Freshman Year, Spring Semester

Chapter 10: Inadvertent Double Date Night

Connor intended to spend the last precious minutes before American Government reviewing notes for the quiz they were about to take, but he was interrupted by a pleasant voice and a smile.

"Ready for the weekend?" The intruder asked, casually flopping down in the seat next to his.

Matt Warrenton was a communication major, a social justice advocate, and the most outspoken in person in the class. Opinionated and quick to challenge, there were always a few eye rolls throughout the room whenever his hand shot up in the air. Connor wasn't really sure how the two became friends; he just happened to be sitting next to Matt one day and they clicked. As they sat side by side now, Connor thought back to the last time Naba visited, after the three of them ate lunch while Kevin and Arnold were at work.

"He likes you," she'd said once Matt had taken his leave, clapping her hands together and giggling in excitement.

"Just because he's gay doesn't mean he likes me," Connor had replied.

"I know that, silly! But he still likes you. Don't you notice the way he's always smiling at you? And finding excuses to touch you? That's what people do when they're interested."

"You really think he feels that way?" Connor asked doubtfully.

"Of course he does. Now the real question: how do you feel about him? If you're interested, then go for it! You need to put yourself out there; come out of your shell."

Watching him now out of the corner of his eye, Connor couldn't help but wonder. Attractive, smart, and passionate about worthwhile causes, Matt certainly wasn't anything to look down upon. But did Connor want to date him? It was hard to tell. He'd never had a boyfriend before—or a girlfriend, or anyone even interested in him, as far as he knew—and this was all new territory. How did he know he wanted someone? Wasn't there supposed to a spark, or butterflies, or a message in the sky or something?

You knew with Kevin, a voice in the back of his mind argued. But Connor knew exactly what Naba would say to that: forget about Kevin. Kevin wasn't interested, and it was time to move forward. So even if—

"You never answered my question," Matt pulled Connor out of his reverie, a small smile on his face as he paged through his notes. "You didn't answer my question, and now you're staring."

Connor quickly averted his eyes down to his own notes. "Well, that's because you interrupted my studying," he said. "Completely rude, by the way."

"So you decided to make me as uncomfortable as possible in return?"

"That's exactly what I did."

"Fair enough," Matt laughed, and maybe it was a desperation to move on, or maybe Connor was just thrilled to finally have an admirer, or heck, maybe he really did have feelings for Matt hidden somewhere, but with class starting in two minutes, Connor decided it was now or never.

"What are you doing tonight?" He asked. Hey, at least if Naba was wrong and he was horribly rejected, he'd have a nice distraction in the form of a quiz he wasn't prepared for soon enough.

"Tonight?" Matt shrugged. "There's a new Game of Thrones episode I need to catch up on. And I'm running low on snacks, gotta make a run to the store sometime this weekend. But not tonight, because I'm having dinner with you."

Connor's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, are you?"

"Well, yeah, since you were obviously gonna ask," Matt replied with a smirk.

"No I wasn't, you don't know that."

"Yes, you definitely were."

"No, really. Maybe I was gonna ask you to do my laundry or something."

Matt's smirk only grew wider. "Are we sharing household chores now? This is moving a little fast for me."

"Shut up," Connor laughed, giving him a shove. Matt chuckled at that and then relented.

"Okay, for real," he said. "Does 6:30 work for you?"

"Perfect," Connor replied, and even when the professor entered the room and swiftly passed out a quiz that Connor was far less ready for than he expected, he still couldn't shake the smile from his face.

"Hey, Kev, pal, wanna start Firefly with me tonight?" Arnold asked. "I'm telling you, you've gotta watch that show!"

"Can't tonight, sorry." Kevin said as he folded various pieces of clean laundry. "I've got a date."

This caused Arnold to look up from his laptop. "Really, a date? With a girl?"

"Yes, with a girl," Kevin laughed. "What'd you think I'd be going on a date with, a gnome?"

A boy, maybe, Arnold thought. Specifically Connor McKinley. "I don't know," he answered instead. "I didn't think you dated."

"I did in high school." Kevin folded the last of his jeans and placed them neatly in the dresser. "My girlfriend Kimberly and I were voted both cutest couple and prom king and queen." He grinned proudly at this, and Arnold suppressed an eye roll at the vanity of Kevin's glory days that arose every so often.

"So what happened to her, then?" Arnold asked, and Kevin simply shrugged.

"She went to BYU and I started prepping for my mission. We remained friends and talked about getting back together after I returned but…well, that was before Uganda."

"Huh. So who's this girl you're going on a date with?" Arnold leaned forward conspiratorially. "Is she cute?"

"She is," Kevin replied. "Her name's Julia and she's in my principles of micro class. I think she's been into me for a while, and the other day we got paired on a group project. So we started talking and, well, we're having dinner tonight."

"That's awesome," Arnold said. "Now you're gonna have a girlfriend just like I have a girlfriend!"

"Whoa, calm down, buddy," Kevin said. "It's just dinner."

"Still, though. I'm happy for you." Even if he was confused. Kevin wouldn't have kissed Connor in Uganda if he was into girls, right? Sure, he was drunk, and based on the way he acted afterward, he wasn't happy about what he'd done. But even so, it was still an indication of his preferences.

Maybe he's bi, Arnold thought. That was definitely possible. But that didn't answer everything either, because if Kevin made out with Connor then he liked him, not this Julia girl. Of course, Kevin didn't know Julia back then, so maybe now that he'd met her he decided he liked her better?

Arnold shook his head to clear out the convoluted mess of thoughts and simply went back to his online forum. People were confusing. He was glad he only liked Naba and she liked him back. It was so much easier that way.

Later That Evening

The steakhouse Kevin selected was certainly nice, cozy and dimly lit enough to be comfortable. In between bites of sirloin he chatted animatedly with Julia about every safe subject he could think of, from school and family to books, television, and the greatness that is Orlando, Florida

"So, do you have any pets?" he asked after a bit. "Are you a dog person or a cat person? Please tell me you're not a cat person."

Julia laughed and then pursed her lips in thought. "Hmm, that's a tough one. I like the idea of dogs, but they need so much exercise, so…"she trailed off and laughed. "I have a betta fish, does that count?"

"What do you do with a betta fish? Those are the ones with the fancy tails, right?"

"Yep, that's them. And you don't do anything, really; they just swim around and look pretty."

Kevin supposed this was the part where he was supposed to smile and nod politely, maybe tell her how much he adored his family's two labs, Milo and Maggie. But a distinct laugh from the other side of the room caught his attention, and he looked up to see Connor sitting several tables down, across from a boy Kevin didn't recognize. They appeared to be enjoying themselves; even from this distance Kevin detected the mischievous gleam in Connor's eye, and he couldn't stand it. He knew that look. That was the one Connor gave him just before they'd kissed—

Whoa. Stop. He was not supposed to think about that night.

What did it matter if Connor was on a date? After all, that's exactly where Kevin was right now. It's not like he was jealous. In fact, this was great; it showed that Connor wasn't still pining for Kevin or anything crazy like that. He'd moved on, just like Kevin had, and now they could officially put that unspeakable night behind them. Perfect.

So really, it was no big deal that Connor was offering that jerk a bite of chicken off his own fork—that jerk who, by the way, was nowhere near as handsome as Kevin himself and probably didn't—

"Kevin?" Julia's voice snapped him back into focus. "You okay?"

"Yeah!" He said quickly, keeping his eyes trained directly on her and not at the table across the room. "Yeah, I uh, got distracted—lots of projects coming up, right? I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"My fish tank," she clarified. "I said he's in a one-gallon now, but I'm thinking about getting him a 2 gallon."

Connor laughed again, and it took all of Kevin's effort not to scowl. Focus, he told himself. Don't think about him. Think about this perfectly nice girl sitting in front of you. "Do it," he said. "He needs room to swim."

"Right," Julia said. She folded up her napkin next to her now empty plate, and leaned back in her seat. "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"I don't know." Kevin set his own napkin on the table as well. He still had a few bites left, but he'd lost his appetite. "Do you want to see a movie?"

She smiled suggestively. "Not feeling up to the crowds," she said. "Your place or mine? You live in the dorms, right? Probably better to go to mine."

He faced her in confusion. "So…I guess we're getting a RedBox?"

"I'm gonna have to spell this out for you, aren't I?" Julia sighed. "Are we having sex or not?"

Kevin started at her, dumbstruck, for one long moment. "Oh," he said finally. "Oh, dear. Um…" He hadn't expected that. Why hadn't he expected that? He'd known Julia wasn't Mormon—wasn't religious in particular—and really, he wasn't either. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Connor stand up with his date, bid farewell to their server, and head toward the door. Would it be wrong if he slept with Julia? It's not like he actually believed in any of that purity crap anymore. Safety was the biggest issue here, so as long as they were careful and used protection there shouldn't be a problem, right?

Still, though, the sheer terror he felt now was probably proof that he wasn't ready. One thing was for certain, he wouldn't be losing his virginity tonight. "Julia," he began. "I can't. I think you're great, really. And I'm happy you're so comfortable with yourself, but I'm not sleeping with anyone on the first date. Maybe not until I'm married, I don't know. I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "Don't be sorry," she said. "I get it. You've gotta do what's right for you."

Kevin let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks," he said. "I thought you'd—"

"How was everything, folks?" Kevin was cut off by the waiter scooping up their plates. "Can I get you anything else?"

"Just the check, please," Julia said. "Also, do you want to have sex tonight?"

Kevin's jaw dropped, while the server looked between the two of them quizzically. "With you?" He asked.

"Yeah, with me," she replied. "Don't worry about him; he's cool."

The waiter shrugged. "Sure. My shift ends in fifteen."

"Awesome, see you then," Julia said, and Kevin simply stared. "Come on, don't look at me like that," she told him once the server had carried away their plates. "You've gotta do what's right for you, and I need to do what's right for me. I don't do long-term relationships, and I don't do waiting. Plus, I definitely intended to get laid tonight. I'll pay for dinner, if that helps."

Kevin knew he should probably respond, but he was still trying to make sense of what had occurred. Had he just been dumped before they'd even received the check? Did she honestly think saving him a few bucks would make it all better? And what kind of server agrees to sleep with their customers while on the clock, anyway?

He stood up abruptly. "I have to go," he said.

Arnold had just been wondering how Kevin's date was going when his companion-turned-roommate stormed into the room, a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked in hand, and headed straight for his Disney shelf. He stood there silently, tapping his spoon against his chin and glaring at the titles.

"I really need to come up with a better way of organizing these," he snapped. "Right now they're alphabetical, but really they should be 'movies where the couple lives happily ever after' and 'movies that don't make me want to gouge my eyes out.'"

Oh. So it didn't go well. "What happened?"

"She dumped me over dinner, that's what happened!" Kevin snatched up four movies—Brave, Lilo and Stitch, Monsters Inc, and the first Toy Story—and held them out. "Which one?"

"You know you're just gonna pick Lilo and Stitch. It's your favorite; you cry every time you watch it."

"It is my favorite," Kevin agreed, tossing the others back onto the shelf. "Well anyway, Julia said she wanted to sleep with me, I said I wasn't ready for that, and then she ditched me for the waiter. Seriously, she asked him over to her place, right in front of me, while he was collecting our plates. And he agreed! Right in front of me!"

Aww, poor Kevin. Arnold figured he should offer some sort of condolences right away, but Kevin was opening up the carton of dairy goodness so he decided it could wait until he found a spoon for himself. He stole one from Kevin's small stash of college-essential-cutlery, and Kevin scowled.

"I didn't buy this ice cream for us both," he snapped. "Maybe I want to eat it all and wallow in my misery."

"Sharing is caring," Arnold said, scooping out a large bite. "And man, that really sucks about tonight! But I thought you said it was just dinner. So at least you weren't in love with her or anything."

"That's true, but it's the principle of the matter. I've never been so humiliated in my life." Kevin readied the movie and took a seat next to Arnold on his bed.

"Not even when you had to ask Gotswana to remove a book from your butt?"

"Stop bringing that up. And that doesn't count; it's a whole separate entity in and of itself."

"Oh. Well, you'll find someone else. Someone better!"

A rare flash of self-doubt crossed Kevin's features. "Will I, though?" He said. "You know, this never would've happened before my mission. Do you have any idea how many girls wanted to date me in high school? Now Mormons think I'm a heathen and everyone else thinks I'm weirdly religious. I can't win!"

"So, what are you trying to say? Do you wish you hadn't gone to Uganda?"

"No, not at all," Kevin quickly clarified. "Goodness knows, that's the best thing I've ever done. It's just…do you think maybe I should've just slept with her? Would it really have been that big a deal?"

"Yeah, it would have been a huge deal!" Arnold said. "Because you didn't want to. So you wouldn't have been true to yourself. And being true to yourself is the most important thing ever! Really, it is. It's very important that you be true to yourself in every way. Like, super important." Arnold figured Kevin needed to grasp that concept given recent events, so he placed a lot of emphasis on his statement. But he might have overdone it, because now his friend was giving him a funny look.

"Okay," Kevin replied slowly.

"What's this all about, anyway?" Arnold asked. "I know you're not this upset just because you struck out with one girl."

Kevin considered his answer to Arnold's question very carefully. "I just…" He began. Why was he so upset? Did he even know?

Because this is just one more reminder of how much I've changed. Because I don't know where I stand anymore. Because apparently Connor dates now, and I hate that it bothers me so much.

"I just don't like being rejected," he finally finished.

Arnold didn't say anything for a moment; he merely wrapped his arms around Kevin and hugged him from the side.

"Don't be sad," he finally stated. "There's lots of people out there, religious or not, who'd love everything about you and want more than just a hookup. But you know what? You don't have to be in a rush to find them, because you're already awesome all by yourself! You're super smart, and you're gonna do a ton of great stuff. So don't worry about dating someone unless you're totally into them."

Kevin couldn't help but be warmed by Arnold's words. "When did you get so wise?" He said, leaning his head on Arnold's shoulders. "No wonder we always called you our prophet."

"Well, duh. 'Cause I'm awesome."

Kevin laughed, then hit play on the remote. "Here," he said as he reached over for the ice cream container on his desk. "Finish this with me."

They watched the movie and took turns scooping out bites of ice cream, and while Kevin was reassured by Arnold's words, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong with him. And if he could just reach inside himself, dig out whatever it was, and make a few small adjustments, then he would finally be perfect.

The Next Morning

Naba headed straight to Connor's room the minute she arrived on campus mid-morning, knocking on his door and entering as soon as she heard him say to come in.

"How was your date?" she asked, grinning suggestively.

Connor was sitting on his bed, idly flipping through a magazine. "It went well," he replied. "We went to a little steakhouse nearby, nothing special."

She sighed in exasperation and flopped down across from him. "But what did you think?" She prodded. "Was he everything you imagined? Are you seeing him again?"

That question gave Connor pause. "I'm…well, I'm not sure," he said, flipping the magazine shut. "He's great. Really, he is. And once we went back to his place—"

"Wait, wait," Naba cut him off. "You went home with him? Did you…" The look on his face told her everything she needed to know, and her eyes widened. "Are you fucking with me? Connor!"

"What? You're the one who told me to get out of my shell."

"I meant ease your way out bit by bit, not punch right through it!"

"Oh, well, where's the fun in that?"

Naba laughed and shook her head. "I can't believe you had sex on the first ever date you've ever had," she said.

"Stop that." Connor suddenly felt self-conscious. "You're judging me, aren't you?"

"No, no, I just never expected that from you. So, how was it?"

He shrugged, somewhat at a loss for words. "It was good," he said. "To be honest, I had no clue what I was doing. And now that it's over, I'm not sure what all the hype is about."

Maybe he felt that way because it didn't mean anything. He wasn't in love, and Matt wasn't Kevin. But there was no way he was going to say that aloud. He didn't have to, though; Naba simply knew.

"Next time will be better," she said. "It'll be with someone special."

Though the idealist in him knew she was right, the realist wondered just how long it would take.

A/N: As always, thanks for reading, and reviews are greatly appreciated!