Author note: Thank you all for your patience and your well wishes for my vacation.

Previously:

"I'll consider us even after this. You saved my life in Phoenix, though you then tried to end it last night. This is . . . this is . . ." she floundered. "I don't know what this is, but don't mistake my acceptance for kindness."

Her eyes narrowed and her posture straightened with a small, unexpected amount of confidence. For a second, I traitorously felt proud of her before she continued, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home. If you truly need me, call, but I need a little space from all of this—from all of you."

And with that, she headed out the door.

Chapter 10

After Bella left the house, the atmosphere descended into chaos. Everyone was talking at once, and at a speed I could barely understand. We bounced from subject to subject for hours.

Should we be worried about Alice? Should we attempt to contact Edward? What was the likelihood this was permanent? Would I desire to be a vampire again? If I was going to remain human, could I successfully undergo the transition to becoming a vampire again? How would my actual age affect my physical health and immunities? Why hadn't Edward shown an adverse reaction to Bella's blood? What would happen if the Volturi discovered me? What if they discovered Bella? Would this affect our treaty with the Quileutes?

Though the conversation ran into the evening, there were still so many things we had yet to discuss. I eventually couldn't hold my eyes open anymore. The powerless feeling that came with yawning was disconcerting, but I was truly alarmed by my inability to think straight or keep my vision focused. Carlisle assured me those were perfectly normal indicators of fatigue and I just needed to rest.

I didn't want to miss the discussion, but I knew I needed to lie down. As I made my way to my bed, I chuckled at how this was the first time it would be used for its proper purpose. I didn't even look around to see if Alice's things were still there, I just passed out face first on top of the bedding.

I would have expected to sleep soundly, as it was only my second slumber in over a century, but my sleep came in fitful stops and starts. Every half an hour or so, I would wake up drenched in sweat with my heart pounding. At first I thought it was because of all of the shocks to my system. I lay awake trying to listen to the noises of the house. There were so many sounds I had been used to in our home—the steady swishing of the grandfather clock's pendulum in the foyer, the sump pump in the basement turning on, the whispered conversations of the other couples in the house, turning pages, quiet humming, the shushing noise of a pencil sketching. None of those sounds were present to comfort me. Instead, I listened to the droning silence and wondered where in the house my family was, what they were doing, what they were discussing.

That wonder quickly turned to paranoia, which turned to fear.

I was, after all, in a house full of vampires. Had they all hunted the day before? What if my blood smelled as pleasant to them as Bella's had to me—or worse, to Edward. I couldn't even calm myself with the thought that my family would never do anything to hurt me. Bella had thought of us as family and look how that had turned out for her.

I wished futilely that I still had some sense of my gift so I could channel some calm. The lack of control over my physical responses was grating. It felt like I was just along for the ride and clutching on for dear life as my body and mind hurtled at breakneck speed toward insanity.

When I saw the sun start to rise in the morning, I couldn't guess how many hours of sleep I actually got, but I knew it most likely wasn't enough. My body felt heavy in the bed, and my eyes itched with fatigue. As weak sunbeams filtered through the window, my eyes began to close again, but before my mind could go completely blank, there was a timid knock at the door.

Despite its gentle nature, it startled me, and I shot up in bed.

"Jasper," I heard Rose call, "do you mind if I come in?"

Unconsciously, I gripped at the sheets around my waist.

It's just Rose. She's your sister. She would never hurt you. She, above everyone else, wants nothing more than to protect your present humanity.

I tried to talk myself out of the automatic fear response.

"It will just be for a second. I only want to bring in the breakfast Esme made for you," she said when I didn't answer.

I took in a large breath of air before telling her to come in. Carefully she eased the door open and made her way to me at a slow human pace, with a tentative expression on her face. I didn't reach out to grab the tray from her, so she set it at the foot of the bed before taking a few steps back.

The increased distance between us made me feel much better. Unfortunately, I could tell it did the opposite for Rosalie. Her normally stunning face was marred with a look of sadness. Her expression remained unchanging as her eyes roamed my face. Once she found whatever it was she was looking for, she cast her eyes to the floor.

"What?" I asked her, overcome with curiosity. "Am I different?"

She looked up. "No. I mean yes. No."

That cleared up nothing.

"You're no different than you were yesterday; I'm just shocked at how not different you seem from 'Vampire Jasper'. When I first saw you like this, all I could see was the new and the strange. Today, I can see how much is the same. You're still you," she said with tenderness.

I scoffed. "It certainly doesn't feel that way to me."

"I suppose not." She laughed. "You're still very handsome. Em was as a human as well. I haven't thought about what he looked like as a human in a long time." She moved to sit on the bed, but I automatically pulled back a little.

She immediately stepped back. "Enjoy your breakfast," she said with a sad smile before disappearing.

I spent much of the next two days not moving from my spot in bed. My sleep was still erratic, and what bits I could get were fraught with nightmares filled with every vampire I had ever encountered. As an observer, sleep had always seemed so peaceful. I didn't know why I couldn't seem to get it right as a practitioner.

Not even my family was exempt from my horrible dreams.

I knew there were things we should perhaps be doing, but I didn't want to approach anyone in the house until I could do it without being afraid of them. Despite my best efforts to gather control of my instincts, my heart always started pounding at every knock on the door.

Esme started leaving trays of food outside the door at regular intervals. At various points, Carlisle would leave cups for samples like hair and urine. The most useful thing to test was my blood, but Carlisle knew there was no way I would consent to having my blood exposed to one of them—even him.

Emmett was the only family member who hadn't made an appearance at my door—until the afternoon when the door flew open, revealing his massive form.

His arms were crossed in front of him. "Okay. That's enough of this. You've got to get out of this room!" he boomed.

It took all of my resolve not to react to the frightening volume of his voice.

"You're human, not dead. Stop moping and stop cowering."

I was most certainly not cowering. I rationalized to myself that the fear I felt toward my family was perfectly rational, especially as I knew more than any of us what vampires were really capable of.

Emmett crossed the room and was at the side of the bed in a flash. "Ugh," he said with a grimace. "Dude, you stink. Seriously, get up. I came in here to make you come downstairs, but the first stop has to be the bathroom."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Would you stop obsessing with my bathroom needs!"

He was gone before I even got all of the words out of my mouth but reappeared in the entrance to my ensuite. I could hear the shower running.

"I mean it. You stink. If I wanted to smell teenage man funk, I'd join the football team. Go get in the shower," he ordered.

I begrudgingly got out of bed and scooted along the wall until he moved farther away from the bathroom door.

"While you're in there, take a good look in the mirror. You look like shit."

I scowled. "Thanks, Emmett. That's real swell of you to point out."

He cracked a smile. "Actually for a human, you're not that bad, but you do have fuzz sprouting everywhere."

I wiped my hand across my jaw and felt the sharp prick of my facial hair. I was actually eager to see it in the mirror. I hoped he was exaggerating about how bad it looked, because there was no way I was shaving in a house full of vampires.

"We'll obviously need to get you some human stuff from the store—anything that will keep you from smelling like this." He wrinkled his nose and turned to leave the room. "The good news is the new eau de Jasper keeps us from wanting to eat you." He turned his head and winked at me before closing the door on his way out.

"Haha," I called out after him.

I leaned my head down to sniff my shirt and grimaced. Emmett was right; I did stink.

After showering and inspecting my unfortunately patchy facial hair, I made my way downstairs to greet a smiling family. They were all standing in the kitchen feigning casual stances, as if they had all happened to run into each other in the least-used room of the house.

"Esme and I picked you up some lunch," Rosalie said, gesturing to some containers on the kitchen counter. "It's supposed to be from Texas."

Her nervousness was obvious, and I smiled at her effort and thoughtfulness.

"Thank you," I said, before sitting down and putting a napkin in my lap.

I'd only had a few bites of my meal before Carlisle spoke up. "I think we need to discuss your position in the house."

My fork stilled mid-bite. Did they not want me here anymore? Had I been making it too difficult for all of them?

"Being here with us obviously isn't good for your health. You can barely sleep. What little sleep you do get is clearly plagued with nightmares, and it takes a tremendous effort on your part to be in the same room with us right now," he said, staying across the room.

I set down my fork and wiped my mouth with the napkin. "It's only been a few days. I'm sure it will get better," I argued.

He nodded in understanding. "I'm sure it would get better with time, but we're not sure if time is a luxury we have right now. There are so many unknowns, and until we have a better idea of the situation, we won't be able to address those concerns."

I didn't know what was going to help.

"We won't know anything until I can run samples of your blood and prepare some tests with both venom and Bella's blood." He held up a hand, as if to calm my reaction to him asking for blood. "I know you're uncomfortable with me taking a sample. I think the best course of action would be to set up an appointment with a phlebotomist at the hospital, and I can run the tests afterward."

That sounded like a much better idea than him opening up my veins at home and inviting the temptation of the whole family.

"I don't see what that has to do with my position in the house," I said, returning to my lunch.

"We want you to be in the best health you can be," Esme said kindly. "It kills us to see you frightened."

I bristled at the accusation, despite the truth in it.

"You need to be able to sleep," Rosalie insisted.

Esme glanced around the room, as if seeking silent support. "We think it might be better for you if you slept somewhere else for a little while—just until you feel more comfortable."

My fork crashed against the plate.

"You're kicking me out? Now? Where would I go?" I questioned.

"No one's kicking you out," Emmett insisted. "You could stay here all day if you wanted—"

"We just want you to get a decent night's sleep," Rosalie interrupted him. "We would leave the house at night if we thought it would make it better, but we don't think it will."

She was right. I would always wonder if they were truly gone or not or if someone had left and then come back. There was also the fear the family would step out, and we would have a visitor—a vampire visitor—who would discover a lone and weak human in the house.

"Where would I go?" I repeated.

"There are some small rentals available in Forks and in Port Angeles. It's up to you how close to us you want to be. You'd be closer in Forks, but we'd also have to create a story for why you were back in town but not living with us after having graduated," Carlisle said.

"So we're staying here, I take it, or at least you're staying here?" I asked. "Operation Abandon Forks and All Things Bella has been aborted?"

"I would say so," Carlisle answered. "I think it's best to stay here until we know for sure what's happened to you. When we finally get in contact with Alice, we'll let her know . . . if she doesn't already. She may still want her space and choose to remain in Ithaca for a while."

"Forks it is . . ." I mumbled, not happy to feel like I was being kicked out of the family, but somewhat relieved I wouldn't feel constantly threatened by their presence.

"Jasper," Rosalie said seriously, "this isn't forever. As soon as you're more comfortable, we want you back. We just want what's best for you."

"Yeah." I snorted and ignored them, lost in my thoughts for the rest of my meal.

I hadn't lived alone since finding Alice in that diner, and I couldn't wrap my head around how that made me feel. Even then, it wasn't as if I had a residence; I'd just floated from place to place, meal to meal.

By the time I started listening again, the plan was apparently to tell people I'd decided to put off college for another semester but still wanted a little freedom. I doubted I would ever actually need to explain myself, as no one ever got close enough to us to ask questions. However, it was best to be prepared, especially if I was going to be seen buying groceries—and whatever humans used on a daily basis to stink less.

As for Alice and Edward, there was a family emergency requiring their attention elsewhere. Even those who did manage to get close enough to ask questions—generally Carlisle's coworkers—were too sensitive to ask probing questions about our adopted origins.

Apparently it was all settled. I was moving out.

.

.

.

Author note:

I would love to hear your thoughts. I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.

Now that I'm back from vacation, we won't have such a large gap again, but TLoD will be updating every other week to accommodate the summer plans of my betas. Looking at my inbox lately, I can see this is also the current trend for most WIPs.

Thank you so much to JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024 for all their hard work on this fic.

Recs: What I've been reading lately: "Practice to Deceive" by Livie79, "Stay" by crimsonmarie, "Hit and Run" by lifelesslyndsey (I really suggest this Bella and Alistair fic.), "On the Double" by MasenVixen, and "Moments" by SydneyAlice.