I'm SOOO LAZYYYYYYY

I'm sure he was a bit out of it after. He kept stumbling and nervously glancing at me. I didn't mind it. Just wondered what was up with him.

Some loud music I didn't recognize got me to jump and spill some of my drink. Great... He stopped washing the dishes. "Uh...Rin can you bring my phone?" I stood from the sofa and dashed upstairs.

Should I pick it up and bring it down? Uh...

Oh! It's Neru! "Hey Len?" She was expecting him. Should I talk...? I'm having second thoughts.

"Um..."

"Oh Rin! Are you doing ok?" She seemed surprised. I tugged the hem of my shirt.

"Mm..." I could never lie to people comfortably. Only partly lie. I walked to the start of the stairs. "Do you want to talk to Len?" Isn't that the reason she called?

"Yeah...meh. Ok." I could see Len coming up the stairs. He smiled as he looked up. I'm guessing he's done with the dishes or something?

"You're shirt is wet..." He touched the stain near my stomach. It was just water, and a tiny amount. "You should get a new shirt." I know that already... Why are you telling me that? Wouldn't you think I knew? "Hey Neru. What's up?" He took the phone.

I want to be like others, able to live normally. I feel so weak though. Weak and careless.

"You always say that! Take a break from doing it already! God!" He laughed. I wish I could be like that. I can't even speak that much though. I bet that's how he's like to friends. Not me. I'm not a friend.

No...

I had a lack of fashion sense. It kind of...dulled. With other things. I took a light pink shirt and walked back down, to see Len sitting, watching TV with a lazy grin. He must've felt pretty happy to talk to someone other than me. Well he doesn't really talk to me.

"Hey Rin." Giving me a hug was such an easy thin for him to do. It made me so...uncomfortable though. "Um.." Maybe he expected me to reply? "I wanted to...go to the movies with a...friend. Are you ok? Want to go?" I'm pretty sure he noticed how tense I became at the offer.

I'm all for him not being here. He's been less of a discomfort...but still one. Oh...I didn't mean that...it's not his fault though. I nodded. I hoped he knows which one I said yes to so I don't have to speak.

"Ok! Well uh...I'm going to go call my friend. Right now." He whipped out his phone.

I wasn't at all interested in what he was going to chat about, who he was going to chat to, or how close he was to the person. Didn't concern me.

I sat down and enjoyed my solitude for the while, at least until Len decided to drop by the room. He was upstairs before...

"I'm going to go now." He was more...dressed up. Or whatever. That's what I assume at least. As if I'd even know that. Know anything.

Haha.

...

Um.

"Bye." I muttered. But he was already gone.

...After a few moments of staring at the door, I decided that I should've asked him for some things.

If he...was on a...date... then it would trouble him.

What if he actually did have a date? What if Neru was his girlfriend? No...she would've told me...or not. Maybe she thought I wouldn't care, though. That's why he's taking care of me. For her. Purely for her.

...Ahhh...

I-I have an answer to what they were doing. I shivered as an unpleasant feeling smashed through me. My chest hurt, ached, and I leaned on the wall next to me. It's one thing to guess it, but an entirely new thing to know it. Or maybe just me.

And he was my only...

I stood up and walked up the stairs.

If I closed the room all day, the room would heat up and get humid. Of course, without windows. I just didn't want anyone to hear me. Or to hear them. It was an unsettling thought.

I never liked to open windows. It's like letting a skunk smell inside your room. Well...that's how much I detested leaving the window open.

I once touched a dead person. Or, I mean an unconscious person. Haha. I loved to surprise people, get them in the dark. But they must not like it. So they would hate me.

It was scary, to see their eyes closed and how limp they were. His arms and legs were hanging on the torso loosely as she took him outside.

As for who she was...that was Neru.

Len.

His name was smooth, easy to say, and something I could almost say breathing.

Len Len Len Len Len Len Len.

The...name sounded strange to me now. Is it really pronounced that way? Is it even his name?

I sat up. Oh the window. I'm terrified of it. I wish someone could remove it from my room...but...I'd have to call someone.

They might come face to face with me to talk and get money. And would get angry with how slow I was.

I was sweating now. Perhaps of the heat of the room. Taking short breaths, my chest hurt whenever I breathed too hard.

...Am I going to die?

Die of oxygen loss? Damage due to oxygen deprivation?

Len's not going to care...he's just going to back to his girl...Neru maybe. Probably.

They even matched! Same sunny blonde hair...

My head was hurting.

I-I can hear my heart. It was kinda fast. Too fast. Is something going to happen? A heart attack?

I'm all alone...

With nobody to mourn my death...nobody to find me. Len might.

I was feeling kind of numb. I'm getting a heart attack, I'm sure. I'm sure and I'm going to die. Going to die going to die going to DIE!

Damn it...This is my fault. If I didn't tell Len to go... But he'd feel dissapointed. Dissapoint the girl too. I'd make two people feel dissapointed.

Is my heart quickening?

Shit...

I don't...want...to die. Do I? Do I want to die?

I don't. I do. I...What should I live the last moments of my life like? Maybe I could think of... Things.

Len must be having a great time. I wonder how he'll feel when I'm dead. Probably relieved. I bet. I hope he doesn't get concerned. I don't...

My thoughts are so contradicting sometimes...

RPR: Yup.

VocalLilly: Finally, she at least thinks of him better.

Guest: I guess so. Next update is finally here.

DJdarkmoon: Maybe your right. Probably.

Other Guest: I'm so lazyy :/