It was so hard to focus the next days. Helen understood that I was not in my best moment and that I tried my best to help her, but she couldn't lose time. I didn't sleep well either. Although we were making progresses with the new Cradle, she expected more from me. Life in the house was different too. I hardly ever was there anymore and I felt I was losing them. I hadn't talked with Wanda either and seeing how Pietro ignored me everyday was awful...I'd even prefer if he was angry or whatever, if he showed any emotion at all. But I couldn't bare with the feeling of being invisible. When I took this decision I thought it was going to be easier to put up with, but I guess I'm not as strong as I thought. The good news are that I was actually improving at controlling my powers. Helen told me to try a method, that consisted in making light cuts on my fingers and trying to push away the energy from there, focusing in other parts of my body. I could see the energy flowing towards the injuries, so I just had to try to push it back where I felt it was. It worked sometimes, but it was very consuming and I ended up exhausted. I always healed, but I was able to delay it some seconds. One day, while we were eating, Helen brought up something she had been reflecting about for quite some time.

"You know what your name means?" We were siting on the floor surrounded by documents, having lunch.

"No, why?" I knew it was not very ordinary, which I really liked, but I've always thought that my mom came up with it.

"Well, I look it up yesterday. Ayla is a Turkish name. It literally means halo of light around the moon. What a coincidence..." It actually was really shocking. It couldn't be an accident that my powers were related with light and halos. Did my mum know it or...?

"What are you suggesting?"

"Well, what if you didn't, you know...If it wasn't your fault. What if your mum had the same powers as you and gave her energy to you, so you could live? It's actually not that mad. You did the same with Pietro." Now that she was saying it, it made sense. It made a lot of sense. When I saved Pietro I was really tired, I even fainted. My body should have taken the energy from him instead of giving it.

"So if I truly want to give my energy and make a sacrifice, would my power obey me?"

"That's what I think. And I believe that's what your mother did. She couldn't let her baby die." Thinking that maybe that's what happened comforted me, but still I couldn't stop blaming myself. But it wasn't that crazy. And my name was a believable proof of it.

Helen had an appointment that evening and had to go to New York, so as I was not authorized on the labs without her I took that time for myself. I went back home after lunch-time. It felt weird but very familiar, as this past days I usually got here when the moon was already in the sky. I felt a bit lonely. It's not like I could go back in like nothing happened. And besides they all have their own issues, so I didn't want to bother them with mine. I opened the door and found the house really quiet, which was normal at this time. Some of them were lying on the couches at the living room, I think Steve, Nat, Vision and...Pietro. Oh, how much I missed being with him. It is true what they say. You don't know how much you love something until you lose it. I tried to be as quiet as I could, but Steve saw me.

"Ayla!" All of them turned to face me, except Pietro. "It's been so long since we see you around. Is everything ok?" Steve is one of the warmest persons I've ever met, he's constantly caring about the rest. He worries more about us than about himself.

"I know, I wish I could be here more...Helen had an appointment, so I'm gonna be here the rest of the evening." I miss them too. They became a really important part of my life the first months I stayed here, and now I didn't even talk with them.

"Good. Do you want to join us?" I didn't expect that. That simple proposition meant so much actually, they haven't forget about me. I smiled at Cap and the others and joined them in the couches, sitting next to Steve. He was like and old brother, always looking after us. In the moment I sit, Pietro rushed out, leaving that distinctive blue blur behind him. I understood he was still annoyed, but he couldn't even be near me? Steve tapped my back a couple of times, which made me feel a bit better, but still...I missed Pietro.

We stayed there until dinner time, chating like we usually did. It was so nice to be with them and made me realize how much I needed their company. We had dinner all together, even Pietro was there. He obviously didn't look or talk to me, but Wanda did, which was a relieve. We hadn't talk for some time too and I thought she was angry me also. It felt so good to be back. After dinner I helped Sam to tidy everything while Pietro washed the dishes. I looked at him eventually, wondering what he thought, what he felt. What if I tried to talk him? Would he ignore me too? I stepped next to him, feeling really nervous and looked at his eyes. I know I shouldn't, but I haven't heard his voice in weeks. It was so painful to be apart from him that I just had to try.

"Do you need any help?" I meant it, but I was trying so hard to sound as innocent as I could, to make he feel a little bit of compassion at least, to show any emotion. He didn't look at me or even moved his head, just stayed still while his hands moved at an incredible fast speed, finishing in some seconds and leaving everything clean. Then he turned and looked directly into my eyes. I've always said that his blue eyes were like a window to his soul, he couldn't hide what he felt, they never lied.

"I don't need you." Ouch. He seemed sad, but not angry. Although his expression was hard and his voice deep. He turned and walked outside, to the back garden. It was something. He had actually spoke to me.

I went upstairs, to my room. It didn't surprise me to find Wanda laying on my bed.

"You know, I'm trying to be neutral in here, but you just can't go talk to him like nothing happened." Her voice sounded really serious. I honestly think it wasn't that dramatic, I just tried to talk like normal human beings. And besides...I missed him so much.

"Is there something wrong?" Wanda stood up and faced me, she looked annoyed about what I just said.

"Of course! You don't see it, right?" I didn't answer. What was going on? "Ayla, he is destroyed. You absolutely shattered him in a million pieces. And he's trying so hard everyday to act normal, to control himself, to put all the pieces together again...And then there you go, talking to him, like if it wasn't your fault. Ayla, he doesn't sleep, his powers are completely out of control..." I couldn't believe it. I mean, the few times I saw him lately he seemed fine...I thought he was completely over it, that he didn't care.

"Wanda I-i thought he was fine, I swear..." I felt horrible.

"He didn't want you to know, or show any weakness. He will hate me for saying this, but you must know. He still loves you."

"I love him too..."

"Then it's so simple! Tell him the truth, that it was for protection, not because you didn't feel anything for him. It's the only way you both could be happy, you are meant to be!"

"Wanda, I can't!" At this point we were almost shouting at each other. "I can't be near him, I can't risk it! I'd never forgive myself if I ever hurt him again." Wanda sighed and started walking towards the door.

"It's funny though. You are hurting him right now. Not physically. But I think this is harder to heal." She closed the door behind her leaving me alone in my room. The worst part is that she was completely right. How could I be so stupid...Now I've lost both of them...

I spent the whole night thinking about Pietro, eventually crying, but I didn't sleep at all. At 5 or so I stood up and went quietly to the back garden. I took a blanket and sit in one of the hammocks. It was so nice to see the stars and the moon. It calmed me so much. But Wanda was right. I've been so selfish. I assumed Pietro was alright, even knowing he felt something for me. I was heart broken too. But it was my fault, I had assumed the consequences of my decision. But I still had hope that I could fix it eventually. I was actually improving at power control faster than I thought. What terrified me now is what will happen when I'm ready. What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore...What if he hates me. Then I looked to the trees in front of me, as I heard a noise. A really familiar sound. Even in the night, the blue blurr that he left when he run was really noticeable. He seemed to be running in circles around the house, or maybe the whole forest. He was trying to get tired. That's what he told me he did when he could not sleep. In one fast move he stopped in front of a tree and punched it with all his strength. The tree shook and some leaves felt from the top. Now that he was standing still with his fist still against the tree I could see his face. Was he crying? I couldn't really tell. But he was breathing heavily, maybe tired or anxious. I think he didn't realized I was there, luckily. He looked so messed up...And it was my fault. My heart wanted to go there and hug him, but my brain showed what will probably happen if I did that. He running away or ignoring me, which made me feel a huge hole in my chest. I was still looking at him when a red light approached him. Wanda. It went inside his head and although he fought against it at first, after some seconds he let go and Wanda started controlling his mind. She was in the door of the back garden, moving her hands, making Pietro obey her. He walked towards her, expressionless, and got inside the house. Wanda looked at me before heading inside. It was really serious. Pietro had got into a point in which he could only be calmed down by mental manipulation. Obviously Wanda was not pleased about that, but I guessed Pietro had asked to do it if he got too out of control. He must be going through a hell.