Percy
His words had sounded kind; Marcus had said "you're welcome". Now, I knew he really had saved Oliver. It gave me an odd feeling in my heart; there was a warm feeling filling it, but also a nostalgic longing for us (all three of us) to be friends again. And I wanted Marcus and Oliver to loose the constant trace of fear both of their eyes held.
Once, when my grandfather, my mother's father, came to visit I found him resting in a dark red arm chair, reading silently. I walked over to him curiously and allowed my eyes to take in the page he was looking over.
At age seven, I understood more than some children a few years older than me ever did, but what was written in the book puzzled me. It talked about one of the characters finding someone else's sadness to be beautiful.
"How can sadness be beautiful?" I thought out loud.
I locked eyes with my grandfather, "I can explain it to you, if you'll stay and listen."
"I'll stay." I said.
A loving smile showed up on his face, he touched the side of my head affectionately, "You are a good boy, Percy, always willing to learn." I smiled shyly and he pulled his away after a moment.
I asked again, "So, how can sadness be beautiful?"
My grandfather cleared his throat and began, "The character in my book admired his friend's sadness because the sadness came from loving his friend and still wanting him as a friend even when he wished to go his separate ways."
"What happens to their friendship?" I asked.
He said, "Well, I've read this book and at the end they become friends again."
I thought aloud, "So, the friend's sadness was rooted in love."
"Yes, Percy," My Grandfather told me. "Love is a tricky thing, romantic or not." He thought a moment, "I think love without lust is the most beautiful kind of love there is; that's why friendship is so important. Most people want love, Percy; they want to be loved by their friends, even men want that from each other."
I moved my brow in confusion. Even at such a young age, I had already learned that society frowned on men expressing how much they cared for other men. Women are aloud to show their love for each other and all of their emotions, but men are not allowed. Men are expected to be strong and keep their emotions bottled up and as for love, you may love your male relatives, but love outside your family is to be felt only toward women.
My grandfather observed a little sadly, "Society has trained you well, but it is wrong sometimes, Percy. You must do all you can to remember that. As you grow into a man you'll make many friends, but not all of them will accept you loving them. They will ridicule you for it, make jokes out of it, but they want it. Do not turn to them for love, Percy. Look for other boys who you can relax with and who will want to admit they love you when you also love them. Find them Percy, and never let them go; most likely they won't want to let you go either. Friendship and the love that comes with it is complicated when it's between men because that's how society makes it, but you must find it. You need it. Once you have it, you'll be very with it."
"Do you have that kind of love, Grandfather?" I asked.
He slipped into a smile, "Always so formal." He answered my other question, "I do have that type of love, Percy."
"That's nice." I said, truly meaning it.
Later on, at my father's birthday dinner I looked over at my grandfather interact with my paternal grandfather. They were having a conversation while their wives conversed together. I saw my grandmothers sneak glances at my grandfathers so I deducted that their conversation was about their husbands.
I directed my gaze back at my grandfathers and noticed that as they conversed they shared a smile and had a loving look in their eyes.
I wanted to have that kind of relationship, not only with Oliver, but with Marcus.