Chapter 9 (Waves)

-Reilly-

Two Months Later

Two months, and not a word was spoken between us. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him, my heart was screaming at me to just go see him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. We had said things to each other in a way that I wasn't sure if there was a way to fix what had broken. I didn't blame him anymore, I knew now that he had no idea I wasn't invited. I don't know if either of us knew what had actually happened…I had my theories but I kept them to myself. There was no need to bring them out now.

It was a Thursday and we were in Tampa for a pay-per-view that weekend. I knew I wouldn't see John much around the arena since he lived there in Tampa with Liz. It hadn't even been as if we purposely avoided each other these past months. We would see each other in the hallways of whatever arena we were in, it was inevitable. But it was usually at opposite ends of a hallway and we would stand and look at each other for a second before one of us would give up and walk away. I tried to hide the hurt on my face. I didn't want him to see just how much I missed him but sometimes I felt like an open book.

I had just gotten back from a late trip to the gym, another thing I had changed since my fight with John. I loved going to the gym in the morning but knew he did as well so I changed things up to not make it more awkward. It was 9:30 at night and I wasn't tired. Something about my workout tonight had just seemed to give me more energy. We were staying in a hotel right on the beach and I stood out on my balcony facing the ocean, wondering what I should do with myself. Kelly was out somewhere with Stephen, (yes, you read that right) and Phil had some PR to do, so I was on my own that night. I looked down at the beach. It looked so calm and peaceful with the moon bouncing off the water. I decided I wanted to be outside and ducked back into my room, changed into some running clothes fit for the warm, humid weather, cgi/set?id=49937688 and then headed downstairs.

It was warm but there was a small breeze coming off the water that made the heat a little more bearable. I stretched my calf muscles out as I gazed out at the ocean. The breeze wasn't enough to really ruffle the waves and it was fairly calm, the moon shining off the water and lighting up the night sky. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and took off slowly down the beach. I wasn't in any type of hurry. We didn't have any early morning meetings and the press conference wasn't until 3:00 p.m. so I was looking for any reason to keep myself from just sitting in my room. I turned up the volume on my Ipod and picked up my pace just a little, keeping time with the music.

There were no thoughts in my head; I kicked them aside when I ran, as if nothing in the world could touch me, nothing could hurt me. I made it about a mile and a half before I slowed my pace and eventually cut myself to a walk. The breeze had picked up just slightly and it felt amazing to feel the cool drops of water from the ocean on my face. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail I'd had it in and shook it out, letting the breeze wind it softly around me. I knelt down, untied my shoes and kicked them off into the sand. I picked them up and tiptoed through the water, letting it splash up my calves. I continued walking down the beach at the water's edge, my playlist still blaring in my ears and my toes curling into the wet sand with each step. As I walked I decided that when I finally gave in and bought myself a house, I would be living somewhere on the water. It was the most peaceful thing I'd found in a long time.

I walked a little bit further, gazing up at the hotels lining this stretch of beach. The lights coming from them lit up this area so I stayed just beyond the swath of light, right where the water met the shore. I was about to turn around and start heading back down toward my hotel when I saw a figure sitting in the sand just up the beach. Normally I wouldn't have paid any attention; it could have been anybody. But there was something about this figure that made me look more closely. I peered through the darkness at the man sitting there, staring out into the ocean…the lines of his shoulders, the sharp jawline… 'It can't be.' I told myself. He's at home with Liz, why in the world would he be out here? I knew from talking to him before his house was on the other side of Tampa, nowhere near where I now stood, frozen in the sand.

I looked at the figure a minute longer, unsure of what to do next. I shook my head, telling myself it couldn't be him, when I saw the figures arm lift and his hand went around the back of his head, up over the top, and slid down toward his face. John always did that when he was frustrated about something. But why, what was he doing out here? Shouldn't he be spending time with Liz? Something wasn't right, and I could feel myself wanting to go over, to find out what was wrong but I stayed planted where I was. 'I should just leave him alone. If he's out here by himself he has to have a good reason for it and I should just let it be'. I turned and took a step back in the direction of my hotel but that was as far as I could will myself to go. Regardless of what had gone on between us, he was still my best friend and right now, I felt drawn in…as if he needed me more than ever, and I didn't even know if he knew I was there. I sighed, looked out at the ocean for a long minute knowing what I was going to do could go in two completely different directions then turned and started walking up towards where he sat. I reached the spot where he was sitting and my suspicions were at once confirmed. John was sitting there in the sand, his shoes off in the sand by his feet, staring straight ahead out into the water. I didn't say anything, just silently sat down next to him and followed his gaze out into the ocean.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out into the waves. I don't think either of us knew where to start. I was suddenly very aware of how I probably looked to him, my hair all over the place from the wind and my hands flew up, attempting to pull it back away from my face and back into its ponytail.

John put his hand on my arm without turning his head. "Don't." he whispered. "Leave it, you look beautiful."

I stopped short and turned to look at him. Had he seen me coming down the beach toward him the whole time? I dropped my arms and ran my fingers though the sand between us, letting it slip through my fingers. He brought his hand down on top of mine, holding it down for just a minute before I felt his fingers intertwine themselves with mine. He squeezed my hand softly and I looked down at them, sitting there on the sand between us. I couldn't believe just how small my hand looked locked there with his.

"I don't deserve you, "John started, his voice quiet and reserved. "I don't deserve the way you care about me, the way you're there for me no matter what. I've caused so many problems between us; I don't know how you can stand to be around me anymore." He still wouldn't look at me but his hand held tightly to mine, his thumb tracing circles on the side of my hand.

I took a deep breath and replied. "John, what are you doing out here? Why aren't you home with Liz?"

"I don't feel like going home tonight…" he paused, looking down at the sand before continuing. "Let's just say I found out why you were never invited to the wedding, and I just decided it would be better if I stayed away from home tonight." He did not explain any further but I didn't need him to. My theories had been confirmed and I now felt worse than ever. I sighed heavily, knowing being there with him wasn't going to help him any with his fight at home.

I guess he felt me tense up because his hand squeezed mine again and he finally turned to look at me. "Please don't go. You're the only person I wished I could see when I left the house tonight…I just didn't know if I should come find you. That's why I'm out here. I was trying to get up the courage to come see you." Looking into his eyes, I felt myself falling back to that comfortable place with him, it was as if the fight wasn't of any importance any more…the only thing that seemed to matter was that he and I were there with each other.

"I missed you." I whispered, tearing my eyes from his and looking out at the ocean again. "I'm sorry John…I'm sorry for everything I said that night, I was just…" I was cut off as the wind blew pieces of my hair in front of my face. Before I could reach up to tuck them away though, John's free hand was there, softly pulling them away and tucking them behind my ear.

"I don't want you to apologize. We both were angry, we both said things we never would have said otherwise. It's over. I just want you back in my life Reilly. I hate being too afraid to come talk to you on the road, or sit next to you on the plane…I hate not being able to talk to my best friend." His hand went from my face to our hands in the sand and he placed it on top of them.

I turned to look back at him, and I could see his eyes pleading with me to say something, anything. "What are you doing for the rest of the night then if you're not going home?" I questioned.

"I don't know, I was still trying to figure out what I wanted. I was thinking about just going and crashing with Randy or something." John's words were soft, reserved.

"Come on." I stated simply. I stood, not letting go of his hand and waited for him to do the same. He stood next to me, a questioning look spreading across his face. I smiled softly, looking up into his eyes and whispered, "You need somewhere to stay. I've got the extra bed in my room. You can crash there tonight if you want and then go home tomorrow." My head immediately started yelling at me, 'What are you doing? You're just asking for trouble asking him to come back with you…' I tuned it out for the first time in my life. We weren't doing anything wrong, I was giving my best friend a place to spend the night since he didn't want to go home.

"Reilly, I don't want you to have to put up with me just because I've got issues right now at home." John stated. He looked down at me with eyes that made me believe he didn't mean what he had just said.

"You are my best friend, and I'm not just leaving you to find somewhere to stay. Please?" 'Why was I pleading with him for this?' I shook my head, picked up my shoes and continued, "You don't have a choice John. Come on."

He picked up his shoes, kissed me softly on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "You are amazing Reilly. I hope you know that."

"Takes one to know one," I teased. He smiled at me as we turned and made our way down the beach back toward the hotel. We took our time, walking through the water as it met the shore. We didn't say much, neither of us felt the need to. Our fingers stayed intertwined the entire time, John's thumb still tracing circles on mine. I should have regretted inviting him to stay with me but I didn't. I had missed him too much and this time, I wasn't about to walk away from him.