A/N

Warning, here be darkness...

The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 9

A Week Later.

Frantically, Gaius was rushing around his chambers in a blind flurry, trying to do twenty things at once before breakfast. He had been worked off his feet with his daily rounds and caring for Merlin. Not only did he have the extra job of looking after the warlock but he also had to complete Merlin's normal tasks as well. It had been a hard two weeks and, he had to admit, it had not been made any easier by his ward's behaviour over the last few days.

Before this last week Gaius would have said that Merlin was the least demanding of patients, in fact the old physician had often been heard complaining that Merlin did not look after himself nearly well enough when he was ill or injured. In the past Gaius had had to practically force the young warlock to rest and to allow his body and mind to recover from the immense trials he often endured. But something had changed. It had now been 6 days since Merlin had collapsed in the Kings chambers and this time Merlin had needed no encouragement to rest and remain quietly in his room to recover. In fact Merlin had barely left his bedchamber in days and would only accept visits from Dera. When Gaius had questioned him about this Merlin had merely stated that his head still ached and that the knights made too much noise.

When Gaius had made a snorting sound that seemed to imply that he found that hard to believe Merlin had then looked up and stared at him with unblinking eyes.

"Honestly" he said "would you deny me the chance to spend time with Dera. You of all people know what I have lost and what I have given up in my service to this Realm and to this King. There has never been anything for me, no time to think about what I want or need and I am tired of it. Surely it is right that I now have a chance to claim something for myself? Do I not deserve some small piece of happiness or would you have me give up this chance just for Arthur and my so called destiny?" Merlin looked at Gaius with wide eyes, seeming so innocent and yet...something else... but no, Gaius could not explain what, if anything, lay behind them. "It is just for a while Gaius, a brief respite and then I will return to my fate."

All Gaius could do was nod in agreement and withdraw. There was a truth in what Merlin had said; the boy had indeed made many sacrifices and many of those he had loved had died, but it worried Gaius somehow. This was not like Merlin, this bitterness and withdrawal. Occasionally the young man had spoken out in anger and sadness about the losses he had endured but never for long and never with such (and it hurt Gaius to even think this), such self pity.

But there had been little he could do except be there and hope that Merlin would come out of this state and return to the kind natured and caring young man he loved. Gaius had hoped that Dera would help bring this about but as the week wore on he began to get more worried about their relationship. It seemed, and there was no other way to put it, unhealthy. No couple should spend so much time alone, enclosed together in a small room, talking so quietly that no-one could even hear a murmour.

Gaius still did not even know if Merlin had told the girl of his magic but he found himself desperately hoping not. There was something about her; something that had changed. She no longer smiled at him as she entered his rooms; no longer seemed to even acknowledge that he existed. He felt like a foolish, inconsequential old man in her presence and he got the distinct impression that for some reason she despised him. It had not always been like this but now it was almost as if she had achieved her aim and no longer needed to keep him on her side. She had Merlin and did not need to keep up her pretence or wear her mask.

Gaius shuddered as he began to pour out the ingredients to the potion he was trying to finish. That was foolish thinking he admonished himself. He was just being a fanciful old man. Merlin and Dera were in love. Had it been so long, he asked himself, since he had felt that all encompassing feeling of total dedication to the object of your affection? Had he really forgotten how it was possible to want to do nothing, except spend hours staring at each other and talking over your future and the lives you hoped you would lead?

But wasn't that supposed to make you happy, make you glow with health and well being? Nothing like that was happening to Merlin. He was turning in on himself, no longer smiling and full of inane chatter. He was quiet, almost sullen and he was bitter. So bitter it made Gaius's heart weep.

A quiet creak from behind him made Gaius turn his head and he watched in silence as Merlin emerged from his room, bruises and bandages all gone now. But even so he looked dazed and he half covered his eyes as if the light from the chamber windows was too bright. Perhaps, Gaius thought, I've been unkind. Perhaps he truly is still suffering from the after affects of the attack. From the way the young warlock was wincing as he stumbled down the few stairs from his small room it certainly appeared as if he was not totally himself. Almost absent, as if he was completely unaware of his surroundings.

Gaius coughed slightly but there was no reaction from the young man as he walked across the room and settled himself uncomfortably into the chair by the table. Sighing and putting down the medicine he had been trying to finish Gaius pulled up the second seat and sat opposite the boy.

"Merlin." He spoke quietly and his voice betrayed his concern and his love for the gangly youth opposite him. There was no reaction.

"Merlin, come on my lad, what is wrong?"

This time Merlin raised his head slightly and looked directly into Gaius's eyes and for a moment the old man's heart seemed to stop mid-beat. A darkness, a presence, just there, flitting across the warlocks normally clear blue eyes. Then it was gone, no evidence it was more than a trick of the light or an old man's imagination. No proof he had seen what he had seen. But he knew it had been there. But not what it was. It worried him, it worried him greatly.

"What?" Merlin barked at him across the table and it was only then that Gaius realised he had been silent and staring at the lad for over a minute. Now he had Merlin's full attention and the warlock did not seem happy.

Gaius pushed aside thoughts of what he had seen until later and tried to concentrate on Merlin.

"There is something wrong my boy, I am worried for you. Please can't you tell me, perhaps I can help?" Gaius wouldn't have called the tone in his voice pleading but that was what it was really. He desperately wanted Merlin to trust him, to tell him what was happening, to believe in his ability to advise and support him.

It was a vain hope.

"There is nothing wrong old man" Merlin spoke in a cold toneless voice "The only thing upsetting or annoying me now is you. Either shut up and leave me alone or at least make yourself useful and get me something to eat; but not the normal pigs swill you make. Go and get it from the kitchens."

Stung by the words and the disrespect Gaius retorted quickly; in retrospect not the most sensible thing he could have done.

"I am not your servant young man nor am I to be spoken to in that way. Whatever your problems and worries they give you no right to behave in such a churlish and arrogant fashion. I will not..."

But he did not get a chance to finish the sentence; he was pulled bodily from his chair by a force so strong he could barely breathe and was held a few feet off the ground, unable to move or make a sound.

Merlin advanced towards him slowly, with a look of anger and disgust on his face that would have made Gaius cry with heart break if only tears had been able to flow.

"You will not dare to address me in such a manner. I am Emrys, I am all powerful and I will not take this anymore. Dera has shown me my real future, my real loyalties and they do not lie with you or with Arthur. I let you little people live because I can show mercy. But you will do as I say or my anger will destroy all of Camelot. Be warned OLD man, you do not stand a chance against me."

With that Merlin casually flicked his hand and Gaius fell to the floor with a hard thud and lay there, gasping for breath and desperately trying to understand what had just happened. Merlin stood over him for a brief moment and smiled. But it was not Merlin's smile; it held no light, no joy, no love. It was cold, uncaring and absent of everything that made him who he was. It was a stranger's smile, a killer's smile, a tyrant's smile and it made Gaius fear for all he knew and all he loved. For the first time since they had met, Gaius was petrified of Merlin; and he despaired.

Merlin stood staring for a moment then his eyes briefly clouded and he moved away, seemingly unconcerned by Gaius lying confused and terrified on the floor.

"I am going to wake Arthur; I will grab something to eat in the kitchens. Think on what I have said." With that he turned and left.

Gaius tried and failed to raise himself off the floor. In the end all he could manage was to drag himself to the wall and pull himself up so he was leaning on the hard cold stone surface. He was unable to think, he had no idea what to do. The shock began to wear off and the pain set in. Merlin, the boy he had loved and protected all these years had turned on him. Had threatened him. Had hurt him. Gaius could not remain detached and physician like anymore and he gave in to the tears that tore themselves from deep within him. He knew that somehow the old Merlin was gone and he had no idea how to get him back.

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