A/N: Okay, I've wanted to try out different styles and genres for writing, so bear with me. I'd like to know how it is, and I would really like to hear your opinions on it. Pointers and constructive criticism are welcome. I hope you find this chapter enjoyable.
By the way, I personally like seeing things through Suzaku's point of view…
Disclaimer: Did Sebastian Michaelis ever make a cameo appearance in Code Geass? If not…then no, I don't own CG, and damn D: (Well, I don't know about you guys, but I definitely want him there XD )
Ghost
It had been around twilight on that frosty December that Suzaku stood there, alone and silent as ever. Ice and wind blew around him, and snow seemed to blanket over the world leaving it white and desolate. Snow had been fluttering from darkening skies, melting on every warm surface, including Suzaku himself, which would come as a surprise to him (if he noticed at all), considering he was sure he had never been colder in all his life. He stood there, for over an hour (maybe more), still clutching a piece of white paper which seemed so fragile and cold that it might just shatter or melt if held too tightly.
On the ground, a slab of granite, grand and lonesome, though surrounded by others, laid. On top of the granite sat a rose, as freshly cut as though from a summer's day. The vibrant red clashed with its solemn backdrop, but it seemed to make the rose appear even more striking, almost ethereal.
Another rose, not quite as beautiful as its counterpart, was still between Suzaku's fingers. The rose had already begun shedding its petals as it started to deteriorate, red descending to the snowy earth, like drips of blood staining white.
It had become a ritual for Suzaku to send one rose every year on the same grave. Lelouch's grave. For an unknown number of years, that's how it went. Before, he sent bouquet after bouquet, every day; rain or shine. Then, he simply sent a single flower, one he chose specifically and carefully. Still, he came each day. Somewhere along the way, visiting the grave of his once beloved became too much to bear, and now, only a lone rose was delivered to the resting place of the late emperor. You could say that he felt as though he had wasted an entire lifetime facing the memorial, just remembering, just thinking about what could have been. You can also say that he had truly been trying to move on from the past and that nothing in this world or the next can bring Lelouch back.
You could also say that he had been losing his mind as of late.
Zero? Or Suzaku? His mind cannot differentiate between the two anymore. Any line that separated the two has long since been blurred.
Sometimes, he was one. Sometimes, he was the other. Other times he was both. Most of the time, he couldn't tell.
Zero is a mask.
Suzaku is a ghost.
Choosing between one or the other would be choosing the lesser of two evils with the exception of the 'lesser' part. In terms of wickedness, he was sure that Zero and Suzaku were on par with one other.
Maybe that's why today he decided to be entirely Suzaku. Just for one day. To think about who he was, what he had become, and who he truly is now. It was easy enough to reach the city. It was easier to walk through seas of unfamiliar faces, all of who in turn saw him as just another lost soul wandering the streets, hoping to find solace from the crosses that we all bear. Maybe Suzaku didn't even exist anymore. Suzaku Kururugi, Knight of Zero, died in battle. His grave rested at the Kururugi shrine. That's all there is to it. He was a dead man walking; a shadow from a distant memory and the tragic nightmare that haunted people from years ago. He, along with his emperor, has died and, to the knowledge of the general public, has remained dead.
Memories flowed through his thoughts, flickering to life at one moment, and then dimming the next. His memories weren't perfect, nor was he forgetting. It was just…incomplete. As his weary mind tread on a path of days long past, his feet carried him on, until he reached a place that opened his eyes and let his mind ease. After rows of stone, he reached the familiar grave, seeming to call out to him like a dear old friend. Did that seem crazy?...he thought so as well. Still, it was that day, and he had already prepared his rose for this time of the year.
He was surprised to see a lone rose already atop the snow covered stone. With it, a rolled piece of paper tied to the stem with a slender ribbon was picked up and carefully unfolded. He wasn't really thinking about what he was doing. It could have been personal, a letter written from the heart to Lelouch, to the 99th Emperor of Britannia. Maybe it was an ironic letter from someone who hated him.
Maybe it was from someone who loved him.
It wasn't as though their relationship was ever publicized (though he swore that perhaps some people knew), but like so many things in their lives, it was kept a secret, and a painful burden to bear many times. Suzaku wasn't a jealous individual per se, but maybe it was jealousy that drove him to reading the letter.
Suzaku's breath hitched and he was visibly stunned after seeing who it was addressed to.
It wasn't To Lelouch, or My Beloved, or anything of that dealt directly with Lelouch at all.
It read, To My Suzaku.
He felt space and time freeze in those moments where his eyes read the letter carefully and thoroughly, as though it would disappear in a blink of an eye or if somehow the words would jumble around. When he finished, he was silent, though inside, he could hear something breaking. Something he long since thought was already in pieces break into thousands of shards, cutting deep from inside and outside. Whether that was his heart or the world around him falling into an abyss, all he could do was reread, reread, and reread.
The thorns untrimmed from his rose dug into his skin, piercing the flesh. Small streams of red flowed and slowly dripped alongside the fallen petals.
It wasn't true. None of this was true. Not after what he had seen, not after what he had done. It hurt, it fucking hurt. He wasn't talking about the thorns, but about the fact of someone knowing. That someone could be using this against him, salting over wounds that never completely healed. Could this ruin everything that Lelouch had worked for? Everything that Lelouch had died for? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, especially how much whoever wrote these lies knew. But, by the looks of things…whoever it was knew everything.
.
To My Suzaku,
Our love lives on, as do you, and as do I.
Forever Yours,
L.L
.
Curse
He had heard about it once before. It was an old rumor that infected the minds of selected few like a plague, aiming dizzily at those who might have heard from being at the right (or wrong) place at the right (or wrong) time. He was talking about the disastrous secret that could very well shame the entire royal family. It was a secret that was shut and bolted behind closed doors, kept under lock and key, and those forbidden skeletons were shut into their closets. He knew that. But he was still skeptical; after all, people have the staggering ability to over-exaggerate. What Suzaku didn't know was that he would be the one to witness the truth of this so called 'curse'.
.
It began with strange behaviors.
.
Nunally was a strong young woman. Even after her brother's death, she held her head high and she kept a straight face. Suzaku admired her yet pitied her as she was never allowed to mourn her beloved Lelouch's death, and yet she still, she kept going, whether it was making the world a better place, or whether it was moving on from her tragic past to try and work for a better future. Despite all that had happened, she was doing very well.
Well, she did, up until around the third year of her reign over Britannia.
She became distracted, nervous, and jittery at times. Other times, it's almost as though she had forgotten where she was, what she was doing, and maybe even what day it was. There were some bursts of hysteria, strange mood swings, and other times she would remain quiet all day. It was at first periodic, but became more frequent and worrisome as time progressed. Soon, her episodes caused her to be bedridden for hours and sometimes an entire day. It concerned many, but some…seemed to expect it.
Worst of all, she began to have nightmares.
Cornelia seemed to be the most understanding, and held Nunally as she cried out in the dark for Lelouch. Zero offered his assistance, but Cornelia merely said that he could never understand her pain. She said this while stroking Nunally's hair comfortingly and tried to soothe the girl with hushes and calming whispers until Nunally would fall into a dreamless slumber. Cornelia stayed with her the entire time, making sure that nothing disturbed Nunally's rest. Zero stayed as well, despite Cornelia making it clear that his presence was neither wanted nor needed. He watched the elder woman care for the young empress as though it were some instinct that every sibling was programmed to carry out. Every sob, every whimper, Cornelia would be at Nunally's side, knowing what to say and what to do.
Suzaku wasn't sure how close Cornelia and Nunally actually were, but he was almost certain that it was not only sympathy, but understanding that shone through her eyes as she soothed the young woman.
.
Then, the strange visits started.
.
As Zero, Suzaku kept vigilant watch over his empress, protecting her night and day, and was only ever allowed to leave her side under certain circumstances.
Zero watched as Nunally was led into a conference room by Cornelia, still reassuring the empress that everything was going to be okay. Cornelia took a stern glance at Zero's direction, satisfied that Nunally's masked protector was ordered to remain outside to guard the room. He did not know who those men were that entered, but he did know that the appointment was made in quite a hurry. Suzaku watched as one of the men greeted him gruffly as he stepped aside to allow him to enter. Though he was wearing the mask, he could still smell the faint odor of various chemicals, and a peculiar scent that pestered him as he could not identify it. It wasn't potent, but he got the strangest sensation that it was something worth concerning himself. Recalling the faint stench brought an involuntary shiver down his spine, and as far as he trusted his senses and gut-feelings, he knew something was definitely off.
The strange men arrived every few days following their first arrival, and not one question was asked, and not one word was said.
The one morning, Suzaku greeted Nunally, surprised to see the empress awake, walking down the hallway at dawn. Suzaku narrowed his eyes as he watched the young girl gasp and shake as he called out her name. Her hair was dripping wet, but her clothes were completely dry and wrinkled as if she had just taken a shower. Before he could question her, faint footfalls reverberated through the hall, indicating that someone was approaching.
He wasn't surprised to see Cornelia.
The elder woman took Nunally by the hand and hastily led her back to the empress' chambers. Suzaku also noted that Cornelia's hair was sopping wet.
And yesterday night, it had been raining.
It could have been that she merely took a shower herself, although the possibility that they both took a walk in the rain, and then changed their clothes, was just as believable.
.
Then, everything seemed to go back to normal.
.
No other strange occurrences took place. Nunally gradually reverted to the same person, the kind and fair empress of her people, and Cornelia kept her original distance from the girl, allowing Zero to take charge once more to the Nunally's wellbeing.
All seemed well, and Nunally was soon able to smile each day, with her lucidity intact, as well as her charming personality. She was no longer in need of comforting each night as the nightmares seemed to vanish, along with her strange behavior. She was well again, and for many, that seemed to be all that mattered.
.
And she was, at least until midnight.
.
Every midnight, Nunally would sneak off into the library, careful not to make a noise, holding her breath every time a curtain rustled or if her footsteps echoed too loudly in the spacious palace. Zero was all too aware of her strange visits to the library, occasionally shadowing her every move up until she shut the large, grand doors of the library's entrance. In daylight, he would look around, but find nothing out of place among the rows of shelves and books. There was no indication that Nunally had even ever entered the library, and he would draw too much suspicion to himself if he fully investigated the area. Still, he settled for searching for books that seemed to have been recently removed. He wasn't expecting something like a trap door or secret passageway to open, but there must have been something hidden within the right pages.
And that was exactly where he found the key.
It was brass and felt heavy in his hands. The designs were elegant, gothic, and was both lovely and chilling. The metal was twisted, swirling, and felt eerie to the touch, so much so that he felt almost anxious holding it in the palm of his hand. The book in which the pages were gouged to make a tomb for the key was an old medical journal, and judging from the cover, it studied and explained the human mind and its flaws. Whatever was once legible in the book was no longer so as some pages were torn and the remaining pages were stained with red ink. At least, Suzaku hoped it was ink.
He carefully placed the key back and waited for Nunally's venture that night.
That night, he trailed the girl as far as the library. He waited for awhile before she finally came outside without the key in her possession and headed straight for the room. She had been nervous this time, and maybe it had something to do with the fact that Suzaku had found the key. She sensed that something was amiss, and Suzaku knew he only had a little time left before he gets caught.
.
A month later, Nunally held a banquet.
.
That night, Zero slipped away from the ballroom, jovial and lighthearted with many nobles drunken with the night's festivities. He snuck into the library in a final attempt to uncover what could explain all these strange activities and events.
He removed the key from its hiding place and surveyed the room. There were no locks or doors, except to the private reading room that was reserved for the royal family members. He opened the room, surprised that it was left open. Fortunately, the room was not very spacious, so studying the room wouldn't take much time. There were various books laid out on the table of various genres and sizes. He raised a brow at the table's design. Lovely and chilling, just the same as the key. Fingers brushed against the wood, seeking a lock, a clue, anything. He found an indention above one of the legs of the chair, an almost invisible heart shaped design, which clicked softly as Suzaku pushed in the key and turned.
He almost yelped out in surprise when he felt the ground shake and groan. Examining the floor beneath the Persian rug, Suzaku gaped as he was met with a small stairway that led to what appeared to be a cellar. The stairway was so small and cramped that he had to begin his descent on his hands and knees for some distance until he was sure he was at the underneath the palace itself. Soon enough, he was able to continue on both feet and persist down to almost complete darkness.
Eventually, he was led into a small chasm. It was pitch black, and he was sure that he'd stumble into something eventually. He groped about aimlessly in the dark until he collided with something that made him jump back in terror.
He heard the object that he crashed into with fall to the ground with a sickening thud. The sickening part about it, you may ask? It felt like he had just bumped against someone.
"Oh, Suzaku…look what you've done…"
Had Suzaku been any less of a man, he may have shrieked like a little girl, but he recognized that voice, soft and airy that resonated through the dark, breaking through the silence. The small footfalls accompanied by heavier steps, however, made his heart palpitate.
"Nunally?"
"Yes, Suzaku?", the sweet voice answered back.
"Why are you…"
"She could very well ask the same question to you, Zero", a stern voice interrupted.
Suzaku gulped. "Cornelia." This was a little unfair. It was two versus one, and it was dark. Sure, he was Zero, but still…
He held his breath as whispers floated around him, probably discussing his fate. After a moment, Nunally sighed.
"You know, don't you Suzaku?" She sounded almost melancholic, as though he had come to the conclusion of something shameful, like a child caught lying.
"All I know is, Your Highness, that you have been acting out of sorts for quite awhile. I am merely doing this out of Her Majesty's best interest", he replied formally.
A scoff was heard from the dark. "If so, then why did you have to hide yourself like a coward, Zero, instead of confronting her like a real man?", Cornelia demanded.
"Anonymity is the best resolved through anonymity", he replied. He narrowed his eyes as he heard movement from the shadows.
"There we go", Nunally murmured as she seemed to adjust something in place.
"Nunally?"
"Silence!" The unmistakable sound of a weapon being drawn was heard, followed by an outcry from Nunally. Zero did not move as the young woman begged the elder to stop.
"No, Cornelia…please…don't do this…", she breathed out, shivering and almost collapsing, as though the secret was too much to bear any longer. A faint glow from a candle was ignited to partially illuminate the dark. Cornelia stood, holding the only source of light. On the ground, Nunally cried, glistening tears trailing down her face, her shame and anguish visible by the candlelight.
"Nunally", Suzaku started softly. "What's going on?"
"I-I…", she sobbed, "I love him…so, so much…Suzaku, you ha-have to understand…" She hid her face in her palms, hoping to muffle her cries.
"Nunally, love who? Lelouch? Of course Nunally, of course I understand, you don't have to cry…", he soothed. 'This isn't making any sense…what does all of this have to do with…'
"She just wants to be with him. More than anything, Zero. Can you understand that?", Cornelia demanded, eyes ablaze with an intensity that made the flames look dim.
"O-of course", he replied. "Nunally, there's nothing wrong with missing Lelouch. We all miss him. There's not a day when he crosses my– o-our minds", he quickly amended.
Nunally dried her tears with the sleeve of her dress, soiled by the grime and dirt of the chamber's floor. She smiled faintly at Suzaku, a strange, faraway look in her eyes. "You love him, didn't you Suzaku?"
"Just as you do Euphemia", Cornelia added without a trace of a smile on her lips.
Suzaku sputtered. "I-I don't know what you mean, Your Highness. I-I cared deeply about the late emperor and the late princess…"
"How deeply?", Cornelia asked.
Suzaku closed his eyes as memories flooded his vision. "As deep as anyone could care about a person. Both of them."
"Isn't that the same as love?", Nunally asked softly, inching closer to her protector.
"I guess so", he murmured, opening his eyes to find Nunally holding out her hand.
"Well, if he loves them, then he deserves to see them too, don't you think Cornelia?" She looked to her elder half-sister, awaiting her approval.
Cornelia merely shrugged indifferently.
"Wait, what do you mean, Nunally? Nuna…" Suzaku froze in his steps, unable to and not wanting to understand what was going on anymore. 'No, you couldn't have…Nunally?'
"If he can handle it, then go ahead, Your Highness."Cornelia handed Nunally a candle and a match, which the young woman lighted with enthusiasm.
She tugged at Zero's hand like a small child. "Come see…", she whispered sweetly, excitedly.
"See wha—" Suzaku felt as though he were being suffocated. Every blood vessel in his body went cold and froze. Cornelia approached him and removed his mask, placing it on the ground.
"Come now…Lelouch wouldn't like to see the mask of his killer instead of the face of his lover, now wouldn't he?", she chided.
In that instant, when his own eyes, without any obstruction, were able to drink in the sight that was beheld by the faint embers of the candle, all he could do was call its name.
.
"Lelouch…"
.
And that was what it was. It was Lelouch. It is Lelouch. He shook his head, eyes still wide and mouth open, chanting out, "No, no, no…" desperately and horrifically.
It was like a doll, only it was the real thing. Cold, glassy eyes looked down on him from the mock throne from which he was perched. Like a doll, he was perfect, save for the already decayed skin that the taxidermists had no choice but to patch up like a child's raggedy toy. Those beautiful amethyst eyes shone, devoid of Geass, devoid of anything. He was rid of his emperor's garments and was clothed like a precious china doll or a marionette. His mouth was sewn shut, thin, pale lips drawn in a soft line. He was beautiful, horribly so, and it made Suzaku sick to his stomach to see him like this. Tears burned behind his eyes and bile burned in his throat. It was a haunting sight to see; one that would lurk in his nightmares for an eternity.
"I…I just couldn't bear to part with him, Suzaku…I…just can't…", Nunally whispered, fresh tears threatening to fall from the corners of her eyes.
"Do you understand now, Zero? This…this is the curse of the family Britannia!", and with that, Cornelia brought her candle to bathe the darkness a few spaces beside Lelouch in light.
.
"Euphy…"
.
Suzaku could only look away. His head felt light, the room was spinning, and though the chemicals should have chased away any scent of decay, he felt as though he were surrounded by it. The fumes filled his lungs and throat, breathing down each particle of death, and he couldn't help it. He felt himself choke, and inhale deeply to try and calm himself.
"This curse", he started. "This curse…is love."
Cornelia smiled, though no happiness was evident in her cold eyes. "You understand."
"Suzaku understands…I knew he would", Nunally whispered to the doll before her. "After all, he loves you too, doesn't he, brother?" She giggled childishly as if it replied to her.
"Our family has endured this…neurological anomaly for several generations", the elder of the two women explained. "It's something that cannot be helped, and something we have no control over. This," she gestured to the two corpses, "is the only way to keep our sanity."
To be insane to be sane.
He nodded, unable to speak, and even if he could, he would be unsure of what to say.
"If more people understood like you, Suzaku…then we wouldn't have to keep all this a secret", Nunally said. She sighed, the fatigue wearing her down. Her eyes looked to him, sad, and tired. "But not everyone is like you." She placed her candle on the floor, the flames flickering before burning brightly.
Suzaku's eyes widened as he felt the sharp pain of a syringe penetrating his skin and felt fluid injected into his bloodstream. He groaned as his vision began to blur. Soon, he collapsed on the floor, paralyzed but aware.
"I apologize Zero, but you must realize this: if you truly are devoted to Nunally's welfare, then this has to be done", Cornelia whispered, removing the syringe.
From the grimy floor, he could see Nunally crouch beside him, and though he couldn't feel it, he knew that the girl was stroking his brown curls. "Don't worry Suzaku, it'll be alright. And it'll be great; you'll be with Lelouch all the time." She lifted his head and gestured to the lifeless dolls. "They really miss you, and I know they'd be happy." She hovered over him and placed a single kiss on his cheek. "I'll miss you too, but soon…we'll all be together, right?"
He was barely able to let a single thought cross his mind and a single breath be drawn before he was no more.
The last thing he did see however, were the engravings of the small thrones. From where Lelouch was atop, it read his name in elegant, flowing letters, carved out with love and care, and he could say the same for Euphemia's, but what really caught his eye, the last sight his eyes gazed upon before eternal darkness, was one word, engraved in the vacant throne that sat between Lelouch's and Euphy's.
Suzaku.
.
Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it, in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave
If I show you then I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of them is dead
.
A/N: Okay, I know it was bad, but hey…well I'm sorry I haven't updated as much as I've promised, but this is due to two reasons: My laptop's crapping out on me. No joke. On top of that, there's been a sort of family emergency that has come up…I really am sorry, but I tried.
Alright, so it was only two stories, and the last one was suuuper long. Probably not 'drabble' type, but I'm working on it. I know that the details are bad, but I barely have any time to myself as of late, and that may not be an excuse to some of you, but I hope that some of you really do understand. Plus, I actually wanted to work on that idea. It may have not been great, but I still wanted to do it.
Oh, and the reason why Nunally and Cornelia could see better in the dark than Suzaku? I guess that they're more used to the darkness and their eyes adjust more easily than his.
For Curse, I got the idea from a book that my friend told me about. It's called The Love Curse of the Rumbaughs by Jack Gantos. She really hadn't told me much, and this was around Christmas time, so I'm not very sure about the details, but she did describe the first chapter…or was it the prologue? And I know and don't want to hear that the whole taxidermy process is really complicated and the object being preserved is supposed to be a fresh kill (I'm not really sure, but that's what I presume), but I thought it would be better if some time passed. But, you know, it's a whole different universe in CG. So, yah…it might be possible there :D
The ending part of Curse is Secret by The Pierces. And yes, for those of you who have watched the show, it's the opening theme of Pretty Little Liars.
So, again, please point out any mistakes, because I am (yet again, and probably always will be) doing this very late at night. I apologize once more…(yet again…)