Chapter 9: PERSPECTIVE

The Sun

The boy was tired. He doesn't remember sleeping. There is a good possibility that he hasn't slept at all the previous night. He could feel how heavy his entire body is, as though his blood was exchanged with lead, and someone had stuffed his skull with cotton balls. He hopes today would be better. It has to be better.

He knew he could only avoid Kageyama for so long, but even so, when his eyes landed on the setter, Hinata couldn't help but make a dash for it. Kageyama, not to be dissuaded in the slightest, quickly chased after him, right into the toilet.

The toilet door closed behind him with a loud slam, making Hinata jump.

"Hinata!" Kageyama called, walking towards the shorter boy. He halted halfway, as if just realizing that he didn't exactly know how to breach the topic. Hinata could practically see the questions swimming in front of Kageyama. Why did he stop coming to practice? Why is he avoiding Kageyama and the rest of his teammates? Why is it so hard for them to just talk?

Knowing there was no escape, Hinata wondered if there was a way for him to divert the other boy's attention, if only for little while.

"Y-Yo, Kageyama!" He tried, hoping to pull off come sort of confident bravado.

"Hey..." Kageyama's demeanor changed a bit. He fidgeted to the point where even Hinata noticed how nervous he seemed to be, as though he was grasping at straws, as though he was trying really hard to remember how they used to have their conversations. His mannerisms felt awkward, the space between them uncomfortable, which gave a curious feeling in Hinata's chest. "... are you feeling better?" He asked, almost meekly.

Hinata has never seen Kageyama meek. Not once since the first day they had met. Hinata suddenly felt antsy, as if the fact that Kageyama had started acting differently is somehow proof that something was wrong- with Hinata.

"I'm perfectly fine!" Hinata burst out suddenly, "Perfectly well and healthy! So don't worry about it okay?"

Because the alternative is something he's not ready to face. If ever.

He felt Kageyama touch his shoulder, making him flinch. Hinata slaps his hand away. If he had been looking at the setter's face, he would see the hurt that flashed across it, see him reach out again, only to clench his fist tightly, as though touching Hinata was prohibited.

"Why won't you just tell us? What's wrong Hinata?" He pleaded, "You can tell us. Whatever it is, we can work it out, everyone in the volleyball club-" and Hinata in a rush to make sure he doesn't get caught, started gun firing the first thing that comes to his mind.

"Why are you so serious!? I said I'm fine so I'm fine!" He shouted, then realizing there were tears forming in his eyes, he turned around and walked towards the tissue dispenser. He wants Kageyama to leave him alone. He wants everyone to leave him alone. He doesn't anyone to look at him. He's only half thinking when he says "We're nothing but teammates, and you keep-"

"Hinata!" and there's this desperation in his voice that makes Hinata's heart clench, but he could feel Kageyama coming closer to him.

Donttouchme

"Get away from me!" He said in a shrill voice. "Stop chasing me around!"

Donttouchme

"Stop forcing your way through!"

Donttouchme

"I-"

Donttouchme

"it's disgusting!"

He hears Kageyama go silent, the tears sliding down his face. He's stretched too thin and the tears won't stop. He could almost feel Kageyama waiting, hoping, that he'll take it back, that he'll turn around. And he does want to, he really wants to, but he can't.

"Fine." The word cut through their silence like a knife. "Then as a teammate I'll ask you to stop skipping out on training." Kageyama said, his voice like frost. "The tournament is around the corner. Get your shit together."

Then he slammed the door on the way out.

/Haikyuu/

The bespectacled boy noticed Hinata walking across the baseball field in a rush, so much so that the shorter boy wasn't aware of Tsukishima until they were steps away. Tsukishima hadn't seen him at school yesterday. Neither did he see how pale his skin was, or how his eyes were shinning with unshed tears. Tsukishima calls out to him, asking him if he's planning on skipping practice again.

The fiery headed boy exploded.

"Can't you guys just leave me alone! Stop bothering me!" He has a manic look in his eyes, which Tsukishima glimpsed for a mere moment before the shorter boy started screaming at the ground. "I know the tournament is close! You don't need to keep reminding me to come to practice! I know! I get the memo! So just leave me alone! Stop bothering me about volleyball!"

An image of the team appears in Tsukishima's mind, how concerned all of them were, to the point of it affecting their own practice. He remembers the third years discussing amongst themselves, whether one of them should go to Hinata's house personally, to ask what was wrong. Despite the tournament being so close. Despite it being their final year to make all those years of practice count.

"Well we're sorry for bothering you so much. If you insist on being such a crybaby about it, why don't you just quit the club?" He said, wanting the words to hurt. "Not like it'll make much of a difference with you out of the picture."

"Tsukki-" Yamaguchi said, thinking his bespectacled friend said too much.

"It's true though. He's only valued now, but if he decides to make this a habit, only come when he feels like it, who knows how long it'll take to find a replacement for you. I'm sure Kageyama wouldn't mind someone more dedicated."

Hinata remained silent as he walked away.

"Tsukki, don't you think that's going too far?" Yamaguchi said but Tsukishima wasn't hearing him. He put on his headphones and headed for practice.

/Haikyuu/

Hinata's chest hurt. He grabbed his bag quickly when the final period bell rang, and left his classroom before anyone else could stop him. He was on his way out of the school grounds when he saw Daichi and Sugawara. He contemplated telling them he can't make it to practice again. But one look at his shaking hands, and he knows he's not fit to see them, or anyone.

Maybe for another week, until his uncle leaves.

Then he hears their voices getting louder, their direction changing and soon they were walking towards his way. To avoid another painful confrontation, Hinata quickly hid in a nearby corner, hoping they wouldn't be passing by that particular area.

"Go on, say it. You've had that frown since first period."

"I'm worried about Hinata."

"Everyone's worried about Hinata."

"Yeah, but we're the senpais. We're supposed to comfort them. I mean, when we were going through freshman year, we were pretty high wired."

"Hinata will come around. We'll probably see him during practice later." Hinata feels the guilt clawing at his throat for not only eavesdropping (though unintentional) but also for planning to ditch practice again.

"But what if it's something serious, Daichi?" Suga said. "I mean, the tournament is coming up. You think it's pressure from that?" The light-haired boy paused, as though reflecting what he just said. "I mean, we're all anxious to do our best. Us especially..." He trailed off.

"It's probably nothing." Daichi said, a sort of finality to his tone. "You said it yourself, remember how we acted out when we were freshmen." Hinata doesn't see the wishful face Daichi makes, doesn't see the concern written there.

It's probably nothing.

Hinata walks away. This is good, they don't suspect anything. This is what he's been trying so hard to make sure of.

Nothing.

He grabs his chest.

Then why does it hurt so much.

/Haikyuu/

Hinata takes a detour, unwilling to go home yet. He walks around town, pass the commonplace cherry blossoms, and trod the same length of pavement he's been walking for months. His bicycle squeaked and gleamed under the sun, and it was so hot his tears were barely distinguishable from his sweat.

It's alright. Everything's alright.

"Ara, Shoyo-chan?" The fiery-haired boy looked up, a vision of his mother blurred by his tears, but there was no mistaking her. He hastily wiped his face, but from this distance, his mother probably wouldn't notice. She was in the middle of shopping, he could see.

"Hey, mom!" He said, adding a layer of cheerfulness that left a void in his chest. He looked at her, carrying a shopping basket in one hand, and empty in the other.

It felt like someone punched him in the stomach, a claw grabbing his heart.

"W-Where's Natsu?!"

Her voice sounded garbled as she told him she was at home with her uncle.

"Why –how could you leave her?!"

A few passersby glanced at their direction. Hinata's mother gave them an apologetic look, and then scolded Hinata for being so loud. "Keep your voice down, Shoyo. We're in public."

But Hinata refused to listen, demanding that his mother stop shopping at once and return home. His mother, red in the face from embarrassment, scolds Hinata for making a scene.

"Hinata, you're a big boy now, stop all this nonsense!"

"I have to go home now!" If he bikes it'll take too long. He needs his mother to drive.

"Mom, please, I'll do anything, we need to go now" He pleaded, nearly hysterical. "You don't understand," he starts pulling her. His mother pulls back.

"Enough!"

Everyone stares.

A couple pass them by, whispering as they do.

"Natsu is at home with her uncle. If anything happens he would call, and he has a car. Now stop this horrible behavior and let me finish my shopping Shoyo."

He paddled dangerously, as dangerously as he dared to do. When he reached home, the house looked like it always did but it set Hinata's nerves on edge. Back slicked with sweat and panting heavily, Hinata marched to the front porch. Somewhere in that house, that monster was walking, breathing , and Natsu's inside there alone.

He pushed the door open, started searching frantically and was ready to start screaming when he sees them. They were in the living room, Natsu curled on his lap and fast asleep. The sight made him feel revolted.

"You took your time coming home. I told you to come straight back." He said.

Hinata clenched his hands, and forced out the words "I'm sorry."

This apparently pleased him, and so he gently removed himself, making sure not to stir the sleeping child awake. The one over he gave her made Hinata squirm.

"Tomorrow," He said slowly, eyes still on Natsu, "don't be late." When he finally looked up, Hinata was shaking, both from fury and fear.

He doesn't know which was predominant.

All he remembers is feeling particularly alone.

A/N: It's national hurt baby Hinata day!

As usual, Reviews are blessings bestowed to the poor writer.

Starxnova08: yeah, I took a reaaally long hiatus. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW *Cries internally*