Chapter 10

She was speechless.

He can't be serious, can he?? Is this really Angel? He wasn't even like this when we were together…why does he suddenly want to be with me again? Is it because of…he couldn't be jealous of Spike could he?

Either way…I can't be with either of them…

"Angel…I…."

He looked at her earnestly and she couldn't stand it.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, pushing him forcefully off her and standing up, heading towards the door.

Giles suddenly appeared, blocking her way.

"Buffy, are you ready to be moving about so much – "

"Giles, it's been long enough and I'm fine! I wasn't harmed, I had the amulet to protect me, so I don't get why everyone is making such a fuss…I need to get on with my life now." She pushed him aside and walked out the door.

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Get on with my life…

How do I do that without you, Spike? She thought as she headed towards his crypt. I want to be selfish…I want to keep him for myself even if I can't stay with him forever, even if I can't be all that he needs…I want to be selfish and never let him go…

But I love him too much…

"Buffy –"

"Huh?" she stopped in her tracks, and looked up, seeing Spike coming towards her from across the cemetery. "Spike, I was just coming to see you."

"So was I." he said.

They looked at each other.

"You seem to be feeling better." Spike said nervously. How do I do this…how do I tell her that we can't continue…after she has just saved me? How can I do that…but its now or never…I wont have the strength to break it off if I don't do it now…

"Spike…I'm really happy that you're back and you're safe. I was worried that you would have spent years there and –"

"Don't worry luv. It was even a shorter time in that hell dimension than it was here, and compared to immortality…it really wasn't anything."

Buffy nodded, feeling relieved. Say it…just tell him now!

Spike looked at Buffy. Do it now!

"Spike I don't love you anymore!"

"Buffy we can't see each other anymore!"

They both froze.

"Huh?"

"What did you just say?"

"What did you say?"

"You're…you're leaving me??"

"You…you don't love me anymore…?"

"You said you would never le- …well it doesn't matter because I don't want you! And I certainly don't need you!"

Buffy whirled around, completely confused and more upset than she had ever felt in her life.

"Goodbye Spike," she said, before storming off, resisting the urge to look behind. I never expected it to end so quickly…how can it be over? How can it just end like that? Tears blurred her vision.

Spike stared after her.

"What just happened there?" he asked out loud.

"Isn't it obvious?" a voice sneered from the shadows.

Spike recognised it instantly.

"Oh yeah…that reminds me, not to be ungrateful or anything, but why are you here?" Spike asked.

Angel stepped out in front of him. "I thought Buffy was in trouble."

"Well…she is the slayer. Maybe you should just mind your own business and keep away, things have been much better since you weren't around." Spike glared at his grand-sire.

"I can't believe she would ever want to be with you, Spike…I can't believe she could ever even think of loving you. Looks like I came along just in time and managed to remind her of who she really belongs with." Angel patted Spike on the shoulder. "Never mind, I'm sure Drusilla is still waiting for you…though she may have gotten bored, it has been almost five months now. She came crying back to me again, but of course, I'm too soul having for her. More of the kind that suits Buffy…"

Spike growled and grabbed Angel by the front of his shirt, smashing him up against a headstone. "Listen to me, you wanker, Buffy deserves better than either of us. Don't kid yourself, we're vampires. Nothing we can ever do or be, whether we have a soul or not, will be good enough for her. She needs something, someone, normal in her life to remind her of the lighter side. Not someone that will cause her to have to risk her life…" Spike broke off as he remembered the fear he had felt when Buffy had lost that amulet and was in the hell dimension with him.

I was so scared she would be trapped there with me…tormented for eternity because she tried to save a worthless vampire…I could never forgive myself…

Angel broke away without a word and stormed off. "Just leave her alone Spike."

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Angel frowned. Spike was right, he knew it. What was I doing? What was I thinking? I know that we can't really be together…we can't ever be together in that way again, and the fact that I still love her proves that…it's too dangerous.

Angel sighed as he realised why he had been acting the way he had.

Hearing about her with Spike…I almost didn't believe it…but when I saw them…the love they have for each other…there's no doubt it's very real. And I felt…jealous…and its wrong but…I almost don't know if I can deal with it…I want to be selfish…I want her for myself, no matter what the consequences… but I know I have to go.

But now that I've seen her again…how can I ever leave?

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Buffy stumbled along the streets brushing the tears from her eyes. "Ahhgh. Being in love turns people so pathetic," she mumbled. "I hope your happy Dru. Bitch vampire. Cos I sure as hell am not."

I hope they leave…I couldn't stand it if he stayed in Sunnydale…stayed in that cemetery I visit every night…

But the thought of never even seeing him again…

A new worry overcame her as she approached the front door of the Summers residence.

My mother! I hope she hasn't been too worried about me…Oh god…I wonder what elaborate excuse Willow made up for me, its been so long now, the 'visiting my father' excuse would have worn off!

Buffy wondered if she should turn around and go find Willow first to ask her what she had told her mother about Buffy's absence. But Willow didn't mention it before…so obviously my mothers handling it okay…

She reached for the door handle.

It was locked.

Buffy rang the doorbell and held her breath as she heard footsteps padding towards it.

The door swung open and Buffy threw her arms around Joyce, not realising how much she had missed her mother. She felt her stiffen in her arms, and Buffy stepped back.

Joyce stared at her, with a completely shocked look on her face. "Who…who are you?"