Sorry I haven't updated in a few days, I have had this chapter written for awhile but fanfiction hasn't been letting me update! Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!
X
I knew going to school a few days after the party would be difficult. I had gone through every possibility and variable in my mind, over and over again, and I was thoroughly worried. At least it was the new semester; something I had been dreading with every fibre of my being for the past three months was now being heavily celebrated as I lay in bed every night. The past few days had me emotionally drained, and trying to mask the dark circles under my eyes coupled with the puffiness surrounding them was going to be hard. Keeping my composure at school was also going to be a majorly challenging factor, and I was fully aware that I would probably have to take several moments to calm myself down at some point, probably in a bathroom stall where I would hope that nobody would hear me crying. The whole idea of having to leave my room for more than six hours made me sick, especially when I was going to be stuck in a building with some of the people I had no intention of being around ever again.
I had decided that I wasn't going to be one of those girls who forgives their ex-boyfriend in an effort to not lose the associated friendships. Honestly, after three and a half months, there was no extreme emotional attachment to any of them. There was, of course, the emotional attachment to Ethan, but that ship had sailed, and I wouldn't be returning to thinking he was the greatest human being on Earth at any point in the future. Sure, I was friends with Jeanette and most of the other girls, even though I hadn't been all that close with them, but I was more than willing to sacrifice all of that to avoid being around the boy who had completely shattered my heart. I should have known not to let myself get so invested in my relationship, because he was obviously lying when he had told me he loved me. On so many different occasions, he had spoken those three little words, and every time I fell for it. I firmly believed that I was the most naïve person to ever grace the earth, even though it was probably a common occurrence in many high school relationships.
My parents had not offered much support, but that was partly my fault. It was a rare thing for me to let somebody into my life in an attempt to talk about my problems or how to fix them, so I always made myself as distant as I could. Of course, Catherine was the exception to my rule, but there wasn't anyone else who had the right to hear about my distress. Both my mom and my basically-step-dad had tried to talk to me and offered me a shoulder to cry on, but I had refused, saying that I was fine. Everyone knew I wasn't fine, including myself, but if I said it enough it was bound to come true, right?
My first two classes had been uneventful; just the usual introductions to the course that I had learned to love. These intros always took almost the entire class, meaning I had an excuse to not speak with anyone for an elongated period of time. Trying to make friends was difficult, especially when I still felt like I had just been hit with a ton of bricks. While I was thankful for my new teachers taking their time discussing everything about their class, I was more thankful for the fact that none of my previous friends were in my classes. Almost everyone in that group was a junior, or even a senior, so there was little chance, but there was always that chance that one of the few other sophomores would pop up somewhere. It would have been awkward, obviously, especially when I didn't even know if they knew about what had happened at the party. I wouldn't be surprised if they had absolutely no idea, which would only make my life more miserable when I inevitably ended up talking to one of them and having to explain the whole situation. Having said that, almost every part of my life was awkward, and even though I had received a brief break from that gift while I was dating Ethan, it was back now, probably stronger than ever. I guess that everything that could possibly be positive had to come to an end for me.
What had previously been my favourite part of the day quickly returned to being my least favourite part. Having to eat lunch without anyone to hang out with was one of the most embarrassing situations I had ever managed to get myself in to. Sitting outside my locker, completely alone, was humiliating, and even though not many people walked by, it felt like the whole school was staring. I still didn't have my phone back, so I couldn't pretend to be socializing with someone, therefore it was just me. Trying to avoid looking up, I doodled in one of my notebooks to look like I was totally content.
"Morgan?" My head immediately shot up when I heard Jeanette's voice, judgment prevalent in her tone. I scrambled to my feet, turning around to put the bag I had put my lunch in back into my locker. I looked back at her with a small, but not overly-friendly, smile.
"Hey," I said passively. I felt like she was over-analyzing every part of me, and I was probably right. I absent-mindedly brushed some loose hair off my face and tried to be a bit less self-aware, as hard as that was for me.
"Where have you been? What happened to you on Thursday? I've called you, but you've been ignoring my calls," she explained. I felt dread occupy my mind; she probably had no idea what happened.
"Uh, sorry, my mom has my phone, so I haven't been ignoring you. Um, didn't Ethan tell you guys what happened?" I asked, trying to sound like it was no big deal. In reality, there were tears threatening to fall, and I was doing everything in my power to prevent them from doing so.
"Well, yeah, but we didn't really expect you to completely fall off the radar. Why aren't you eating lunch with us?" she responded, also sounding like it was no big deal, but she wasn't pretending. I closed my locker and turned to look at her.
"To be honest, I don't really want to be around him," I said quietly. She almost looked stunned, and I was mystified as to why this conversation seemed to be one big point of confusion for her.
"Morgan, it's not like we're forcing you to kiss and make-up. You can still hang out with us. You guys can just be friends, right?" she said, an almost sweet undertone occupying her voice.
"Honestly, Jeanette, I don't ever want to see Ethan again, let alone be friends with him," I said, this time a bit more assertion in my voice.
"Seriously? You haven't even talked to him about it. It was a mistake," she snapped back, also sounding a bit meaner. What I was hearing completely shocked me; wasn't Jeanette supposed to be taking my side due to Ethan being a total jerk?
"I think I've talked to him enough already, thanks. Maybe you don't agree, but I don't there should be any expectation that I should forgive him, regardless of whether or not it was a mistake," I shot back at her, suddenly feeling more and more confident with every word. My hands were shaking a bit, but I ignored it, and hoped she didn't notice.
"Jeez, relax. Stuff like that happens all the time. If you had stuck around, you probably would have done the same thing with one of the guys you were talking to. Everyone was drunk, and I think it's kind of hypocritical that you're blaming him for something he did when he was drunk, when you were the drunkest one there by far." I felt the shaking in my hands increase, and I wanted to scream. Did she even hear what she was saying?
"You know what? Sure, I was really drunk, but you have no right to assume that I would have done the same thing, because I wouldn't have. I would never do that. Just because Ethan would, and I'm assuming you would, too, does not mean I would ever cheat. Blaming him for making out with another girl while we were both drunk is not hypocritical, Jeanette, and it's stupid of you to think that," I said angrily. I think she was a little surprised someone was standing up to her; that rarely happened.
"I think it's stupid of you to just write us all off because of one little thing that happened! I'm surprised you can even remember," she replied.
"It's not a little thing! Just because you don't think it's a big deal doesn't mean it doesn't matter to me. You have no right to be acting like I'm in the wrong," I said as she rolled her eyes.
"Whatever, Morgan, but don't try running back to us when you feel lonely and can't find any friends, which is what's going to happen. None of us want to hang out with you if you're going to blow everything out of proportion and make Ethan feel even worse," Jeanette said, starting to walk away.
"You know what? I don't need you guys to be happy, despite what you think, and I had no plans on ever going back to you guys again. I don't want to be around people who make me feel stupid for my own decisions that are completely justified." With that, she was gone, and I felt angrier than ever. I debated going after her to further explain how much of an idiot she was for having such a deluded sense of right and wrong, but I decided to just leave it. If she wanted to continue being ignorant, as much as it would forever annoy me deep down, I had to just accept it, or at least try to. Surely, some of the other girls didn't feel the same way, not that I'd ever know.
When I got home that day, I immediately went to my room and resumed my usual hiding under the covers and trying not to cry. I had my laptop in front of me, so I decided to write a quick email to Catherine to let her know of my truly horrendous day. Yes, the classes were fine, but the conversation I had to endure at lunch ruined any chance I had of feeling like my state of mind was improving. Jeanette had been essentially telling me how wrong it was of me to have feelings, which I may have brushed off at the time, but it really did get to me. My feelings were justified, or at least I had thought so. Of course they were. I had to stop letting other people's opinions control me so much, because I knew they didn't matter. I had always known that, but sometimes applying the fact to my everyday life was much easier said than done.
Despite what Jeanette said, I was probably going to be able to find new friends, right? It's not like they were the rulers of the school; and there were tons of other kids. I was going to be just fine, or at least I hoped so. I've always liked to think that time heals all, and this was just another test of this theory. Maybe the best was yet to come.
Okay, so I absolutely love when Morgan is all assertive and tough on CSI, so I was dying to write the beginnings of her developing that side of her personality. Next chapter focuses more on Morgan's relationship with her dad :) My updates may start getting a little few and far between soon; I've got 3 exams coming up in the next couple of weeks and I'm going to try and focus on studying as much as I don't want to. Haha.