Author's Note: So, this is just picking up right where the last chapter left off. And these last two chapters are about nine months after the events of the Last Battle. There is a bit of fluffy romantic stuff in this chapter so if that isn't your thing, you have been warned. Enjoy :)
Disclaimers: Anything that is recognized is not mine. This is written from a complete love of the stories in the Chronicles of Narnia and no profit is being made and copyright infringement is not intended.
Spoilers: None as this takes place after any of the books and is just my interpretation of Susan as an adult. However, it is helpful to know what is in the stories or it may be a little confusing, particularly the Last Battle.
Susan POV
I stared at the young man in front of me and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.
"Susan? Oh my goodness, are you hurt?" he asked, the concern evident in his eyes.
"I'm fine. What on earth are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the church working on your sermon for Sunday?" I asked when I had found my voice.
James just smiled at me before he started laughing at my questions.
"I thought it might be more beneficial for me to get out and enjoy this beautiful day. Where are you off to in such a hurry?" he asked.
"I'm supposed to be meeting Hannah at the church to help her spruce up the garden and brighten up the flower beds," I said, feeling my bad mood fly out the window.
"I will let you go then but I will see you later tonight," he said with a smile.
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before I left him standing outside the café and made my way down the street quickly, my mood brightening considerably as I continued on my way to the church. I made it there in a matter of minutes and hurried around to the back of the church, where the flower beds and garden were.
"Good morning Hannah," I said cheerfully, as I made my way toward her.
She looked up from where she was digging in the dirt, wiping the sweat and dirt off her face before she smiled and waved me over.
"Well, your mood improved fast," she said with a smile when I grabbed a spade and began to dig in the dirt.
I stuck my tongue out at her and we both started giggling. We worked in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the day and concentrating on our tasks.
"Hannah, do you think that dreams can help us to figure out what our future is supposed to be?" I asked suddenly.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well, for example, do you think that my family could find some way to help me move on through my dreams?" I asked, stopping my digging and just looking over at Hannah.
"I don't really know. I guess it's possible. Why do you ask?" she asked.
"Because last night in my dream I saw my eldest brother and he told me to let go of my family and start living the life I've been too scared to live," I said.
"Susan, you will let go of your family when you are ready. Don't rush things. I know you want to get on with your live now that you have forgiven yourself for the things you did in the past but.." Hannah trailed off.
"I haven't fully forgiven myself. I'm not sure that I will ever be able to do that. There are so many things I did to deliberately hurt the people in my life and I am so ashamed of all of it but I feel like I am finally starting to put it behind me," I said.
"When is the last time you went to see your families graves?" Hannah asked.
I stopped for a minute when she asked this and realized, only slightly guiltily that it had been almost two months since I had last gone to the cemetery to see their graves.
"It's been almost two months," I said softly.
"And have you felt that overwhelming urge to go and see them in that time?" she asked carefully, probably seeing my reaction to her last question.
I shook my head, feeling slightly dazed as I realized where she was heading with the conversation.
"I'd say you have already let go of a big chunk of your past then. You will never totally let go of or lose your siblings but you need to continue to move forward and live your life. Have you thought about what you are meant to do with your life recently?" she asked.
"No, not since we talked about it. I've been living and going about my business, volunteering here with all the different church functions and working at the soup kitchen as well as working my job," I said softly.
"So see, you have been doing what you were meant to all this time….you were living. I would say that shows just how far you have moved on already," she said.
We both fell silent again as I processed what she had said. I had still been having the dreams about my family but somewhere along the lines, they had changed in tone. I still missed my siblings terribly but I could feel the hole in my heart starting to heal and fill again with the love I received from my friends. I couldn't even make myself feel guilty at that revelation and I realized that the dream from the night before had been a way for me to realize that I was learning to be happy and let go, that I was learning to live again. I also realized that the dream was my siblings accepting the people I had let into my life and learned to love.
'Wait, is it possible that I love Hannah and James as much as I love my siblings?' I thought.
Later that night, I stood in front of the full length mirror in my room, staring at my reflection. I sighed as I surveyed my appearance. I was getting ready for my date with James and I was nervously making sure I looked okay.
'Why am I so nervous?' I thought as I turned away from my reflection with a frown before I unzipped and pulled off the dress I had on, leaving it laying in a heap on the floor as I went back over to the closet and began to pull all of my dresses out.
That was when it hit me. It wasn't that I loved James like I loved my siblings, or even like I loved Hannah. I loved James as a man. He was the sort of man I could see myself settling down with and having my family approve of. He was a good man, kind, generous, patient and honorable. The sort of man a woman would be lucky to build a life and family with. For all of these reasons, but mostly because I was so overwhelmed by the revelation, I burst into tears which turned into hysterical, hiccup filled sobs. I heard a knock on the door in the living room and I tried to pull myself together, grabbing a dress out of the closet that hadn't managed to make it to the floor. I pulled the dress on as the knocking became more persistent and I zipped it up before I hurried out into the living room and threw open the door to see James standing there in the hall with a smile. However, when he saw the tearstains on my cheeks and the tears in my eyes, his smile faded into a frown and before I could say anything, he pulled me toward him in a hug.
"Susan, what on earth is the matter? Are you hurt?" he asked, pulling away from me and wiping the tears off my face that were continuing to slide down my cheeks.
I tried to smile but I failed miserably as a second wave of tears came on and I just let out a sob, throwing myself into his arms, wrapping my arms around his waist in a hug as I buried my face in his shirt, soaking it with my tears and shocking him with my outburst.
"Shh, you're okay….Susan, please talk to me? Tell me what's wrong. Are you hurt?" James asked again, stroking my hair and maneuvering our bodies so that we were inside my living room.
James pulled away from me long enough to close the door and then he guided me over to the couch, sitting down beside me as I refused to loosen the grip I had on his shirt.
"I….I'm sorry….I, I didn't mean to…" I trailed off, once I had calmed down slightly and was just sniffling.
"Were you thinking of your family? What brought on your tears?" he asked, placing his fingertips under my chin and lifting my face so I was looking into his eyes.
James smiled and wiped the tears off my face again, and all I could see reflected in his eyes was love. I shook my head to his question and before I could stop myself or think about what I was saying I said the last thing he expected.
"I love you," I blurted out through my tears and sniffles.
James didn't say anything for a full minute and I felt my face flush in embarrassment and humiliation.
"I'm sorry. I never should have said…" I started to say.
"No, don't you dare apologize. I love you too. Do you have any idea how long I've waited and wished to hear you say those words?" he asked with a huge smile on his face.
Before I could respond to his question, James leaned closer and pressed his lips against mine lightly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me and within seconds, the kiss had deepened. When James pulled away so we could both breathe, I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped as the both of us blushed.
"Okay, I promised you dinner so we should probably get going. I made a reservation at that restaurant we went to for our first date, for 8 pm," he said softly, his thumb brushing across my cheek lightly as he smiled.
My eyes closed at his touch and I leaned into it, a smile spreading across my lips as I felt his lips on my forehead. He brushed a kiss across my forehead before he let go of me and stood up. I opened my eyes and he smiled down at me as he offered me his hand. I took it and allowed him to help me up off the couch.
"Give me just two minutes to finish getting ready," I said with a smile as I quickly went back into my bedroom to finish getting ready.
I came back out exactly two minutes later, my hair pulled back off my face but hanging loose down my back and just a little makeup on my face. James smiled wider when he same me and I couldn't help but return the smile. We left the flat and walked the short distance to the bistro in silence, our fingers interlaced as we walked. We sat in the same booth we had the last time we had been at the restaurant, ordering before we said another word to one another.
"How long?" I asked, finally letting my curiosity get the better of me.
"How long what?" James asked.
I gave him a pointed look and raised an eyebrow.
"You know how long what," I said sarcastically.
James grinned and picked my hand up off the table and brought it to his lips, brushing his lips across my knuckles which earned a giggle from me.
"I think it started the day I saw you sitting in that pew looking so upset," he said, "but I didn't really consciously realize it and admit it to myself until about two months ago."
Our meals arrived then and so we didn't talk anymore about it, instead eating in silence. Once we finished eating and paid the bill, we left the bistro and walked in the direction of the graveyard.
"Did you want to stop tonight?" James asked, stopping at the entrance.
I looked up at the hillock where my siblings were buried and smiled before turning to look at James and shaking my head before taking his hand in mine and interlacing our fingers.
"Not tonight. I just want you to walk me home. I can always come back tomorrow after work," I said, wrapping my free hand around his neck and pulling him down to kiss his lips lightly.
When I pulled away, James smiled and we started walking again. Just a few minutes later, we were standing on the front steps of the building that housed my flat.
"Thank you for such a wonderful evening," I said, smiling.
"Anytime. Have lunch with me tomorrow?" he asked.
I nodded before James wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me deeply and soundly. I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer but after a minute, he pulled away, both of us breathless.
"I love you," he whispered with a smile.
"I love you too," I whispered and I realized just how right that sounded.
"Until tomorrow," he said, brushing his lips across my forehead one more time before releasing me and heading down the steps.
I watched as he walked down the street, turning around once to wave to me before he disappeared out of sight. I quickly opened the door to the apartment building and hurried inside and upstairs to my flat, collapsing in a heap on the couch once I got inside the flat. I closed my eyes and sighed happily as I thought about the way the evening had turned out.
Okay, this chapter was much longer than I originally intended but I just couldn't end it. I had tons of fun writing this chapter and I wanted a bit more fluffiness in this story so I figured that I would have Susan finally realize her feelings for the young man who has helped her through the worst time in her life. Review and let me know what you think. I appreciate each and every review and they help me to become a better writer :)