A/N: Just a quickie update today - I have two more chapters that are aaalmost done, plus a plethora of ideas. This is waaay too much fun to write, mostly because you're all enjoying it :D
Ike versus the Fourth Wall, Round Eight:
"Yo Ike, Zelgius is the Black Knight," said Ranulf.
"Huh," replied Ike, rubbing his head. "You're kidding."
"Nope. I did the math. It's him."
"Yeah, but… who's Zelgius?"
Ranulf's tail swished as he thought about how to best explain this. "Big guy, red armor, works for Begnion?"
Ike rubbed his chin. "I think I might know who you're talking about. It's like, right on the edge of my brain."
"Uh… That guy who beat up Skrimir. The guy who beat up Skrimir and wasn't me."
Ike's face lit up in recognition. "Oh yeah, that guy! I remember that guy. Wow. Huh." He looked disappointed. "That's… not… … a good plot twist."
Ranulf nodded. "Yeah, I know. And while there was probably a better way to let you know, that would have involved a lot of effort on my part, and I'm a cat. We don't do effort."
"Fair enough. On the plus side, I definitely didn't think he was the Black Knight. I was hoping it'd be someone cooler, though. Like my dad. Now that would have been a mind-screw."
"Didn't you bury your father? Didn't the Black Knight kill your father?" Ranulf's ears were drooping in confusion.
"Well yeah," Ike replied, "but that's why it would have been an awesome mind-screw plot twist. My dad killed my dad so he could pretend to be dead so he could kill me to be able to imagine what it was like to kill my dad. Craziness!"
"… … Yep. Craziness, all right."
Ike was clearly pondering this deeply. "Know who else would've been a better Black Knight? Ashnard."
"But they were seen together. Just like him and your dad."
"Oh, Tibarn! That would've been cool too."
"Yeah… sure…"
"Orrrrr maybe someone-"
"Listen, I gotta go, brosif, catcha later?" Ranulf held up his fist.
Ike returned the bro-fist. "Not really," he said, "No offense, but you're not going into the endgame."
"Fair enough, I'm sick of being a required character anyway. Ciao!"
Ike stood alone. "Maybe it could have been Oliver!" Then he giggled. "Yeah right, Oliver's totally dead."