Rain

Disclaimer: I don't.

Pairing: NaruSasu.

Author: Mabu

9. Uchiha Sasuke: Of Immunity and Feelings.

Sometimes the edge serves
As more than a friend

Than you thought it would be

There are certain words, entities, and actions that scare me.

Mostly, they're a rarity and that's what scares me about them: the feeling of being lost, of being left speechless and not have any idea what to do next.

Certainly, if you knew me, you would know I'm not the type who gets scared most of the time. I'm professional, formal and detached. I like to fly the most no matter the risks. Freedom and strength are two of the things that make my world significant.

And the pages you write
In your journal each night
Are your only release

What throws me off track though is the part where I don't know what to say, do or make out of a situation.

I can only watch and wait, my responses aren't mine anymore for that one moment and I lose all my self-control.

I have a conscious and I take it very seriously. I listen to my morals and never do anything that would shame the Uchiha name. I was just supposed to want to be strong and lead the way.

I was only supposed to wish for wings, not anything else. I didn't need anything else.

But there is a wide gap of possibilities that I had never even entertained for once and that was my only flaw. The fact that I needed him by my side to keep me warm from the inside was just something of a sibling thing. I knew I needed Naruto but not in that heart-wrenching way that none could feel.

The feeling he gave me was of trust, understanding and companionship. There was nothing else to be added onto those feelings. He was my partner, the one I could depend on in the battlefield and in personal life.

And the mask you put on
It's like words in a song
But there's more to be seen

He had my back, I had his. We were inseperable.

We still are.

What happened? What changed?

It was like a heart-attack maybe. First mild and subtle then, hitting major beats right at my chest.

I couldn't decipher the meaning.

I couldn't fathom the reason.

I was lost.

And I covered that up real well. Nobody had even noticed the change going inside me and the up roaring conflicts brewing in my mind. I was blank as paper just like most of the time. There was nothing written on my face and I wouldn't show it to them anyway.

But that was only then.

It all changed the day he kissed me.

I hadn't expected it. I hadn't even seen it coming. It was just supposed to be a normal confrontation. Him falling on me accidently because he's effing' clumsy is something that happens most of the nights we have drinks together.

Except it wasn't the same but not at all in the same time.

And the failures you see
Don't seem failures to me here at all

Our warmth's were shared and just like any other time, I entertained the thought of having him close to me like this for just a moment. That was all. I wished he were close to me for just a little while because sharing warmth with him was the most wonderful feeling I had. It was like having family again, having Itachi again and… being full again.

I was prepared for him to stagger off me and apologize like the dumbass he is. And I would get up, brushing it off like I didn't wish for us to embrace for just a while.

But he didn't move. I was waiting for him to do that. I didn't even look away just because I knew he was going to move. Or else, I would have turned my head and not looked at him in the eye. Gazing into his eyes that close makes me swallow; I get those nervous flutters in my stomach.

And I pushed that urge away; to gulp in front of him. I told him to get off me. I asked him with my eyes: what was wrong.

He didn't answer. His eyes were blank; his blue, beautiful eyes were unreadable. I couldn't read behind them. That happened sometimes. I didn't know how and why but it frustrated me. I got curious about what he was thinking about. I wasn't afraid, not even thinking that he will put his lips on me. Not one minute did that enter my mind.

I just kept thinking about what he was doing. What was he thinking?

Oh
I'm begging you no
There's more life left to go

And then, he said those words:

"I don't know."

I should have hated those words right then, glared at him right then because who the heck doesn't know what they're thinking? I sure as hell don't. I want him to get off me, that was what I wanted so I was pretty pissed about that but his eyes were unwavering, and a moment later I found that he was searching my eyes for something.

And then, just for a cruel little moment, I thought:

Was I, inevitably, showing him what I felt? Did he feel the way my ribcage was waiting to be ripped apart? Did I lose the eye-gazing war before I even knew it?

Those were my trails of thoughts and questions. But the thing was, my body was numb from the outside. I couldn't let myself react so I shut it off.

And that's why; I wasn't effing ready to dodge that stupid kiss.

Oh
I'm begging you please
Cause I don't want you to leave

Maybe, it was the way he pressed his lips against mine. As if it was just so natural, so completely normal to be kissing. And that could probably be because he was drunk and not so logical at that moment but it left a scarring impression, none the less.

I couldn't help my eyes from closing too. I couldn't help the twitch of my fingers or the way his lips slid just right on mine as I parted them for more of that magical spark.

It was at that moment that I realized the true meaning of his words: I don't know.

I didn't know either. I didn't know what I was feeling, what was happening around me and why I was turning into such a mush. My whole body felt electrified by just a kiss which is really weird but that could possibly be blamed to the fact that he was hovering over me, straddling my lap and being in such an uncompromising position on top of me.

Which is not my point, my point is, immunity.

I was immune to these little gestures, these uncomfortable positions and these stupid, babbling idiots.

Of course, Naruto was always an exception on most of those so why not make my life a living hell again?

I didn't need to depend on him. I didn't need to want him like that. And I really did not need his stupid ass smile to cheer me up because I was capable of doing anything without him helping.

Yet, the fact remains that the loss of existence is another dent that can never be fixed unless met with said-existence.

I am…devastated. I cannot be this dependent on him. He may surprise me, keep me happy and may be "the one" but the fuck am I supposed to do with all that when there is no dignity left?

I may just fall apart, being co-dependent like that.

Maybe, I wish right now to just die someway but I know that's too cowardly and I won't be able to do it anyway.

But I damned well wish that'd be so.

So I wouldn't have to face him and his damneable smile that shoots a hundred butterflies in my stomach and makes me want his lips attached on mine. Which is very unhealthy…very, very not-Sasuke and very, very unhealthy.

And I don't want to be unhealthy again.

Before I could be unhealthy again, I would rather wish my untimely death which is very…stupid, I suppose but what can one do when there's not a speck of restraint that can stop you from thinking about those lips, that attraction and that beautiful spark.

Later, as I was playing with the glass of sake in my hand, applauds and chattering noises mixed around with the buzzing in my head and I looked at the front; at the stage where a woman stood in all her glamour and spotlight, having already sung her song and bowing to the appraisers.

She had a sweet smile, very innocent until it turned to direct at me. Well, her face did too but the way her smile turned a little too crooked and there seemed to be this know-it-all glint in her eyes, I would supposedly guess that this was the fugitive I was looking for.

"Thank you." She murmured in the mic and with a come-hither look my way, she walked away.

If I had to guess, she might be actually hitting on me which wouldn't be so surprising or by the way she looked at me, she was the disguise.

Either way, I had to go and…explore her boundaries.

Because anyway, I was getting too bored of this mission and needed it over with quick.

Something told me, Konoha would be going through a major change during my absence and that…I could not very well miss.

So, I stood and walked to the direction she went with that "Follow me" look.

Maybe, I was walking into a trap but I was too agitated to care. I'd just fuck them all if it even came to it.

A/N: BTW, the song is by Safetysuit- Life left to go and it's a really great song so check it out and make a NaruSasu video of it! :D

Alright. Late but delivered, after long.

You see what gets me to delay? The stupid thought of wanting to be a better writer than before but hey, who cares, right?

This was all just a raw draft, with a few mistakes revised but whtever. I'm too into the whole F-bomb thing that I don't even care if the Sasuke's version is really crappy. You'd think he'd have more to say but he's an awkward dude, don't think he's that perspective.

Anyway, Review. And go to sleep, dude (I'm saying that to myself, by the way)