TNSWB

– Chapter 10 –

(Bella)

My husband was amazing. A-m-a-z-i-n-g. How did he...?

I stood frozen in the living room doorway, totally stunned and unable to speak. There were no words for this. I might have dropped the movies I was holding, but in my current state of mind I couldn't be sure. My brain seemed to have shut down completely as I took in the sight before me.

There were flowers everywhere. Vases of pink roses on the end tables—white lilies on the coffee table—yellow tulips on the mantle—a purple orchid here and there... I noticed a mixed bouquet lying on the couch as well. My gaze travelled to the floor, where Edward was kneeling on a large red blanket, lighting two white taper candles which sat in ornate candlesticks on a large silver tray. He was surrounded by containers of take-out, and on his right were two square black plates, each with a set of shiny white chopsticks resting on them. A bottle of champagne was chilling in an ice bucket to the left, and two long crystal flutes waited beside it.

He had...

He'd...

Edward had set up a romantic carpet-picnic for us.

I was beyond blown away. It was all so incredible; so perfect—so Edward.

My brain/mouth function didn't seem to be working, but I managed to wheeze out a whisper-gasp to get his attention.

Edward looked over his shoulder and his face lit up when he saw me. "Just in time!" he exclaimed as he stood up off the floor. He picked up the bouquet from the couch before he crossed the room, handing it to me with another dazzling smile. Yes, that's what I was—completely and totally dazzled.

"For you, my love," he said, leaning in to give me a warm, soft kiss on the lips. "Hungry?"

Damn right, I was hungry; but not for food. Every fibre of my being was begging me to show my husband just how truly amazing this gesture was.

"Edward, I… This is incredible. How did you—when...?" I was still in such a state of shock that I couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

He chuckled lightly before answering. "I had some help. Emmett picked me up just after you left and we ran all around town getting everything I needed to set this up. Do you like it?"

Did I like it? Was he serious with that question? My eyes welled with heartfelt tears and I could barely speak around the lump in my throat. "I love it," I choked out. "It's amazing—you're amazing. I don't deserve you."

He gave me a funny look for my self-deprecating comment but didn't question me on it now; he just took my hand and led me to our dinner.

We sat down on the blanket and Edward immediately began opening all the take-out boxes, announcing the contents of each as he went. He had gotten all of my favorites; every single dish was for me. More tears sprang to my eyes—tears of happiness mixed with guilt and shame—but again I blinked them all back. I didn't want to cry tonight. I'd cried so much this past week that I was likely getting dehydrated. I just wanted to smile and laugh and enjoy this wonderful evening that my incredible husband put together for us.

"Dig in," Edward said with a grin.

I beamed at him as I picked up my chopsticks, filling my plate with as much as it would hold. We chatted aimlessly as we ate, with Edward filling me in on his afternoon with Emmett. (Apparently Em really knew his way around a flower shop, which actually didn't surprise me in the least. He was married to Rosalie, after all...) I forced myself not to cringe when he asked me about my lunch with the girls. Yes, there were a lot of things I wanted to talk to him about—and to apologize for—but I would worry about that later. Right now was about us being together. Everything else could wait.

When our meal was done, I helped clean up the empty containers and dirty plates before we settled into some cushions on the floor to watch a movie. Edward poured us each a glass of champagne and produced a box of chocolates from somewhere in his hidden cache of endless surprises, then we lay back on the pillows and relaxed.

Not far into 'The Hangover' I felt Edward's warm hand slip into mine. His thumb brushed along the back of my fingers, the soft, even strokes sending tingles up my arm—and elsewhere. Even a simple touch from this man was enough to light my skin on fire and send my pulse racing. I turned my face to smile at him and was met with a pair of scorching green eyes, the love and burning desire I saw within them blazing a path into my soul.

One look at each other was all it took. We both knew what was about to happen—what needed to happen.

Simultaneously sitting up onto our knees, we began shedding our clothes as fast as they would come off. No words were spoken; no words were needed. All we did was stare into each other's eyes, silently communicating a love that went deeper than words. Passion sparked in the air like electricity as our naked flesh met, our lips joining in a frantic, needful kiss.

I whimpered.

Edward held my head in his hands as his mouth devoured mine; and my arms wrapped around his back, pulling him close, but still not close enough. My body ached to feel him inside of me; to join with him; for us to be one.

Closer—I needed him closer.

I began to lower myself back to the floor, urging Edward to follow until he was lying on his back. He gripped my hips while I straddled him, reaching down to align us and slowing sinking to meet his pelvis. We both took a deep breath as our bodies connected, exhaling in a shuddering gust as the moment overtook us.

We sat there for endless minutes, our gazes locked and our breathing ragged, before I finally began to move above him. Pleasure radiated through me but I pushed it away. This wasn't about pleasing our bodies; it wasn't about lust or foreplay or orgasms. This was about our hearts—our souls. We were making love in the truest sense, combining ourselves into a single being as everything around us ceased to be.

Edward sat up and pulled me tight to his chest as we continued to grind against each other. I tightened my legs around his waist and buried my head into his neck, deeply inhaling his warm, musky scent. He smelled like untouched forests, bright sunshine on a warm day, and pure, clear water falling over rocks into a spring. I breathed him in greedily, and could feel him doing the same just behind my ear.

Edward released the clip holding my messy twist, one hand weaving into my hair as his other steadied my waist. With a gentle tug he urged me to lean back, our connection never breaking as he carefully guided my head to the floor and let his full weight rest on top of me. I sighed as his body enveloped mine. This was as close as we could get, tightly pressed against each other as we worked in rhythm, but still it wasn't close enough. I wanted him to absorb me, taking me deep inside him so I never had to know the ache of us being apart. Forever wouldn't be long enough for me to spend by his side.

Moving together fluidly, we both began panting and groaning with the increasing speed of our thrusts. I never wanted what was happening between us to be over, but my body was slowly acting against me—my release rising to the surface even though I willed it away. As soon as I heard Edward's telltale grunts I let go, falling into the abyss of climax as he made his final few jerks within me.

We just lay there for several minutes, our hearts pounding against each other as our breathing slowed and our bodies stopped trembling, until Edward finally rolled off of me with a sigh. My body yearned for him immediately, so I scooted myself up to his side and rested my head on his shoulder as my leg hitched around his hip. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, every few minutes planting soft kisses in my hair as we lay there in blissful silence.

Eventually I realized the movie had ended, but I didn't want to go anywhere just yet. I reluctantly peeled myself away from Edward and grabbed a throw from the couch, then lay back down beside him and threw it over top of us.

Edward turned so we were both lying on our sides facing each other, with our noses just a few inches apart. I brought my hand up to run my fingers through his silky bronze hair, and he sighed and closed his eyes in contentment.

As I stared into his beautiful face, I suddenly felt everything I had learned about myself today come bubbling to the surface. As much as I knew I should save it for later, I couldn't stand to have something hanging between us, especially not after everything that we just shared.

"Edward," I said hesitantly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

He opened one eye to look at me. "What do you possibly have to be sorry about? We already cleared everything up about last night, so I hope you're not trying to apologize for any of that again."

"No, it's not that—at least not directly. I learned something about myself today that I'm really ashamed of. And knowing now that you've put up with it without a word for all these years just makes me … gah! I don't deserve you."

Both of his eyes were open now as he concentrated on me. "That's the second time you've said that tonight. Why?"

I let out a gust of air I hadn't realized I was holding. "It's just that … you've given me so much over the years—so much more than I ever asked for.

"Remember how I used to make a fuss whenever you would buy me expensive stuff or do extravagant things for me?" He rolled his eyes and snorted. My refusal to accept his indulgences had driven him crazy as a young man. I smirked knowingly and continued.

"All I ever really wanted was you, but somewhere along the way I let down my guard and allowed you to shower me with gifts and grand gestures. Then I guess I got used to it, and I started to take everything for granted. Well, I realized today how many sacrifices you've made over the years for me, all while I've just selfishly let you."

Edward propped himself up onto one elbow, a look of confusion on his face. "Sacrifices?"

I tried to explain. "Okay, take the car for example. You wanted a BMW, remember?" He nodded. "But I convinced you to get the Volvo because I thought it was more practical for us. That was stupid. I should have let you get the BMW if it was what you…"

"We got the Volvo because it was more practical for us," he interrupted. "Besides, I love that car—it gets great gas mileage and it rides really smooth. But ... what does the car have to do with anything?"

I sighed and tried again. "Okay ... how about our vacation last year then? We went to Ireland because I wanted to go to Ireland."

"Yeah, and...?"

"Well, you wanted to go to Japan so badly, but you gave in to me and we went where I wanted to go because I'm spoiled and I have to get my own way all the time and…"

Edward cut me off once more. "I didn't 'give in' to you when we went to Ireland. Sure I wanted to go to Japan, but when you talked about Ireland—about the poetry and the beautiful countryside and the history—the way your whole face lit up with excitement made Japan seem like a trip to the grocery store. You made me excited to see everything you wanted to see, too. That's why we went to Ireland."

I was seriously taken aback by his reply. He was talking his way out of everything I had been so sure I was to blame for. How did he do that? I had one more to go, though...

I took a deep breath before diving in headfirst. "Chicago."

He raised an eyebrow in question. "What about Chicago?"

"You were offered an amazing opportunity there! You went to school for eight years so you could get into a career in research; and when you were offered exactly that, I begged you to turn it down because I didn't want to leave everything behind. You gave up your dream and I selfishly let you because I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't deserve you!"

Edward was shaking his head and looking at me like I was insane. "Where did you get all these twisted thoughts from? I didn't give up my dream for you—Bella, you are my dream. Every day that I spend with you is the best day of my life.

"We stayed in Seattle because it was what was right for us. I knew it would break your heart to leave your father and our friends—basically moving away from everything you'd ever known. How could I ask you to do that ... for me ... when I already had all I could ever ask for right here? I would've been the selfish one if it had come to that. A job is just a job, baby—your happiness is what I live for. If you're happy, I'm happy."

I knew I'd said I wasn't going to shed any tears tonight, but I just couldn't help myself. Why did he have to be so good?

Edward's voice was soft as he brushed a tear from my cheek. "Why are you crying?"

"You're too good to me," I whispered. "I'm trying to tell you how I take you for granted, and you've got an excuse for every one of my faults. It's not fair that everything we do is for me. You're going to resent me for it eventually."

He chuckled lightly. "I already told you—if you're happy, I'm happy. Where we are, or what we're doing, or how we get there are just details. The only thing that matters is that you're there with me."

More hot tears leaked out of my eyes. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love him more, he had to go and say something like that. I thought my heart would explode with what I was feeling for him in that instant. It felt so good it almost hurt. "I love you, Edward Cullen."

He leaned up to kiss me softly on the lips. "As I love you.

"Ok now, tell me," he said as he pulled away. "Where did all of this come from?"

I huffed and rubbed my temples. "A conversation with Alice and Rose today..."

He frowned angrily. I definitely needed to elaborate before I gave him the wrong idea about two of our closest friends. "I was trying to figure out why I keep pushing you into all this rough sex stuff. Rosalie told me that it made sense because I was spoiled and used to getting my way all the time. So when you turned me down for the first time ... well, probably ever, I couldn't let it go and kept looking for ways to push you into it—to get what I wanted."

I didn't know how I was expecting him to react to this revelation, but it certainly wasn't with maniacal laughter. Edward threw his head back and laughed. He laughed so hard he collapsed onto his back, holding his sides and gasping for breath as I stared at him in shock.

"Of all the things to come back and bite me in the ass," he wheezed.

I stared at him dumbly, completely confused. "What?"

"I've spent almost my entire life trying to give you everything and anything to make you happy. Then the one time I say no, you want it so badly that you force it out of me anyway, and it happens to be the one thing that I'm more frightened of than anything? You have to admit, that's cruelly ironic."

I gaped at him. "But ... aren't you angry with me? I mean, not that I want you to be—well, maybe I kind of do—but I was spoiled and selfish and manipulative. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No," he said calmly. "I guess it's kind of my own making, isn't it?

"Besides, it's not like you went into this with malicious intent. You didn't know I would react how I did—frankly, neither did I. What's done is done, though. You've already apologized more than enough; and we're not looking back, but moving forward, right?"

I didn't know how to respond. All I knew was that my husband was the most incredibly unselfish person I had ever known. I was the luckiest woman in the entire world.

"I think this whole thing is kind of a blessing in disguise, anyway," he continued. "We've uncovered some things about ourselves that can only make us stronger if we face them head on, and personally I'm looking forward to a little growth. Plus, we both know that we want to go ahead and try to work out all this rough sex business—and we will. I'm confident in that."

"Edward," I breathed. "You're amazing. Just … amazing."

"Thanks," he said with a smile and a wink. "I think you're pretty awesome yourself."

He opened his arms out to me and I gratefully snuggled into him as I contemplated everything he had just said.

Edward might have forgiven me for all my selfish acts lately, but that didn't mean I did. Starting right now, 'Spoiled Bella' was dead. No more taking more than I gave; no more letting him make every decision with my interest in the forefront. From now on I would make sure that everything we did was for us.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The first time I posted this story (back in 2009) I got so frustrated and discouraged over this chapter that I nearly gave up and trashed the whole fic. Seriously. So once again, dear readers, please thank the lovely AngelGoddess1981 for saving not only this chapter, but the story itself. You wouldn't be reading it now if it weren't for her endless support and encouragement. I love you forever, Ang! XO