Author's NoteI have changed the name from "When Words Are Hard to Say" to "It's You That Gets Me High". I think we would all agree that it fits better. When I saw that I had to have a title I flipped out and just put that, knowing that I would change the title. I hope you like the new title!

DisclaimerI don't own Life with Smerek. Silly goose.

Casey walked out of her room about ten minutes after her mom and George left. She reached for the phone to take it off the receiver when Derek quickly ripped it out of her reach.

"Derek, give me the phone." She tilted her head back, not wanting to him to ask her who she was going to call, or why.

"I need to call someone." Casey looked down at him, in a somewhat penetrating glare. He was already dialing.

"Fine. Just give me the phone when you are done." She walked into the kitchen and began making a list of the things that they needed to get at the grocery store tomorrow. Nora wasn't the type to make lists, so she always had Casey do it. They had gotten to the point where she didn't even have to ask Casey to make the list. She did it automatically.

Casey only had three items on her list after ten minutes, because her mind was distracted by who Derek was calling,. and why. The same question that she didn't want him asking her. Maybe it was something that he didn't want her knowing. Casey tiptoed to the other phone and picked it up, her finger covering the part you talk into.

"Just bring it over and I'll pay the difference." She heard Derek's voice boom into her ear.

"No worries?" An almost inaudible voice said on the other end. She couldn't tell who it was.

"Yeah. No worries…" Derek sighed and hung up the phone. She nearly slammed it down as she heard Derek heading toward the kitchen. Quickly, she rushed to the cabinets and flung them open, then jotted down 'peanut butter'. Jeez! He ate all that too?

"Here." Derek said, handing Casey the phone. "Who are you calling?"

"Oh, no one. Just Emily. I haven't talked to her in almost two weeks." He didn't question her honesty, and walked into the living room. In the background she heard the familiar sounds of a hockey game. Hesitantly, she dialed Sam's number. It ringed three times before…

"Hello?" Sam's voice rang in her ears.

"Hi Sam, it's Casey." She didn't say anything for a few moments, neither did Sam.

"I'm surprised you called. Is something wrong?" Casey walked over to the kitchen door and slowly closed it. She definately didn't want anyone to hear, especially Derek. In the pit of her stomach she felt twinge of regret.

"I've been thinking about that time that you took me to see Jake." Sam took a sharp intake of his breath. She heard shuffling and a closed door on his end.

"What about it?" He asked kindly.

"Well, remember how you said that you had quit a long time ago? I was wondering what drugs you did most often…"

"Mainly pot, and a good amount of cocaine. I'm real sorry Casey…I shouldn't have taken you to-"

"I forgave you a long time ago. But I'm glad that you apologized." There was an awkward silence. "Do you remember how you dealt with your withdrawals?"

"Yeah, why?" He asked in pure confusion.

"I am doing a project assigned by myself on drugs and getting out of the cycle of using them."

"Eh…" She heard a creak in the background, and quickly ran up the stairs. Sam said something but she couldn't hear him over her rapid footsteps. Oh god, what if Derek was listening?

"I'm sorry, will you please repeat that?" Casey asked as she closed her door.

"I remember having these terrifying nightmares, and I would believe them. I remember one where I dreamed that someone killed my mom. I took off trying to find the man so I could ring his neck, but I crashed into a car so I never actually did it. My parents realized what was going on and took me to the doctor. He prescribed medication to help me, and for my depression."

"Medication, like to get rid of it?"

"Well, it doesn't get rid of the withdrawals, it makes them less extreme. I still wanted to get the drugs again. I kept relapsing. I was always tired and hungry. I was very depressed." He sighed loudly into the phone. "I've never really talked to anyone about this besides my counselor."

"You have a counselor? Like at school?"

"No, not at school. My mom took me to a professional counselor, not a student counselor."

"Oh. Did it help?"

"Yeah. But I am getting kind of uncomfortable right now, do you mind if we talk in person?"

"I can't right now, I am babysitting...Don't worry though, I guess I could go over on sunday."

"I was hoping that I could go over there, since I havent' seen-"

"NO! I mean, no, sorry. I didn't mean to yell." She visibly shook herself to get rid of her sudden panic. If he mentioned anything to Derek, Derek would be mad at her. "Look, I'll call you later and we will set up when we can meet ok?"

"Sounds good. Bye Casey."

"Bye." She clicked the off button and flung herself backwards on her bed. Derek opened her door, and she gripped at her heart, startled.

"You scared me!"

"Sorry. I heard you scream something, and I wanted to make sure you were alright." She nodded her head.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Who were you talking to on the phone?" Casey said in a somewhat accusatory tone.

"No one."

"Please tell me! If you were buying more drugs then I can't let you talk on the phone!" She stated loudly, her worry was obvious.

"I asked Ben to give me back my jacket that I left at his house. He ruined it and had it laying in his garage. He scraped up some money, but the money that he had didn't cover what it actually cost. I told him I would pay the difference. He didn't beleive me, and I must say...I couldn't believe I said it either."

"Oh." Casey felt so stupid. She was becoming more and more paranoid. "Sorry that I...suspected that you were buying again."

"It's alright, I would suspect me." He shrugged his shoudlers and left the room. Why does he have to be like that? Shrugging, smirking, smiling, then kissing me, knowing how bad it is and feeling ok about it? How bad this cocaine thing is, and all that I'm doing to help him, and I can't even beleive that I am doing this. And I'm doing it...for him. Why do I care? Casey started crying to herself. She wished that she had a friend she could go to, but she knew she couldnt' tell anyone. All in all, she felt alone.