Chapter Ten – Killer Queen
Olivia stepped out of the elevator with her head held high. She could walk now, that was something but she knew that today would be rough. First she had a meeting with Cragen in which she knew she was going to lose her temper as she was going to confront him with something Elliot had told her. Then she would have a sit down with the new in-house shrink. It was a requirement after being shot in the line of duty, Olivia didn't think it should be though, she was fine, everything was fine and she just wanted to get on with her job.
She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
Nick wished her luck as she walked passed his desk, he'd been at work since before nine having been called in but she didn't need to be in until ten am on the dot, here she was right on time knocking on Cragen's office door.
"Enter!" He called as soon as he put down the phone, it wasn't like he didn't know who it was, punctual as usual. "Liv." He smiled.
"Hi Don." She said curtly but he could sense that there was an air about her.
He nodded his head and his hand signalled the chairs in front of his desk. Olivia slipped into one and sat up right with her legs crossed and a stony face, not the typical relaxed attitude she normally took with her superior, what he expected from her in meetings such as these.
"How are you?" He asked softly hoping she was just stiff because she had been away from the office so long even though he knew he was kidding himself, there was something up and it seemed like she was pissed with him.
"Healing fast Sir." She replied and that was when Don knew he had to be in hot water, Olivia rarely called him Sir, if ever.
Let them eat cake she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
"Ok, as you know you're on the desk for a minimum of a week, if the doctor clears you next Monday then of course you'll return to full active duty on the condition that Doctor Pierce clears you." Cragen said. "Have you any questions?"
"I do but not concerning my being shot." She replied her voice snappy.
"Ok, go ahead." Cragen said trying not to chastise her in case this was something psychological that he didn't know about yet.
"As you know I spoke with Elliot, he visited Nick's house." Olivia said her voice still curt yet with an edge, Don just nodded once in reply. "Well we were talking and he mentioned something that has been… let's just say I find what he said, if it is true, to be extremely offensive."
"Liv, stop talking like you've got a stick up your ass and tell me what the hell is going on!" Cragen snapped, he couldn't stand this executive Olivia that was sitting in front of him but his reaction made her worse, she was still fuming at what Elliot had told her and having Don snap at her in such a manner made it much worse.
"Why on earth is there a contract between you and IAB stating that if I was ever in a sexual or romantic relationship with any other male detective I was to be transferred out of SVU?" She snapped her face flushed with fury.
"You were the first female lead detective, yes we had Jeffries but she wasn't a lead, she and Munch were second to you and Elliot." Cragen said nonchalantly, he had no idea what it felt like to Olivia.
"I slept with Cassidy." Olivia stated.
"One off." Cragen shrugged.
"Why?" She asked. "Not because I was the lead, why a contract?"
"Because we'd never had a female lead in SVU before and Ed Tucker himself thought you were… the word he used was hot and he wanted a way to make sure if anything was to ever come up, some situation that he could intervene before it became a problem."
"He thought I was some whore you mean, and you agreed with him by signing that contract." Olivia yelled as she jumped to her feet ignoring the pinching in protest of her healing surgical scars.
"Olivia…"
"Don't you dare! Don't you dare tell me that this wasn't some ploy to make sure that if it turned out I liked to sleep around the office that you could get rid of me, it makes me feel dirty and cheap to know that this contract even exists!" She yelled visibly furious.
"Stop this!" Cragen shouted as he jumped to his feet his hands slamming on the desk. "That wasn't it at all Olivia! It was to protect you! To make sure if anything happened you were protected…"
"There are LAWS to protect me, LAWS we were to enforce, what type of protection would I need!"
"From Elliot! God-damn it! It was a contract that was a little more specific than Elliot knew!"
"What?" Olivia asked her face going from furious to confusion in the blink of an eye.
A built in remedy
For Kruschov and Kennedy
At any time an invitation
You can't decline
"The contract." Don sighed sitting back in his seat.
Olivia watched as he opened his desk drawer and she slowly slipped into one of the seats in front of the desk waiting impatiently. Cragen pulled out a manila folder and handed it over to her. She relaxed back in her seat and flipped it open. There, in front of her eyes was the contract that Elliot had mentioned.
"It was a contract stating if you suspected anything going on between me and Elliot that I was to be transferred out." She whispered her eyes lifting to meet his gaze.
"Yes." He nodded. "The contract was to protect you from him, him being a married father of four then five now."
"Why?" Olivia asked.
"Because doesn't matter what happened to the two of you, it couldn't have worked, he would never have left his wife Olivia." Cragen sighed gently. "It was my idea the contract, Ed Tucker completely agreed with me to."
"I'm sorry." She said closing the file. "It's just he said you'd asked him to keep an eye out and…"
"So he knew about the contract." Don said. "He would lose you as a partner if he slept with you and was found out so he had to choose partner or mistress and he knew he needed you as a partner." Don told her as she placed the file on the desk.
"Thank you." She said with a small smile, without even knowing it Don Cragen had probably saved her a lot of hurt. "I need to ask though." She began. "Is there anything like this in place about me right now?"
"No." Don told her a smile playing on his lips. "Just don't act like a couple around here and I will have no problem with it…"
"Sir?" She questioned.
"You and Nick Amaro? I'm suspecting that's why you're asking?"
She just got to her feet.
"I'll see you after you've seen Pierce." He called as she walked out the door with a smile, she was ok and in the clear so far.
As she passed Nick's desk she flashed him a wicked grin and a wink and he smiled, whatever it was she had been pissed about all morning was obviously sorted and he hoped she'd be back at her desk by lunch, psych eval conditioning.
Caviar and Cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
Olivia arrived at the shrink's office a little early so she had to wait. She wasn't pleased. Sitting around when she had much better things to do was an easy way for her temper and frustration to rise. After sitting there for fifteen minutes an office door opened and two people shook hands, one rushed off the other looked over to Olivia and smiled.
"Detective Olivia Benson?"
"Yeah." Olivia sighed getting to her feet.
"Hi I'm Doctor Louisa Pierce it's lovely to finally meet you." She smiled extending her hand.
"Thanks." Olivia said shaking her hand, it was obvious Louisa Pierce had known about meeting the Detective since a few weeks.
"Come in and sit down." Pierce said and Olivia didn't piss about, she wanted to get this done as soon as she possibly could.
As soon as they were both seated Doctor Pierce had her notebook on her lap and a pen in her hand, Olivia sat a little stiffly as she knew she needed to be on her guard, one mistake, one slip of the mouth and she would be transferred to psych services and unable to return to full active duty until they cleared her. That was one mark she didn't want in her jacket.
"So Detective, I see you're healing well." Doctor Pierce said.
"Yes I am." Olivia replied, she wasn't in the mood to exchange any more pleasantries, she just wanted to get this over and done with.
Doctor Pierce was quick to scribble on her notebook. Olivia frowned, that couldn't be good in her eyes.
"So how have you been feeling since the shooting?" Asked the Doctor and Olivia couldn't help but smirk, she was really jumping straight in there.
"Absolutely fine." Olivia said with a smile on her face.
"Just fine?" She questioned.
"Yeah." Olivia nodded her voice firm, one she used as a warning to others not to disagree.
She's a killer Queen
Gunpowder gelatine
"So from your file, I've gathered you don't have any close family."
Olivia chuckled under her breath, it wasn't a question so she saw no reason to answer but decided to throw an answer any way.
"No I don't."
It was Pierce's turn to chuckle under her breath, she had a question to follow her previous statement, she was just gaging Olivia's reaction when she answered or in this case stated what she already knew.
"So since you've been home from the hospital who has been taking care of you? Been your support?"
"My…" Olivia cut off, her and Nick were clearly in a relationship, they'd been acting like a married couple since she'd been staying with him and she was yet to go home from Nick's place even though she definitely could, she didn't want to go and he and his family didn't want her to leave but they hadn't put a name on what they were, was she told old to call him her boyfriend? Maybe the words boy toy would be better in this case.
"My boyfriend, his Mom and his daughter. I've been staying with them." Olivia stated deciding that boyfriend was definitely the right word.
"That's good, has he mentioned anything about nightmares or strange talking in your sleep, maybe more tossing and turning than usual?"
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Olivia frowned, she wanted to get back to work and knew whatever her answers were would influence the shrink's decision but the truth was Nick had mentioned her tossing and turning and talking in her sleep about a gunman and shooting and stuff, she never remembered the nightmares though because they didn't wake her.
The lack of answer was all the answer the shrink need, she could tell Olivia was just trying to determine whether to tell her or not and it seemed that Olivia decided to be honest.
"I don't remember the nightmares." She sighed and the shrink rose an eyebrow, she suspected Olivia would lie and tell her that Nick hadn't said anything.
"But according to Nick for an hour or two every night I've been mumbling and tossing and turning a little."
"Ok. Does it disturb his sleep?"
"Of course it does." Olivia snapped.
"You don't wake from the nightmares I take?"
"No."
"Do you find yourself tiring easier since the shooting?"
"Of course, I was shot twice, common sense would say I tire easier my body is working harder at everything, my body can't fight infections as easy because I have no spleen, I still have to eat everything in moderation rather than meals because I have half my stomach removed and I'm still having some side effects of having my lung nicked so yes, yes I find myself tiring more than I used to." Olivia snapped, she'd clearly had enough.
Doctor Pierce sighed and closed her notebook, Olivia's outburst had been something she'd hoped wouldn't happen but as it had she had to address the issues and concerns.
"Olivia, you're not ready to go back to work."
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Insatiable and appetite
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Olivia glared at Doctor Pierce as if looks could kill. She was furious.
"I'm more than ready to come back."
"No you're not." Doctor Pierce sighed. "You're not dealing with the changes that have been made to your body, you've not accepted the fact that things have got to change within your life, that things in your life will change because of what happened and until you have done you can't go back to work. I'm sorry, I really am but until I see that you're coping with the fact you don't have a spleen and half a stomach then you're off sick. I can't sign you back on…"
Olivia didn't allow the woman to continue as she jumped up and scurried out of the office. Doctor Pierce just sighed and waited as she had a feeling she knew what would happen next.
To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
Arriving back at SVU Olivia blew like a hurricane through the office and straight into Don's office not bothering to knock. He looked up from his desk and saw her glaring at him and he knew exactly what he meant.
"She's talking through her ass." Olivia stated knowing Cragen would know exactly who she meant.
"Olivia…"
"I'm ready Don! I'm more than ready! I'm better and there is nothing wrong my head!" Olivia snapped.
"Sit down Olivia." Don said calmly understanding that if the shrink hadn't cleared Olivia that she would be suffering psychologically since the shooting and until he spoke to the shrink he couldn't know how to talk to her and not upset her further.
"Bring George back!" She snapped.
"You know I can't do that."
"He's the only shrink who ever understood what it was like for us, he's the only one who spoke to you till he understood exactly where you stood, Doctor Pierce doesn't know me to be able to judge within fifteen minutes if I'm able to return or not."
"Liv, what did she say?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Look you can either tell me, talk to me and help me understand before she calls or go home and let her explain her point of view and then take sick leave…"
"Don I'm fine."
"I'm not saying you're not but it sounds to me like you're trying to convince me, or yourself…"
"Ugh! I. Am. Fine! I couldn't say it any clearer yet Doctor Pierce thinks I've not dealt with or not coping with the changes to my body… of course I'm not! Who does instantly deal with the face that they can't eat three meals a day and has to take extra precautions to avoid infections because they don't have a spleen, I am going to be on antibiotics for the next God knows how long but with that comes other risks and sickness and the chances are some infection will kill me but you know what? None of that matters as long as I'm living. I want my job back, I want my life back, I want normality in what's become my reality and I … I don't… I can't…"
Olivia ran out of words and looked at her superior. Her eyes were moist but she wasn't going to cry. He could tell she was hurting and wanted to help her but he himself could see she wasn't ready to come back yet.
Met a man from China
Went down to geisha minah
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
"You need help Liv."
"No I don't." She snapped her arms crossing across her chest defensively.
"Really?" He asked and she sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Fine, I'll see a shrink, but I'm ready to come back Cap!"
"You're not, not yet Liv, get some help, get some therapy and then you will be."
"Yeah." She sighed getting to her feet. "If pneumococcus or pneumonia or some other infection doesn't kill me first right?" She hissed before walking out of the office.
Nick had been waiting for her to come out and when he saw her disheartened face he got up and quietly followed her up to the roof.
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For cars she couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise
"Are you ok?" He asked when they came to a stop.
"No." She replied shaking her head.
Nick quickly wrapped her up in his arms and when she began to sob he struggled to hold back his own tears, he needed to be strong right now for her.
"What happened?"
"I'm not ready apparently."
"To come back?"
"Yeah."
"Oh Liv." He sighed softly knowing she'd worked hard to build herself up physically to come back, neither one of them had thought she wouldn't emotionally be ready.
"I need to be back Nick." She sighed.
"I know, but hey you will be, they'll clear you soon." Nick told her.
She's a killer Queen
Gunpowder gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh recommended at the price
Insatiable and appetite
Wanna try
Olivia smiled and kissed him softly, he was right, he could calm her and make her listen without even trying and he was just saying what everyone else had told him, Doctor Pierce and Don but with them she didn't want to listen with Nick she wanted to and she heard him when others she was deaf to.
Drop of a hat
She's as willing as
Playful as a pussy cat
Momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
She'll absolutely drive you wild
She's out to get you
She's a killer Queen
Gunpowder gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh recommended at the price
Insatiable and appetite
Wanna try