn't come today either" she says sadly.

"It's okay Prim I get it" he says with a sad smile.

"Don't give up on her Peeta…please!" she sounds desperate as she says it. "Katniss sees things differently…even more when it is about feelings….I think she's being dumb…I think she's kind of confused…please don't give up! She's going to see the things as they are soon! I am sure of it…but please don't give up on her…and don't take anything she says or does very seriously…Katniss gets scared easily and does stupid things!" Prim takes his hand with her squeezing it tightly…like if holding it that way it's going to show her desperation. He nods because he can't do anything else. Of course he would wait for her forever.

He's trying not to give up…he really is but it is really hard. He feels her get to class…he feels the familiar scent and knows she's there but as always she feels more distant than ever. They spend the class in silence. Even when they have to discuss something she only answers with a yes or a no or to make the questions that need to be done but that's it.

The day Miss Effie calls him to the art room to tell him that she submitted his work to different universities because she thinks he's that good he smiles for the first time in a few weeks. It's something so big and so good that for a moment he allows himself to feel happy.

When he gets to class that day he wishes more than ever that they were talking. She is after all the person that made him paint again. She is the person that allowed this to happen to him. But he's not sure if he can talk to her…so he just dares to slip a piece of paper to her that says: Miss Effie sent my work to different schools. She thinks I may be getting into one of them.

He hears her crumpling the paper. She says nothing. He sighs sadly.

When class is over he stands and unfolds his cane when she takes his arm.

"You are going to get into all of them. Don't even doubt it"

It's like he's been holding his breath without knowing it because he finally feels the air filling his lungs.

"You really think so?"

"I am sure of it" she says and he feels her pass him by. She's leaving. He can feel the distance growing between them again. Of course the fact that she answered what he said doesn't mean that she's willing to be back to normal. Things can't be normal after what happened the other day. Not for her. He's not sure if she will listen but he feels like he has to say it anyways because it's chocking him.

"I am sorry Katniss. I miss you"

XOXO

When he slips the paper and she reads it she understands immediately why he looked so happy when he got into the class. She wanted so badly to ask him more about it but knew better than to do so. She is keeping her distance. He doesn't exist. Nothing ever happened. She crumples the paper in her hand.

She spends the rest of the hour thinking whether she should answer him or not. She can't slip a paper with her answer because well… he can't see it but…what to do? When the class finally ends they are the last ones as always. She's sure he's tired of waiting for some contact coming from her because unlike the first days when he would usually wait until she left now he leaves as soon as the class ends. Today is the proof as he stands up to leave unfolding his cane. If she's going to say something…which she's still not sure she should now is the moment. He takes a few steps and panic settles in.

"You are going to get into all of them. Don't even doubt it" she says in a rush and watches him take a deep breath.

"You really think so?" he asks as if he doesn't believe what she just said. So like Peeta to not believe in himself.

"I am sure of it" she says and passes him by walking fast. She feels like if something is tugging her back to where he is. Like she isn't supposed to leave or to stay away but she fights it. She just keeps walking. She's reaching the last row of desks with her silent steps when she hears him say.

"I am sorry Katniss. I miss you." She stops in her tracks at his sentence and hears him sigh tiredly. She looks back to where he is and stands there…staring at him. He looks tired and maybe even a little pale. He's got dark circles under his eyes which hints her that she probably is not the only one not sleeping properly. He passes a hand through his hair and then watches him sigh again to finally start walking out of the class. She steps back enough to be out of his hearing and smelling range.

When he's finally out she takes a deep breath. She feels a pressure in her chest…like if something heavy is there…suffocating her…it even aches in a weird way. She doesn't think she's felt this before. But all she can think about is what he just said and that she understands. She sighs.

"I miss you too Peeta" she's never meant those words more than right now.

AN. Thank you all so muuuuch for the reviews alerts and favorites! They mean the world to me and I will make sure to take all that you said and use it to improve the story or to encourage me more! Thank you again for taking the time! Here's the new chapter! Let me know what you think! :)

Oh yeah! And someone suggested I get a Beta…do you know where I can get one? Thanks again! :)