Chapter 9: Diaz Family Vacation
[Episode begins at Diaz Household. In Star and Comet's bedroom, King and Queen Butterfly talk to the twins through their interdimensional mirror.]
King Butterfly: Of course, very few are aware of the serious matter, so I'll be traveling afar to give an all-day lecture explaining the proper throne posture. Slouched shoulders are an epidemic among nobility these days. [fading out] Blah-blah-blah, posture. Blah-blah-blah, back problems. Blah, blah, blah…
[The pink hearts on Star's cheeks turn into hourglasses.]
Star Butterfly: [whispers to Comet] So this is what it's like to be bored to death. [Comet nudges her]
Comet: [Whispers] Star, be respectful.
Star: But it's soo boring!
Queen Butterfly: Star! Are those dimensional scissors?
Comet: Uh.. Not they're not mom. They're just regular scissors. Right, Star?
Star: Uh, oh! Yeah! [picks up scissors and pieces of paper] Just normal Earth scissors. See?
[Star cuts the papers into a unicorn cutout and accidentally opens a small dimensional portal behind her. A monster's hand reaches through the portal and paws at Star.]
Queen Butterfly: Good. Because you're not to leave Earth.
Comet: Oh, we wouldn't dream of it, mom. [The monster's arm grabs Comet's neck] EERK! [Star kicks the monster's arm]
King Butterfly: Glad to hear it. [watch beeps] I'm sorry. Your mother and I must cut you short. I have lecture things to do. [walks off-screen]
Queen Butterfly: Oh, him and his lectures. [walks off-screen]
Star: Okay, bye!
[Star shoves the monster's arm back through the portal, and the portal closes.]
Star: Whew.
Comet: Ugh...
[Marco enters.]
Marco: Guys, we're about to celebrate my parents' anniversary. Come on.
Star: Oh, no! I didn't get them anything!
Marco: Don't worry about it. My gift can be from all of us.
Star: But I wanna give them something just from me, 'cause your parents are actually cool.
Marco: [staring blankly] "Cool"? [slowly closes the door] "Cool"...
Comet: What are you planning, Star?
Star: You'll see...
[Cut to living room. Mr. and Mrs. Diaz sit on the couch as Mrs. Diaz strokes Mr. Diaz's chest hair. Marco and Star stare at them.]
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: [giggling]
Comet: Ugh... I haven't seen that much chest hair since we visited our uncle.
Marco: Ahem!
Mr. Diaz: Oh, hello, kids!
Marco: [holding out a small gift box] Happy anniversary, you guys!
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: Ooh!
[Mr. Diaz opens the box, and Mrs. Diaz takes out two red and light-green fanny packs.]
Mrs. Diaz: Wow, Marco! More... fanny packs!
Marco: Okay, I know you guys are non-believers…
[Marco lifts up his hoodie to reveal a blue fanny pack.]
Marco: ...But these are way cooler than last year's. [unzips fanny pack] They have everything you need, like a dilemma whistle, non-drowsy antihistamine, and a space blanket made for two![Marco unfolds the space blanket. It depicts an astronaut bear in space.]
Mr. Diaz: Oh, yes, you know how much we love to travel and see the sights.
Mrs. Diaz: Oh, Marco, you put so much thought into this. Gifts are such a great way to show how much you really care about someone. I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I do right now.
[Camera slowly zooms in on Star, who looks more and more distressed.]
Comet: Star?
Star: MmmmmmmmmmMMMMM...! And we're giving you a trip to Mewni!
Comet: WHAT!?
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: We're going to Mewni!
Marco: Uh, we can use our new fanny packs!
[Mr. Diaz hugs Star, Comet, and Mrs. Diaz and jumps up and down.]
Mr. Diaz: We go now, right?
Mrs. Diaz: Right now?
Mr. Diaz: I want to go right now!
Mrs. Diaz: Can we go right now?!
Comet: [Laughs nervously] Star... Can I talk to you for a second?... [Comet takes Star outside the front door] ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?
Star: What? It's the perfect gift for the Diazes! Our home is the coolest place ever!
Comet: But you heard mom! We're not supposed leave Earth!
Star: Oh, you're just worried we might get caught.
Comet: I'm not worried about us! I'm worried about you! If our parents sees you back home, they'll... they'll...
Star: Oh, calm down will you? They won't even be at the kingdom. Besides, it'll just be a simple tour of our home and back. No need to be a Comet about it. [Heads back inside]
Comet: A Com.. Did you just made me a noun? Star? [facepalms] Oh... [Heads back inside with her]
[Cut to Mewni. The twins and the Diazes stand next to an open dimensional portal.]
Star: Welcome to Mewni!
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz take photographs.]
Mrs. Diaz: Is this where you grew up?
Star: No-ho-ho. I live there.
[Star points up. Camera pans up to a large castle.]
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: Ooh!
Star: Oh. Higher.
[Camera pans up further to a bigger castle in the clouds.]
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: Ooooh!
Star: [sing-songy] Higher!
[Camera pans up even further to Butterfly Castle.]
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: Ooooooh!
Mrs. Diaz: Let's go there.
Star: Aw, you don't wanna see that lame, cheesy, touristy stuff. What you want is the real Mewni experience.
[Camera pans left to right across the Mewni slums. A woman is seen caring for 14 children. There's a herd of 12 goat-pig hybrids. A man with a long nose stirs a pot of stew. A boy reaches for the stew, and the man grabs the boy and drops him in the stew. The boy giggles.]
Mrs. Diaz: Oh, hello, little boy.
Boy: [eating a horned rat, hissed screaming, runs away]
Mrs. Diaz: Oh. [laughing nervously] Yum-yum-yum.
Comet: [Grabs Mrs. Diaz] Okay, they've seen the experience, Star. Let's go.
Star: No, Comet! Oh, look, an open-air market.
Merchant 1: Get your hydra trail apples!
Merchant 2: Half off shrunken goblin heads!
Merchant 3: Want pickled giant's toe? Is good.
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz approach a fourth merchant with purple hair. He appears to flash them.]
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: [gasps]
Merchant 4: I got what you need.
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz take photos of the merchant. Cut to the merchant's front; he sells various wares including sundials, wind chimes, jewelry, and chicken.]
Mrs. Diaz: I'll take the wind chimes, please.
Star: Hey, Mr and Mrs. Diaz. You should go get some swamp chunks. Comet knows a guy who can hook you up.
Comet: What? No! I.. don't know anyone here.
Merchant: [Egyptian accent] Yo, Prince Comet! Good to see you again you want your regular order?
Comet: Uh... I don't know what you're talking about, man I've never seen before.. [Whispers to the merchant] Maybe later...
[The Twins and the Diazes go down an alleyway.]
Star and Comet: [gasps]
[Camera zooms out to show King Butterfly in the same alleyway buying a spear.]
Star and Comet: Dad! [runs off-screen]
King Butterfly: Mmm?
Comet: I thougt you said he wouldn't be here!
Star: I did! I don't understand. He's supposed be out in a boring meeting!
Comet: Alright, Star! We gotta get out of here now!
Star: Okay! Okay! Don't panic. I'll... [Looks at Marco] Talk to Marco!
[Marco stands next to a goat-pig pen cleaning something off the bottom of his shoe. Star runs up and drags him into the middle of the pen.]
Marco: Whoa! Star, what the...?
Star: My dad's here.
Marco: Your dad?!
Comet: Yes, our dad! Thanks to Star here, we're on thin ice!
Star: [briefly pokes her head up] Yes! I don't know what he's doing here, but if he sees me, we're dead!
Comet: We're dead? This was all your fault!
Star: Oh no! You're in this with me, bro! If i go down, so do you!
Comet: I didn't want to come here in the first place!
Marco: Guys! Calm down! Just tell my parents the fanny packs are from both of us, and we can go home.
Comet: Yes! Exactly! Before we get caught!
Star: But they're actually enjoying my gift. I don't wanna ruin this for them.
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz take photos of the goat-pigs. Star, Comet, and Marco pop up.]
Star: Uh, okay! Uh, next, I wanna show you, uh... Oh!
[Star looks toward a scary-looking forest.]
Star: Mewni's natural beauty! [Comet shaks his head no but Star ignores him]
[Camera zooms in on the forest's entrance. Dramatic musical sting.]
Mr. Diaz: Sounds thrilling!
Mrs. Diaz: We love nature.
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz approach the forest and take pictures. Marco sees a sign that reads "FOREST OF CERTAIN DEATH".]
Marco: "Forest of Certain Death"?!
Star: Oh, don't read too much into the name. Hurry up!
Comet: Oh... I could really use a swamp chunk right now...
[The twins and the Diazes enter the forest.]
Star: So it's really kind of important to keep moving. There's a bleeding willow tree.
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: Ooh.
[A centipede-like monster quickly slithers past Marco.]
Marco: Aah! Whoa!
Star: Here's a carnivore blossom.
[A swarm of baboon-faced bees fly over Marco, and he ducks to the ground.]
Marco: Are you guys seein' any of this?!
Comet: No they are not.
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: [chanting] Best anniversary ever, best anniversary ever! Best anniversary ever, best anniversary ever! [fading out]
[Star and the Diazes step over something in the ground with teeth.]
Comet: Watch your step. They don't call that a carnivore blossom for nothing. [Marco throws a few sticks of gum onto the "path", and the mouth snaps closed to chew on the gum.] Wow, how dod you do that.
Marco: Fanny pack. [Points to said fanny pack]
Comet: Hmm.. Fanny pack...
Marco: Hey, guys, did you see what I just did with that bubble gum?
[Star and the Diazes are seen running toward the far end of the road.]
Star: [distant] Wait! Come back!
Marco: Of course not.
[Star and the Diazes pass by what appear to be roses.]
Star: Wait for me!
[As Marco and Comet pass by the roses, flower monsters burst out of the ground.]
Comet: Monsters!
Flower monsters: [growling]
Marco: Uh... Uh...! [blows dilemma whistle]
[The flower monsters sink back into the ground.]
Marco: [muffled] Hmm. It worked.
Comet: Wow...
[The Diazes run along some thick tree branches.]
Mr. Diaz: Come on, my dear. Let me capture your beauty-ness on this magnificent adventure.
Mrs. Diaz: [giggles]
Star: Wait! Come back! [trips] Okay! You can stop being so cool now!
[Comet runs up to Star]
Comet: There you are! Where are the Diazes?
[The Diazes slowly approach a small porcupine-like creature.]
Mr. Diaz: Okay, now, hold still.
[The Diazes take photos of the animals from up close.]
Porcupine: [screeching]
Star: [sighs] They're still alive.
Comet: Good. Now let's-
King Butterfly: (o.s.) These tracks are fresh.
Comet: Oh no...
[Star and Comet see King Butterfly and two of his manservants, including Manfred. King Butterfly tastes something on the ground. The twins hide behind a log.]
Star: Pegasus feathers! He's on to us!
Marco: Nothin' makes you feel more like a man than goin' to the bathroom in the woods.
[Star and Comet pull Marco into hiding.]
Marco: Hurk!
Star: We gotta go. It's not safe here. Look. My dad is right there.
King Butterfly: [pointing right] This way!
Comet: Okay. This wraps up our fabulous Mewni tour. I hope you've had a pleasant time... Huh?
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz are gone.]
Star: Mr. and Mrs. Diaz?
Marco: Where did they go?
Star: [gasps] Look! Footprints!
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz's footprints lead toward a skull-shaped cave. Scary musical sting. Bats flutter on-screen as Marco, Star, and Comet sneak into the cave.]
Marco: Look! It's their stuff!
[Marco and the twins find Mr. and Mrs. Diaz's clothes and belongings. Marco picks up his mother's wind chimes.]
Marco: But where are they?
[The three feel a breeze. Star shines her wand inside a hole, and it breathes on her. A hydra wakes up.]
Star: [gasps]
[The hydra lifts up its head. Five more heads pop out. It roars]
Comet: I'm guessing in there.
[Star and Marco scream]
Star: No! That thing ate your parents!
[Muffled screams are heard in the hydra's stomach.]
Star: Look out!
[Star pushes Marco and Comet out of the way. One of the hydra's heads eats Star.]
Comet: STAR! [His eyes turn red] SPIT OUT MY SISTER, YOU MONSTER! [In bursting anger, Comet jumps up and grabs the Hydra's head that ate Star and tosses the monster to the other side and it spits Star out]
Marco: Woah! How did you do that?
Comet: I... don't know... It just came to me...
[The Hydra reawakens and charges at Star.]
Star: Super Rainbow Dolphin Slam!
[Star blasts the hydra's heads with magic dolphin blasts.]
Marco: There!
[Star blasts another head. The hydra chases after Star, Comet, and Marco.]
Marco: A dead end?!
[Star blasts the hydra with more dolphin blasts. Marco uppercuts one of its heads. Comet tries to grab on of the throats and throw the Hydra again but fails and Comet gets thrown across the cave]
Star: Comet! [Star runs up to her brother] Are you okay?
Comet: [to himself] Why didn't it work like before?...
Star: What work?
Comet: Uhm, I'll tell you later.
[The hydra breathes fire on them. Star, Comet, and Marco run around the stream of fire breath, running on opposite sides of the hydra. Marco takes the space blanket out of his fanny pack.]
Marco: Quick! Under here!
[The twins and Marco duck under the space blanket, protecting them from the hydra's fire breath.]
Star: Wow! What else do you have in there?
Marco: I pretty much used up everything when I was schoolin' the Forest of Certain Death. Well, everything except for this miniature miniature book of knots.
[Marco takes out a book of knots that's an inch big.]
Star: [chuckles] So cute. ...Did you say knots?
Marco: Yeah. Why?
[Star, Comet, and Marco jump out from under the space blanket.]
Star: Bet you can't catch me.
Marco: Over here!
Comet: Catch me if you can!
[The three run in opposite directions. Four of the hydra's heads follow Star. Four more heads follow Marco.]
Star: Hey, you! Yeah, you! [dodging hydra's heads] You can't catch me!
[The hydra's necks start to get entangled.]
Marco: Over here!
[Marco dodges the hydra's heads, making their necks get more entangled.]
Star: Come and get me!
[The other heads try to attack Comet but he jumps over them. The hydra's necks gets so entangled, they tie into a knot. The hydra suffocates and falls over.
Comet: Miss me! Miss me! Now you gotta kiss me!
Star: Whoo-hoo!
King Butterfly: [trumpeting yell]
[King Butterfly appears on a cliff holding a spear and wearing nothing but a loincloth. A bone sticks out of his beard. He jumps from the cliff ready to challenge the hydra, and he stops when he notices Star. Comet quickly hides.]
King Butterfly: Star?!
Marco: My parents are still inside that thing!
[King Butterfly cuts an opening in the hydra's stomach, freeing several Mewni civilians.]
Civilians: [cheering] We're free!
Marco: They're not here?! Quick, to the large intestine before they're fully digested!
[Marco squishes through the hydra's innards, gagging. Star and King Butterfly look worried.]
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: [o.s., giggling]
[Mr. and Mrs. Diaz are seen enjoying a hot spring.]
Mr. Diaz: There's nothing like a steamy bath after a long day of exploration.
Marco: Mom! Dad!
Star: You're alive!
Marco: Aaaand you're only wearing the fanny packs.
Mr. Diaz: Ah, King Butterfly! Care for a dip?
Mr. and Mrs. Diaz: [amorous giggling]
King Butterfly: [clears throat] As inviting as that sounds, I need a minute with my daughter and son.
[King Butterfly drags Star off-screen by her arm.]
Star: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
King Butterfly: Come on out, Comet. I know you're here.
Comet: [From inside a pile of bones, holding a skull as he talks] Comet? Who's Comet? Nope! No one here by that name! Just you're average talking skeleton... [King Butterfly grabs Comet's arm and pulls him out of the pile of bones]
King Butterfly: Kids, you know you're not to leave Earth! What are you doing here?
Comet: It wasn't my fault! Star dragged me here!
Star: Okay, okay! Uh, but the thing is, it's not exactly my fault! There—it was an anniversary! It all started with the fanny packs... Hey! Aren't you supposed to be giving some "boring lecture"?
King Butterfly: Uh, yes! W-We got a little lost. The directions were, uh... [chuckles] It all started with fanny packs...
Comet: Dad? Are you abandoning your duties?
King Butterfly: [sighs] No... There is no lecture. [jumps onto a rock] Being king is exhausting. Every once in a while, I need to sneak away and fight monsters. It keeps me sane. And it's good for my throne posture.
Comet: So... You like sneak out and take risks like Star?
King Butterfly: Well, yes, I guess you can put it like that.
Star: So I get my monster fighting from you. Cool. ...Cool!
King Butterfly: I suppose so.
Twins and King: [laughing]
Star: Are you gonna tell Mom you saw us?
King Butterfly: I didn't see you and you didn't see me. But just this once.
[The twins hug King Butterfly.]
Twins and King: Hugs!
King Butterfly: Farewell.
[King Butterfly leaves, followed by his manservants.]
Marco: It's cool that you guys bonded and you got to see that side of your dad.
[Mr. Diaz whistles as he crosses the screen naked. Marco covers Star and Comet's eyes.]
Marco: I wish I hadn't seen that side of my dad. [chuckles]
[Later that night, back home. Comet was sitting on his bed]
Star: Hey, bro. Somethin' up.
Comet: Oh! Uh.. No. Nothing's up... [sighs]
Star: Are you still mad about that whole Mewni trip fiasco? Relax! We got away with it!
Comet: It's not that. It's just... [sighs] I'm just not ready to tell you yet...
Star: Hey. I made you something. [Star holds out a fanny pack]
Comet: [Gasps] A fanny pack?
Star: Look inside...
[Comet unzips the fanny pack and looks to find an entire universe in it. He zips is back up]
Comet: What did you do?
Star: I made it with my magic. It's a hyperspace fanny pack! You can pull anything out of it! [Comet reaches into his fanny pack and reaches out a sword, then a gemstone, and then a mirror]
Comet: Woah. Thanks, Star.
Star: Don't mention it, bro. Goodnight! [Walks down to her bed]
[Comet looks at himself in the mirror]
Comet: What's going on with me...