Disclaimer: Two updates in less than twenty-four hours. Sweet. One Which Makes the Heart Run Over is still coming along, but it should be up soon. Has anyone else noticed my disclaimers ceased to have anything to do with disclaiming several chapters back?
The Beast Boy List: Part II
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The point of raking dirt in front of the Tower is to teach you the error of your ways- not to create a zen rock garden.
Beast Boy stood back and grinned at his 'masterpiece.'
Do not glue magnets to Robin's compass.
"&$! Where ARE we?"
"I do not know, Friend Robin…but the others may be worried at how long we spend on each patrol…"
Or to Cyborg.
"WAFFLES!"
Voices in your head do not constitute lawful orders.
"…why did you build Lego furniture in the common room? Life size Lego furniture? For that matter, where did you even get that many Legos?"
"I listened to the voice that yelled the loudest…"
Do not attempt to communicate with honorary Titans using only Madonna lyrics.
"Where were you yesterday?"
"Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry…"
"…what?"
Never tell Starfire "There's not enough room to fly under that!", unless you want her to try.
"What happened?"
"She tried to fly in the bathroom window."
"…It's two feet square…and it doesn't open…"
"I know."
Do not put decaf in the Robin's coffee pot.
"Robin?"
"Unnnnggggh."
"Raven! I fear Robin has become a zombie!"
Knocking down targets with snowballs on the training course is not helping.
"Beast Boy, when I said no snowball fights, it applied to all of your forms. Shift back now."
Do not respond to Robin's requests by clicking heels together & saying "Yes, My Colonel!"
Raven glanced around at the giggling civilians and commented dryly, "You may have just lost some respect."
Stop swearing in foreign languages...That includes Klingon.
"Kuso!"
"When you've used it in the same context twelve times in an hour, we have a pretty good idea of what it means."
Stop making up new languages.
"Fealzabajibit!"
"…"
"…"
"…everyone in favor of pretending we didn't hear that?"
"…Yes."
You are not allowed to build a fort of Cyborg's spare parts. He does not appreciate the joke.
"Beast Boy, what are you…is that my arm?!"
Don't release crickets in Robin's workroom.
"Beast Boy, that had better not be you chirping."
Especially one at a time, over a period of weeks.
There was a lot of "unexplained" damage to Robin's carpet.
Same for adjusting desk height 1/4 of an inch daily for 3 weeks.
And his knees.
You're not a lumberjack & you're not ok...So stop singing that stupid song.
"Yes, the girls are allowed to sing it. Why? Because they won't."
You are not the "Generalissimo of Rudesylvania".
...Even if you have business cards that say so.
"Where do you even get these things?"
You shouldn't page visiting Titans to parts of the Tower that don't exist.
"We don't have a pool. We live on an island…"
Quaker Oats containers are not for shrine building.
"Does anyone in the Tower even eat this stuff?"
Neither are empty Mountain Dew cans.
"BB, you're not allowed to drink anything with that much caffeine in it."
Or full ones.
"That didn't mean they're to play with…"
The power of Christ does not compel you.
"Do I look like an exorcist to you?"
"…"
"…Uh, Beast Boy? When the light bulb starts glowing black, it's time to run…"
Can't slap teammates with my glove and challenge them to a duel.
"I accept! Pistols at dawn!…Well, pistols for you, I've got these nifty built-in cannons that I can use."
"Never mind!"
Covering your ears and running through the Tower screeching like a banshee is not a productive use of your time.
"What's he doing?"
"Volunteering for dishwashing duty. For the year."
No leaning on the roof railing and yelling "Im King of the World!"
"We're not the Titanic, Beast Boy."
Beast Boy struck a melodramatic pose. "Tell me you'll never let go!"
Raven rolled her eyes and shoved him off the roof. An osprey glared at her indignantly a moment later.
Throwing pencils and trying to get them stuck in the ceiling tiles is frowned upon.
"Thirty points!"
"Fifty for me, I got three in a row!"
"Cyborg, will you stop encouraging him!"
There is no point to threatening the rest of the team with "I know where you live!"
"The room next to yours. I suggest you keep in mind that not only do I know where you live as well, I can phase through the adjoining wall."
Not allowed to ask to go home early.
"You live here."
Whipped cream cannisters are for garnishing drinks, not waging war on your teammates.
Cyborg leaned over and whispered, "That held dairy products." Beast Boy dropped it in distaste.
Making up your own dialogue to any movie playing with no volume is forbidden.
"I'm King of the World!"
"Beast Boy, you're watching Mulan."
Clothing does not belong in the dishwasher.
"Why are there always socks in the kitchen?"
Stop crossing out names in the phonebook while reading the obits. It creeps out Starfire.
"Jackson, Bertha…Johannesman, Greg…Johnson, Alan…"
"You get stranger by the day, grass stain."
You are not going to one day conquer the world with an army of river dancers. Stop telling small children that.
"No one would shoot, because they'd all be like 'ooh, dancers!' and then it'd be too late!"
"Did your intelligence decrease in the last five minutes?"
There is no reason to wake Raven at 3 am and attempt to teach her Norwegian.
"En, to, tre, fire, fem, seks…
"…?"
Especially as you don't know Norwegian.
"Counting to six does not constitute a language. How did you get in here? And when will you get out?" Raven's door lit with black energy. "Now would be a good time."
The proper way to play "Duck, Duck, Goose" does not involve slapping yourself across the face and giggling.
The team was sitting around the common room in various stages of unconsciousness. They'd just gotten back from dealing with Cinderblock and it was the time of night that's not late enough to be called morning but is late enough that going to sleep would be pointless. Beast Boy was wandering around the room dazedly. No one really had the energy to stop him when he started wandering in an erratic circle around the rest of the team and mumbling, "Duck, duck, duck, duck…"
They did, however, look askance at him when he pointed to himself, shouted "Goose!" then slapped himself hard across the face before sinking to the ground and giggling.
"And that," Robin announced from his sprawl on the floor, "is why sleep deprivation is bad."
When injured, staring bemusedly at injury and making announcements such as "Wow, I've never seen the inside of my hand before" really creeps out Starfire.
"Whoa, I can see the muscles working!"
"I think we need to get to you to the med bay…"
"Leave us a note when you're going out" does not mean the note can say whatever you want. "Gone to Jamaica, back by spring" is not a valid note.
"Where's Beast Boy?"
"According to this? In Cuba until the price of licorice decreases."
Please stop trying to rearrange the evidence room to comply with Feng Shui.
"Robin's gonna have a fit when he sees this…"
You are not allowed to have "sing-offs" with Cyborg.
"Jeremiah was a bullfrog, he was a good friend of mine-!"
"Can I play with madneeeess!"
"You both sound stark raving mad to me…"
Now are you allowed to compete as to who knows the most annoying songs.
"Every rose has its thorn, every cowboy sings a sad sad song…."
"Lord, won't you buy me, a Mereceeeeedes Benz!"
"That doesn't count, you're not allowed to sing that song in tune!"
Please stop singing "Drunken Sailor" in the T-sub.
"What do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, ear-lye in the mor-ning! Wey-hey and up she rises, wey-hey and up she rises, wey-hey and up she rises, ear-lye in the mor-ning!"
"In five minutes I'm gonna show you what to do with an annoying changeling…"
There are no save points in the Tower. Go to sleep already.
"Beast Boy, shut off the game and go to sleep. You've been up for three days straight, and you've been playing that same game for half of that time."
"All right."
"Um, where are you going?"
"To the stairwell. To save."
"…There's no save point in our stairwell. Go to bed."
You are not allowed to switch the "n" and "m" keys on the keyboards.
"How long do you think it'll take him to notice?"
"It's Robin. Not long."
"BEAST BOY!"
"Told ya."
Nor are you allowed to install "any" keys.
"…Please, friend, why has the 'alt' key been replaced with a bright 'any' key? Is this what I am to press when the error message arrives?"
Please do not add hot sauce to the ketchup. Starfire does not notice the difference. The rest of us do.
"This meal is delightful!"
"…Water…"
Under no circumstances should you be uttering the phrase "one, two, three, four, I declare a prank war!"
"Five, six, seven, eight, I'm gonna win cuz Cyborg's great!"
"So long as you keep it between the two of you, I'm past caring."
"C'mon, Rae! Don't you wanna join in?"
"No."
Additional:
You are not Tarzan. Stop imitating him.
You're not Jane either.
When Cyborg dared you to eat that raw onion, he was joking.
Not allowed to reenact World War II by yourself when bored.
Not allowed to randomly booby-trap doors throughout the Tower.
It is not necessary to prove that a pencil is, in fact, a weapon.
Playing "how can this be used as a weapon?", I.E. pointing at a random object such as a shoebox and suggesting its potential as a weapon, is not recommended around civilians.
Catch should not be played with random objects.
Stop ordering pizza. We're on an island.
It is not advisable to attempt to teach yourself to play the harmonica at three am.
GuardianSaiyoko: I don't understand why decaf coffee exists. Explanations of inspiration follow.
When you swear at someone in a foreign language first make sure they don't know that language- I got chased around a yard once, didn't realize Cy knew exactly what I'd just called him. I still build forts out of whatever's handy when I get bored.
My twin brother has a shrine of empty Mountain Dew cans on his desk next to his computer; it's an impressive size. He also regularly challenges other members of the family to duels. I regularly inform him that I know where he lives- this was when we lived in the same house and our bedrooms shared a wall. Muting movies/Tv shows and making up dialogue is a family pastime.
The army of river dancers, the lessons in Norwegian, the Duck Duck Goose game, the reenacting a war by oneself, and the "never seen the inside of my hand before" are also based directly on things my twin did. So was eating a raw onion- we never did figure that one out. I'm still curious as to why my mother dared him to eat a raw onion in the first place.
The "leave us a note" thing- that is the reason my parents quit asking for notes. Most of ours involved Jamaica somehow. Scarily enough, my mother could actually deduce where we were and when we'd be home from some of them. I play a sing-off/annoying songs game with my twin all the time. Someday we'll actually figure out what the rules are. We're also fond of the weaponry game and I did in fact give him an "any" key as a borthday gift one year, which he promptly installed.
I stayed up three or four nights straight in middle school playing Final Fantasy VII. I was convinced for most of the next day that there was a save point in the school stairwell and I could just hit reset if I screwed up. Wheee, the joys of sleep deprivation.
Also, I now have a FictionPress account, also under GuardianSaiyoko. It's pretty empty right now, but feel free to go have a look.
...Reviews?