It took me a few days to realize that Levi was gone from the hospital. When I did, I yelled at Erwin and Petra for not telling me. I cursed Levi inwardly for just walking out. I sulked and lashed out at people who tried to talk to me about Levi or titans or anything else like that. However much I tried to forget about him, it didn't work. I left the hospital a few days after Levi did. Mikasa was back at the house for the short time before school resumed.

About a month later, Jean came in. He had just been to the clinic to visit everyone, but especially Marco. Mikasa and Jean had broken up, but it wasn't unfriendly. They had both simply moved on, and Jean had remembered how much he had loved a certain freckled boy. Mikasa teased him about it a lot. When Jean had brought up visiting the clinic, after Erwin had mentioned Marco, I had adamantly refused to go.

I didn't want to subject myself to seeing Levi again and getting my hopes crushed. I was a college student after all. I tried to busy myself with extracurriculars as much as possible. It annoyed me that Jean was so happy every time he came to check in with Mikasa after a visit to the clinic. He seemed like less of an asshole, too, which contradictorily enough made me hate him more. Why did Jean get to be happy?

It was about six weeks after Levi had so coldly walked out of my life that I started going numb. My grades, which weren't great to start with, got worse. Mikasa was so busy with her social life and whatever else, that she decided to move into an apartment with friends. She asked me about fifty times a day if I was fine without her. I assured her that I was okay every single time, but it was a bit annoying.

The truth is that I wasn't okay, and I was getting worse. Mikasa grew more distant, and I was thankful that she had given up some of her ridiculously over-protective tendencies. I still went to class, but I hardly took notes anymore. My professors all had me marked on the "no-good" list, whereas I had previously been marked on the "failing but trying" list. Or, that's what I thought. With classes of at least fifty students, none of my professors cared enough to ask me about why my grades were below my usual standard.

After two and half months had past, I started going to parties and drinking. It helped me forget the emotional pain I was in from being so coldly pushed aside. Levi was a cold person. Hadn't I already known that? But did it matter? I liked not caring about anything, and that in itself was addictive. My obsessive going to parties was more focused on forgetting the 'real' world than anything else.

Three months passed by, and I wondered why the day felt different. Then I realized it was because Levi would probably be out of the clinic by know. I laughed at myself for even remembering as I downed another bottle. I passed out shortly after that. My brain clouded, and nothing mattered.

I was awakened roughly. I was being shaken. My head hurt like hell, and I wondered what had happened. Then I opened my eyes. It was Mikasa who I hadn't seen in ages.

"Eren Jaeger, what the fuck happened to you?" She was livid.

"Drinking." I spluttered stupidly.

"I thought you were mature enough to keep yourself in line." She hollered.

I didn't ask how she had found me, or how she had gotten into this person's apartment. I followed her out the door and back to my own place.

"Lookit. Marco and Armin both just got out of the clinic, so Jean's bringing them over. Armin really wants to see you."

I scowled. I didn't want to see Armin. I knew he had been my best friend, but not in this life. Mikasa left the room. A few minutes later she returned with a change of clothes.

"Get dressed now." She commanded me.

Having no choice, I headed to my room to change. I brushed my teeth and tried to comb back my messy hair. Staring at myself in the mirror, I realized I looked terrible. I didn't care how I looked though, it didn't matter. The shirt Mikasa had gotten hang loosely off of my shoulders and I had to find a belt to keep my jeans up properly. I hadn't noticed how thin I had gotten. My usual outfit was sweatpants and a T-shirt.

I was sitting in the living room with a raging headache when the front door banged open. Jean came in the door pulling Marco in a wheelchair. Armin walked over the threshold last. He looked nervously around the room before fixing his eyes on me. It was extremely awkward. This was someone who I had known very well, but only in a different life.

"Hi Eren." He muttered.

"Hi Armin." I replied without much enthusiasm.

"Cheer up, Eren. You look like you haven't slept for years."

I glowered at Jean. He really was an asshole.

"Shut up, Kirschstein." I told him.

He laughed it off, and told Marco he'd take him on a tour of our apartment. Marco protested, but Jean took charge and they were off.

Mikasa said she had to go out to meet some friends, so Armin and I were left alone. We sat in silence for a few minutes before Armin spoke.

"Hey Eren, have you ever been to the sea?"

I glanced up at him. The sea? I shook my head wondering why that in particular.

"Well, you used to really want to see it, so I was just wondering."

Armin trailed off. I knew by 'used to' he meant in my previous life. Had I? I didn't remember that.

"Yeah, going to the sea would be nice." I muttered.

The silence was getting awkward. Part of me really wanted to ask how Levi was doing, but I knew it wouldn't be smart to think about him that much. But I was never too good at controlling myself.

"How's Levi?" I asked quietly like I didn't really want the question answered.

Armin looked uncomfortable for a while before answering.

"He was pretty anti social. He seemed alright though. He left the clinic a few days before Marco and I did. I don't know what he's up to now."

I nodded quickly. It hurt to think about Levi. And I felt stupid for loving him especially after only a few days. But then I reminded myself, I actually loved him for years. I just remembered it a few months ago. And that didn't help.

"I'm sorry." Armin said.

We moved on to happier topics quickly. Armin was apparently going back to live with his family a few hours away. He had already finished college, and would be finding a job in that city. I was happy that he had a good life ahead of him, and I told him so. He gave me a sad smile and told me there was hope for me, too. But I laughed him off. Armin was smart, and I was stupid. I was headed nowhere.

Mikasa walked in later, after having lunch with friends. She made me swear multiple times that I would never drink again before she left. Marco was apparently going to live with Jean, which made Jean incredibly happy. And which incidentally, made me incredibly jealous of Jean, though I would never admit it. Marco was a year older than Jean, and was already in graduate school twenty minutes away.

Everyone else was headed somewhere, and I was stuck. My life sucks. I thought to myself. The door closed and it seemed like a bit of sanity left with them. They all had somebody else to depend on, and who did I have? No one. That was the answer. Plain and simple, I was alone. Levi, the one person who I thought might stay by forever, had left me cold. I needed his support; I really did.

My brain went numb after that. I hardly thought as I passed through the day. Assignments were forgotten. I hardly even went to parties to drink anymore. I dreaded the holidays that were rapidly approaching. I didn't want to spend time confined with Mikasa and other people who would probably come stay with us over the break. They would all be Mikasa's friends.

Levi was always in the back of my mind, too. My dreams would be mostly empty except for moments from the past that I shared with him. It was too hard to forget him, and too easy to remember him. I still went to class, though I didn't know why. The professors didn't really want me there, my classmates ignored me, and I didn't learn anything from the lessons.