Sky: Sorry about how long it took to update. School has been evil... but...We return triumphant!
House: (glares) Not entirely triumphant. Cuddy's still wearing that god forsaken outfit...
Sky: It's not that bad...
Cuddy: Seriously!? You guys are still on the outfit?
S,H: Yes.
Cuddy: (sighs) They mean well, really. They're just stupid. Sky does not own us.
Chapter 10: The Epitome of Evil
"Lisa, is that you?"
Those four words wrung within her head with as much weight as any death knell. She simply laid there, a preverbal deer in the head lights, her frenemy waiting (much to her chagrin) unmolested in the door frame. Cuddy was forced to stifle the urge to scream, though whether it would be out of horror or rage was anyone's best guess. Things were suddenly to screwed up in her head to allow coherent thoughts.
House however, had no such problem. With a heroic heave, he hefted the petite woman off him, stood, bid her a polite goodbye in what could only be classified as a god awful British accent and left with only a tiny nod to the newcomer. She did not miss however, how the newcomers eyes seemed to drift after the man with something akin to curiosity mixed with longing.
Their saving grace was perhaps, the lights. Combined with more regal garb, however disheveled, make-up and darkness, House escaped unscathed leaving her to fend off the monster solo.
Heroic, no?
Cuddy forced herself into a sitting position, casting about desperately for her vest. There was a sigh as the figure poked at something with her toe. A second later the much needed piece of cloth came flying. "Thanks," she muttered lamely, running the dark fabric methodically through her fingers, a distraction till she was able to face the visitor...
It was ready to face her though, as all troublesome folk are wont to do. It is, after all, a known fact that when you least want someone, they want you most. And chances are they'll win out simply because you don't want them; the logic is that simple, and there is, after all, no way to refute logic. In a wash of assorted perfumes, it breezed across to her settling down close enough so they sat knee to knee. The woman seized the reeling doctors hands, holding them tightly (and awkwardly (for Cuddy)) to her breast in a sisterly form of endearment. Of course, Cuddy was dieing to forget any form of camaraderie with this woman for reasons that were her own It wasn't succeeding. "Oh Lisa," her newest arch rival lied, "If I'd have known I'd never have come in!" Suuuurrre...
"Don't worry about it," came the dry, and distinctly embarrassed, response. Cuddy eyed the garment hanging loosely from the tips of her fingers longingly; her self esteem was already taking a hit from being in this situation to begin with; talking half naked was doing nothin' for her.
Her guest flicked her a bawdy wink, eyes slyly appraising her mostly exposed cleavage knowingly, and the doctor suddenly suffered the urge to strangle herself with her shirt. Not that she could reach it anyway. Sigh. "He was kinda cute though..."
Heh...Cuddy had the inkling feeling she'd be singing an remarkably different tune had she known the full of it. Maybe the execution song! "What do you want Stacy?" The endocrinologist demanded a bit more gruffly then intended. If the other woman noticed she made no outward sign of taking offense.
Stacy gave her a warm smile, squeezing her hand a little tighter, " I just wanted to check up on you; make sure House hadn't driven you crazy yet." Yet. As in it was going to happen. That was a reassuring thought!
Cuddy decided to play along with the game, "I'm fine, really. Better then fine, actually. I've got a boyfriend now." Damn right, she added mentally, and he just happens to be your ex. Mental burn!
"That part I caught," her friend smirked evilly, playfully shaking her hands in that annoying sisterly way she had. An ominous silence sprung up between them after that comment, as thought neither dared to speak lest they be caught by another soul. Or each other. It was obvious that neither completely trusted the other at the moment as demonstrated by Stacy's desperate clutching of Cuddy's hands (so that the woman could not make a mad dash for the door) and Cuddy's perturbed grimace (brought on by the sudden urge to make a mad dash for said door).
It was however, the grimacing captive who finally broke the silence, "Stacy, we both know that's not the reason you stopped by. What's going on?" Despite the rivalry she knew would ensue over who would claim House, Cuddy couldn't help but worry about her college friend. And the circulation in her hands which were rapidly turning purple do to the clasping.
The woman sighed, "Mark left me."
Damn it. "Oh Stacy!" Cuddy wrapped her friend in a compassionate hug, clutching the woman tightly.
It was then Chase happened to walk by. Now, while any other male would have relished the scene (as both women were preternaturally lovely), the Australian could do naught but feel an all consuming fear for his life; the ominous sound of doom stalking down the halls, its mouth dripping with poison and glib remarks that would be his undoing.
"Chase," that was Cuddy, raising her head from the other woman's shoulder to stare at the younger man. "Would you come here?" It was more a demand then a request.
"No."
The Dean gave him a rebellious frown, rose with an agitated grace that was equally condemning, and grabbed his hand. "Come on, we need some masculine support." Lies. Cuddy wanted someone to distract attention from herself.
And here, dearest readers, was when Cameron stumbled across the scene. Now, in case you are unaware, it is not, in fact, a good thing to walk across a scene where one's "boyfriend" (for lack of a better term) is being drawn into a room by a half naked Dean of Medicine. It's just not. Chase's eye widened in barely concealed terror as they locked with the small woman's. Doom! Said the eyes gleefully.
"Cameron, it's not what it looks like!" The Australian snatched his hand back, stuffing it innocently in his pocket, more so she couldn't beat him with it then anything else. Alas! That would not stop the antagonized female! She stormed towards him, hand raised high, and, when he bolted down the hall shouting cries of innocence, she gave chase (heh...get it? ), pausing only for a moment to level a warning glare at the smirking Dean.
Cuddy returned inside her office, shutting the double doors with a profound sense of malevolent satisfaction. And, with a renewed bounce in her fiendish little step, she turned to face her newest arch rival.
Now, dear readers, one should not suppose that simple because House and Cuddy went gallivanting off, the party stopped. To the contrary, now that there was no central office of authority it had fallen into the scheming hands of a Doctor James Wilson, who had taken it upon himself to organize a karaoke tournament, and there are few thing more hilarious then a drunken Foreman bursting out into "I'm to Sexy." Of course, there are also few things less mentally scarring.
And so, amidst the cheers and off key crooning, Wilson allowed himself a brief reprieve, watching with fiendish glee as his masterful schemes wound to a glorious conclusion. House and Cuddy were off doing it, team Organized Chaos was victorious and...
And now he got to kick back and watch the drunken doctors make idiots of themselves. By choice. Oh, the blackmail was endless. He sipped his drink happily, basking in his truimph.
Alas, as is the want of all epic tales, our hero's reprieve was short lived. For into the room marched the devil himself, wearing the guise of what appeared to be a gay vampire.
Before he could react (meaning, run to safety or blame the whole situation on somebody else) House had seized him by the collar. "What is she doing here!?" he demanded irritably, shaking him roughly. Don't ask why he was shaken dear readers, its just something that always done in an interrogation. There must be shaking and thus he was shook.
Wilson stared (at House, not my logic), " Chances are you probably have a reason to be mad and, if I am in fact, responsible, I apologize in advance and hereby blame Foreman for all of it. For arguments sake however, would you be a dear and walk me through your madness...?"
"What is Stacy doing here!?" he amended.
"Stacy's here!?"
The older man sighed, rolling his eyes in a desperate attempt at levity, "Naw, she not here. I just thought it would be fun to terrify us both and ruin my sex with Cuddy! Of course she's here, idiot! Now what did you and your team of morons do!?"
"I dunno."
"Y...you don't know!?" Disbelief, shock, horror; all of those emotions managed to register in the diagnosticians eyes in the matter of a few seconds. House dropped the smaller man in a graceless heap, his tone almost whiny, "I need a drink."
Wilson watched him depart, mind flicking back to his own drink. It had spilled. Sigh.
And on to more pressing matters, Stacy had suddenly decided to show herself. Irony that, the oncologist thought to himself, that while House had been desperately chasing the woman, she didn't want him, but now that he was with Cuddy...
Suspicious. In fact he was beginning to the think that this was all some elaborate ploy meant to doom him to hours of make-up plotting. Ugh...
As if on cue, doom showed up, in all it's stiletto clad glory.
Over the deafening sounds of the room, descerning the movement of a single person would have been impossilbe. Yet somehow, somehow, he had felt her coming towards him, her heels going clackety-clack against the floor, cold eyes boring into the back of his skull, a messenger of catastrophe. He couldn't see her, but somehting told him she was pissed and, that if he was stupid enought to stay, which, he wasn't, she would mutilate, dismember, perforate, maul and a whole lots of other things, him.
So he did the right and honorable thing...
Namely, run like hell.
Wilson took off, weaving madly through the crowd as though he had a purpose. Well, technically, if you count avoiding death at your bosses finely manicure hands as a purpose then he already had one. Unfortunately people seemed loath to move and, more unfortunately, Cuddy was managing to gain ground beause of it. The slender woman slid through the others like a nasty little snake, moving without pause, cerulean eyes locked onto him with icy reserve. And then she was on him. Damn his enemies and their uncanny abilities to gain ground when all odds were against them!
Hands, long finger and delicate, seized handfuls of his absurdly white coat, keeping him rooted in place. Now, let it be known that Wilson was not in fact, a coward. In fact he was used to fighting with women (having three failed marriages did that) but, despite that, he still feared this particular female. She trained by fighting House. And had survived. Unscathed. Ish. He was loath to admit it, but Cuddy currently terrified him more then anyone else. Not only was she an angry female; at the moment she a 6ft tall angry female. Horrifying.
"What are you doing?" she said, voice little more than a velvet purr.
He gave her a big cheesy smile, " Well I thought I was avoiding the wrath of a creature spawned in the pits of hell..."
She sighed, "House already used that one."
"Damn. I thought it was so original too. Fine. I was running for dear life."
"That's been used too."
"Cuddy! Are you here to torture me or just berate me with your lame retorts!?"
"Fine, on to business," he quailed as she tightened her grip, "What is she doing here!?"
It occurred to him that people needed to start explaining their threatening demands before stringing him up. It would make the whole process more palatable. "I don't know. For the love of god, I don't know!"
Cuddy sighed, releasing him. "Why do I ask. You never know anything anyway."
"Exactly; remember that and you'll be fine."
It was here, House chose to reappear, drink in hand looking pleasantly tipsy. "Cuddy! Waz up with you?"
"Right now? Right now I'm fighting the single most evil creature in the known universe."
He blinked. "Really? Does zit' hava name?"
"Yup. Yu.R. Ex."
During this rather pointless exchange, the oncologist had taken it upon himself to discern who might have betrayed their cause to the enemy. Not Foreman, he had been to busy getting therapy to cope with the madness. And not Chase...he valued his job way to much to ever attempt such a risky plot. Which only left...
"Oh god..."Wilson smacked himself. Hard "It's Cameron. How could I have missed that! I'm an idiot!"
House nodded happily in agreement, "Not just any idiot. A prize idiot!"
Cuddy looked ready to kill a certain female who was, luckily(but not for Chase who was currently occupying the majority of her attention), not present. There was however a new nurse who doubled as Cameron's' stalker who had come dressed as the afore mentioned woman. The males were forced to keep the Dean away from her as well.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," the epitome of evil muttered, strolling into their little gathering with all fiendish intent. A wave of sheer malevolence undulated off her figure in choking waves making each and every male reel back in terror. Only a very pissed off Dean managed to hold her ground and even she looked pained, so annoying was their new foe. Stacy eyed her favorite cripple fondly, "You look good Greg."
He recovered from the violent assault of pure evilness with enviable grace, "Suuuure. And in this alternate dimension I'm sure Cuddy hates assigning clinic duty too."
"Fine, don't believe me," it was here she sighed sorrowfully, "I just came over her to ask you for a dance," and it was here Wilson was forced to seize Cuddy's arm lest it fly out to strike certain folks.
House signed, downing the rest of his wine in one gulp, handing the glance to a star struck Lisa. "I guess a dance wouldn't hurt..."
And with that line, everyone backed well away from Cuddy.
Sky: There it was! Everyone sharpen your pitchforks and welcome Stacy to the story!
Stacy: Hi everyone!
Sky: (Stares) W...what are you doing here?
Stacy: You said welcome.
Sky: Nuh-uh! Get out. Now. Only House, Cuddy, me and the occasional pizza guy are welcome here in the disclaimee box...
House: YEAH! All hail random Pizza guy number 471!
Cuddy: (sighs) Please review people, if you love me at all, review. It's all the stops the madness...well...holds it at bay. Ish. Save meh!