AN: Okay, so it's been a little while…sorry about that. Life doesn't slow down sometimes. To make up for the absence, here's an extra long chapter. No, really…it's super long.
_
Chapter Eight: "Key"
Caroline watched the clock in her living room with diligence. With every second that ticked by, every minute that passed, she resisted the urge to look out the window for the visitor she knew would be on his way at any moment. Sighing, she picked up the book that lay open on the couch next to her, the same one that she had been picking up and discarding after few sentences all morning. It was in Latin, which she knew how to speak but hated to read.
"It will improve your vernacular," Richard would say every time he gave her a new stack of books to finish. Caroline didn't really understand why she needed to know Latin – so far she'd never had to use it. But everyone spoke Latin, it was a sort of emergency system and there may come a day that she would need to know it…at least, that's how Richard explained it. So far, he hadn't tried to make her learn any other languages, though she knew he himself spoke Russian, Korean, and Spanish fairly fluently.
Finally managing to lose herself in the difficult book, Caroline's gaze was glued to the page when the soft knock interrupted her. She looked up just as the front door swung open and Richard stepped in.
Richard used to knock every time he came to her house, but when his visits increased in frequency, Caroline had insisted that he stop. Instead, he'd adopted a knock- open hybrid – kind of like a warning system to let her know he was coming inside. But, Caroline could usually tell that he was near in some way, even before his knock.
Caroline tossed her book onto the coffee table as Richard closed the door behind him. "Well?" she demanded, unable to wait for a greeting. "What did he say?"
Richard glanced at her and sat down in the armchair next to the couch, picking up her discarded book. He made a show of opening up to where she had left off and raising his eyebrow, as if to say she hadn't gotten very far.
"I've been distracted," Caroline pointed out, leaning forward and pressing her hands together in her lap. A breeze blew in the open window and she shivered, mostly with anticipation. "So?"
Richard set the book down and sighed, leveling a rather serious gaze at her. Caroline knew before he spoke that the news wasn't good. "He said no."
Caroline felt her shoulders sag as she leaned back again on the couch. "Oh. Why?"
Richard shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You're going anyway. Are you packed?"
Of all the things Caroline expected of Richard, directly disobeying orders was never one of them. She sat up straight again. "What?"
"Did you pack a bag? We'll be gone four days; I'm guessing you're going to want a change of clothes or two." He was teasing her now, it was obvious in the lilt of his voice and the way his mouth was curving into a small smile.
Caroline felt a smile of her own begin to stretch across her face. "You're serious?"
"Yes. Now go throw your things together. We leave in an hour."
"On the sub?"Caroline questioned, and Richard nodded.
"Last time I checked, that was the way off the island."
Unable to contain her excitement any longer, Caroline jumped off the couch and over to where Richard sat, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Thank you!" Before he could return the embrace, she pulled back, suddenly concerned. "Will Ben be mad at you?"
Richard shrugged and nodded. "Most likely. But we both know he won't do anything to me."
"What about me, though?" she pointed out. "What if he kicks me out of my house again?"
This was mostly a joke, though Richard only smiled. "Ben can't do anything to you, Caroline."
She knew this was true, knew that Richard would never allow it. She wasn't as afraid of Ben as she had been when she was a kid.
"I guess I should pack then."
Caroline had to rummage in the back of her closet for a few moments before she could find something suitable to pack in. She ended up with a small army-green duffle bag that had been her father's. His initials were stitched onto the outside of the canvas, and she ran her fingers over the raised thread briefly.
"Need some help?" Richard was standing in the doorway suddenly, and Caroline looked away from the bag, embarrassed.
"No, I've got it." She rose from her closet floor and set the bag on her bed, beginning to toss things inside. Richard remained in the doorway, watching, and Caroline tried as discreetly as possible to transfer her underwear from the dresser drawer to the bag.
It had been just two years since their trip together out to the statue, since she had so brazenly taken it upon herself to kiss him. It hadn't happened again, though Caroline often day-dreamed of a repeat offense. Instead, her relationship with Richard had simply progressed to a new, more involved level. They spent more time together, and talked more, about themselves, not just books and art and Latin. Although Richard still had yet to tell her many of the secrets surrounding his life, surrounding the island, she had learned a sort of patience over the years…especially after her meeting with Jacob, which hadn't even really been a meeting at all. Though she had been having dreams more recently, in which Jacob tended to appear, but only for fleeting moments. Sometimes it seemed as though he wanted to say something to her, but never got the chance – she always woke up or was interrupted within the dream. Years ago, this would have driven her mad with frustration, but she knew now that if Jacob had something to tell her, he would.
The one person who seemed to object to the time she spent with Richard, especially now that it was obviously consisting of more than just tutoring and instead, a friendship, was of course Ben. Caroline tried to avoid him completely, but it was a small island. When they did cross paths, Ben found multiple ways to display his displeasure with her choices, but Caroline couldn't be bothered with it. For the first time since she could remember, she enjoyed life on the island immensely, and not even Ben's attitude could ruin that.
The main thing she and Richard had yet to address, however, was how they felt about each other. Caroline was pretty sure she had made her intentions fairly obvious already, but Richard either didn't want to discuss it or was waiting for something. What that was, she wasn't sure, but she was willing to wait.
"What about at the medical bay?" Caroline asked suddenly, her hands stilling over the bag as she stuffed her sketchbook on top. "Will they know I'm gone? What if I'm needed?"
Richard shook his head. "I've already discussed it with Ethan. He's aware of the situation."
Since her mother's death, and at Ben's insistence, Caroline had begun a slow process of medical training under the watchful tutelage of Ethan Goodspeed, who had been off-island for some odd years being trained as a surgeon. Caroline was thankful that he had replaced Henry, as he was a much better doctor, but still found herself wary of him. She remembered Ethan as a teenager, just a few years younger than Ben, and they had always been attached at the hip. The one thing they had in common, along with Ben, was that they had all consented to the deaths of their fathers in the purge, although Caroline liked to think she had a little less say in the matter than Ethan or Ben. There was something creepy about him, although he was perfectly nice to her, and certainly knew a lot about medicine. Caroline didn't mind working in the medical bay – it gave her something useful to contribute, and she enjoyed doing the same thing her mother had been passionate about.
"He's totally going to rat us out," Caroline pointed out, but Richard didn't seem too alarmed.
"I wouldn't worry about packing too much more," he said. "I'm sure Tom will want to take you shopping once we arrive in Los Angeles."
Caroline's heart skipped a beat as she zipped up her bag – Los Angeles, California? Shopping? She had never in her life been off the island and had no idea what to expect. She knew that only few took trips, mostly Richard, Tom, and occasionally Ben, but they were all business related. No one was allowed to leave just because they felt like it.
"Um." Caroline scratched her head, suddenly embarrassed. "Is it okay if I change my clothes really quick?" She could feel her cheeks heat up, but Richard had the good grace to look away.
"Of course. Let me take your bag and I'll meet you down at the dock in twenty minutes." Their hands brushed as she handed him the duffel, and Caroline held her breath for a minute. Richard slung the bag over his shoulder and paused. "And Caroline?"
She looked up at him, startled. "Yes?"
"Try to avoid Ben on your way down," he suggested. "We do need to leave on time."
Caroline knew he was referring to her occasional habit of having heated arguments with Ben over things they didn't see eye to eye on. Maybe it was more than occasional.
Richard left, and Caroline changed quickly. She found herself wearing a sundress that she had never worn before, and wasn't sure where it came from, but it was made of loose linen in a dark brown color, and comfortable. It was sleeveless, so she grabbed a khaki jacket to wear on top, in case the submarine was cold. For a few minutes, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, slightly unable to believe that she was finally leaving the island at 19 years old. Didn't normal people travel more?
By taking an alternate route around the edge of the barracks, Caroline made it down to the dock without running into anyone, let alone Ben. Richard and Tom stood out by the portal to the submarine, the only two in sight save for a sub technician she thought was named Nick. Tom and Richard appeared to be having a heated discussion, but quieted as she approached.
"Hi, Caroline," Tom greeted, managing to sound cheery past the frown on his face. "Love the dress. Come on, I'll help you in."
Caroline liked Tom for the most part, it was hard not to. He was a personable guy who got along with everyone. But she couldn't imagine that he was too happy about Richard overthrowing Ben's decision on the matter of her leaving the island. She glanced at Richard as Tom took her arm, but he was busy looking at a piece of paper he had taken out of his pocket.
"Careful here, kiddo," Tom warned, helping to steady her as she lowered herself onto the ladder and began climbing down into the submarine. She was instantly glad for her jacket, as the metal-encased vessel was at least 30 degrees cooler than the balmy island air above.
Nick, the sub guy, met her down at the bottom. "Hey Caroline," he greeted, taking her elbow to help her off the last couple of rungs on the ladder. He was just a few years older than her, but had been recruited more recently, around the same time as the Stanhopes. Ben had been bringing more and more people to the island within the last couple of years, which was troubling to some.
"You're gonna be right over here," Nick was saying, leading her to what looked like a bunk bed with straps attached. "We'll have the juice out for you in a minute."
Caroline didn't know what juice he was talking about, or how long the trip was going to be that she would need to sleep during the journey, but Nick walked off before she could ask any of the questions swimming around in her mind. Tom and Richard were apparently still up top, so she sat down on the bottom bunk, looking around the submarine curiously. She knew little about the sub, other than the fact that it had been under Dharma control before the purge, and it was how her parents had arrived on the island months before her birth.
Before she could speculate more, Richard appeared, and she stood up.
"Tom's pissed off?" she asserted.
"Don't worry about it," Richard replied. "Let me help you up."
"Up where?" she began to ask, but Richard was already lifting her effortlessly, his strong grip on her waist. Caroline forgot what was going on for a moment, only able to focus on the fact that Richard was touching her, when she found that he had simply lifted her onto the top bunk.
"Why do I need to be up here?" Caroline asked, and just then, Nick re-appeared with a clear plastic cup of what looked like orange juice.
"Here you go, Mr. Alpert." Nick handed the cup to Richard and smiled at Caroline before leaving again.
"What is that?" Caroline demanded, suddenly having too many questions to keep up with. "What's going on, Richard?"
"You need to be on the top bunk because that's where the straps are," Richard said. "And you need to be strapped in because the ride is fairly…bumpy." Caroline frowned.
"So I just have to lay here the whole time?"
"Well, you'll be asleep." Richard handed her the cup. "This is orange juice with a pretty powerful sedative mixed in." He paused to smile. "Don't worry, it's tasteless."
Caroline took the cup, staring down at it, then back up at him. "What the hell, Richard?"
"Caroline." Richard touched on her knee, presumably to calm her, but her dress left her legs bare, and his warm hand on her skin almost made her jump. "This is protocol. Like I said, the ride is very rough, and it's not short. You're not going to want to be awake."
Trying to forget about his hand placement, Caroline raised the cup to her nose and sniffed suspiciously. "Are you and Tom going to take it?"
Richard shrugged. "Tom may, but I won't. I'm used to the ride, and I have some work to get done while we travel." He raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm not trying to poison you, Caroline. Trust me, please."
Caroline sighed, wishing he would take his hand off of her damn knee already so she could relax. "I do trust you." With that, she took a tentative sip of the orange juice, half afraid she was going to pass out on the spot.
"Drink it slow," Richard suggested, finally letting go of her. He watched while she finished the orange juice and handed him back the empty cup. "Go ahead and lie down. I'll get you a blanket."
Caroline was already half asleep when Richard returned with a soft dark blue blanket, which he spread over her and tucked in carefully before applying the straps over her torso and legs. She watched him through a blurry gaze as he smiled at her and brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. He said something to her, but his voice seemed too far away to hear as she drifted to into unconsciousness.
When Caroline woke up, it felt like her head had been disconnected from her body and kicked around the sub for seventeen hours. The pain was so acute that she groaned audibly, and tried to reach for her throbbing forehead, only to be stopped short by the restraints across her body. Her initial reaction was to struggle, but the sudden movement jostled her head and caused her to groan again.
However, the motion had freed her arms somehow, and Caroline sat up slowly as the submarine was suddenly flooded with light.
"Mornin', sunshine." Tom's voice boomed through the fog surrounding her, and Caroline opened her eyes fully, realizing for the first time that she was on a much more comfortable surface than she had fallen asleep on. A whirring sound signified the opening of what sounded like plastic blinds, and sunlight filled her vision. Caroline looked around slowly; she was in what appeared to be a hotel room – not the sub. Looking down, she saw that she was wearing the pajamas she had packed, and was tucked into a rather large, plush bed.
"What…happened?" she asked softly, and her own voice filled her head with even more pain. Falling back against the pillows with another groan, she shielded her eyes from the light and prayed for relief.
"Headache?" Tom was bedside now, judging by the closeness of his voice, and peeling one of her hands off of her face, peered down into her eyes. "I got somethin' for ya."
He pressed two pills into her palm and set a plastic water bottle down on the nightstand. "Usually first-timers get a little after-effects from the tranquilizer. Nothin' to worry about."
Caroline swallowed the pills quickly, chasing them with a quick gulp of water. To her surprise, almost instantly the pain ebbed, and she was able to open her eyes completely and glance around again.
"Where are we?" she croaked, her throat hoarse. "How did we get here?"
"Well, we came in on the sub," Tom replied, sitting down in a chair near the bed, taking a newspaper off the nightstand to peruse. "And we're in Los Angeles, in a hotel."
"How long have I been asleep?" Caroline questioned, looking down again and wondering who had changed her out of her dress. If it had been Richard, she may never be able to look him in the eye again.
"Eh, hard to say," Tom said cryptically, flipping the newspaper over. "If it helps, it's about 8 am on Saturday, September 8th, 1999."
Caroline frowned; she was sure they had left the island on the morning of the 6th. Had she really been asleep for almost two whole days? Was there a time change from the island to Los Angeles? She was pretty sure that if she asked, Tom would probably just glance over the subject, so she saved her breath.
"How did I get here?" she questioned. Tom chuckled.
"Well, Richard carried you part of the way, then I carried you the rest. Don't worry, I was the one who put your PJs on." He winked at her. "I kept my eyes closed."
Caroline wondered just how suspicious it looked to have two men carrying an unconscious girl into a hotel downtown LA, but figured they probably had ways of getting around unwanted attention. Finally feeling able to throw the covers off and swing her legs over, Caroline scooted to the edge of the bed. "I'm sure. Where's Richard?"
"He's off on some business." Tom tossed the newspaper back down and stood up. "You and I get the whole day together to experience the full beauty of LA. So why don't you go on and get ready, and I'll be next door when you're done." He waved and disappeared through the adjoining door he had entered from.
Caroline sat on the bed for a few more moments before getting up and heading into the bathroom to shower. The hot water seemed to wash away the last remnants of the fog that surrounded her after drinking the sedative-laced orange juice on the sub, which was officially the last thing she could remember doing. It felt weird to have lost so many hours, so weird that she had almost forgot exactly where she was…she was finally off the island, in Los Angeles, California. As she dried her long hair with one of the starchy hotel towels, Caroline wondered just how mad Ben was back at home.
Once she was dressed, Caroline knocked lightly on the door separating her and Tom's rooms before entering. Tom was inside, sitting on the edge of one of the two beds in the room, clicking through channels on the television propped up on the dresser. He glanced at her and motioned towards the box with a shake of his head.
"Not watching this crap every day makes you realize just how terrible it all is." He clicked the set off and stood up, tossing the remote aside. "Then again, I guess you've never seen any TV at all, isn't that right?"
Caroline just shrugged. There were TVs at the barracks, of course, and she had vague memories of watching movies with other Dharma families at events when she was a kid. "Not really, but I guess I'm not missing much."
"Not at all," Tom replied, picking up a jacket slung over a nearby chair. "I'll have to pick you out some good movies to take home with you." Caroline nodded and glanced around the room. The bed closest to the door clearly belonged to Tom, but the bed next to the window looked as though it had been slept in as well, and there was a black suitcase set on the chair next to it.
"Are you and Richard roommates?" she questioned, following Tom when he motioned her towards the door.
"Yeah. It's a relatively short trip, so it's not such a big deal." Tom ushered her out of the room with a hand on her back and began to lead her down a long hallway. "Thankfully, we were able to get an adjoining room on such short notice." He cast a sidelong glance at her, as if to remind her just how illegal her trip off-island was. Caroline ignored him, choosing instead to admire the bank of elevators they'd arrived at.
"You really are fresh off the boat," Tom remarked, laughing at her as she inspected the buttons inside the elevator.
"So what's this trip for, anyway?" Caroline asked, watching the floors drop through the glass back of the elevator that faced out into the center of the hotel, revealing a skylighted lobby some 20 flights below, complete with an indoor pond and waterfall.
"Business," Tom replied. "Mostly Richard's." Caroline glanced at him as the elevator ding signified their arrival at the bottom floor.
"So then why are you here?"
Tom smiled. "I guess you could say I'm more of an, ah, babysitter."
He led Caroline through the lavishly decorated lobby and out two automatic doors, where a shiny new rental car waited for them. A valet boy stood nearby and held the door open for Caroline to climb inside. He was about her age and didn't miss his chance to very obviously look her up and down. Caroline blushed as she slid onto the leather passenger seat; she wasn't used to this kind of attention. She watched as Tom slipped the boy a tip and climbed into the driver's seat before jolting out of the parking lot at top speed. Caroline found herself holding onto the side of the door tightly. The only car she'd ever ridden in was a Dharma van, and they didn't even go near 50 mph.
"How can you be a babysitter?" she asked, looking away from the streets whirring by to watch Tom driving instead. "I'm not even supposed to be here, and you were always going."
Tom smirked, thankfully keeping his eyes on the road. "Well, I wouldn't say my official position is to be your babysitter, Caroline. But I certainly don't mind the extra work." Caroline frowned – what did he mean?
"Are you saying that you're babysitting Richard?" she demanded. "Tom, are you a spy for Ben?"
"Don't be ridiculous," he replied, finally slowing down for a stoplight. "I'm not spying on anyone. Richard knows why I'm here."
"So Ben doesn't trust Richard or something?" Caroline wasn't too sure when this new development had occurred – Ben had known Richard since he was a 10-year-old boy. "Why?"
Tom just shook his head. "I can't get into this with you, Caroline. But I will point out the fact that Richard did nothing less than smuggle you off the island a couple days ago."
"So what?" Caroline demanded. "He was only looking out for me and what I want, which is something Ben never—"
"Like I said, we're not going into this," Tom interrupted, his voice turned stern. "You're here now, let's try to enjoy the day."
Even as Caroline silently seethed, she turned away to stare out the window and found herself forgetting about why she was mad as the sights of Los Angeles flew by. She had never imagined a city so big and full of cars and people. How did anyone ever manage to get where they were going?
True to his word, Tom didn't allow her to bring up the subject of Ben for the rest of the day – he simply kept her too busy. He took her to every shopping mall and specialty store imaginable, and insisted she try on clothes, shoes, and jewelry all day, buying everything she said she liked without question. Caroline only half-wondered where he got all the American cash he continuously pulled from his pocket…apparently there were funds for things like this. It wasn't long before she found herself exhausted, even after Tom made her eat lunch at one of the overcrowded and odorous eating venues within the mall. But he kept dragging her from store to store, and Caroline started to wonder if his orders were to kill her slowly throughout the day simply by wearing her out. She was slumped over on a bench, watching Tom try on belts in some menswear store, when she finally got her reprieve.
"Whoops, we're gonna be late," he announced, palming some money to the sales attendant. "Ring 'em all up, please."
Caroline didn't even have any energy to ask what they would be late for, instead following Tom obediently through the shopping center, weighed down with bags of every size. Miraculously, Tom managed to fit all of their purchases into the small car as Caroline poured herself into the front seat. She felt as though she had downed about a gallon of that submarine orange juice.
"We're taking the scenic route back," she heard Tom announce. "Take a look at some of these California beaches."
Caroline managed to force her eyes open to gaze out her window towards the ocean Tom referenced. Unlike the crystal blue waters on the island, these waves were brown and green, and the dark sand was littered with people stretched out in every direction. Caroline was unimpressed, and closed her eyes again rather quickly.
They arrived at the hotel in what seemed like no time, and Caroline found her door being opened by the same valet worker as before, who clearly wasn't missing another chance to check her out. Caroline ignored him, simply grumpy at this point. She was tired of shopping, of California. And she missed Richard. Where the hell was he, anyway?
Tom slipped the valet little more cash, instructing him to unload their bags and deliver them to the bellboy to be taken up to their rooms. He then intercepted Caroline on the way to the elevators and took her elbow to steer her the opposite direction.
"Tom, I don't want to shop anymore," Caroline complained, unable to resist his dragging her across the lobby.
"Calm down. We're meeting Richard for dinner," Tom announced, motioning towards the hotel restaurant. "And trust me, honey, this ain't gonna be nothin' like Dharma issue food. You're gonna love it."
Caroline didn't really have a problem with Dharma food, but didn't argue as Tom led her through the full restaurant. Eventually they came to a table where Richard already waited, rising as they approached. Despite her fatigue, Caroline felt relief at the sight of him. He was wearing a suit, which she had never seen before. On island, he always wore the same thing, clean pressed pants and some kind of button-up shirt. As long as she could remember, he'd looked the same in every way.
But here, off the island, he looked just a little bit different. And it wasn't just the suit. As Richard smiled at her and pulled a chair out from the table for her to sit in, she couldn't help but wonder if she looked different off the island, too.
"Sorry we're late," Tom said, taking the seat across from Caroline. Richard sat down next to her, motioning a nearby waiter over.
"Not a problem. I was running a little late myself." Richard handed Caroline a menu as the waiter appeared, asking for drink orders. Caroline echoed Richard's request for ice water, only because she wasn't sure what else to order.
"I think Caroline's seen enough of California," Tom announced, taking a chunk of bread from the basket in the center of the table. Richard glanced at her with a smile.
"Is that true?" His eyes seemed to sparkle at her, and Caroline stifled a yawn.
"No. Well, maybe," she responded. "I just…don't understand it."
"Understand what?"
"There's so many people, just…everywhere. And they're just pushing and moving and driving and always going to the next place. And that's all." Caroline shrugged. "What's the point?"
Tom smirked, taking a bite out of the bread in his hand and motioning at her. "She's a philosopher, this one," he announced through the food in his mouth. Caroline rolled her eyes, taking a long sip of the water the waiter delivered.
For most of the meal, Tom and Richard discussed mundane things, like the weather or the traffic or American political affairs. Caroline knew they were purposefully avoiding talking about anything important relating to the real reason the trip was taking place, but was simply too tired to object. She stared at the menu for a long time, realizing very quickly that most of the foods that were listed were completely foreign to her. Eventually, she closed it and asked Richard to choose something for her.
The food, when it arrived, was enjoyable to an extent, but heavily sauced and rich. Caroline felt her stomach begin to hurt through the last few bites, and set her fork down; as tasteful as the food was, she missed the familiar flavors of fresh fish, pineapple, mango, and even the bland Dharma cans and boxes. She watched Tom shovel his own meal in his mouth and wondered just how he could manage. Tom wasn't a native of the island, but one of Ben's recruits. She knew he was from one of the southern states, and probably grew up eating this way. She couldn't even begin to imagine such a life.
After Richard paid for dinner with a wad of cash pulled from his pocket, similar to Tom's stash, she was the first to stand and begin making her way through the crowded room towards the lobby and elevators. She assumed that Richard and Tom were following her, but couldn't care too much…all she wanted was to lay down. The elevator ride up to their topmost floor was silent save for Tom's working at his teeth with a toothpick and Caroline watched the floors stack up below them soundlessly.
"I guess I wore ya out today, kid," Tom announced, sliding a card above the doorknob to Caroline's room to allow her entry. She waited until the light blinked green before pushing the door open.
"Yeah. Thanks Tom. See ya." Caroline let the door close behind her and immediately stripped off her clothes for another shower. She didn't feel like herself – as though California had left some invisible residue on her skin and she couldn't wait to scrub it off. She realized as she was combing out her wet hair that she missed home – wanted to be back on the island, more than anything else. Damn it. Ben had won.
Caroline wrapped herself in one of the provided terry bathrobes hanging in the bathroom, realizing that the shower had revived her some and she wasn't quite ready for sleep. Instead, she found the TV remote and spread out on the bed. She only lasted about 15 minutes searching through the available hotel channels before giving up, turning the TV off and tossing the remote aside. Tom was right – television was crap.
In the silent room, if she listened carefully, she could hear the undertones of Tom and Richard's voices next door. But even when she pressed her ear up against the wall, she couldn't hear exactly what they were discussing. Instead, she fished her sketchbook out of her duffel bag and sat back down on the bed, flipping to a blank page and beginning to draw.
Most of the time when Caroline drew things, she wasn't sure what they were until she was finished. All she knew was that it made her feel better, made her feel like home. She wasn't sure how long she'd been working at the page in front of her when a soft knock sounded on the adjoining door.
"Come in." Caroline didn't look up as the door opened, studying the page in front of her with a frown. She had drawn the goddamn shopping mall. Of course.
"I thought you would be fast asleep by now."
Richard's voice distracted her from the drawing in front of her, and Caroline looked up as she turned the page over. He had removed his suit jacket and loosened his tie, the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows, and he looked just as tired as she.
"I took a shower," Caroline announced, realizing very quickly this fact was probably made obvious by the bathrobe she was wearing. The only thing she was wearing. "I guess it, um….woke me up."
Richard nodded, either not seeming to notice her attire or hiding it very well. He sat in the chair that Tom had occupied that morning, only glancing at the newspaper that had been left on the table.
"So, I'm guessing you didn't have a good day?" he questioned, and Caroline shrugged, nodding towards the piles of shopping bags in the corner.
"Shopping is…kind of boring. And I don't even know where I'm going to wear all of these clothes."
Richard smiled. "I'm afraid it's my fault. Tom likes to indulge himself on these rare trips, and I did kind of throw you with him for the day. I apologize."
Caroline looked down at the blank page she had turned to and picked up her pencil again. "It's fine." She glanced up at Richard once more before starting to draw again. "Did you know that Ben doesn't trust you?"
Richard was silent for a long time, but Caroline didn't look up to see his face, instead focusing on the page in front of her.
"Is that what Tom told you?"
"He told me he was here to babysit you, essentially." Caroline flipped her pencil over to erase a wayward mark and looked up at him. His expression was stern but unyielding. "He wouldn't let me talk about it for very long."
"Suffice it to say that Ben doesn't trust hardly anyone these days." Richard's voice was cold, but not directed at her. "Regardless, I promise you that I am still here doing his bidding, Caroline. Until Jacob specifies otherwise, Ben is still our leader."
"Maybe you should tell him that." Caroline finished her outline drawing and appraised it silently. It was a very rough sketch of Richard sitting in the chair, in his suit, looking exhausted. At least, that had been the intention. Instead, he'd just turned out looking sad.
"Did you just draw me?" he questioned, rising from his chair to get a closer look. Caroline blushed, turning the notebook around for him to see as he sat on the edge of the bed next to her. She'd been showing Richard her drawings since she was a kid…in fact, he was the only one anymore who really ever got to see them. "Do I really look this haggard?" he asked, studying the drawing carefully.
Caroline shrugged. "A little bit." Richard scratched his head with a sigh.
"Thanks for being honest."
They sat in silence for a few moments, and Caroline began to feel more and more aware of the proximity of their bodies coupled with her lack of clothing beneath the bathrobe. She wondered if Richard felt the same way; she could never tell what he was feeling and it drove her nuts.
"Caroline, I have an errand to run tomorrow morning," Richard announced finally. "And I was wondering if you would accompany me."
Caroline paused, and thought of what Ben would say, of what Tom probably already had said. "Yes. I would like that."
Richard nodded. "Good." He cleared his throat and Caroline thought he was about to announce his exit, but instead, stayed put. "Caroline, we need to talk about when you kissed me."
She could only hope that her expression did not convey the shock she felt inside. Caroline pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if that would protect her from how embarrassed she was probably about to be. Stand your ground, she thought. It wasn't a mistake.
"Oh. Sure." To her surprise, her voice sounded as clear and confident as a bell.
Richard, on the other hand, seemed to be struggling. "You need to know that…while I didn't object to it, I don't think you really were able to…think about what you were doing."
Caroline frowned. "Yes, I was."
"But you were upset, you were crying."
"So?" she countered quickly. "The reason I was crying was completely unrelated to the reason I kissed you. I was upset before I met with Jacob, not after. After I met with him –"
"Caroline, Jacob wasn't even there," he interrupted.
"Would you let me finish, please?" At his nod, she continued. "I know that I met with him, even though he wasn't there, because of how I felt afterward. I felt…like I knew my purpose. Three years ago, I probably would have wanted to come on this trip and never go back to the island." She paused, looking around the room. "But now I know that I do, because it's my home. And I can admit that. Because I know what I want now."
Caroline put her hand on top of Richard's as it rested on the mattress, and she was impressed that she wasn't even trembling. He looked at their hands, still frowning himself.
"You don't know what you're asking," he murmured. "I can't give you want you want, Caroline."
"I'm not a little girl, Richard," she replied, scooting closer to him. "Even though you clearly see me as one."
"I don't." Richard paused, his gaze on the carpet, refusing to meet hers. "You make it fairly obvious that you are a woman now, Caroline. Quite consistently."
This made Caroline smile – finally, she knew what he was thinking. Finally, her efforts paid off in something more than a calm smile or a brief platonic hug. "Then why can't you treat me like one? You can give me what I want, Richard. If it's what you want."
He finally looked up at her. "Caroline."
She found herself fingering the collar of his shirt, seconds away from tugging on it to pull him closer. "Yes?"
"What I don't want is to hurt you. I promised your mother I would keep you safe," he reminded, reaching up to still her hand on his shirt. "I plan to keep that promise."
"And you have," Caroline said. "Richard, you've protected me all my life. I know you were there when I was born, even. It was probably only your influence that kept Ben from leading me out in the jungle and leaving me for dead as a kid. It's because of you that I was able to finally meet with Jacob, or even be here right now."
Richard was quiet for a few moments, and Caroline was beginning to think that she had won, finally pleased that all she was wearing was a bathrobe. Then he spoke again, his voice even more serious than before.
"Have you ever spoken to Jacob about me?"
She frowned. "Not…specifically." He was ruining the mood.
"Caroline, I can't have a life with you," Richard said. "As much as I may want to, it's not possible." His hand was still on top of hers and he squeezed it gently. "I won't hurt you like that."
This was something Caroline had considered, many times, but she trusted that Jacob had a plan for them. She wasn't sure what it was, maybe it wasn't even a good plan, but she knew it existed. Either way, she wasn't giving up here. She had loved Richard for as long as she could remember, and it wasn't something she could just move on from.
"Okay, so that's what you don't want," she conceded, using her other hand to slide behind his neck. Part of her couldn't believe how brazen she was being, but another part relished in it. "But what do you want, Richard? Right now?"
His hand tightened over hers again, his eyes hardened like steel. "Caroline." The way his voice wrapped around her name this time was different, and she knew she was winning him over.
"Richard?" Her hand on the back of his neck pulled him closer so that he was practically leaning over her on the bed. "What do you want?"
She could feel his breath hot on her neck and prayed he would answer how she wanted him to.
Richard was silent for several long seconds, long enough for Caroline to panic, when his voice finally replied in a rough murmur.
"I want you." And his lips descended on hers.
Caroline found herself wishing the moment would never end. She'd never kissed anyone besides Richard and she never wanted to. He was perfect, in every way, and she couldn't imagine any other man could ever compare. The way he kissed her was effortless, her weight balanced against his hand on the small of her back, his other hand holding her head in place, his thumb stroking her jaw softly. She felt powerless. But in a good way.
They kissed for what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. Either way, it ended all too soon for Caroline when Tom hollered through the door, accompanied by a booming knock.
"Caroline? Is Richard in there with you?"
They separated and Caroline struggled to find her voice. Richard scooted away from her and cleared his throat. "I'm in here, Tom."
The door opened and Tom stuck his head into the room. Caroline busied herself pretending to search for something in the nightstand drawer; she knew her flushed face and swollen lips would give away what they had been doing instantly.
"Ah." Tom cleared his own throat, only serving to make the atmosphere in the room even more awkward. "You got a phone call."
"Alright. I'll be there in a minute."
The door closed softly with Tom's departure and Caroline turned back around to face Richard, adjusting her bathrobe. She smiled.
"That was a close one," she whispered. Richard couldn't help but smile back.
"It was." He sighed and stood up, smoothing out the front of his shirt. "Caroline, I—"
"Please don't say anything about how that was a mistake," she pleaded, standing up as well. "Please."
Richard smiled again. "I wasn't going to."
"Oh." Caroline blushed and stepped closer to him, playing with the belt of her robe. "What were you going to say then?"
He stared at her for a few silent moments. "I…like you very much, Caroline."
Caroline felt her heart well up with something unknown. "I like you, too. Very much."
"Good." They smiled at each other for a few moments. "I have to go."
Richard reached out for her, pulling her into his arms effortlessly. Caroline rested her head against his chest and recognized for the moment just how right she felt there.
"Goodnight, Caroline." Richard kissed the top of her head and released her, offering one last smile before leaving the room. Caroline sat down on the edge of the soft hotel bed, unable to stop beaming.
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* Please review and tell me that you liked this, or hated it, or how much you enjoyed Richard looking all harried and bedraggled on this week's episode (I did…a lot). Thanks!!