Chapter Ten: Waiting

I can't get used to missing you

If this is how it's gotta be

I need an angel to watch over me

No one can hold the hands of time

But I can hold you in my mind

~ You're Not From Around Here by Taylor Swift

It was raining again. You couldn't hear it through the thick triple paned glass in the waiting room, and as it seems from every damned window in every room I have been in so far, no window from the hospital looked out onto anything other then a graveled rooftop or parking lot. How could anyone look out and search for hope from such a desolate view? And to not even be able to hear even the sound of the rain? A sound that so many considered soothing?

I leaned my forehead against the silent glass in the same manor she has done so often. I don't know why she does it, except for maybe she just wants to be closer to the rain. Maybe so she can hear the rain through the various thicknesses of the many different windows. Maybe she does it to feel the vibration of the distant thunder that ripples towards her from a lightning strike. Maybe for all of those reasons. Or, maybe for none of them. Being a child of the rain, maybe she doesn't even know she does it. When I do it, at least this time, I flinch away a moment, just a tiny fraction of an inch from, the glass before trying again. The pain from a punch Christian landed balks at the cool pressure of the glass and I sighed in relief.

I didn't want to think of what had gone down in the board room. Not while I was here, waiting to hear how Shana was doing. If I did, I would picture the faces of the Board. Every face that sat there because they had helped me gain the funds to start my business a thousand years ago. I had become their slave with their purchases of my stock. They gave me pennies and in return, I made them rich with my ideas, my plans, my ruthlessness. I made public appearances, hawking my image, my body, my freedom.

Giving it up had never been a consideration. Never even thought it was something I could do. I was rich from my enslavement as well. To be honest, seeing my name blazing on buildings and products across the world had for a long time, been an exceptionally pleasing drug. I had never lost the high that came from seeing it. As a matter-of-fact that high encouraged me to make my empire even larger, seducing me with dollar signs.

Despite that, Shana's words had haunted me. An idea, tucked into my brain, fed by her words. Her words haunting me, suggesting I should be in charge, that I didn't need a Board now. Her reminder that she and Christian both did what they wanted, bought what they desired, turned over their own properties. They chose where they went, what they did, how much they spent. Despite all of that, would she hate what I had done? Probably.

Sighing deeply I moved away from the window and turned to look around the empty waiting room. Her family was in another room, sitting with each other, comforting each other as they waited like I do. Waiting to hear she has come through the surgery. The simple surgery. The simple surgery that was supposed to have been finished hours ago. I struggled to not look at my watch. I know it would only tell me it's been a few minutes since I last looked at it. I found myself checking it to see how long it had been since I lasted checked and grumbled at my own stupidity. Why is it taking so long?

"Gideon?" I spun at the call of my name but found Mia standing in the doorway and not a nurse.

"Mia? What is it?" I rushed to her, my heart frozen in my chest.

"No, I mean, we haven't heard anything yet..." Her voice was... timid. I knew that the circumstances were not ideal, but I had never heard her sound so unsure of herself. I straightened, waving her hand to come in. She swallowed visibly and stepped forward, the door closing silently behind her. "Can I... talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure, of course," I said, ushering her in and directing her to the couch. She sat down, looking even smaller then her usual petite self. I sat next to her and wondered if I should hold her hand. Place an arm over her shoulder? She's the same age as my sister Ireland, but I've barely been around Ireland to even know how or what to do. We sat there, quietly, and in a way I was glad she was here. If for not other reason then to keep my from looking at my watch. "Mia, what's wrong?"

"I've... tried to talk to Taylor, but... he doesn't think it's anything," She was quiet, her words just above a whisper. She held her hands in her lap, a nervous habit I have seen her mother do a few times over the last few months.

"Tell me," I encouraged, keeping my voice light, thinking how Shana might be, were it she and Mia having this conversation .

"It's Luke. He's been... different."

"Different how?" She sighed and shrugged her shoulder. "Mia, it's okay."

"He's not been sleeping well. He's had a few nightmares..." She took a deep breath and then let everything out at once. "He's had these nightmares, and he wont tell me what they are about. Sometimes, I wake up to find him standing at the window, staring out of it, but when I call him, he doesn't hear me. Like he's not even there. But that's not the thing that worries me. I mean, it does worry me, but... He's different now. Has been since they found her."

"Different how?" I asked again when she came up for air.

"He... he's so quiet now. And... he... I don't know." She shrugged again and looked towards the windows as if looking for where her words went. "He doesn't... trust himself anymore. Every time I ask him something, he wants me to decide for him. The small stuff, the big stuff... What to eat for dinner, where to go... He's... I don't know what to do. I don't..." She bit her lip and I could see tears sitting upon her eyelids, not falling, but waiting to be released.

"Taylor had said that he had taken it hard, when he found her," I said, remembering the shell-shocked look on the man just hours after they had found her. He had sat quietly, his only words being what had been on the recording Shana had been forced to listen to. "He's gotten worse?" She nodded. "And Taylor hasn't said anything?" She shook her head. I wrapped my arm over her shoulder to comfort her and she wrapped her arms around me, huddling into me as if seeking shelter.

"It's only been a few days, but I'll talk to Taylor. I'm sure he's just having a hard time. Sometimes-"

"I know. And I've tried to be patient, but... I'm worried."

"We'll take care of it. I promise you that whatever is wrong, we'll get to the bottom of it." She nodded against my chest and held me tighter before she let go. "You should get back to the others," I said quietly, pulling away from her.

"I don't like you here, alone, while we're all in there." I gave her a small smile, pulling out the embroidered handkerchief Taylor had given me earlier. I wiped at her now fallen tears and handed her the cloth. She smiled taking it, her finger tracing over the small flowers on it. "Shana's favorites," she whispered.

"It's best, for now, to stay like we are." I leaned forward and gave her a small kiss on her forehead, hoping that the fiery girl she was will return soon. "You should go back now, and hopefully we'll hear something soon."

She nodded and we stood. She wiped at her eyes again and I watched as she wrapped steel resolve around her, preparing to venture back out to the public hallway. She was strong. Her whole family was. I had marvelled at the strength Shana had, but now I can see that it wasn't just her. Maybe this was what happens when you grow up in a loving family. One that cares and supports you. My family was the opposite, save for Ireland, but that was only a recent development. Shana's family loves her and flock to her the instant she needs it. For years she had gone without her family, leaving them so they could be safe. They hadn't been in contact, but though it was obvious they wanted to be in her life, they acquiesced to her wishes, leaving her alone. There was a strength in that as well, I supposed.

I walked Mia to the door and watched her as she crossed the hall, joining her family in their waiting room. Christian stood there, holding the door open for her and nodded at me. I nodded in return and we both closed our doors to wait for word.

Time raced a snail as I waited in the drab room. The snail won the race long before Time had found it's stride. The rain had stopped, but the sun stayed hidden behind clouds that threatened they were not quite through for the day. Coffee, soda and sugar had been offered to me, but none were consumed. After all, it's not like they would make Time move any faster.

"Gideon?" I looked up to find a weary Grace watching me. I stood, spreading an arm in a gesture of welcome. She entered the room and sat on one end of the vinyl couch that took up one wall of the small room. I sat next to her and she smiled, taking my hand in hers. She had something on her mind (Didn't we all?) but I made no movement to hurry her. She patted my hand and I waited quietly. After a dozen long moments she broke the silence. "Why do you think she left us?"

Her question puzzled me for a moment. She hadn't left on purpose. She had been taken. I was about to say that when I realized what she had meant. She hadn't meant in the now, in the most recent, but in the past, when she had cut ties with her family. She had done it not to cause harm or pain to those she loved, but to protect them.

"There are many reasons, I think," I began, trying to give her the answers she needed without betraying Shana's trust. "In a way, I think she was trying to protect everyone and herself. Mia had been threatened, Christian was still blind to what was happening to him and Elliot, well, as far as she knew, he was safe. Elena was your friend and being around you and knowing that the woman could show up at any time..." Grace nodded, wiping a tear fro her eye and I knew I had said the wrong thing. "She didn't just run from you, though. She ran from herself. She wasn't the same when she came back to school. I think she buried herself in her studies, using the drive to not be a victim to fuel her."

I tried to remember how it was, how she had been. She would be the first to arrive in class and the last to leave. Getting her to go out, just for a quick meal, was a Herculean effort that failed 75% of the time. "I don't know how she saw herself, if she even saw herself as a victim, but maybe what she did see was not someone she liked and she didn't want you to see it." God how I know that feeling... I hated the answers I had given Grace. Even if they were all spot on, they weren't perfect answers that fit into perfect little boxes that line up nicely on perfect little shelves. "Grace, I don't know exactly why she did it," I admitted with a sigh, giving her hand that was still in mine a small squeeze. "But there is something I do know. She never stopped loving you. Sometimes I'd see her and she would be looking off to the distance. I knew she was sad just from the way her eyes were. She was sad and quiet, she would never answer when asked what she was thinking of, but I think she was thinking about you. All of you."

After a moment Grace nodded, something I have seen her do a handful of times, when she comes to some decision, large or small. She squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile. "I'm glad she returned to us, no matter what her reasons were for leaving. Even more so over the fact that she has you and you love her so much. All I ask is that you keep her happy."

"I promise to do just that."

"Gideon?" I jerked at the sound of my name, having fallen asleep on the couch waiting to hear word on Shana. Her surgery had taken much longer then it should have and in the time I waited I had removed my watch and ripped the clock down off the wall, shattering it against the window. The innards of the clock laying on the floor was a much better view then the parking lot anyways.

"Yes?" I bounced to my feet, turning to face Shana's mother.

"She's out of surgery." The elder Grey approached me, taking my hand in hers. She nodded towards the couch and my heart leapt into my throat. I followed her meekly, sitting next to her. She cradled my hand in hers as she done only hours ago when she had needed some comforting words. Her actions then were familiar and loving. This time, however, the hairs on the nape of my neck raised. Whatever she was going to say is not going to be good. Her voice was soft and controlled and she carried a professional air about her. Being a doctor, she had done this many times. Sitting next to me, holding my hand was not Grace Trevelyan-Grey, mother of Shana Grey Cross, no, instead she was Doctor Trevelyan-Grey. "There was a complication."

"But... it was... a simple surgery." Please let her be okay. Please.

"No surgery is simple, dear." Her voice kept that soft, soothing quality to it but it did nothing to quell the thoughts that were running wildly in my head. "Complication." What kind of "complication"? Did they operate on the wrong person? Did they on the wrong part of her? That can happen... It's been in the news before... Did she get the wrong blood type? An allergic reaction to the medication? Every kind of "wrong" ran through my mind like it was an Olympic track. Stroke, heart attack, loss of oxygen, the knife slipped... Oh God!

"Is... she okay?" Please! Please say she is!

"She is in recovery, and they are monitoring her. There was an... issue with the anesthesia." She shook her head, looking away from me, her eyes resting on the dead clock.

"The anesthesia?" Grace nodded as quietly as Mia had hours before. "What kind of 'issue'?"

"Apparently it had been coded differently in the system. It was a simple mistake. An accident." Bullshit! I thought, but only nodded as if in agreement. After all, like all of us, she had too much to be on her mind as it is. "It won't do any long lasting damage and they flushed the drug out of her system, but they are going to keep her in ICU. Christian is insisting on a round the clock guard, one inside her room and one outside."

"Good plan," I agreed, the words dry in my throat. She could have died. Again! In the back of my mind the cogs were burning away, working overtime to configure the logistics of doubling, no tripling security for Shana. Never again will I fail her. Pulling my thoughts away from the planning I saw Grace looking up at me, pain deep in her eyes. "What?"

"He... refused to allow her people be the security." I nodded again, liking his thought on that. After all, so far they seemed to have failed her at every turn. "She won't like that... She and Jason..."

"Grace, it's the wise thing to do. I think, at this point, even Shana and Jason would both agree to it."

"But... they're strangers..."

"As a doctor, you would be the best person to have as her physician. But because you are her mother, your objective would be skewed." She nodded again, releasing a heavy sigh. "Christian is right on this." She nodded, turning away from me. What Christian did was the right thing to do. It was something I should have done. Another notch in the failures column of my life. "Is... she awake?"

"No... She is being monitored closely. Before the surgery, she wasn't comatosed but in a deep state of shock. Now... we'll have to wait and see. They will only let one of us at a time see her, and only for a few minutes," She said, changing the subject. "How do you want to handle that?" She had changed with the question, her doctor persona coming forward, a coolness settling around her. She became more authoritative and less worrisome. Strength.

"Comatosed?" She nodded and my heart sank to the core of the Earth. "You guys can see her first. But let me know how she's doing. I will have to wait until after Christian leaves."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I wish it wasn't like this." For a moment, a fraction of a heartbeat, I swore I heard Shana in her voice.

"I know."

"I'll come find you as soon as I have seen her. At least, as a doctor I can check in on her more then if I were just her parent." She gave me a half grin and patted my hands. "Rest. I'll be back as soon as I can." She stood and I followed her, walking her to the door and opening it for her. She leaned forward, pulling me down towards her and placed a motherly kiss on my cheek. "We all love you, Gideon." She smiled and then left me standing there, holding the door open, a new small warmth warming in my heart.

I waited quietly outside the doorway to the ICU cubicle that Shana was recuperating in. It wasn't the warm, homey room I had gotten her earlier, but she'll be back in there soon enough. For now, we are each allowed fifteen minutes with her, and though there had been a grumble about it, the guards will remain, one within and one without the room.

To my eye, they are doing an efficient enough job. The one on the outside checks every id that passes him, whether they are hospital staff, family or other. (Not that there has been any "other" so far.) The one in the room is double checking every single medication and IV against his list. I would say I was impressed, but this is for Shana, and of course neither I nor Christian would spare a dime when it comes to her, though I feel like I have let her down. In more ways then one.

Christian was the last to visit with his sister. He stood next to her bed, his hand holding lightly onto her fingers that were peeking out of the bandages that wrapped around her freshly repaired wound. His voice was low and soft as he whispered to her. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but it was obvious how much he cared for her. I made no sound as I watched and waited and when he looked up and saw me, I made my move to enter the room. His face changed from soft and caring to hard and cold. He ground his teeth as he looked over at the guard. "Out," he growled at the guard who looked from him, to me and back again. "Get. Out." The guard gave a small nod and left, closing the glass door behind him.

"Was that wise?" I asked as Christian took to his feet and stalked menacingly over to me.

"Yes," he said before his voice lowered and his arms started waving over at my slumbering wife.

Taylor's POV

"What the fucking hell!" I ran towards the ICU chamber where I could clearly see Gideon and Christian going at it, waving their arms wildly, fierce anger on each others faces, but I couldn't hear a word either said to each other. The guards attached to her room were both standing outside the closed door, holding anyone off who made an attempt to enter. "Let me in there! They'll kill each other!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Taylor. Unless she flatlines or one of them is on the floor, our orders are to remain right here."

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" I could see Christian standing inside the room, this time Gideon was doing the yelling while Christian stood stoically, balling his hand into a tight fist. I saw him notice me and he gave me a partial wink, one lid barely drooping down before picking back up. A moment later, Christian swung, his fist landing hard on Gideon's cheek, knocking the man to the ground. "Get in there then, you fucking fools! Mr. Cross is down!"

Both men spun and saw that indeed, Gideon was knocked out on the floor, Christian standing over him, hand still fisted, his shoulder taut, his muscles shaking in an effort to not strike him again. The guards ran into the room, pushing Christian aside as they reached to check on Gideon who wasn't passed out, but who was obviously having a hard time focusing,

The guards looked flustered, partially unsure what to do. I stepped up to the plate and handed the outside guard his clipboard he had dropped. "ID everyone, and have someone go get a nurse." The man nodded and went to task. "Christian, out. Go wait in the hallway." He nodded, not looking at me, his eyes still intensely focused on the downed man. A moment later he did as I had instructed, leaving me to help Gideon. "Go take your position," I ordered at the other guard. He picked up his clipboard and headed back to his place next to the door.

"G?" Gideon gently touched his cheek, minutely flinching at his own touch.

"Well?"

"Nurses are on their way." He flinched again as he tried to nod. I could already see his cheek swelling, a shadow of a bruise starting to flare up. He's going to feel that one for days, I thought.

"How did it look?"

"Like you'll have that mark for awhile."

"No... How did it look?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, sorry about that. It looked... good." He released a held sigh of relief.

"Good."

Gideon's POV

As Taylor helped me to my feet a nurse entered, huffing past the guards, her id in hand, raised to eye level. She tried to look me over but I waved her aside. With a tsk-ing sound she left as quickly as she had come. Taylor eyed me once more, taking inventory of my injuries and then he left, satisfied that none were more then surface marks. As much as I was grateful that he was here, I was more grateful for his absence. It was finally time for me to be with my wife.

She lay in the small hospital bed, a plethora of tubes and wires around her like a spider's web. Her wrist was in traction, hanging from a metal frame that was attached to the bed. The amount of gauze and bandages that were wrapped around it after the surgery gave the impression that her lower arm, wrist and hand had grown to four times it's normal size. The tips of her fingers, about an inch or so, that peeked out beyond the bandages showed various hues of purple, bruises that were produced by the surgery and not from her... "ordeal". A monitor nearby beeped quietly and was the only sound inside the room. The sound of it, in most cases, would be considered an irritating nuisance. To me, though, the sound was a blessing.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

She's. Here. She's Alive. She's. Here. She's Alive.

A fucking mix-up with her medication had nearly taken her from me. She could have... she could have... died... she could have left me. Forever. Forever without a single chance to get her back. Slipping away from my fingertips...

My throat constricted as I fought the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. Wiping them away I stepped closer to her. She was laying there, so quietly. Her hair was splayed out over her pillow, daring me to run my fingers through it. Her hair is so soft, normally, and it carries a sweet scent of honeysuckle. Right now, though, all that I could smell was the antiseptic scent of the hospital. I swore then, that as soon as it was possible, I would do everything in my power to get her back to everything that was normal in her life.

I closed my eyes, regaining my fortitude. When I opened them again I focused on her face. The horrible florescent lighting that is prevalent in all hospitals failed to diminish her glow. I may have steeled myself against stroking her hair, but I couldn't find it in me to not caress her cheek.

My fingers gently ghosted along her jaw and cheek, her flawless skin was soft to my touch. I inhaled deeply, and cleared my mind. When my mind was calm, I opened my eyes again and then allowed my fingers to memorize her. She looks so innocent. So... vulnerable. I closed my eyes, trying to not let the thoughts of all that had happened, that could have happened... that may have happened... trying to not let the thoughts form in my mind.

Shana's eyelids fluttered as my finger traced her lips. My mind told my heart that she knew I was here, though she made no other movement. She didn't need to. All she needed to do was rest and heal.

"I'm here, Sha-love," I said softly, my mind suddenly going blank. All of these things I had wanted to say to her, to tell her but they were all lost, forgotten in the wind. All save one. "I love you."