I've had my problems with this chapter… sorry it's so short and… well, strange? I'm really not happy with this but I needed to get on with it in order to tell the story.

Jamie
I've hardly slept last night. I thought I'd be calm after talking to Melissa, but when I drive away I know that I can't go home at once. I stop at the cemetery instead, breaking into it, actually. The doors are closed after dark but the walls aren't high. After mom's death we climbed over regularly – it was Joe who found the place where it was easiest to get over it.
I sit down in front of my brother's grave, feeling empty somehow – no energy left, but no tears either. For the first time since we put this stone on I don't know what to tell my brother. That I just behaved like a little child, acting absolutely against my oath just to annoy Danny? That I sat through the night with a girl I hardly know, telling her everything about our family? And that it felt good?
In the end I just sit there till the sun sends its first rays over the place, clothing the headstones in gold. I don't know if I've fallen asleep in the meantime. It wouldn't be so bad, anyways. I'm not on duty today. Not because…

"Hey, Jamie! You're early!"
I jerk at the sound of Danny's voice. He smiles as he sits down beside me, beer in his hands. The scene is so oddly familiar and I wonder if maybe we can only be together when we're all three. Ever since I've become a cop, Danny feels uncomfortable with me alone.
"What's wrong, kid? Still angry at me? You know the rules as well as I do!" He presents me one bottle, beaming. "You know that's against the rules for today."
I'm too tired to remember why I wanted to be angry at him. And – Danny's right. There are a few days we kids weren't allowed to fight at: Christmas, mother's day, and Independence Day.
The tradition to drink in the morning on Independence Day is new, though.
I still do it and feel Danny's smile on me. It's childish from him to be proud of me for drinking alcohol, and it's even more childish from me to like him being proud of me – but after all, if there is one thing this night taught me it is how much my family means to me.
"No" I finally say, looking directly into my brother's eyes, "not angry anymore."
Danny leans back and holds the bottle up to the headstone. "Good."
"But I want you to stop pressurizing my sergeant!" I can't get the harshness out of my tone. Blame it on the beer. Or on the fact that… I close my eyes. "Sorry, Danny. But it's true."
Danny sighs heavily. "Yes, I know."
And then he says it. The three words that I longed for since… I don't know, when.
"I'm sorry, Jamie."
"It's okay" I can't help but add "as long as you stop it."
Which is a bad thing to say. "Hey I just said I'm sorry, okay?"
"Thanks for that" I mean it "but stop it. Really. Why did you pull Renzulli into this?"
"Oh come on, Jamie." Danny empties the bottle. I suddenly wonder why he starts drinking so early. "Is everything alright?"
He grins bitterly. "Of course. Why? Yes everything's fine. Besides… that my sons miss their uncle who promised to be there for them and now has stopped dropping by. Or my wife calling you and you don't call back, or Erin and me fighting over stuff at dinner and you just don't get it because you're too deep grandpa's old war stories." He grabs another bottle but doesn't open it. "I hate to say it but… sometimes… I understand why Sydney left you."
I drop the bottle. "Danny…"
"Where are you, Jamie? Ever since you graduated from the academy and – no, don't tell me it's my fault, it's not, not this time!" Danny jumps up, unable to stay calm any longer. "What's wrong, Jamie? Why don't you trust us anymore?" All of a sudden his rage collapses. What I see in his eyes now is even worse.

Danny has tears in his eyes. My big, strong, annoying, arrogant brother is on the edge of crying.
"Why don't you trust me?"
I swallow. "I do trust you, Danny."
"Yeah, of course." He looks away from me, into the rising sun so he won't have to explain his tears.

I don't know what to do. Till now I had managed to block out the fact that I'm lying to my family. I'm on a secret mission to find Joe's killers and truth be told, I'm as alone and caught up in secrets as he was. For Joe, this mission ended… well, here.
I know I have to finish it, but I can't have my family getting into the line of fire. No matter how it will piss Danny off – no, no matter how much it will hurt him for the time being – it is better to be disappointed than dead. Especially for Jack and Sean and Linda.
I know I'm doing the right thing here, but still… I feel guilty. More than Danny needs to know. I… I just spent the whole night talking about how much my family means to me and… I forgot calling them.

"Let's go" I say and turn around, not daring to look at mom's or Joe's headstones. I know that neither of them would recognize the man I've become, and that hurts. But what else can I do right now? Life changes you. Sometimes it destroys you.
I think about Melissa again – what would she say to this morning? To this night? I realize that I know nothing about her family. I never asked, I was too filled up with my own sorrow.

"Sorry" I say, to both of them, Danny and Melissa.
Danny only bristles as he passes me.