Disclaimer: this isn't how the 'Twilight' series really goes. I'm just messing about.

Jacob led me back to the truck and helped me into the passenger seat. He even leant over and did my seat belt up for me.

"I want – I want to – to go to the Cullens' house," I stuttered out.

"No. I won't take you there. They're vampires, Bella. I can't deliver my friend to a coven of vampires."

"You're a werewolf. You know that I spend time with the Cullens. You know that if you don't drive me there, then I'll drive myself."

He scowled and thought about it. Then he frowned at me, "is this because I kissed you?" he said, "are you going to ask them all to defend your honour? Coz, they might beat me if they all gang up on me, but I promise you I would take a couple down first."

I sighed, of course Jacob assumed that there was going to be a fight, "no," I said "this isn't about you kissing me." I wiped my eyes and blew my nose and looked at him as seriously as I could, "you kissing me was kind of predictable, Jake. It's the sort of thing that you would do. I'm not upset about that."

"Does that mean you liked it? Can I kiss you again?"

He leaned forward eagerly and I had to shuffle over to prevent him planting another sloppy kiss on my face.

"No, Jake, I don't like you that way. I like you as a friend and, really, you like me as a friend. You just don't know that yet, because you haven't fallen in love yet. One day you'll fall in love, or you'll imprint, and then you'll realise that all you felt for me was a crush and you'll be glad that we didn't take it further."

"Maybe I'll imprint on you," he said hopefully, staring at me as if he could will himself into imprinting.

I shivered. I don't like to think what would happen if Jake did imprint on me. I wanted to choose who to love; I didn't want the choice made for me by some spooky animal magic. "Wouldn't that have happened already?" Please say that there's no way Jacob could imprint on me. "Anyway, the reason that I'm upset, is that when you kissed me like that I realised what's wrong with my relationship with Edward."

He grinned, "he's a terrible kisser?" he asked, "are you taking me to the vamps' house so that I'll give Alice's little brother some tips, coz I'm not sure that I'm ok with that?"

I sighed. "No, Jacob, that's not it. Edward is a great kisser, and that wasn't a real kiss, so I don't know what it's like to kiss you."

"I could - "

"Jacob!" I interrupted him, "please listen to me." He sighed, then he pursed his lips together really tight, to show that he wasn't going to talk again. "When you kissed me, you just forced yourself on me and I realised that's what Edward does." I saw Jake's hands tighten around the steering wheel and I felt the truck groan as he tried to speed up suddenly. Oops, that's not quite what I meant to say.

Now Jacob was the one rushing to defend my honour! His eyes were stern and his mouth was set in a grim line. That expression made him look older; he looked like my dad on his way to work. He was certainly not planning on reading anyone their rights. It didn't take a lot to set Jake off; I was beginning to see Edward's point about the volatility of werewolves. One stray comment and he was into full who's-the-daddy protector mode.

"I don't mean it like that," I said hastily, "Edward doesn't force himself on me, ever. In fact, he's always pulling away from me when I want to go on kissing. What I meant was that Edward always thinks that he knows best and wants to be in control of every situation. Alice and Rose tried to explain that to me last night and they came up with a plan to get Edward to stop trying to control me. I've decided to put the plan into action tonight."

Jacob stopped trying to kill my truck and loosened his grip a bit. "So, what's the great plan?" he asked, struggling to calm himself down with deep breathing.

"It's pretty long-winded," I said. So Jake pulled over at the side of the road and I explained the whole plan to him, taking my time and giving him enough opportunity to get back into a reasonable frame of mind. He needed to get rid of whatever images I'd accidentally put into his head. It wasn't going to go well if I turned up at the Cullen's house while Jacob was still fixated on protecting me from Edward's groping hands! Jacob wasn't fond of Edward; he was hardly going to feel fonder after thinking of Edward assaulting me.

I told Jacob all about Rosalie's theory that Edward would make a better boyfriend if he saw me as more of a force to be reckoned with. I told him that Rosalie thought I really did have all this inner strength and that all I needed to do was to show Edward. I told him that she and Alice were convinced that me teaching Edward to cook would help him to see me in a new light: as someone who could take charge; as someone who knew more than he did about something.

Then I told Jacob about their insistence on turning this cooking lesson into a big demonstration of power, complete with scary outfit and a script. Alice and Rose thought that a dramatic scene was the best way to make an impression, the more dramatic the better.

Finally I said, "so, I figured that it would be even better if he couldn't see me coming, and, if you drive me, Alice won't see you coming and Edward won't know that I'm on my way until I get there."

Jake chuckled, "wow, Bells," he said, "perhaps you're right. Perhaps I don't want to go out with you. You're pretty harsh when you want to be."

I wasn't offended, the way he said it, he made it sound as though he was almost impressed that I could be strong too. Of course, I couldn't be strong like him or like Edward, but I had my own kinds of strength, and that's what this plan was all about.

We pulled up outside the Cullens' house and Jake came up to the door with me. He wrinkled his nose and then he knocked. I knew that Alice wouldn't be able to see us and I wondered if they would even be able to smell me, with Jacob stood right next to me.

Jake laughed. I stared at him and willed him to explain.

"I can hear them trying to work out what I'm doing here," he whispered right against my ear, "Alice is cross because she can't see. The pretty blonde says that I stink. Alice's lover and the big guy want to kill me and Alice's little brother just keeps asking everyone where you are. I don't think that the parents are home. Look out, they're all going to open the door together."

He stepped back, so that I could stand on my own, with my arms crossed.

The door swung open and the first face that I saw was Edward's. He looked instantly relieved to see me, then he looked puzzled by my expression.

Emmett and Jasper were standing alert on either side, and they were watching Jacob. Alice peeked around Edward's shoulder and grinned at me. I could just see Rose giving me a thumbs up. They must have guessed from my stance that I was going to start the plan early.

I remembered how angry I'd been earlier that evening. I remembered that Edward hadn't told me about Victoria coming back. I remembered my fury and drew on it. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," I said, as sternly as I could. It must have sounded good because his mouth dropped open. "You've been messing with my truck and you've been keeping secrets from me."

"There's a good explanation for both of those things, Bella, love," he said carefully, holding out his hands towards me.

"Perhaps I'll give you a chance to explain" I said, "perhaps the time for explanations is over. Go upstairs to your room and wait there for me. I'll deal with you in my own good time."

Edward stared at me in shock. I'd never spoken to him like that before. In fact, I don't know if anyone had. Remembering Rose's words, I turned away from Edward instantly, as if I was sure that he would do as he was told.

"I know that you weren't expecting me till tomorrow," I said to Alice, "I hope that it isn't inconvenient for me to be early."

"Not at all," Alice said sweetly, "it's always great to see you, Bella."

"Won't you come in?" Rose added, pushing past Emmett and pulling the door open widely.

Edward was still standing there in shock. Luckily, Rose had given me a tip to use if this happened. I leant very close and whispered, "are you going to make me repeat myself?"

He span around on his heel and walked up the stairs.

"Wow," Jasper said, "that was pretty cool."

"Edward's in trouble, Edward's in trouble," Emmett chanted, until Rose glowered at him. Then he shut up, but continued to grin broadly.

"Don't chant that in your head, either," I said to Emmett, "it's not nice to tease people."

The others chuckled, but Emmett frowned and began singing 'She Loves You' under his breath instead.

"I think that's my cue to leave," Jake said.

"Oh, yeah, thanks for the lift, um . . . do you want to borrow my truck to get home?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "I think it'll be faster if I run."

"You'd be faster than that thing even if you were walking," Rose said.

There was a long pause. Jake stared at Rosalie, as if he was trying to figure out her angle. He had trouble thinking of the Cullens as people and he certainly hadn't expected one of them to joke with him. There was silence as the werewolf stared at the vampires and the vampires stared back. Then Jake worked out that a pretty girl had made a wisecrack about my truck. Then he laughed.

Rosalie smirked back. It was so good to see a pleasant gesture between Jake and a Cullen that I didn't even want to defend my poor truck.

Having laughed at a vampire's joke, Jake seemed to realise that he would look ridiculous refusing to leave me alone with them. He squared his shoulders, deciding that he was going to risk trusting them. "See you, Bells" he said and he jogged off into the trees.

The rest of us walked on into the lounge.

"Um . . . I don't mean to sound rude, Bella," Rosalie said, "but you might want to shower before you get on with the plan."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed, "you stink, Bella, what did you do, roll around in the mutt's bed?"

There was a crash upstairs. Everyone pretended not to hear it, but I blushed bright red, "of course I didn't," I said.

Emmett switched to singing 'Who Let the Dogs Out'.

"Your outfit is in my room," Alice said, "come up with me and you can shower and change."

I followed her up the stairs and into her room.

I'd never been in Alice's room before. I was quite surprised when I saw it. There were huge wardrobes, just as I would have expected, and there was a big round bed, which wasn't a shock. But the colours were all really muted and pale. I would have expected Alice's room to be as bright and loud as Alice was. Instead the walls were cream, the floorboards were just waxed, the bed covers were off-white, and the gigantic wardrobes were painted to match the walls in an attempt to make them less intimidating. It was really nice, but really, really plain.

"Jazz says that a plain room is like a blank canvas," Alice explained, "he says that every time I move in here, I'm like a new work of art."

"Wow, Jasper's really romantic."

Alice giggled. "Don't embarrass him," she said, "or we'll all feel mortified."

She handed me a little pile of towels, shampoo, shower gel, toothbrush and toothpaste. "Go and get cleaned up," she said, "I'll lay your outfit out on the bed."

Alice dove into one of her wardrobes and I went into her bathroom. I stripped and tossed my clothes into the laundry basket. Once I was stood under the warm water, I realised what I was about to do. The plan began to seem really stupid. I was not going to be able to do this. Edward would take one look at the outfit that Alice had picked out and burst out laughing. There was no way that he would take me seriously. He would know instantly that this was Alice and Rose's idea and he knew that I wasn't as confident as them.

What was the point of coming up with a plan to prove how confident I am to Edward, if I wasn't really confident at all? I couldn't possibly fool him. This was just going to be embarrassing. And, since Alice and Rose knew, that meant that Emmett and Jasper knew. And, even Jake knew what I was supposed to be doing. Somehow I had turned a slight relationship problem into a huge public humiliation for myself.

Maybe there was still time to get out of it. I could put my dirty clothes back on, creep downstairs and drive away. But, Alice and Rose were down there and they wouldn't let me back out now. Besides, Edward was in his room, waiting for me. I couldn't leave him there and not go to him. He'd be distraught.

Maybe, I could go to Edward and tell him everything. I could tell him all about the plan and then . . . Then what? I could ask him to pretend that I'd done exactly what I was meant to do. But, where would that leave us? I'd be the little girl who couldn't handle herself again. No, if I ever wanted Edward to think that I was an adult, I had to go through with this now. I wasn't going to get any more years to grow up in. I had to grow up now, or I would never manage it.

Determined to press ahead with the plan, I rinsed my hair and got out of the shower.

Wrapped up in my towel, I stepped gingerly into Alice's bedroom. There on the bed was The Outfit. It was pretty scary now that I looked at it, and on top was a neat note from Alice. 'Since you're early, you might want to think about whether or not you're going home tonight. If you're staying here, you should call Charlie and let him know. The crop is just for show. The noise will make Edward jump out of his skin, but, if you try to actually use it you'll break your wrist (he doesn't need to know that, though!). We'll leave as soon as you open his bedroom door, so if you need us before then, just shout. Otherwise, you'll have to phone, we are going to get well out of ear-shot! Good luck, and try to have fun! Alice x x x'

A riding crop, wow, we definitely didn't discuss that. I carefully pulled on the outfit, it was a skin-tight, black catsuit with a deep v-neck, there were sharp-heeled, black leather boots to match. I put it on and pulled my hair up into a messy half-ponytail. I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked . . . scary.

I picked up the crop, just to see how it looked, and I liked it. I looked very scary now. I gave it a quick sweep through the air and heard the 'crack'. It made me jump. I was glad that I'd tested it before getting anywhere near Edward.

Then I thought about the first half of Alice's note. Would I go home tonight? I decided that I would. It was almost nine now, so I had a few hours before Charlie was expecting me back. At least if I had to be home tonight, I had a good excuse to leave. Then I could run away honourably if things went wrong and I needed to escape. I picked up my cell phone and rang Charlie.

He was pretty surprised to hear from me, but he wasn't surprised when I told him what had happened. Well, obviously, I left out quite a few details. I told him that Jake had kissed me and I'd come over to Edward's house because I wanted to sort a few things out with him. I said that I'd be home in a few hours. Charlie didn't ask if anyone was with me and Edward, which was lucky. I didn't really want to tell him that his family had all gone out because I didn't want them to see me in my new dominatrix outfit. Charlie said that he hoped I'd get things sorted out with Edward and he wouldn't wait up for me. That was fine, I had my key. So I hung up.

I ran through the lines that Rose and Alice had written for me in my head. Then I walked carefully into the hallway, it wasn't too hard to walk in the boots, and they did make me feel taller and slimmer, which was a bit of a confidence-boost.

"See you later, guys," I said, knowing that Edward's siblings would all hear me. Then I took one last deep breath, said a prayer that he wouldn't roll around on the floor laughing, and I opened the door.

Edward was sat on his bed, watching the door. He looked shocked when I walked in, but he didn't laugh. His hands were on his lap and I saw that he was fiddling with his fingers, as though he were a nervous human. I was a bit surprised, he usually didn't bother with human-like fidgeting when he was at home. Perhaps it was a difficult habit to break. Remembering what Alice had said, I paused in the doorway, giving him a chance to look at me. His eyes swept up and down my body and he bit his upper lip.

There was silence. I could hear my heart beating, but it wasn't too fast. I remembered what we'd agreed and I was feeling pretty calm about my part right now. Edward wasn't laughing, which was a relief. In fact, he wasn't doing anything that I might have expected. He didn't protest at my outfit or ask me to put on something more decent. He didn't say anything at all. He sat there, twisting his fingers and biting his lip, as if he was the one who was nervous.