After the coffee and muffin Pepper and Tony headed back to his place for one of their weekly dinners. Pepper liked to come round and cook for him at least once a week as that way she knew he was getting one decent meal. Left to his own devices Tony managed maybe one meal a day and even then calling it a meal was probably an overstatement. Thanks to his incredibly organised online system though his fridge and freezer were well stocked so Pepper was able to get straight on when they got in. She had long ago learnt that the way to get Tony eat a large meal was to give him something interactive. If you just put a plate in front of him he got bored easily. But if he had to be involved in the meal then he tended to eat much more. Tonight she decided to make fajitas. Another little secret she had learned was the busier his hands were making food the more he would talk. It was almost as if once you got his hands busy his mouth became unguarded.

Tony turned on the computer system and set some music going. He then got himself and Pepper a glass of wine. She raised her eyebrows as he set the glass in front of her but didn't say anything. He knew she worried about his drinking and he understood why. Making sure she saw him he put a stopper in the bottle and put it back in the cabinet rather than leaving it on the side in easy reach. He saw the corner of her eye crinkle up as she smiled and that made him feel unreasonably good.

While Pepper set to making the meal Tony got one of his workbooks out of the cabinet he kept them in and sat at the table making notes. He had a few ideas about how to get the latest modifications to his AI working and he wanted to note them down while they were still fresh. In no time at all Pepper was bringing plates and bowls full of gorgeous smelling things to the table. Tony packed his things away and helped her with the rest. Snagging himself a tortilla he started to build himself an edible masterpiece.

"Ah Pep, remind me one day to marry you," Tony said as he took his first bite of fajita.

"Not a chance Stark," she giggled. Tony pouted. "It's no good pulling that face either, you know it doesn't work on me."

"You're a hard woman Potts. How about I employ you as my cook instead?" He grinned at her over his food.

"Nope. I saw what you did to the last one. Count yourself lucky I stick around and feed you on occasion."

"I do." His tone is suddenly all seriousness. Pepper looked up at him surprised. "I really do Pep. I have no idea why you put up with me and I am grateful. I...you're my best friend Pep and I...I love you. You know that right?"

Pepper smiled at him. "Yeah I know Tony." She grabbed his free hand and squeezed. "I know." He squeezed back, smiled at her again and then goes back to his meal. The rest of dinner goes by in a blur of fajita building and chatter. When they're done eating there is still enough food left to keep Tony in fajitas for a couple of days which was Pepper's plan. She put it all in the fridge while Tony clears the table, which was their usual routine.

"So what are you going to do with the rest of your evening?" Pepper asked him as she gathered her stuff together.

"Why I think I'm going to start phase one of your genius plan. It's just me and the darn diary tonight."

"You need anything?"

"Nah I'm good Pep. Go, have a life. Do whatever you do when you're not babysitting me."

"Ok. I'll call you later in the week then." She kissed him on the cheek and let herself out of the house. Tony grabbed the diary and curled up on the sofa. He put pen to paper and let his brain take over.

Where to begin? While he was certain that Pepper's idea was indeed genius it didn't mean that this was going to be easy. Truth be told he really didn't want to analyse himself anymore than he wanted anyone else to but he knew it was the only way he was going to get through these sessions. Should he start at the beginning, when he was a little boy? Or maybe at the end with the incident that landed him at the shrink's. Perhaps he should work his way through the things other people thought were wrong with him. This last one seemed to Tony to be the best idea. It tied in nicely with his last session so he could build straight from that.

What did he care about? Not people, that was for sure. He was a playboy. Thanks to his father's fame he was a notorious playboy. In the gossip columns weekly as they watched him work his way through every eligible woman and some who were not so eligible. One night, maybe two at a push. But that was it, never more than that. No connections, no relationships, no love. His women rarely had a bad word to say about him though. He always made sure that he had made it clear that the encounter wasn't going anywhere. He was happy for them to stay the night if they wanted and to pay their taxi fare if they didn't. If they stayed he made breakfast or at least ordered whatever they wanted from room service.

He was a considerate lover. It wasn't about getting his rocks off. Tony got as much enjoyment from their pleasure as he did his own. He'd be insulted if anyone left his bed unsatisfied. Sure he wanted to know everything about their bodies, but he was not interested in their hearts. Every woman he slept with had to meet two requirements. He needed to find her attractive and she had to accept that she was only getting into his bed. Occasionally he got it wrong and there were scenes, but these happened rarely. Mostly it was a night or two of pleasure, a hearty breakfast and he never saw them again. Things were similar with his male lovers only not so public. He had no shame in his desires but for some reason he had always wanted to keep this side of himself private. This belonged to him and he liked it that way. He was much choosier about the men he slept with and the number had been few. The encounters tended to last longer too. They usually happened when he went away anywhere for a week or more. He would find someone who made the grade and pretty much lock himself away with them. But always he was clear that it was going no further. Tony didn't need entanglements from anyone, male or female.

At twenty five he had never had what could reasonably be called a relationship. He'd tried once with Pepper when they were fifteen. It had seemed like the logical progression in their friendship at the time. Both of them realised within a week that it really just was not for them. They were best friends, always had been and always will be. Tony often wondered if his lack of desire to settle down with anyone was due to him knowing no one would ever live up to Pepper. The thought seemed somehow unfair to Pepper. More likely it was rooted in his belief that relationships just did not work. He had yet to see one that had. His parent's marriage had hardly been a great example.

Tony stopped writing and ran his hand over his face. Did he really want to go into his parent's marriage? It was where his thoughts were taking him but really it was a subject he tried to avoid at all costs. He shook his head and looked back down at the book. Better to dig beneath his skin himself than to let someone else do it. He started to write again.

Tony had always known that his parents weren't as happy as they should have been. He rarely saw them together and when he did they were tense. His father was at work all day and spent most of his evenings in his workshop. As a child he spent most of his time with his mother, trailing her from room to room, helping her with things around the house. She was a gentle soul. Quiet in voice and action. She answered his childish questions as fully as she could, taking joy in his search for knowledge even at such a young age. When his father came home for the day though she changed. She went from quiet to silent. Shushing him when he asked her questions. His father would eat with them and then disappear to the workshop, the one place Tony was not allowed. As he got older and started school Tony saw less and less of the mother he loved and more of the silent woman who cowered slightly when his father entered a room. He never saw them argue but he was a smart kid, he knew it must happen. Finally at the age of eight he woke up in the night to the sound of his father shouting. He tiptoed down the stairs and peered round the door to the living room. His father was stood in the middle of the room screaming at his mother. He had a glass in his hand that was half full of some amber liquid and his face was flushed red. His mother looked terrified. As his father leant closer to his mother, still screaming at her, Tony ran into the room and threw himself in front of her. His father looked shocked to see him and then the shock turned to anger. He raised his hand to slap his son and his mother pushed him out of the way, taking the blow for him. At that moment Tony lost all respect for his father. Even as he sat on the floor sobbing, his mother's cheek turning red while his father stalked from the room, he realised that he did not care for his father at all.

He never saw them argue again. His father still joined them for meals but that was the only time he ever saw him. Within a year of that night his mother was dead. Sudden and without suffering she suffered a cerebral aneurysm. He didn't see his father mourn once.

Tony threw the pen down and tossed the diary to one side. Though he wasn't aware of it he was crying. He got up and crossed the room to the liquor cabinet grabbing the first bottle he came to. Right now he wasn't concerned about the flavour of the alcohol. He just wanted oblivion. Snagging a glass out of the cupboard he filled it to the brim and knocked it back in one slug. Then another and another. He slid down to the floor and continued to drink. In ten minutes he had drained the bottle dry. He threw the empty bottle and glass across the room and was satisfied to hear them both shatter. It would be a pain to clear up in the morning but he wasn't thinking of the morning. Wrapping his arms around his knees he gave into the sobs that were crawling up his chest. He cried until his head hurt and his eyes itched. Eventually he was down to dry sobs. He felt woozy from drink and wrung out from crying. Sliding the rest of the way to lay flat on the floor he closed his eyes and passed out.

Author's Note

As usual Tony's chapter kicked my ass. Hopefully it's ok though. I've had a few comments on my use of comma's which I'll be working on over the next few chapters. Sorry guys! I also apologise in advance if there are any issues with tense in this chapter. I changed the tense I was writing in about half way though. I think I've managed to correct them all, really sorry if I've missed any.

We're heading back to the couch for the next couple of chapters so I'll see you over there.

As always please leave me any comments you like. It's great to hear from you and all constructive criticism is welcome :D