Chapter X - The Art of Not Giving Fucks

My eyebrows furrowed as I buried myself into the script, getting closer and closer to the page until the lines of text blurred. "What is this shit?" I threw it away from me and crossed my arms. "Ugh, I'm feeling nauseated just reading it. How the hell does it go to a basketball game to fricking rain forest? Not to mention the fact that she has Hikaru being the sub."

The aforementioned twin threw his arms up, exasperated. "Finally! Someone else noticed."

The other Hitachiin boy shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "I don't mind that much…"

Insert snort here. "This whole thing is stupid," I grumbled, sinking low in my own seat. Renge had someone come up with the idea of making a short movie film thingy about the Host Club and their 'new' characters. She dragged an entire hollywood crew to Japan for that sole purpose. And I wasn't just being bitchy because I didn't get to be in the movie. No, that wasn't it at all.

Okay, maybe a little bit. But ugh, the script was horrendous and where are the scalpels so I can cut my eyes out?

Said girl was screaming directions as they set up the 'continuation' scene where Tamaki comes in like a depressed little girl and moans about his life. The boy in question was looking into a small hand held mirror, making different sad expressions. Haruhi, Honey, and Mori were off in a corner chatting about their scene which I was kinda excited to see. How adorable would an evil Hunny be? I sighed. "Well, at least you guys did a decent job. Cheesy, but decent."

The twins gave me a look. "Thanks, Audrey."

"We really care-"

"-About your opinion on our performance."

"Hikaru! Kaoru! Get over here! We're rolling straight through!" Renge's scream cut through the air like a shrill bird releasing his mighty mating call.

Pfft.

Mighty mating call.

Suits her, don't it?

The boys both sighed, but obediently left their seats and went to the grass where Renge stood with her hands on her hips. I pouted at the loss of my entertainment. What was I suppose to be doing now? The only good company just sauntered off to be depressing basketball players. Fuck, everything about this stupid movie thing is depressing. And I didn't even like basketball. Hell, I didn't like sports in general. Give me a bowl of nutella and icecream with a comfy couch and a plasma screen TV any day. Or everyday.

"And action!"

On cue, fake rain started to pour from down on the twins, who were posed dramatically in the grass. Tamaki approached in a plain white shirt, which when soaked, would probably be the greatest fan service I had ever seen. He started his long schpeel of sadness and woe and I started picking at the earwax stuck to my earbuds.

It was over in less than a minute, and again two soaking wet boys were sprawled on the chairs to either side of me. "This is exhausting," they whined.

I kicked my feet back and forth, ignoring them and puffing out my cheeks. Maybe if I held my breath long enough I would pass out and get to skip all this boring shit. It was tempting. But I tend to avoid inflicting harm upon myself. Just because I have a high pain tolerance doesn't mean I enjoy it.

Kaoru scooted his chair over and rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm tired," he quipped, adding a yawn to make it a little more legit.

His twin mimicked him, his hair brushing my throat. "Me too."

I glowered at the dead weight. Where was a bat when you needed it? And I mean the wooden one. Not the animal. Though I wouldn't mind having a pet bat. They're so freaking cute!

And then Renge was in front of me, looking at the scene with displeasure. I just gave her a grin. "I feel like a pimp," I said cheerfully. The twins snorted, but otherwise didn't move. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought they were actually comfortable where they were. The manager rolled her eyes.

"Audrey, could I get your help with something? Please?"

I put a finger to my chin in thought. "Well… only because you asked me so nicely." Hopping off my chair, I followed the girl to the other side of the building, ignoring the twins moans of displeasure. Two unfamiliar guys were hanging out, one standing with his arms crossed while the other leaned against the wall. I gave them a nod, which they returned. One raised an eyebrow and I gave him a shrug while the other rolled his eyes. Ah, the give of silent communication. It's a skill. Im so full of skillz, with a z because that is just how skilled I really am.

"Okay, wait right here, and I'm going to go get Haruhi!" Renge cheered, darting off and leaving me with the strangers.

I looked them up and down, scrutinizing. "You aren't going to rape me, are you?"

The reaction was immediate, and more entertaining than I could have hoped for. Both flushed a tomato red and began spluttering and coughing.

"No, what-"

"Of course not! How-"

"I can't-"

My eyes narrowed. "So… are you telling me I'm not pretty enough?" Hands on the hips, head tilted to the side. And the boys were immediately falling over themselves.

Oh my god, this was too much fun.

Never leave me alone to my own devices. Ever.

Then Renge was leading Haruhi over to us. "I'd like these people to be featured in the film too!"

My eyes widened slightly. Really? Me? In a film? Dammit, why couldn't my big break be in an actual movie, like the Hunger Games? Hell, I wouldn't even mind if I died at the Cornucopia in the blood bath and got two minutes of screen time. Anything was better tahn this!.

Renge kept going as I mourned my celebrity status. "We need some bad guys for the big climax! That's when all the club members come together to fight against the real villains at their school. According to the script, these two are from a wealthy family that got their money by being part of the japanese mafia! And Audrey plays the main villain who is jealous of Kyoya and my relationship and uses these guys to get back at the Host club for shunning her! Don't you think it's a brilliant casting choice?"

Cue angry bristling. "Excuse me?" I can't believe this! Not only am I the villain, but I'm that crappy villain. Why can't I have an actual villain story? And why would I be jealous of a fake relationship? Why? Why? "I knew that script was shit," I seethed. "Doesn't make any fucking sense!"

The boys seemed to agree with me. "What's with this girl?" One grumbled, eyes narrowed.

The other was even angrier than I was. "Whatever my dad does has nothing to do with me!"

I patted his shoulder. "You tell her, mate!" However, at his glare, I tiptoed away to stand far away. Something sparkly caught my eye by the equipment and, thoroughly distracted, I went to investigate, bending over at the waist. Maybe it was money. I love money.

Haruhi was spouting meaningful nonsense. "Renge, maybe it's convenient for you, but if you only see people two dimensionally, don't you think you're missing who they actually are?"

The manager cocked her head to the side in thought. Maybe she was actually a little deeper than I - "I don't have a clue what you're talking about. Anyway." She grabbed onto one of the boys arms. "Just come over here and wait for your cue-"

He snapped. "Hey! You don't even know me, and you can't do whatever you want! Don't act so big-headed just because you're from Class A!"

And suddenly a body rammed into me, sending me sprawling into the equipment. I gave a cry as the impact sent my head banging into the steel.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ugh.

Not okay.

Pain. Lots of pain.

Spots danced across my vision and my brain felt a bit dislodged. My eyes filled with tears as I squeezed my eyes shut. I lifted my hands to cradle my face, as though that would help ease my pain. It felt like my head was being impaled by spikes. Big spikes, like Vlad the Impaler spikes. However, I was proud to say that no tears fell and my moaning was for the most part silent. High pain tolerance, yeah? Haruhi and Renge and the boys panicked voices drew me out of my pain filled stupor. "Oh my god, are you okay? I didn't mean-"

"Audrey, can you hear me? I think she hit her head."

"Oh gosh! Im so sorry, Audrey-"

"Hey! What was that just now?!" Was that Tamaki? When did he get on the scene? Arms gently pried my hands away from my face. My eyes opened to see Mori staring at me with his usual blank expression.

I gave a weak grin, one eye shut as the light suddenly seemed blinding. "Is that concern I see in your eyes, Takashi?" His only response was a grunt and his fingers coming through my hair. I obediently lowered my head so he could check for… whatever it was he was checking for. At least, I kept it down long enough until I heard the distinct sound of someone getting punched in the face. "Holy shit!" I screeched, then winced. "Ow ow ow ow."

Hunny stood before me, eyes narrowed in a way I had never seen before, shaking out his hand. Tamaki was at his side, though watching Hunny with a strange expression. "You better get outta here." Oh my god, his voice. "I don't want to see your faces anywhere near Audrey again, you understand?"

Aw, look at him! Defending me. My heart swelled up full of feels and I may or may not have started crying. If anyone asks, it was the dirt. Or a bug. Someone poked me. But I totally wasn't getting all emotional because nobody had ever defended me like that.

… Yeah.

Wait, I just got hit in the fucking head, why am I making stupid ass excuses when the logical one is right there? I'm so intelligent.

The boys put their arms up. Well, one did, while the other held his friend to keep him from collapsing. "Look, it wasn't our fault! It was that chick!" And then they pointed to Renge. I glanced at her to see her eyes filled with stressed tears. Cue more angry bristling. What the fuck?! She wasn't even hurt! I was! And she was crying?

Feeling a bit of a kindred spirit with the two guys (hey, we both have to suffer the fool that is Renge) I gave a long, pain filled moan. As I expected, everyone immediately turned to me. I took that moment to give the guys a look. You know, a look that said, 'leave while they're distracted!' They must have gotten the message because they turned and ran like the devil was on their heels. Which, considering Hikaru and Kaoru called out a load of threats to their retreating backs, he might have been. Or they.

Then my little defender was wrapping his arms around me, wailing like a babe. "Audrey-Chan! Are you okay? Did they hurt you? What happened!"

I ignored him in place of giving Renge a dark look. "The guys were right, you know. It was her fault. Haruhi can back up that claim."

Sure enough, she did. "They were provoked."

Mori gave a hum. "It looks like you'll just have some bad bruising. You aren't bleeding anywhere."

"Aw, shucks. I was hoping to use the blood in my next satanic ritual and summon the devil to do my dirty deeds."

Do I hear crickets?

"Wow, Audrey, you're such a laugh."

I scowled at them. They made a face. I made a bubble with my spit. Hikaru looked disgusted while Kaoru groaned. Yay! Another Audrey victory!

"That… that was perfect! It could use some effects and we should swap out Audrey for someone else, seeing how she's the villain, but that would make a perfect addition to the movie!" Renge was squealing excitedly. She turned to the camera man. "Please tell me you got that on film!" Hell, I think fingernails on a chalkboard would be a better sound to listen to.

Mori didn't spare her a glance and grabbed me by my chin, tilting my head this way and that. "You should be fine, but we can go to the nurse."

I shrugged. "No different than getting hit in the head with a baseball bat."

Cue a rousing chorus of, "You've been hit in the head with a baseball bat?"

"When was this?" Kaoru demanded.

"Did you go to the hospital?" That was Hunny.

"Who did it?" That was Tamaki.

Another shrug. "It was awhile ago. I-" I was stopped by the sound of shattering grass and a mans voice screaming as his baby died. And Im talking about the camera man cause he was really upset about his now broken camera. Kyoya stood, rock in hand, with a pleasant expression on his face. I gave a low whistle. "Way to go, Kyoya."

Renge looked totally lost. "Wh… why did you do that?"

"I'm terribly sorry, but I cannot allow there to be any record of a club member engaging in violence." Everyone (except Kyoya) looked at Hunny, who scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I think you've caused enough trouble around here, Renge. Please stop being such a pest."

"Kyoya, I could kiss you," I said seriously. He raised an eyebrow at me, but before anyone could comment, Renge bursted into tears.

"A… a pest? But you're suppose to pat me on the head and tell me not to worry. You're suppose to be kind and affectionate, Kyoya. Why are you acting so differently now?"

That was about the time I noticed a stunning lack of feeling in my brain. I froze as Tamaki and the others gave Renge some kind of scolding, one that any other time I would have gladly participated in. But it was gone. Poof, nonexistent. My intuition. Fuck, it couldn't be gone. Right now, I should be subconsciously ignoring the wave of caring coming from Hunny, and the concern that the twins so masterfully hid. The ever present thoughts of the future and the subtle messages behind everyones actions should be bombarding me.

But they weren't.

I closed my eyes and concentrated through the sudden ache in my skull. I didn't have a concussion, I knew that much. Hopefully it would come back. Right? I wanted my brain power. Fuck telepaths who hate their ability, I love mine. And I wanted it back.

I was napping on the couch when club officially started. It had been… three days? Maybe a little more since the filming incident and Hunny still insisted on wrapping up my head like a freaking mummy and putting me down to rest. The pain had long since gone away, but I think he enjoyed playing doctor.

Which can be kind dirty, if you think about it.

"Oh, that film was fantastic," a girl gushed to Tamaki. Her companions mimicked her, praising his 'lonely prince' persona. I kept my eyes closed, just… listening. Listening was fun. And distracting.

See, my little gift had come back, thank goodness. I would have gone insane. However, it seemed to be a little different, if only because it was a lot more… emotion based? I think? It was kinda weird, but I was getting the hang of it again. It was like finding an old toy you forgot in the attic and getting reaquainted. My own Sheriff Woody.

Kyoya leaned against the arm of the couch. "How are you feeling, Audrey?" A courtesy question, because I don't think he really cared all that much.

I shrugged. "Eh, feeling fine." My eyes remained shut, and I enjoyed the peaceful silence. But you know what they say about cats and their curiosity. Meow. "So you sold the film?"

"Yes. I may have destroyed the lense, but the footage was fine. I cut out the last scene, of course. And sales have been doing pretty well."

Twin senses started tingling. "Are you bothering Audrey?"

"You know Hunny Will-"

"-Get mad if she doesn't rest."

I decided I could crack open one eye. The twins hovered above me, golden eyes going between me and Kyoya. Feeling adventurous, I grabbed Kaoru's hand and pulled on it as I rolled onto my side. He made a strangled noise as I held the limb captive to my chest, snuggling it like a teddy bear. "Comfy," I mused.

Hikaru snorted, but a slight red haze seemed to radiate off of him. Creepy. "If you really wanna hold someone, go borrow Usa-Chan."

Cue evil grin. "Kaoru doesn't mind, does he?" I batted my eyelashes at him and tried not to feel too satisfied when he couldn't look me in the eye. Coughing, he disentangled himself from me and I let him go. And I wasn't reluctant to do so. Not at all.

"We got, um, customers, and I, lets go." They departed, each grabbing a girl by the arm and leading them away.

I giggled.

Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

Renge showed up.

And I rolled over to shove my face in the back of the couch.

"Hey! I thought you went back to France."

"I thought she was staying in France," I snarled. Kyoya gave my head a swatt with his little black book.

"Play nice," he scolded, but the amusement was so evident in his voice I didn't even need intuition to know it was there.

My scowl wouldn't be deterred. "Only if she jumps into a pit of vipers." I was being bitchy. But she bothered me. And I didn't like being bothered. Unless I was doing the bothering. Haruhi strolled up from wherever she had been and patted my foot in a comforting gesture. Renge, seeing the girl, decided to approach.

Where's the gasoline and the matches?

"I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner," she said quietly. "I could feel the love when you lectured me about judging people. When you said it was fun to get to know people little by little you were talking about me." Her expression changed into something hard. "And I'm going to try! Haruhi, I'll get to know you little by little too!"

Da fuck.

"Come on, Haruhi, let's go to my house and play games!"

Ew.

No no no.

Not okay.

Time for drastic measures!

I lunged up and wrapped my arms around Haruhi before Renge could get a hold of her. "Nope!" I sang, popping the 'p'. "Mine. And I don't share."

Haruhi's palm met her face as Renge shot me a glare. "Audrey, please don't say things like that…"

"As a matter of fact," I continued. "The whole club is mine. Now shoo, go play RPG's or something."

Another swatt from Kyoya.

Renge gave me a glare. "You know, it's not nice to hang on people! Haruhi doesn't like that, do you?" She turned to the dark haired girl.

Before she could respond, I stood up on my knees and nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck. "Me and Haruhi have something special, don't we darling?" Then I licked her, slowly and dramatically running my tongue up her throat.

"Intervention!" The twins shouted, and I started laughing as they both grabbed me and pulled the two of us apart. And I don't mean simple laughing, but full blown snorting, 'shit I can't breathe' laughing that made me seem like a mad man. Woman. Tamaki was shaking me about by the shoulders, complaining about his daughters innocence, and Hunny was totally confused and trying to figure out what was going on. Mori was just shaking his head.

Gosh, the things I do for entertainment.

HEY YOU. YES, YOU. READING THIS STORY. IMPORTANT NOTICE IN MY AUTHORS NOTE. SO READ IT. YES, I AM TALKING TO YOU. NO, NOT YOU, YOU. READ THE AUTHORS NOTE. Bitch.

Since I got 12 reviews for the last chapter, and I split it up into two separate parts, I decided to try and get this out a bit faster for you guys c: Hopefully this doesn't disappoint.

Two things regarding the immediate future - I am participating in NANOWRIMO and I'm not sure if I will be able to update then at all. However, I will try to get another chapter out before that, and I have one partially written up. Which leads to my next point.

THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER, but I thought I might have some fun and have the characters Sasuke and Sakura visit Audrey/the Host Club after school. It would probably be one of the few chapters they would ever be in, but regardless I felt I should ask if that would bother you too much. It makes for interesting tension between Audrey and her two groups of friends.

So I guess thats the chapter question? Anyway, Audrey has deigned to respond to your guys' questions (the few that decided to ask any.)

Q: Who's your favorite band/artist?

A: Ahh… I don't really have favorite bands? I'm more of a 'oh shit this song fucking rocks' kinda gal rather than an obsessive 'look its another song by Katy Perry!' But if I did have some fav bands, then I would have to say Twenty One Pilots, Walk the Moon, and Fall Out Boy.

Q: Oh wait there are no other questions nevermind.

Review Responses

xxrxuxsxtxyx; -hands over a batch of Audrey cookies- She insists I inform you that with every bite, you must declare her the master overlord of all things sweet and chewy.

White Aura Dragon; Hee hee, I've been on a Tom Riddle streak myself. Delicious. I hope that I continue to impress you in some way shape or form ;~; I love reading your reviews, and you always have something nice to say c: I don't like Renge but at the same time I do. Audrey doesn't have that problem lol

Flameswolf; eeek SUPERNATURAL FTW yes I just said that. Wow. Regardless, I'm sorry! I would update faster too. Did you know that 47 people alerted this story? How freaking fantastic is that?! Now, if only every single one of them reviewed for every chapter...

Shadow Fox 2013; 'So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus

In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?' Oh yes, Panic! At the Disco is definitely one of my fav bands c: I'll probably have Audrey humming some more of their songs in the future, so keep an eye out!

Kitsune232; -smooch smooch- You have no idea the giggle fit I had when I saw your review. Look at how long it is! And full of great things and ugh I just could kiss you. Seriously. If you want a character in this story just ask. In regards to Audrey's intuition, I'm trying to keep it on the down low. I don't want that to be the focus of my story. So that is why it isn't mentioned all that much. And Ranka and Audrey will get along obnoxiously well. Regardless, I'm literally obnoxiously pleased you review and ugh thank you ;~; I shall keep going for you!

Kso12; HERE… YOU… GO...

skyfire101; As okay as I can be c: Thank you for caring, and reviewing!

Extended Experience; I hope you don't laugh too hard. You could become constipated, you know. But I heard reviewing can cure that ;3

iiAnimeLover; That, my dear, is still up in the air. I'm not sure yet. But who would you like her to be paired with?

don't-even-ask1; I give you kisses. I understand your Renge feelings completely - and I guess I take out some of my frustrations on her with Audrey. Simplest way to put it is that neither of us suffer fools, and Audrey ain't puttin' up with her shit, yo. EEK FAVORITES I FEEL SO SUCCESSFUL -faints-

iclepicle; 1 hour rules. You can still eat those marshemellows. And thanks for reviewing c:

Sunstar Writer; Oh! You should totally send me a PM c: I could really use a beta, but I'm notoriously unreliable and tend to post them as soon as I finish writing them ^^' probably not a good things… heh… heh… And have no fear, Audrey shall be questioning it. And will most likely be ignored.

Guest Dragon; HERE YOU ARE HOPE YOU LIKE IT c:

Alright, here is my important notice for those who skipped and didn't read or whatever. I desperately want 100 reviews, you have no idea. How great would 100 reviews be for 10 chapters? That's ten reviews per chapter. Which is beautiful. And seeing how 47 people follow, I KNOW WE CAN DO IT. So please. Cature to the whims of this sad authoress. She promises to update faster if you guys review more.

Okay, I'll stop now before I get desperate.

But yeah. It would make my life.

I love you.

Okay this is totally a ridiculously long authors note, BUT REAL QUICK - I'm planning some stories for the following genres/pairings. If you're interested, send me a PM or review and I'll send you a little bit of my ideas c:

Inheritance Cycle - Murtagh/OC
The Hunger Games - Finnick/OC
Game of Thrones - Unknown pairing, maybe Jon/OC
Ghost Hunt - Unknown pairing, either Eugene/OC or Oliver/OC
Supernatural - Probably Dean/OC with some Sam/OC on the side (same OC)
Rise of the Guardians - Jack/OC
Divergent Trilogy - OC/OC
American Horror Story: Murder House – No clue, maybe Tate/OC? Probably no pairing
Harry Potter - Either Fred/George/OC or Tom Riddle/OC

Lotsa Love!

Calloniel