Lost in a Haze
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Chapter 10 – Gale's Point of View
I lock the door behind me and turn to face Katniss. She sees me and scurries for the far corner away from me and sinks down on the floor wrapping her arms around her legs.
"Catnip?" I call out quietly.
She does not answer me. Since I have entered the room she has started shaking. I hear Peeta outside the door calling for security to let him into the room. I don't have much time.
She looks at me and I see rage in her eyes. "Go away!"
"I didn't arrange the bombing!"
I try to approach her and she screams at me. "Stay away from me!"
I ignore her and sit on the floor in front of her. She begins to scream and it hurts me to see her this afraid of me. "Peeta, help me!" I hear security at the door and I lose it.
"I have been your best friend for years! I love you! I have loved you for a long time! How could you believe I would kill your family, but believe in Peeta? HOW?" I know I have messed this up. I didn't mean to let my jealousy show, but it has.
Security is opening the door and I turn to see what is going on. When I turn back around I see that Katniss has grabbed my knife out of my belt. I back away from her as security and Peeta enter. Katniss has the knife and her eyes are wild with fear.
"What's wrong with me? What have they done to me?" She seems to realize that she is acting crazy, but can't seem to stop it.
Peeta starts to approach her slowly. "We are going to help you get better, Katniss. Please sweetheart, drop the knife."
She turns her eyes to Peeta. "I am crazy. I don't want to ruin your life. I don't know who I am anymore. I am the enemy. Me."
Peeta lunges for her and I do the same. We both seem to know what she is going to do, but we are too late. She plunges the blade into her stomach and I see her blood spill out onto the floor.
She sinks to the floor and Peeta catches her before she hits the ground. Security has already gone for a doctor. I place my hands over the wound to stop the bleeding. Peeta pushes the knife away with his foot, while cradling her body in his arms. Weakly, she talks to us.
"I am sorry, Peeta. I am the enemy. It has been me all along."
He is looking at her with so much love in his eyes that I have to look away. "No you aren't, do you hear me? We will get through this."
Her voice is very weak. "I am nothing but a piece in their games."
Peeta's voice fills with desperation as he hears the defeat in her voice. "No, you are not! That's not true."
She sighs softly. "Just let me die like I am supposed to."
"NO! I cannot live without you! I won't!"
Peeta is so distraught that I find myself reassessing my opinion of him when Katniss finally manages to tear her eyes away from him. I can see that she loves him, that she has chosen him.
"I hope that killing my family helped your rebellion. I get to be with them now."
I start to cry and I hate myself for it. Tears are for the weak. "I didn't kill them, Katniss. They are here. They are alive."
She turns away from me and refuses to acknowledge me anymore. "Don't lie to me anymore. Alright? Not now."
The doctor arrives and as soon as he pulls out the needle she starts screaming. Peeta tries to calm her and I see the river of tears coursing down his cheeks. He doesn't make any point of wiping them away or covering them up. It makes me uncomfortable. It also makes me realize that he is a better man than I can ever hope to be. The sedative works instantly and she stops struggling. Peeta refuses to let go of her so the doctor repairs the damage while she lays still in his arms. He brushes back a strand of her hair out of her eye. Traces her cheek bones and places gentle, soft kisses on her cheeks and her forehead. All the while he is crying and murmuring things to her that are too low for me to hear…too personal.
Once she is resting comfortably. Peeta lays her back in the hospital bed. The doctor tells us that she will be out for at least three hours. Peeta gives her a gentle kiss on the forehead before leaving the room. He refuses to look at me and stalks past me angrily out into the hallway. I understand his anger. I caused this. My jealousy and anger caused this. I sit down in a chair next to Katniss's bed and the doctor leaves me alone with her. I just sit quietly beside her bed. I don't touch her. I am afraid to disturb her. The doctor said she will be out for three hours, so I decide I will sit by her for a while. She doesn't need to know I was here. I sit in the chair by her bed and finally let the tears take me. I have lost her. I have lost the girl that I love. And I really don't have anyone to blame but myself. I should have told her that I loved her years ago, but I never did. Peeta never hesitated to tell her how he felt. I remember watching the games and seeing her fall in love with him. Nursing him back to health in the cave. Kissing him. I even remember that first kiss where I knew she cared for him, knew she was falling in love with Peeta Mellark. Ever since that day I have hated him. I have blamed him for taking Katniss away when my anger has been misguided. Because I truly have no one but myself to blame for losing Katniss Everdeen. She was never mine to begin with…
PLEASE REVIEW! Hope I didn't scare anyone away with this chapter. I just felt like I needed a chapter from Gale's point of view. Let me know what you think!