Chapter 10
"Oh, I hope she wakes up soon."
"I'm sure she will, Ruby. She doesn't even look like she's unconscious, just…knocked out, I think. She's moving a little."
But the blow to her head must have knocked her unconscious. She thought she was still conscious, like that feeling she got right before falling asleep. But Sarah had to be well past half asleep and into dreamland. How else could she explain this?
She had opened her eyes just a little to see that her math tutor was there and taken Sarah in her arms, while she talked with none other than the detention monitor. Both were glowing with a warm golden light.
This is one weird dream, Sarah thought to herself. Then she winced when pain erupted from the bruise on her forehead. Ouch…God, help me…
Wait. If this was a dream, wouldn't she not feel pain?
She took as deep a breath as she could manage and opened her eyes all the way, sure that once she did, she would be awake and the two glowing women before her would vanish.
They didn't go away. At her open eyes, both let out long sighs of relief. "Good, she's up," Ruby said, as if she didn't think Sarah could hear her. "I think we should stay until Ben, Allison and Monica get here. She's gotta be hurting…"
"I am, thanks for noticing," Sarah snapped, annoyed by Ruby ignoring her. She tried to sit herself up, but needed to use the coffee table for support just to sit upright. "What are you two doing here? And this might be delusion talking, but how are you glowing?"
Ruby and Gloria glanced at each other, surprised. "You can see us?" Ruby asked when she turned back to Sarah.
"Well, duh," Sarah replied. "You're right there."
Gloria nodded in understanding. "Oh. Ruby, it must be time."
"Time for what?" Sarah asked. She was getting more annoyed as they stood there talking about her, but not to her.
"Yeah," Ruby agreed, equally confused. "Time for what?" At Gloria's narrowed eyes, Ruby protested, "Oh, no, not now! I'm not ready! I'm not! Sarah just got hurt and I want to be there for her, but not if I have to…"
Gloria laughed. "Don't worry, Ruby. It's not that hard. You're just telling her what He tells you."
"I know," Ruby sighed.
Sarah was growing more and more confused. What's going on here? She thought. What does Ruby have to do? Who is this "he" she's talking about? I don't get it. I hate it when I don't get it. "What's going on?"
"Don't worry, you'll see," Gloria assured her.
Scott chose that moment to come back in the living room from the kitchen. "Sarah, are you…" He froze, his expression blank while he stared at the two other women who hadn't been there when he left. "What the hell is going on? Gloria, what are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"
But Gloria just smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Scott, we need to talk."
"But…" Scott's protest faded when Gloria's grip on his shoulder tightened and she proceeded to guide him back to the kitchen. He managed one last worried glance at Sarah before the two left the living room.
Bewildered, Sarah scooted over to the couch and leaned against the bottom, while Ruby sat on the floor across from her. Her head had cleared for the most part and she could form some semi-intelligent questions. "Ruby, what's going on? How are you here? Were you and Gloria helping Dad and Allison look for me?" That was the only way it worked out in Sarah's head.
"No…well, I was, for a little while," Ruby admitted, but for some reason there was shame in her eyes. She recovered and gave Sarah a sympathetic, caring look. "But that's not how I'm here. Sarah…I'm an angel. Sent by God. I know, I can't believe it either. So is Gloria…and Monica, and Tess."
Sarah just gaped at her. While the confession was unbelievable, what had her stunned was the flurry of memory activity in her brain. It…it was like something had been unlocked, and events from two years ago she didn't know were there were suddenly coming to light "Ruby, I…you…how…oh my God, you really were dead. That accident in the article I found wasn't faked."
"I see you're starting to remember," Ruby replied. "Yes, well…I was dead then, but I wasn't an angel yet. After I was…God sent me to you again. I can't tell you how heartbroken I was when I found out what you'd been getting into."
At that, Sarah wrapped her arms around her knees and put her head down. "I guess you and God are mad at me too?"
"What? No, of course not!" Ruby insisted as she put a reassuring hand on Sarah's shoulder. "God loves you, and so do I! He loves you so much that he sent angels to you an your family to help."
Sarah's frown only deepened. While she appreciated the gesture, she didn't see how Ruby and the other angels being there had made any kind of difference. "Help how? It didn't work…I mean, I ran away."
"Sometimes angels help just by being there for their assignment," Ruby explained. Then she paused, as if realizing that for herself. She shook her head. "Anyway, we need to talk, Sarah. I know you're a good kid. You know you're a good kid. What's going on with you?"
I'm not a "kid," Sarah wanted to retort. But the sympathetic note to Ruby's voice made her give an honest answer. "There's no point in being a 'good kid.' When I was, I had no family and no friends. At least now I have friends."
"Who would probably be friends with you even if you didn't cut class…or shoplift," Ruby answered. At Sarah's surprised look, she nodded. "Yeah, I know about that. What you don't realize is that your friends are just as lost and insecure as you are, especially that guy in there," Ruby told her with a point to the kitchen. "Maybe if you explain that you don't want to do that kind of stuff anymore, they won't either."
Sarah scoffed. "That stuff only happens in TV shows, Ruby."
"Hey, you never know." Ruby insisted. She sighed and added, "Look, I know you're fifteen, and there's nothing scarier than not having any friends. But where will your friends be when you cross that line and you're facing charges for something stupid?"
"I know," Sarah admitted, her eyes lowered. She'd asked herself that same question a million times, but every time she convinced herself that she would never get caught. After all, her friends had been doing that stuff longer than she had, and nothing bad had ever happened to them…as far as she knew. And she was always so careful.
It'd been weak reasoning all along, and she knew it.
Satisfied that she had made some progress, Ruby continued, "Now, what's this about you having no family?"
"What I meant was, we're not a family," Sarah answered, tears in her eyes just thinking about it. "I know I'm a teenager and supposed to have my own life, but I miss my dad, and even my stupid little brother…we don't talk anymore and no one cares but me."
Ruby shook her head. "That's not true. Believe it or not, your dad and your brother miss being a family just as much as you do. But like you, they think that this is the way things are and there's nothing anyone can do to change it. I bet if you tell them that you want a change, not only will they be surprised, they'll agree with you."
"How do you…well, you are an angel, you know everything," Sarah reasoned.
Much to her surprise, Ruby shook her head again. "Trust me, I don't." Under her breath, she muttered, "If I did, I probably wouldn't have messed up this assignment so much…"
Sarah raised an eyebrow. "What? You messed up too?" This didn't quite match up with her previous idea of what angels were like.
"Well, yeah…" Ruby confessed. "See, I'm new at this angel thing. I thought I knew what was best for the situation…sort of like you, I guess. But it turned out the only one who ever knows is God, and I guess if I had listened to Him…and Monica, my supervisor…I would realize what I needed to do.. Instead, the stuff I did more or less only made things worse."
"So are you saying I should listen to God and Monica?" Sarah joked.
Ruby chuckled. "Well, when Monica says something, you should listen to her, because she's probably right. But chances are you should always pray to God if you don't know what to do."
"Praying," Sarah said. "Does that work?"
"Every time. You might not realize it, but it does," Ruby assured her.
Sarah put her head down on her knees and thought about that. All the time, she felt so lost and confused. Maybe she wouldn't now since she knew she could turn to God.
But she didn't have to pray to know that she wanted to go home.
As if on cue, the front door to the apartment opened. And the first person she saw was her father. "Dad!" Sarah exclaimed. Much to her father's shock, she leaped off the floor and gave him a forceful hug.
"Sarah, I'm so glad you're…" Ben trailed off as he looked down and noticed the bruise on her forehead. "Are you okay? Honey, what happened?"
Sarah wiped happy tears from her eyes, the bruise temporarily forgotten. "There was an, um, accident…"
"Did Scott hurt you? Where is he?" Ben demanded as he went further into the apartment.
"No Dad! Scott didn't…" Sarah trailed off while her father disappeared into the kitchen. It was then that Sarah noticed that Ruby had vanished. As Allison gave her a quick hug before going after Ben, Sarah then noticed that another person had joined the search party. Monica stood in the doorway, a knowing smile on her face. "You…you're…Ruby said you were…" Sarah blurted before she could stop herself.
Monica laughed and put an arm around the surprised girl's shoulders. "Let's just keep that between us for now."
"Got it," Sarah laughed. She then frowned when her family and Scott came back into the room, Scott's pleas of innocence falling on deaf ears. She may be going home, but she still had a lot of work to do if she wanted her family back.
Two days after Sarah came home, Allison still hadn't talked to Ben about what happened. Of course, they had all been relieved when Sarah checked out fine at the hospital, and seemed to have a personality change on top of that. It seemed that running away had gotten whatever rebelliousness there was out of Sarah's system, and there hadn't been much arguing when Ben grounded her for a month for running away. In fact, for some odd reason, Sarah appeared almost relieved to be stuck home.
Despite happier times in the household, Allison and Ben's relationship was still strained. After all, Allison had never pinned their troubles all on Sarah anyway. But it seemed that the incident made their relationship worse. The couple hadn't had a conversation since they got back from Sarah's hospital visit. Allison wanted to talk about how Ben had shut her out that day, but not only was she discouraged after her previous attempts while looking for Sarah, she was angry herself.
She was sick of his unfair expectations of her to do all the work in this relationship She could only hold them together for so long. How long would they last this way after they were married? The incident with Sarah wouldn't be the only one to ever cause tension in their marriage, and they needed to learn to work through crisis together.
Maybe they shouldn't agree to spend the rest of their lives together until they did.
About to pass by Matthew's room, Allison paused. She blinked a few times to make sure of what she was seeing.
Matthew was playing a video game. With Sarah. The two were acting like a normal brother and sister – teasing and tormenting each other, but having a good time.
Unable to help herself, Allison stopped in the room's doorway. "Well, this is different," she remarked.
"We're playing Mario Party," Matthew explained. "It's a board game. You get coins to buy more stars than the other player, and there are all these mini-games in between."
Sarah nodded with a triumphant smirk. "Yeah, and there is no way he's going to win. I have one more star than him, and there's only two turns left."
"We'll see about that," Matthew retorted. He pressed some buttons and grinned at her. "Hah! I landed on Boo! I get to steal a star!"
"No!" Sara screamed as she fell back on her brother's desk chair.
Matthew got up from the edge of his bed and did a little victory dance. "Ha ha! You lose three games in a row!"
"Not yet!" Sarah objected. "There's still bonus stars!"
"Whatever, you know I'm going to win again," Matthew taunted.
Allison laughed. "It's good to see you two hanging out. But keep it down and watch the clock, guys," she warned, nodding to the clock on the nightstand. It was nine thirty, a half hour until Matthew's bed time.
"Okay," Matthew agreed.
After she took her turn, Sarah nudged Matthew's arm and they both turned to face her. "Hey, um, Allison…have you talked to Monica lately?"
Surprised by the random question, Allison raised an eyebrow. The kids shared knowing, amused looks, as if the question had been some sort of inside joke. Wary, she answered, "Uh, no, not for a couple days. Why?"
"No reason," Sarah replied quickly. Then she changed the subject and asked, "So, want to get in on the next game? There can be three players, and Matthew has another controller around here somewhere."
Allison shook her head. "No thanks, I want to talk to your dad. But I'll definitely take a rain check. I probably won't be any good though."
"Well, that's okay, then I'll actually be able to beat someone," Sarah sighed.
Matthew laughed. "For once."
"Well, have fun, guys," Allison replied. The kids refocused on the game the second she left the doorway. As she made her way down the stairs towards Ben's office, she wondered if she would ever get to play that video game with them. She loved those kids so much, and would miss it if she never became their stepmother.
She reached Ben's office and knocked. The emergency with Sarah the other day had put Ben behind on his work schedule. Both of them had taken off the next day to take Sarah to get her injury checked out. The time off hadn't helped any though, as while the three had spent the day together while Matthew was at school, no real talking had been done.
"Who is it?"
"Allison," she called as she tentatively cracked open the door. When he nodded, she came in. "Look, Ben, we need to talk."
Ben glanced up from their ad campaign spread out on the desk. "Yes we do, actually." Without noticing her hopeful look, he continued, "Something's wrong with this ad. What is it? I've been staring at it for days, and…"
Allison leaned forward as she put her hands over the main print of the ad. "I didn't mean about the campaign," she clarified when he glanced up at her in surprise. "It may come as a shock to you, but we're supposed to get married in a few weeks."
"I was aware of that," Ben assured her.
Sure she was making eye contact, Allison let out a deep breath as she picked her arms back up and crossed them. "We never really talked about what happened the other day."
"I don't see what one has to do with the other, or what there is to talk about," Ben replied, much to her frustration. "We found Sarah and she's fine, thank God. Problem solved."
Allison shook her head. "No, problem not solved. You shut me out, Ben. Chaos was going on around us, and I didn't have you to hold on to. And you didn't reach to hold on to me either."
"My daughter was missing, Allison," Ben retorted "I had a lot going on and I would be lying if I said that your feelings were on the top of my priority list!"
"That's not what I meant! Yeah, it would've been nice if you stopped once to ask how I was doing, but we're going to be husband and wife! That means that you're supposed to look to me for comfort when you need it, not let yourself go through it alone, I…"
Allison trailed off as she tried to think of what else she could say to make him see the point. "Ben, I love you. That means I want to be there for you when you're upset, or you need help. It's unfair of you to expect me to stand by and let you go through every tough time alone. The same with the kids. I do realize they're you're kids, and I don't expect you to treat me like I'm their mother, but…I'd like some input on how to raise them, because I love them too. But then again, maybe that's not fair for me to ask you that, since I clearly don't know anything about dealing with kids."
There was a long silence, then finally Ben crossed his arms and replied, "I'm sorry, Allison. I love you too, but I'm…I'm not sure if I can do that yet. I'll try, but…"
"I know. I know it's hard for you," Allison said, then let out a deep breath. "For a while there I was considering calling off the wedding all together," she admitted. After his jaw dropped in shock, she quickly added, "But instead I'm suggesting we postpone it. Until you're ready to let me into your life."
He was in shock, she could tell. It was a minute or two before he nodded. "I-I suppose that's fair."
"I'm glad you understand," Allison said in a tone that suggested things were the same, but they both knew they weren't. "I'll, uh, go stay with my parents for a while, give us both some space. If you want I'll sleep on the couch tonight."
Ben shook his head. "I'll take the couch."
"No, I'm the one who…" Allison sighed at his insistent look. "Fine. Thank you."
She left the office while he stood there behind his desk, his face emotionless.
Ben sat back down in his desk chair and rubbed his face.
What just happened?
One minute, him and Allison had been fine, the next, they might not ever get married. Well, he couldn't lie too much to himself…things with them had been maybe a little strained lately. But he had blamed that on all the tension his fights with Sarah were giving him. Apparently he'd been wrong, and their problems went beyond not getting along after a bad day.
He had no clue she was this unhappy. To him she'd seemed fine. But maybe that was his problem – he tended not to see anything he didn't want to see. He understood that about himself and tried to work on it, but sometimes he didn't even realize that he was intentionally not seeing anything.
After she temporarily called off their wedding, Ben couldn't help but be a little angry. Of course he knew that her claims weren't totally false. But for her to just spring this on him like that…why didn't she tell him that she was feeling this way? Why didn't she tell him that she wanted him to share his feelings? He couldn't guarantee that he would've complied, but was he supposed to be a mind reader or something?
But he had to acknowledge that Allison had made the right move. He wasn't one for subtle hints or small requests. Now that she'd done this, the message was clear – either he had to change, or he would lose her.
He then realized that he could use the same sentiment with Sarah. It couldn't hurt if he listened more to her too. The way Sarah had run to him at her friend's apartment made him understand, more than anything – she was confused. She was going through a tough time and didn't know what she was doing. Punishing her would only do so much…he needed to start talking with her soon or risk losing her as well.
With that, he closed up the campaign and began putting everything in their respective folders before he went to bed. While he wanted to make up with Allison, it wouldn't help either of them to have a deep, insightful conversation at night when they'd both had a long day. Besides, he had a lot of thinking to do first.
Of course he did realize that he needed to let Allison in more. He understood that much. But what he needed to think about what how he was going to do so. His emotions, when he acknowledged them, were very private to him. The very idea made him uncomfortable – he just wasn't good at communication, and it had always been so much easier for him to keep everything inside. Then there was the uncertainty of how others would react.
He knew that he would have to tell her all this too. It would just take him all night to work up the courage, and write down what to say.
Around a half hour until midnight, Monica checked in on Ben. She'd been watching over Allison after the scene before and was waiting for her revelation cue from the Father. Until then, she'd been alternating between the couple. Though the conversation had been two hours ago, neither managed to fall asleep. Last time she checked, Allison was tossing and turning in bed.
And now, she watched as Ben sat up on the daybed he'd put in his office, reading a book in his hand. He'd been restless since Allison left his office as he sat there thinking. Finally he pulled out a book maybe ten minutes ago to help him get some sleep.
But Monica took it as a good sign. It meant that Allison had got to him, that he was thinking everything over. She only hoped he told Allison before it was too late.
And it would be her job tonight to make sure that "too late" was put off for a while.
The word received from the Father, Monica transported in angelic form to Allison and Ben's room. Allison was a mess, frantically moving back and forth as she threw clothes in a suitcase. The distraught woman must have given up on sleep and began thinking about the future.
That was where Monica had to intervene. The angel let out a deep breath as she made herself visible to her assignment, a soft golden light around her. In response to the Father's instruction, Monica said, "Don't lie to yourself, Allison."
Allison whirled around to face the angel, her eyes wide. "Oh my God," she whispered. "M-Monica? What's going on? H-how did you get in here?"
"Don't lie to yourself," Monica insisted while she ignored Allison's astonishment. "You, and I, and God all know that if you leave now, you won't come back. We know that 'postpone" is just another way of saying that the wedding isn't going to happen."
There was a brief silence, then Allison nodded. "I know, and I think Ben knows too. But I…I don't know what else to do, Monica…" she trailed off and went back to being shocked. "Wait. Hold on, what the h – "
"Before you finish that," Monica interrupted with a chuckle. "Let me say that I am an angel, sent from God. He loves you and very much wants you and Ben to be together."
Allison shook her head in disbelief and sat down on the bed. "Oh, God…a real angel…no wings, huh?"
"No, I'm afraid not," Monica laughed.
"I always wondered about that," Allison said. She gave a weak laugh and looked at Monica with focused attention. "So, why would God send me an angel?
Monica sat down next to Allison, relieved to finally be able to have this conversation. For weeks she'd been wanting to tell Allison who she is, and reassure the woman of her relationship with Ben. "To give you confidence, Allison. Confidence to confront Ben, tell him that you're here and that he has to listen to you."
"But he won't. He's so set in his ways…I just don't fit in," Allison insisted.
"You haven't given him a chance!" Monica reminded her. "Sure, you wonder and you wonder why he won't talk to you, but then you never ask him! Ben doesn't share what's inside naturally…he needs a push. Some humans are like that. I bet if you let him know that you're ready to listen and won't reject whatever he's feeling, he would let you in."
Allison paused while she took everything in. "I-I…I guess I never thought about that…it always seemed personal when he shut me out. That was pretty self-centered of me."
"No, you were just confused," Monica explained. "Miscommunication between couples happens all the time."
Another brief silence, then Allison asked, "So if God wants Ben and I to be together…does that mean I'll make a good stepmother? It hasn't been all about my problems with Ben."
"You will make an excellent stepmother," Monica assured her. "If I didn't believe it after I heard it from God, being around you for these past weeks has made it clear. You are great with these kids. And like any new parent, you'll figure it out as you go. Trust me, it's hard," Monica said as memories of her time with Ruby flashed through her mind. "But it's the most rewarding thing on God's Earth."
Allison gave her a confused glance. "You sound like this is coming from personal experience…but…"
"Of course, I don't have a child myself," Monica explained. "But being a supervisor angel, which I am, is much like being a parent. My caseworker, Ruby, is new to this, so training her is much like raising a child."
Allison's eyes had widened. "Ruby…you mean, Sarah's tutor is… "
"And Tess as well," Monica revealed. She paused when there was a look of familiarity on Allison's face, like she was remembering something. It made sense to Monica, who knew she was finally remembering Ruby's last visit. "Yes, Ruby was here two years ago. That was when she was earning her wings…figuratively speaking."
"But wait, then why were you mad at her the other day?" Allison asked.
Monica laughed as she realized she must have appeared to be acting odd when Ruby showed up. Since then, the two had talked, and Monica knew that with the right training, Ruby would make an excellent caseworker. She just hoped that Ruby hadn't already ruined her chances "Well, sometimes even angels, especially new caseworkers, have problem with authority," Monica explained.