Felicity: An American Girl ROMANCE Pt4, Ch.10: Smooth Sailing?

Ben was dreaming again, as he so oftern did, of romancing Felicity in a lavish room lit only by candles. And as in waking life, he still did not know where to begin. He wanted her so much and wanted to please her so much that he was afraid of moving too fast or doing the wrong thing. But in his dreams Felicity didn't care. He wondered if she would be so understanding in real life, when it was time to consumate their vows. He wanted everything to be perfect for her-God knew he had caused her too much grief thus far-so he had written letters to his father concerning his upcoming nuptuals and the arrangements he wanted carried out to the last detail. He hoped Felicity would be pleased. He intended to spoil her. And she would most likely insist that he needn't go to such extremes, but he desperately wanted to. Everything had to go as planned.

They had slept most of the day the pirates had accosted them, had a late dinner, played cards with Arthur, Elizabeth, Lord Eric, Captain Crisp and his wife, then turned in early. For reasons neither Felicity nor Ben could make clear sense of, they simply wanted to be alone to lay in each other's arms and be close. Perhaps it was the realization that they were not too far form home now, or just making up for lost time, but closeness was suddenly more important than ever. So much so that if Felicity left his side for long, he would instictively know it and rouse himself from sleep. Such as that very night.

When he did not feel her against him he woke, blinked himself awake in the dimmed light of the overhead lantern's candle, and did not see her. Naturally he got out of bed, threw on his cloak and went to find her. Elizabeth and Arthur would be asleep, as would Eric and young Thomas, so that left only Lettie awake at his hour,for the dark girl was usually up at 2 bells for the one A.M. watch. Perhaps Felicity needed to talk to Lettie about something. Something that only women could talk about. Or maybe his beloved needed fresh air, for even air one deck below top coul be a little stale. It didn't matter. Whatever she had needed to leave him for he would find her and make sure she was all right.

And he found her up top, up on the forecastle deck at the railing, staring up at the night sky, which was full of stars so bright they gave off light enough to see by despite the waxing gibbous moon they shared the sky with. But it was not the stars that fascinated an enamored Ben Davidson. he gazed in love and needing at Felicity Merriman standing there with her cloak about her, still clad in his breeches and a white linen shirt, her mane of red hair undone and stirring with the cool breeze. He realized that this was who she was truly meant to be; a free soul, like a beautiful bird, born to be free and without boundaries. A caged bird would only die a miserable death. There could never be a cage for Felicity. If he was to marry her and make her his own he could never try to dampen her spirit. It would kill them both.

"There you are," he said at length, thinking perhaps it was past time to say something or else the men on the watch would wonder why he was just standing there like a love-sick puppy. She turned her head and smiled at him as he came straight to her, behind her, enveloping her in two strong arms all snug and tight. "I woke up and you weren't there, so naturally I had to come find you. Are you all right?"

"Aye," she murmured softly, pleasantly, as she pressed back against him cozily. "I was wondering how long you were going to stand there looking at me before saying anything."

His face turned warm, but he grinned against her ear. "I am a man very much in love, Lissie. What else would you expect?"

She chuckled demurely. "I suppose you are wondering what I'm doing out here this late."

"It doesn't matter, love, as long as you are well and I can be with you."

"I couldn't sleep, Ben. I have much on my mind."

"I figured you came to see Lettie."

She shrugged. "I spoke with her a bit, of course. But the one I need to talk to most is you."

Ben had sensed something like that was coming. He wasn't filled with dread like before, that she might be reconsidering marrying him, but he was concerned. He couldn't keep it out of his voice. "Good thing I sought you out then, isn't it?"

"Yes." How was she to begin? How did one go about telling someone things that they may not take too kindly to hearing. But they did need to talk, they were getting closer to home, meaning once they were home they would not have hardly any time alone to discuss things until after they were wed. It had to be now.

"Lissie?"

"Oh. I was just thinking..."

"I can tell. Please, Lissie, I would hear all that you would tell me. I mean, I know that something serious is on your mind, and that there has been for quite some time. The entire trip, in fact. If I have given you any cause to rethink marrying me-"

"Oh that's not it at all, Ben," she interrupted quickly, hoping the reassuring tone in her voice would reassure him, too. "Its just that...Well...I don't know if I am ready to become a mother so soon." There. Tthe hardest part was over, she'd opened the door. Now she had to walk through it with him. She felt his body stiffen, so she turned about within his arms and laid her hands upon his broad chest.

"Now please, listen to me, Ben. I've started this and you must hear me out. It is not that I do not want to marry you, I do! With all the horror getting behind us now, I finally feel like all my wishes are about to come true. I do love you so very much. The thought of being your wife makes me so happy. But the thought of becoming a mother within months of our just being wed...I-I am absolutely terrified!"

To Felicity's surprise, relief spread across Ben's handsome face, making her peer at him curiously. He cupped her face in his hands and said, "I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes, Lissie, I know how grave the matter of child-bearing can be. 'Tis both a blessing and a fear. You have every right to be concerned. What concerns you concerns me, too."

She gulped uncertainly. "And I know that childbirth is just part of life, that we all must take the bitter with the sweet-oh if my mother could hear me going on like this she would want every doctor in Virginia, and some that arent, to diagnose me with something curable! " Her small, frustrated hands balled into frustrated fists upon his shirt. "I love my mother dearly, I do! But I am not my mother! I cannot just accept erverything that happens as just the way it is! Nor can I copy her life, I cannot be content to sit by the fire in the evenings and stitch while Father reads his paper and the children play at her feet! 'Tis not in me to do that?"

The rush of tears to her darkened green eyes and the expression of self-loathing she wore upon her pixie-face touched his heart so deeply that he just had to hug her hard and whisper, "I know all of this, Lissie. I understand. I know you, don't you see? You are not your mother any more than I am your father. Neither one of us were created to become them. We both love your parents dearly, but our lives are our own; we shall make of them what we want."

She sniffed miserably and gazed at him as if she was wondering if she was only dreaming that he was saying all the right things. "Ben, there is just no way to avoid becoming... with child if we are to have our wedding night, and I am not about to deprive either one of us of that. We have waited so long."

A cryptic smile spread across Ben's face and he looked playfully contemplative, leaving Felicity to wonder what on earth he was thinking for a moment, before he said, "Weeell, perhaps there might be something we can do...I think."

"Whatever do you mean, Benjamin Davidson? Are you not at all unhappy about the woman you wanted to marry being hesitant to have children?"

"I am happy that the woman I want to marry is wanting to spend time with me before we bring children into the world. I agree that we deserve some time to enjoy ourselves before we become parents. I have a lot of loving stored up in me that needs to be expressed, not that all affections and passions will have cooled when children do come along, mind you." His grin was immensely boyish and attractive, heating Felicity up inside. "My family has money; we can have as many servants as you like and they can watch over the children while we are busy...bonding, so to say."

She laughed that crazy, giddy, rambunctious laugh that he had always found so delightful. "Ben! Did you really just suggest that? "

"Aye, my lovely little bride, I most certainly did." He gave a squeeze and kissed her neck amorously.

All this time she had been so worried that Ben would not take too kindly to her not wanting to have children within months of their vows, but he was clearly surprising her continually. She knew not what to make of this free-spirited Ben. But she was not about to argue, for she found it to be wildly passionate. "Now how is it that we can refrain from my becoming pregnant so soon after we marry? I am utterly stumped!"

"Ah yes, that." Ben had blushed suddenly, positive proof that some of his boyhood shyness was still in his system. Felicity found it immensely appealing. "Well, I had figured for some time that children were an issue with you, Lissie. We know each other too well. Despite all that has happened, we still know how the other thinks. I know you are too spirited to just lapse into motherhood when you are not ready to, and I understand that. You really thought that I wouldn't?"

"Yes. I know you are eager for us to marry and begin our lives together, Ben. I do believe you are. I am too, but motherhood is something I am just not ready for. It terrifies me. Not just the giving birth part of it, but the patience, the sacrifice of personal freedom...Please, do not take it the wrong way. I don't want our children being raised by servants, either, I just..." She trailed off, feeling dismal again.

"Felicity, look at me, love." His warm hands had her face in them again. "I understand, all right? We want time together, just you and I. We need time alone together! And what I was working up the nerve to describe to you was a way I think we can delay having children."

"So tell me."

The way he bit his bottom lip in modesty made Felicity smile. "Knowing that this was your concern I went to Lord Eric a few evenings back, while you were playing cards with Elizabeth, and I told him that while I was in the Legion I knew of men who used sheaths made of animal skin to, ah...contain their seed, so as to not impregnate their...um, mistresses, let us call them." His voice had gotten low, seemingly in fear that their discussion would be overheard, when in fact they were they only two upon the forecastle deck at that moment. "They *ahem* claim to have worked."

Felicity grinned. "And you inquired of these 'sheaths' to Lord Eric? Whatever did he say?"

Ben looked around them, and assured that they were alone well enough for him to continue, he said, "He said yes, he'd heard of them, that they were called 'English rain-coats' there in England-makes sense, doesn't it?-" He chuckled nervously "- and although he never used any with his late wife, he knew men who did use them so as to not, you know, um, be fathers to unwed mothers, see, and that they were used by even respectable men. I was going to ask him how does a fellow go about purchasing one, and he told me he would investigate for me. It was not until we were anchored at that he gave me one he himself purchased, just for me-us, rather, as an early wedding present. He seemed to really understand that we would like some time to enjoy ourselves before we became parents. Do you mind?"

"Mind?" Felicity asked incredulously, grinning again. "If it will work, Ben, then I am all for it!"

"What if it does not work?" he asked sheepishly. "What if you are with child in only a few months after we're married?"

She sighed, cocking her head and gazing at him lovingly. "The we cannot say we didn't try, correct? We'll have to be intimate as much as possible in the time we have until we know for certain."

"I do not see that as any sort of problem," Ben assured her, a little of his male-driven arousal coming back to life. "And I know you don't want our children raised by servants any more than I do...but they would be nice to have around when we want some time for us, wouldn't you agree?"

She relented, picking up on his playfulness. "Yes, I agree! I fear my spiritedness, as you say, will never leave me, and there will be times when I must be true to my instincts, Ben-"

"And I would not wish you to be any other way, my beautiful bride," Ben interjected energetically, unable to contain his enthusiasm. "I want you in my store-our store!- attracting customers, greeting people, being a part of everything that happens. I do not want to exclude you from anything!"

"My, what a time we will have!" she laughed eagerly.

"I have several surprises waiting for you when we return!" he could not help but blurt, being so thrilled. "I had written my father, asking for his help, and Walter and Jenny are helping me-"

"Ben," she interrupted, her voice reflecting the stunned look on her face, "what in the world are planning?"

He was certainly excited. "Things that I pray will make you happy! I intend to spoil you! I am going to see to your every wish, your every need. I am going to make your head spin with the ideas I have!"

"Ben, take a breath!" she laughed, shaking her head. Her hands plunked down upon his shoulders. His long brown hair was loose, and she gently fingered it back behind an ear as she said a little more calmly, "Please, Ben, I do not need spoiling. I need only the people I love around me. I have never desired material things, even when I wanted that dress for the dancing lessons at the governor's palace; that was only a special occasion-which you helped make even more special. I do not need things, Ben, I need you!"

He calmed down, too, and looked apologetic. His voice softened quite considerably. "But I only want to make up for the pain I've caused you, Lissie. I just want to show you that I am the man you want, that I will never lose faith in you or us ever again."

She sighed gently. "Then just love me, Ben. That is all I ever wanted. Just love me."

"I do! Oh how I do!" He kissed her hard, his arms sliding around her firmly, lifting her off the deck and holding her fast to his own body as they kissed fiercely. Felicity felt strength leave her body, surprising herself how easily she melted like butter when he had her in his hold. How easily stress and worry just slipped away when he was kissing her like that. As if the world ceased to exist and it didn't matter who was watching them or what was going around them. There was only the two of them and the indescribable pull toward one another they could not, nor ever could, deny.

And as usual, he left her breathless and she had him entranced. "I love you more than the next breath I take," he said breathlessly, of course. There was just enough light from the stars, the moon and the lit lanterns on deck for Felicity to see that his eyes spoke the same truth his mouth did. He had always been like that, his soulful brown eyes speaking the things that he could not find the words for. The phrase 'I love you' was just a simple one as far as words went, but their meaning was powerful, especially when said in sync with eyes such as Ben's that upheld the truth of it.

"Then please, Ben, do nothing else than that, all right?"

He bit his bottom lip shyly. "Um...it may be a little too late to stop certain plans of mine from being carried out now. But I wouldn't change them if I could. We'll call it a celebration of our new life together. How does that sound to you?"

She laughed a little nervously, but it was a happy-nervousness. "Very well."

"Besides, what happy husband doesn't want to shower his new bride with gifts?"

"We'll...when you put it that way..."

He laughed and hugged her eagerly. "I make my oath to you now, Mrs. Davidson, to love you forever, to care for you always, to remain by your side through hell and high water. You are mine forever just as I am yours. Nothing will ever come between us again. This I vow to you before God, upon this merciless sea and under the stars."

"Why Ben, that is absolutely beautiful!" she marvelled softly at his neck.

"And what I hold in my arms next to my heart is far more beautiful."

"Good Lord, Ben."

"You tend to have that effect on me."

Her gentle chuckle made his heart skip a beat, and for the first time in a long time he honestly felt that the worst was over now. All the pain nad suffering he had cause so many people, Felicity and himself included, had just faded even more into the past, replaced by a strengthening of love that promised healing and happiness for them both. "God, how I love you," he murmured almost dreamily. Felicity was his dream. He silently gave thanks to the past that had bonded them, for the present that confirmed their love was steadfast, and for the future that would finally be fulfilled. He hugged her prorectively to him and they returned to thier small cabin below, where they slept the rest of the night way in a mutual embrace that even sleep could not lessen.

The following morning saw the Mercury Queen come into the harbor of New York First on the list of things to be done was relieving themselves of the pirates and their pirating ship. To celebrate that both Felicity and Elizabeth donned lovely dresses; felicity in satiny yellow with a satiny embroidered purple stomacher, Elizabeth in light pink over dark pink. They wore lacy mobcaps and chokers that matched their dresses.

"One would think that I was a real lady," Felicity commented airily as she caught a glimpse of herself in the oval looking glass nailed to the bulkhead in their cabin.

"You're lady enough for me," Ben commented right back, admiring longlingly the way her breasts were pushed up by the tightened corset.

Up on deck, Felicity and Elizabeth stood together, with their men at their sides, watching the port authorites board the 'Queen to take custody of Captain Fleetfoot and his men, who were obviously still shaken from havng been so "roughly ambushed" and "held in a state of terror" by the coven of witches that had "taken control of the mind and persons of Captain Crisp's bewitched ship."

"I'm tellin ye, look at 'em!" bewailed Fleetfoot, with wild eyes and crazed expression. "Witches, they are!"

"I'll advise you to keep your mouth shut, idiot, you're in enough trouble already!" advised the constable that tied Fleetfoot's hands behind the pirate's back.

"But they are!"

Both Felicity and Elizabeth shreiked, Felicity turning her face into Ben's shoulder, and Elizabeth fluttering her fan frightfully. "There, there, now," Ben soothed dramatically. "Those horrible men are being taken away, darling."

Fleetfoot gaped at them. "B-But they are harpies! Woman-pirates! Witch-pirates!"

"Oooooo!" Felicity and Elizabeth wailed desperately.

The pirate called Bean gulped and gawked at the two 'ladies' standing nearby on the deck, and said to the constable who was leading him away, "They're evil! They swore to skin us alive for their rituals!"

"Please, sirs," begged Elizabeth to the two constables, "please take these horrible men away! They say the most terrible things!"

"Aye, ma'am. Rest assure you'll never see these varmints again!" The man roughly pushed Bean to the gangplank to the pier. "Get along with you! You don't say another disprespectful thing about fine ladies like that!" The constable doffed his hat at Elizabeth and Felicity. "Pardon me, ladies. A rogue will say anything to save his own hide."

"Goodness!" exclaimed Elizabeth, a hand to her cheek. "They are just so barbaric!"

And still Fleetfoot and his men begged and pleaded to be heard as they were led away. There were guffaws and grins aplenty once the constables and their charges were gone. Lettie emerged from the crow's nest and came over to Felicty while eating on an apple quite enthusiastically. "i might have like to have been called the Great Black Witch of Afrika," she mused with a grin. "It seemed to make the white men shudder."

Felicity grinned back at her. "Lettie, you already are great. You just needn't be a witch to be so!"

"I'll say!" This came from , as Lettie looked proud, "she beat the bejesus out of me in arm-wrestling!"

Felicity cackled with glee. Ben hugged her joyfully.

Lord Eric was seeing to the turn over of the pirates' ship, and he returned to the 'Queen with plans for their next step in getting to the Chesapeake. "My friends, I know how eager you are to get home, so with your consent, we shall continue on to Virginia by ship. Yes, I know there are American naval ships all up and down the coast the further south we go, and meeting with them will be unavoidable. That is why it has been recommended to me that we make contact with one of the many American schooners we will no doubt see, and explain ourselves to them that we are not a naval spy vessel, but a ship belonging to the Duke of Bel Hastings, who is personally seeing to the safe return of Felicity Merriman and her rescue party to Williamsburg, where she is to be reunited with her family. And seeing as how we have a man of Lee's Legion with us, that will add more to my good credit! Does this sit well with everyone?"

"Excellent notion!" said Arthur Pratt.

"Splendid!" agreed Felicity

"No complaint from me," said Ben.

"Let us go!" said Elizabeth.

But the Mercury Queen didn't get to leave until the next morning, for they needed supplies. And there was fog, which made the going slow. Ben commented that they might not meet up with any other ship at all with the fog so thick. By noon most of it had burned off and the sun was out. Felicity could not keep herself from feeling the knots in her stomach over seeing her family again. It was a mix of excitement and happiness, tinged with a bit of sadness that she had been away from them so long. It was mid-May and spring would soon be turning to summer ("A good season for getting married in," Ben hinted with a flush to his face) She was excited about getting married too. Would her family be happy about that? She had noticed that Ben looked concerned whenever she spoke of her hopes that her family would still be happy about it, too. From everything that Ben and Elizabeth had told her, it would most likely be Nan who would object the most.

But then maybe everyone would be so happy that they were all reunited that no one would care about anything else.

After a day, they did indeed meet up with an American naval schooner called The Windswept, who's captain boarded along with two of his officers to speak with Captain Crisp and Lord Eric, who had pulled his own ranking, introduced them to Felicity and her friends, and before long the 'Queen was sailing along casually with The Windswept as an escort. True to everyone's assumption that they woudl meet more than one American ship, it was not long that actual war ships were in view out on the sea to the east. The schooner sailed up alongside of a big top-of-the-line vessel as the 'Queen slowed to a near stand-still, and after an exchange of conversation, the big warship allowed the schooner to continue on with its escorting duty. Apparently, none of Washington's ships had an argument with an English vessel carrying rescued Americans and very little else.

Once the shore of Yorktown came into view, Felicity and Ben were the first ones to start whooping and hollering with uncontrollable joy. Ben picked her up right there on the deck and twirled her around as she laughed through tears of happiness she could not contain. Elizabeth hugged Arthur, who was even too moved to say anything lest he start crying.

They were home.

A/N: Sorry so late; had a lot of real-life stuff going on. Anyway, I'm still planning on posting more Felicity and Ben pics on my deviantart website by July 4th. I'm at .com/