I realized around the Fourth of July that it had been a sad two years since my last update for this story. I have actually written more of it since then, but I hadn't posted anything. Hopefully, this chapter will rock awesomesocks to make up for that patheticness on my part. If not, at least you know I love you all enough to try.

In other news, I am almost a graduate of college. :D Let's hope that means something and I find a real job, eh?

Please listen to the awesomeness that is NubbyCakums and his song, Minecraft Forest. I listened to it for most of the time I spent writing this. :D

By All Means, Do

As Gai made soup and tea for his one student, his other two practiced genjutsu to assist Lee in identifying them and possibly dispelling them. It was going about as well as... Well, it wasn't going very well.

"Okay, Lee," Tenten said, "the genjutsu is only surrounding you. Try to move."

He twitched his finger.

Tenten barely noticed.

"Such brutal attacks, Tenten-San!" he cried, out of breath.

The kunoichi frowned "I haven't moved."

"A devious trick!" cried Lee. "Although I think that may mean something important," he spoke to the last location illusion-Tenten had been standing. "Genjutsu paralyzes me!" he stated gravely, as if this hadn't been obvious beforethey began the training.

Tenten frowned thoughtfully at Lee's insightful observation. "I've heard of that happening when a very strong genjutsu user casts the jutsu, such as Yuuhi-sensei or Uchiha Itachi, but I'm not at their level. You are very susceptible to them. How can we work with that?" She puzzled over this some more as Lee thought back over the sensations of the illusions he'd been under so far, trying to develop a solution to Lee's problem.

"What if… No, that wouldn't work," Lee began.

"We could… No," he shook his head dismissively.

"What about… hmm." His hand began stroking his imaginary beard in thought.

"Lee," Tenten finally stated.

Her teammate glanced over at her.

"That's kind of annoying," she told him.

Lee looked mortified. "Oh my goodness, Tenten-san! I apologize most unreservedly! I did not mean to offend you, I was merely attempting to gather my thoughts and develop a solution to this unyouthful quandary we find ourselves in!" He gasped in horror. "I shall do what is only acceptable for such an offense as this," he vowed to her in the next breath. "I shall run the whole of Fire Country… tonight!" With that, Tenten's genin teammate charged out of the training field, through the streets of the village towards the gate, and into the world beyond.

"Oh," Tenten said. "I wasn't… I wasn't quite expecting that as a reaction… I think this Lee is a bit more dramatic than mine," she remarked to herself.

A thought occurred to her as she stared slightly dazedly at the dust still settling from where Lee had kicked it up in his power-charge-run. "I hope he isn't marked as a missing-nin for this…"

A little while later, the class finally reached the "U" section of the roster, and it was Sasuke, Uchiha's turn to take the exam. He stood reluctantly from his chair and began his descent, bracing himself for unwanted hugs, kisses, glomps, flomps, whomps, catcalls, dog whistles, and other attention.

He was still surprised when none of that happened, and glanced suspiciously at Sakura and Ino, wondering just what they were up to.

They were ignoring him.

His suspicion level rising, he continued out of the room and down the hall to the other class, trying to decipher why his two biggest fangirls could not give a hoot about the fact that he was about to test. They didn't call good luck to him, nor had they offered him any hugs, kisses, or food—which he was more than happy about, but that didn't change the fact that it was unusual.

He stomped into the room where Iruka-sensei was waiting and shut the door behind him, perhaps a little louder than necessary.

"Sasuke-kun," Iruka said, waving him forward. "Please perform a bunshin for me."

Nodding, Sasuke took a deep calming breath and gathered his chakra. Forming the seals with his hands, he spoke the required words, and out popped a clone.

Sasuke smirked. Not that he was worried or anything, but proving his awesomeness was a key part of his life.

"Um, Sasuke," Iruka said after a moment.

"Yes, Sensei?" Sasuke responded.

"That's not a clone. While I appreciate your attempts to prove your knowledge to me, Naruto's 'Sexy Technique' is not the best way to do this," his teacher said sternly.

Sasuke blinked. "What?" he asked dumbly. He looked down at himself. "Oh." He wanted to add more, but swearing in front of your teacher is never a good idea.

"Yes," Iruka agreed. "Oh."

Quickly undoing the henge, Sasuke mumbled an apology. "Can I… May I try again, Sensei?"

"Technically, no," Iruka answered immediately. At Sasuke's protest, Iruka continued, "However, I am willing to make an exception in this instance, based on your record and past performance. Proceed," he said.

"Hai," Sasuke said, trying to be as humble as possible. Inside, he was seething. How had he messed up so badly? Was he really so distracted? Oh my kami, he realized. I don't… I don't like Sakura, do I? he wondered. Am I… jealous that her affections have turned elsewhere? He was horrified by the thought, and, for a worrying moment, felt his breakfast of tomato, eggs, bacon, and bagel backing up on him.

"Sasuke?"

"Oops, sorry, Sensei. I was… collecting my thoughts," he bluffed.

Iruka nodded. "When you're ready," he said.

"Right," Sasuke nodded. Concentrate, idiot! You're acting like Naruto, getting all flustered over… a girl. Ewwwwww.

Iruka wondered what was going through his student's head as he made such an odd expression. Kids…

Finally! His goal was in sight. He had made it. Kakashi had finally finished stumbling across town and reached the dango stand to retrieve his Icha Icha.

He tried to walk up as calmly as he could to look inconspicuous, but all he really managed to achieve was to stop shunshining and merely run at a gallop-trot-jog-skip pace.

"Back so soon?" the owner greeted him cheerfully. "Where's Anko-san?" he asked.

Kakashi paused in his careful retracing of his steps, foot still in the air as he answered the man. "She had a mission. Crazy woman stole my book," he added under his breath, convinced before he even examined the area that this was true.

"A book?" the man asked. "It wouldn't happen to have an orange cover, would it?"

Kakashi leapt toward the man. "You found it?" he cried, eye big and sparkly with joy as he grasped the man's apron and jerked him forward.

The poor fellow attempted to back away, but Kakashi's assault on his persona was quite impossible to break free of. "Um... Yes?" He pointed to where Kakashi and Anko had ordered earlier. "It was over there."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" Kakashi cheered, dropping the man's apron and hopping to the table. "Where, where, where, where?"

The man sighed. "I said it was over there. I moved it back here once I saw it."

Kakahi leapt back at him. "Gimme gimme gimme gimme!" he shouted, holding on to the edge of the counter and hopping up and down against it.

This man is insane, he thought. I am so glad I listened to my mother when she said, "Don't be a ninja, Shuhei.""One second," he said slowly. Keeping his eyes on the shinobi, he reached under his counter and grabbed the orange book he found earlier. Placing it carefully on the desk, he slid it across to Kakashi and stepped away from the counter, wary of the repercussions.

Kakashi felt his eyes bug outward. His book! His precious book! He finally held it in his arms once again, and the feeling was irreplaceable. He lovingly caressed the book's spine, running his fingers over the familiar pattern of the letters as he breathed in the still-there book scent of those well-crafted pages. His fingers traced delicately over the curve of the 'c' in "Icha" and moved on to the 'h'—wait. Wait. Where, where, where did the 'h' go? His eyes flew open and focused on the title. He jerked the book away from his body in shock, holding it out at arm's length. "This," he said in outrage, "is not. My. Book."

The poor dango owner backed a nervous step away. "It-it isn't," he answered, uncertain if this should be a question or not. He pulled at his collar.

"No," said Kakashi. "It most definitely is not." His eyes took on a dangerous hue. The stall owner ducked fearfully behind the counter, then popped his head over the top to see what Kakashi would do. The ninja gathered chakra. Shuhei kept his head down.

"Chidori!" Kakashi cried out as the sound of one thous—nine hundred and ninety-nine chirping birds filled the area. Shuhei fearfully waited for that crackling noise to push through his bunker, but it never did.

Kakashi laughed evilly. "Mwahahahaha," he said.

"Kakashi," Kurenai began from behind him, "I'm sure I don't want to know based on the fact that you said 'mwahahahaha,' but what exactly is going on?"

Kakashi turned to see Asuma watching him as well. He stared down at the evidence against him: charred remains, smoking chakra hand; and decided there was one course of action to take. "Hahahaha, you caught me."

Kurenai stared.

Kakashi attempted his best shame-faced look. "Guess I won't be able to prevent everyone from reading science books after all," he said lamely.

"You killed a bird to burn a science book?" Asuma asked.

"So that's why Chidori was quieter than usual," Kakashi realized.

Kurenai looked ready to facepalm.

"Yeah..." Asuma said.

"So," Kakashi happily interjected into the silence. "Whatcha up to?" he moved away from the dango stand, hoping they would follow. "You guys on a date?" he joked, snickering. These two would 'never' go on a date. Last time Asuma asked her out, Kurenai had in no uncertain terms told him she thought he was the biggest monkey brain around, and that includes his summons. Asuma's biggest mistake had then been to follow that up with a comment on her (rather tight-fitting) shirt.

To Kakashi's surprise, they both flushed pink. Oh my, he thought, suspicion dawning. "You're both ill!" And he promptly swept them both up and ran off to the hospital.

"Kakashi's youth is growing!" Gai beamed proudly as he ran by on his way back to Lee and Tenten. Not to be outdone, he picked up a passing bus full of American school kids on a field trip and threw it towards the mountains to speed their journey.

Sakura and her "clones" were still sitting in the classroom, waiting (rather impatiently on the kunoichi's part) for the exam to finish. "Dagnammit, we haven't even got to Naruto yet!" she cried. "How is this taking so freaking long!"

"Who is Naruto?" Shin asked.

"Isn't that a topping for ramen?" Sai queried.

"It is, but it is also Naruto-kun's name. He was named after the main character of Tales of a Gutsy Ninja, by Jiraiya-sama," Hinata supplied.

"Ah," Shin said, "that is my favorite book."

"Really?" Hinata said excitedly. "Mine too!"

"I wonder why," Ino stage-whispered to Sakura. "NO, NO MORE POKING ME, DAGNAMMIT!"

Hinata retracted her fingers, and carried on a discussion of plot development, characterization, emotional content, rising climax/falling action, and so on with Shin.

"I love the portrayal of enemy ninja!" Shin said. "How did you imagine them? I always pictured Naruto as myself, and the enemy as looking like Danz—someone I know."

"I think everyone imagines themselves," Hinata agreed. "But the enemy I pictured as Orochimaru."

"The Snake User? That is odd."

"Well, he abandoned Konoha, and tales of him are shared around the village," Hinata answered. "I find him quite creepy, and I'm sure, given the chance, he'd do his best to destroy Konoha, or at the very least, cause mayhem for us. Also, his obsession with the Sharingan and Uchihas in general is a little weird."

"You imagined a pedophile as the villain?" Sai asked expressionlessly.

Sakura laughed. "Sai, I love you."

All conversation paused.

Sai looked at her very closely. "I think I could love you, too, but your hair is pink. And your fore—"

An elbow was quickly rammed in his chest. Sakura's eye twitched violently.

Ino doubled over with laughter. "Haha, Sakura, just can't get away from it, can you? First it's 'Ugly', and now it's your hair and forehead! Haha!"

"Ino. Pig. Shut. Up."

Ino quickly obeyed, as Shin berated Sai for being rude.

"At least he said he could love you," Hinata mentioned.

"True," Ino nodded quickly, trying to get back in Sakura's good graces as the other girl glared at her. She decided it would be unwise to point at that Sai also even knew what love meant this time around. Sakura probably would not take that too well.

"These girls are still exceptionally strange, Nii-san," Sai said.

"I know," Shin agreed. "But it's probably best not to say anything about that right now," he said, hoping his brother would take the hint.

Sai looked around thoughtfully, then nodded. "You're right." Then he went quiet again.

Stopping at the next onsen on her endless list, Anko barged in through the doors to the bath before belatedly realizing Jiraiya would never be in the bath. He'd be outside it, poking a hole through the fence and peering in. She quickly exited the way she had entered, and ran around the side of the building. Nope, no Jiraiya.

Removing the cotton buds from her ears, she skipped onto a rooftop and ran until she found Yamato and the Nameless Ones exiting a poker house. "Guys!" she called.

They turned towards her.

"I just realized: This will go a lot faster if we split up and look for them!"

Yamato tried to resist the urge to face-palm. "I will take Akio with me," he said.

Anko gave him a blank look. "Who's Akio?"

Nameless Two stepped forward. "It is I."

"Oh thanks heavens," Anko said rudely. "I don't think I can put up with more religious talk, honestly," she said, though Nameless Dos had been quiet for pretty much the whole journey so far after that initial conversation.

Yamato decided to ignore this and push towards getting their mission accomplished. At this point, all he really wished to do was go home, take a shower, and have a drink at the bar where everyone would call him by his proper name. "Okay, send a signal if you find them and of course, we will do the same."

Anko nodded, becoming serious for a moment. "This mission is of the utmost importance. A lot of things are about to happen in the village and we need to be prepared. Do not, for any reason, fail in this mission. If you find either of them, head immediately back to the village," she told her team. "Send a summon to me as soon as you have done so. That's all!" she barked, jumping from the roof and heading towards the next city with Nameless One hot on her heels… as soon as he realized she had gone.

Back on the road again, Temari sprang forward with new found energy in every step. Her love for Shikamaru freshly in her head and heart once more spurred her on, though another overwhelming factor was that she also needed to use the lavatory rather desperately, thanks to the excessive amounts of tea she had consumed at the café.

Oh, and she was super excited about Naruto and Gaara meeting and Jiraiya fixing Gaara's seal and seeing her friends from Konoha again and all that stuff.

But she mostly just had to pee. Really had to pee.

"Come on, guys!" she urged to the two slower members of the team.

"We've… been running… for… five… and… a half… no… wait… forty-five minutes!" Kankuro complained breathlessly.

"You forgot the word 'hours'," Gaara told him.

Kankuro somehow managed to summon enough breath to make another frightened 'eep' noise and apologize hastily to his younger brother.

Temari rolled her eyes, trying not to be offended. Suddenly, she had a brilliant idea. "Ow!" she screamed in agony, coming to a halt and grabbing Gaara's sleeve to catch her balance.

"Temari!" Baki cried out in concern, rushing to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine," she told him, shoving him and Kankuro away. "You guys go on ahead. I just need to rest a second. No, Gaara, stay here. You can keep me company and make sure I'm safe from any baddies that happen along this pathway," she said when he tried to pull away and leave with Baki and Kankuro.

The other said shinobi gave Temari what felt like the hundredth concerned look of the day, but in reality, it was only the thirty-second.

She rolled her eyes once more, shooing them on with one free hand while clutching her side in the other.

Glancing at each other, they shrugged before resuming their run once more.

"Finally," she muttered, moving her hand back to her side.

Gaara frowned in confusion. "What's wrong?" he asked, uncertain if he was doing this right. He'd been concerned for someone before, of course, so he was not a complete novice, but it had been a while ago and he was a little rusty on the emotion front.

"Oh, that? Nothing, I was just trying to get rid of them. Listen," she said, ignoring Gaara's wide eyes, "I have a great plan!"

She waited for him to look more attentive. "You and Naruto must have an Epic Fight!"

Gaara wrinkled the spot where his eyebrows used to be. "Did you say that with capitals?" he asked. "I could hear them."

Poor ototou, she thought. He sounds so confused. "Yes, I did. Allow me to explain."

He gave her a 'by all means, do' gesture.

"Every time someone has an Epic Fight with Naruto, they are converted into his… faction," she decided to term it for the time being. She wasn't sure what else to term it, but if anyone ever needed to build an army from scratch, she'd just have them contact Naruto and get him to bring his fan-club out to fight the war. They'd have more than enough people, and if not, they could always pick some up along the way. Heck, halfway through the war, they'd all be friends and agreeing to get ice cream Friday night after seeing a movie together. "Anyway," Temari continued, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "If you have an Epic Fight with him, he'll show you… he'll show you his perspective on things. Basically everything I've told you already," she clarified. "Except because it is an Epic Fight, everyone will understand what caused you to change your mind and will stop questioning it. Meaning Baki and Kankuro can stop giving me those annoying little glances every time I squee," she concluded happily.

"So… this 'Epic Fight'… Do I win it, or must I lose? Or is it not staged?" Gaara asked, struggling to understand.

Temari blinked. "I think you usually have to lose for it to work, but you're basically already there with the whole therapy side of things and we just need the battle so that it looks more convincing. We'll leave it up to you, or I can check what the girls have to say. They might have a better understanding of this since they're from Konoha."

"Okay," Gaara agreed slowly. "Who are the girls?" he asked, wondering if it was a smart question.

Temari smiled happily, beginning to run again. They'd sat for long enough that Kankuro and Baki could gossip like the old biddies they really were. "The girls are my friends!" she chirped. "Ino, Sakura, and Hinata are your age, and they're Naruto's classmates. Tenten is a year above them but a year behind me. She's pretty cool. She's not as good as me, of course," Temari said, "but her weapons skill is high and she stores all her shiny swords in a bunch of scrolls."

Gaara felt, for the first time ever, a little bit of worry at the glittering hearts in his sister's eyes at the thought of all those weapons. He felt he understood Kankuro a little bit more. "How do you know them?" he asked, shifting the subject to a more comfortable area.

She almost said, "They're my friends from the future, duh," but realized that might not be such a great idea. She should at least confirm with the others that it was okay to let people know before spreading such news, though she doubted Gaara would go around telling anyone. "Um… I met them online through a pen pal site I found."

"Ah," Gaara nodded. He had almost tried those once, but then Yashamaru exploded in front of him so he just decided to go crazy instead and save himself the bother. Well, it was not quite that simple but the result of him not gaining a pen pal was still the same.

"All right," Baki said as Temari and Gaara reached him and Kankuro. "I think we've made it far enough for one day. Temari," he said as she glared at him. "Your brother cannot go any longer. Besides, you know as well as I do that this is a three day journey. Much as I would like to, we cannot condense it any further than that. Not in this desert heat, anyway."

"But we're missing the best part! They could be having ramen by now!" Temari protested, though no one present had a clue as to what she was referring to.

In reality, they were still on the U's and Uzamaki Naruto was just about to take his final exam for Ninja Academy to determine if he passed or failed, but everyone tends to forget about time zones when they travel, and Temari was no exception.

"No matter how you do, I'll still make you brownies," Hinata told Naruto sincerely, not wishing to set his hopes high when she was positive he would be failing the exam anyway.

He smiled slightly. "Thanks, Hinata! I'll do my best!"

"You always do," she smiled.

Sakura and Ino similarly wished him luck without wishing him luck, then he left the room to take his exam while they waited with bated breath.

Though not for very long, as it is quite hard to hold your breath for much more than thirty seconds, even if you are a shinobi.

"Welp, that's that," said Ino.

The three nodded decisively, then turned back to their intense game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.

AN: Just so everyone knows, I read that last part of the last sentence in the gruffest voice possible, and was really hoping I could find a way to convey that in writing. Alas, as much as it saddens me, I am forced to accept the reality that probably the only person who reads things I write as I intend them to be read is my brother.